Aesop's Adventuring Association

Shit I might have started too late. I'll try again first thing in the morning.

>>533495
>Harambe

>>533495
>>Babar, a paranoid schizophrenic elephant wizard. You never forget. And you never forgive.
I'll take that bait.

>>533495
You had me at
>very big axe

>>533495
>>Corvus, basically the most handsome crow on the face of this fucking planet, let's fucking face it. You're also the greaseman.

>>533495
>>Babar, a paranoid schizophrenic elephant wizard. You never forget. And you never forgive.
This I like.

>>533495
Crow

>>533495
Harambe

>>533495
Crow

Don't mind me just countin' the votes
>>533515
>>533576
>>533735
Guerilla

>>533566
>>533666
Babar

>>533663
>>533670
>>533751
Corvus

Give a few more minutes since I just got here and then we'll get started.

>>533822
Board must be really slow today...

>>533822
>>533947
Is it too late to change my vote from gorilla to crow?

>>534034
Not at all

>>533822
My vote is still
Corvus

>>533822
>Give me a few more mnutes
>dissapears for hous

>>534319
Was waiting for players to show up and tie-break

>>534284
>>534034
>>533822
Alright, that tips the scales in Corvus's favor. Let's just start this shit, if you build it they will come and all that jazz.

You are Corvus Wittgenstein III, leader of this little gang. A handsome young crow, if you do say yourself (and you seldom do, there are lady crows are enough to sing, and yes, sometimes scream, your praises). You are a proper gentleman, well-educated, well-mannered, well-groomed, you ooze class. And why shouldn't you? Your father is, or was, the head of House Wittgenstein. Rich. Upperclass. Bourgeois. There are those who might say such things about your family. Not you though. It wouldn't be proper.

Actually let's cut the crap here. You're an orphan crow. You were born in the fucking slums because your so-called "parents" forgot how to apply the babeaway potion before getting down on each other. You spent most of your short youth stealing vegetables and shiny trinkets from merchants and stupid tourists.

It was a good life. A FREE life. None of this hoity-poity shit you have to put up with now. You took what you needed. You ate when you felt like it. You shit where you wanted to. Freedom, with a capital F.

But then you got adopted by this old crow, Arne. A real hag if you ever saw one. But she took a shine to you because you were good with your hands and quick on your talons. And you agreed not to raise any fuss when she opted to adopt you, because she caught you stealing her wedding ring (a little more grease and you would've gotten it too) and threatened to go to the authorities.

As it turned out, it was a bullshit threat because Arne was an even greater crook than you were. She did high level work "none of this slumshit" as she used to say. High profile targets only. Merchants. Ministers. Rich folk. She was a confidence woman. "Was" being the operative word. But that's where you came in. She taught you everything. And then she sent you off to these Wittgensteins. "You go and play the guest. Keep to the act and they'll treat you like one of their own. They have a daughter. An unmarried daughter. I think you can fill in the gaps."

And oh if there wasn't a LOT of gap-filling. Those upper class dames are fucking crazy. Anyway, everything went as planned. Big marriage. Huge celebration. Money like you wouldn't believe. But...boring as all hell.

So you took whatever you could find in the place and got the hell out of there. You kept the name too. You left everything else, wife included. A shame, really, she was a good looking gal. Very shiny feathers. But you just can't keep a true player locked up. Wings gotta be spread. Loins loosened.

You started up this little company as a tax break. Hasn't even been a month and you already regret it. The elephant, Babar, is fucking nuts and the Gorilla -- hoo boy, if you peeked in his skull you'd probably find a couple of rocks held together by a piece of gum.

(1/2)

>>534416
But, it's not so bad. When the elephant is isn't muttering to his imaginary friends he's muttering spells that can blow 5" holes through steel. And the gorilla? Let's just say you've seen him angry once, and no amount of drink or drug or sexual parley can blot out the level of carnage this motherfucker can put out. You've seen him feed a guy's spine to another guy. Absolute fucking savage.

Anyway, you're all here because the nearby town is being harassed by some jackals. Everyone knows where their hideout is, but no one has the balls to actually confront them. And of course the local lord is a colossal asshole and won't spare the troops to clear the place out. The jackals are lead by a couple of hyenas. Triplets actually. Chuck, Buck and Huck. The Uck brothers. Besides having retarded names, they are also merciless motherfuckers that have been ambushing and killing and merchants that come through the roads into the town. Naturally, without merchants, supplies in the town have gotten thin. They're not gonna starve, but if no more merchants are coming who're these bandits gonna target? Exactly.

That's why you're here. Hiding behind some shrubbery with your "comrades".
"Why can't we just, you know, bash 'em up?" Guerilla gives you one of his "serious" looks.
"Oh my god! Oh. My. God." Yells Babar.
"Babar be silent! Please, man!"
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod."
"For the love of god, man, what's wrong?"
"These are silver lilacs!" He says, pointing to bunch of clearly red, roses.
"No they are not. Babar. Babar, please listen to me. I need you to be very silent right now. Understand."
"Silent?"
"Yes."
"Silent."
"Yes. Silent."
"Siiiiiiiiiiilent."
"Ye--"
"Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
"Would you--"
"Lent." Babar then becomes intensely interested in his toenails but finally shuts up.
"Boss. Seriously though. Two swings. Two swings. That's all I need. Say the word. You say the word. Two swings boss."
"Guerilla, we can't simply charge in there. What do you think they'll do when a rather large, rather frightening, gorilla with a rather sharp axe, charges at them full speed?"
"...I know this. Don't tell me." Guerilla begins to perspire from the sudden mental exertion.
"They will run, Guerilla."
"I was just about to say that. Like right then. Right when you said it."

You just HAD to hire the cheapest workers. Greed. What can you say, it's your only flaw. You look toward the entrance of the barrow. Two jackals with curved swords standing guard there, chatting to themselves.

What do you do?

>>534482
Fall back a short distance with my comrades, tell them to wait and make sure the elephant stays quiet, fly around the long way and attempt to listen to their conversation

>>534665
"their" being the two jackals

>>534665
"Alright here's the plan. Babar pay attention would you?" Babar continues to tap his toenail with his forefinger, completely engrossed in the sound. You shake your head and continue. "Ok. You gents will head back a few paces, hide behind that hill."
"Hide?"
"Yes, Guerilla, hide. Is there a problem?"
"I didn't join up to be do no hidin' boss."
"Be that as it may, Guerilla, you get paid to follow orders not to disobey them." Guerilla nods.
"But I'm gonna get bash some heads later on right? Right?"
"Yes, my good man, there will be more than enough of that, I assure you. Patience. Now, I'm going to ahead and fly around the back. We'll some information before we head in. If and only if I give the all clear, which I will do by flashing this hand mirror at your location, then you and Babar will move forward."
"Charging?"
"What?"
"We charging boss?"
"No. No charging. Just walk up. Let the guards come to you alright? Then I'll take them from the back. Got it?"
"No smashing?" A dejected ape is a wondrous sight. An eighth wonder of the world.
"Not yet. Patience, remember? Alright, here I go. And do keep Babar silent if you can."
"Silent!" Says Babar and nods deeply. You suddenly start to perspire, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Well, it's too late for second thoughts. Babar and Guerilla retreat behind the hill, disappearing form sight. You slink to the side and take flight. Gliding lazily over the thermal air currents and the guards and landing softly behind the hill where the entrance to barrow stands. You wait with held breath to see if the guards saw you flying over them.
"Hey when you think we leavin' this place?"
"How the fuck should I know?"
"I don't know. You look like you know this shit."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"It means what I said. You look like the kinda guy that knows this kinda shit."
"Well I don't fucking know alright? Alright?"
"Alright. Damn, you wake up on the faggot side of the bed this morning? Shit. Just asking a question. Makin' conversation."
"*sigh* Sorry. Barely slept last night, feeling like shit since this morning...and what the fuck is the 'faggot side of the bed'?"
"Your side."
"Man, fuck you."
"So you didn't get sleep?"
"No, its that scratching sound. Every damn night."
"Scratching sound?"
"Yeah. What you don't hear it?"
"Can't say that I have."
"Bullshit. It's there. Every night. From the ground? Like a--I don't even know, it's a--like a scraping sound, nails on a wall?"
"Never heard it."
"What the fuck...am I hearing things now?"
"Could be. You talk to Buck about that? He knows all about that shit right? He went to the mages college and all that."

>>537351
"He did?"
"What you didn't know?"
"Well, what the fuck is he doing with us then?"
"You don't know the story?"
"No."
"Shit, how can you not know the story man?Everybody knows the story. Shit man. Everybody knows the story."
"So what's the fucking story!"
"Alright, alright, damn. So, the story is that Buck was like a real smart guy. You know, like even as a kid."
"Right."
"Right. So he applies for the mages college. And his parent's are piss poor right? I mean not-enough-money-to-breath-air kind of poor. But Buck is smart. He gets in on a scholarship."
"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"Skoo-lar-ship."
"That's like--like he went for free. On account of him being so smart and all."
"Bullshit."
"It's how I heard it, I'm just telling you what I heard."
"But that's bullshit, how can he go for free?"
"Well he's smart. They really want smart people over there, I guess. Well anyway, he goes. He learns all that mage shit, and then he starts banging the head principals daughter."
"No fucking way"
"Hand to gods. I don't even know how they met, the mages college is all guys, but that's how it went."
"So? What happened?"
"Got caught. Got expelled. And now he's here."
"Damn.Was she pretty?"
"Who? The daughter?"
"Yeah."
"Maybe. I mean, the way I see it, you spend day in day out with a bunch of guys and pretty soon it don't matter what she look like, you know?"
"Heh. I hear you....damn, I'm so fucking hungry. And tired. And sore."
"Patrol'll be around in a few minutes. You know I still got a little of that Ursa mead left over."
"No shit? That was some good stuff."
"Good year on it."
"Yep."
Fearing the further loss of brain cells, you stop listening. You've at least learned that there is a patrol coming by. And that Buck can use magic. That's valuable information. The patrol could have cut off your escape in case things went hairy down in the barrow.

What will you do?

>>537352
Sic Guerrilla on the patrol with Babar on support. Hopefully this draws off the guards and we can get in the barrow.