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You are Killer Keemstar the gnome, and you've just woken up in an huge, deserted study room.
Your head hurts a little, but you start to get your bearings.
It seems like it's almost midnight.
It appears you're passed out by some kind of bar. Although this isn't an uncommon thing for you, the bar equipment itself strikes you as odd and old-fashioned.
>What does le memestar do?
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>>511772
Bar should still be open at this point, get back on that horse cowboy
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>>511790
As you regain your senses, you realize that everything in your inventory has gone missing (Save for a razor blade that you use to cut yourself when you're feeling especially edgy).
Lost belongings aside, you waste no time shouting at the bartender for another drink: And this time, don't annihilate the damn thing with ice!
It takes several seconds to realize that nobody is in the room with you.
Shaking with excitement, you hop the counter to steal any and all cash. Only... There's no cash register.
In fact, these notes say nothing about alcohol; Rather, they're all about herbs and leaves and the like.
Dear god, this must be a salad bar.
The worst kind of bar.
You gotta blow this joint, and fast.
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>>511831
Look for any and all exits.
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>>511858
You try to open the sole door out of the room, but it's locked. Figures.
You have a feeling that finding the key is going to
take a lot of stupid puzzle bullshit.
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>>511872
Go look down the back of those couches. If it ain't there have a look upstairs. That big painting is like the only bit of wall with nothing in front, is there side secret thing behind there?
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>>511929
You took a look behind the couches, but ironically,
that's the only place that doesn't have random bullshit objects everywhere.
You went to take a look at the painting, but the angel statue stopped you in your tracks.
Turns out it's sentient. Who knew?
She/It stated that she was there to guard all from the evil that was up the stairs,
and that there was no way It/She was letting you pass.
Honestly, you don't see what all the fuss is about. There's a couple skulls up there, but
those are littered all over the damn place.
Nevertheless, there must be some way to get this bitch to move.
Maybe there's a user operation manual or something somewhere?
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>>511966
Stupid self-righteous statues. Check out the desk with the big chair at the other end of the room.
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>>512001
Looks like this is the desk of whoever lives here.
Letters are piled up left and right, with the exception of three that are dead-center.
Dear William;
I'd like to thank you again for this sick new mansion.
I'm writing to inform you that I've changed the hiding place for the indoor key;
It is now hidden inside the anus of a rubber duck. The outdoor key is,
as always, still hidden under the doormat.
And don't worry about that potion recipe; I took care of it. TTYL!
Dear Humpfrey,
Please stop writing me these expositional letters. They're really annoying, and I'm
pretty sure you're able to email me. Quit clogging my mailbox, old man.
~ William
The third one hasn't been sent yet; It's just a piece of paper with
several insults (presumably towards William) written and scribbled out.
You start to wonder how the first letter ended up here, considering it was mailed to someone who no longer lives here, but you
decide not to dwindle on minor plot holes like that. You have the info you need, now you just need to find a duck.
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>>512064
I don't see it OP, maybe it is hidden? If I were a rubber duck anus where would I be... Maybe he was talking (writing) metaphorically and it is behind one of the paintings with rubber ducks in them. Not that we can get to them...
Can I phone a friend? That Einstein guy was a canny character, I wonder if his bust is sentient.
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>>512126
Turns out that most statues aren't quiet talkative.
Although, you do remember an old quote of Einstein's...
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
You had that one memorized to make fun of your human friends, but that won't really come in handy here.
Rifling through other people's private documents seems to be
a good way of obtaining crucial information. Maybe try more of that?
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Cut self with razor
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>>512350
Ah, refreshing...
As you stare reflectively, you notice that most of the books on the bookshelves
have to do with magical shit, like elves, n' shit.
Woah, what if there's a book about gnomes? Dude, that would be so cool.
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>>512718
Check the books in the cart.
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>>512729
You take a look at the books in the cart.
"How to cast a shield around your tower WITHOUT killing someone!"...
"So you've incurred the wrath of the lord of demons"...
"Top 10 ways to break reality - Number 0 will shock you!"...
"Angel statues and you"...- Wait! That last one sounds important.
You flip through a few pages before coming to this one:
- On the subject of removing an angel statue from your private abode -
I'd like to take the time to personally tell any reader that getting rid of angel statues
is a horrible idea in general, for reasons beyond morality. Even though it's mostly about morality.
Nevertheless, if you're that much of an asshole, getting rid of them is actually quite easy.
Simply find the vilest, most seethingly evil objects and beings you can find,
then put them all right next to the statue. After enough of these, the angel will
depart back to whence it came. Unless it dies. Which it will have a fair chance of doing. You monster.
Seems simple enough.
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>>512780
Sounds like all we need to do is dance around the statue and hurl insults at it.
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>>512800
You go up to the statue and read insults off of the
unfinished letter you found on the desk
Alas, although you are quite a vile being, it's not enough.
If only there was some huge, super edgy object directly in the center of the room.
Oh well.
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>>512803
Bring that nasty looking purple book in the center of the room to the statue.
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>>512803
Slash your wrists and get some blood on the statue.
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>>512826
>>512827
You cut yourself deeper and blood trickles down onto the statue.
Just for fun, you draw a crude self-portrait on the statue's pillar.
The angel looks visibly disturbed, but that's probably less to do with the whole "vile objects" thing and
more to do with how you're acting like a fucking lunatic.
When you moved the demonic book, it left a gap in reality.
It'll probably be fine, though.
Placing the book next to it/her causes her/it to wince even more.
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>I'm Keemstar
>Kill self
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>>512981
The demonic book left a gap in reality? Is said gap large enough for us to fit through?
I wanna explore it!
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>>513071
Despite what seems like common sense, you rush
over to the tear in reality with childlike wonder in your eyes, and
waste no time hopping right in.
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>>512981
Pick up the skulls accessible on the first floor and creep out the angel statue.
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>>513110
...This doesn't seem right.
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>>513118
Huuuuuuuh.
Thread posts: 26
Thread images: 12
Thread images: 12