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You were born as a common a fish as any other, but due to shady governmental genetic engineering you were gifted with a human IQ and functioning diaphragm that allow you to breath air.
You've escaped from the facility to pursue your dream of playing the bass guitar. You're currently at a bar, exiting the stage as you finish your piece for the night.
You head for the exit when a woman calls you over.
"That was amazing" she exclaims "Say, what do they call you?"
>What is our name?
>>
>>497698
Billy Bob Butherford, the Big Mouth Bass Bassist from Biloxi Mississippi
>>
>>497865
"Billy Bob Butherford, the big mouth bass bassist from Biloxi Mississippi" you tell her.
"Wow, haha, that's a mouthful" she says, scratching the back of her neck and looking to the side, "Well, I just wanted to know if you'd be interested in a little club I started, we could really use someone like you"
The woman heads out and exits the bar, on the counter she left behind a note.
2233 N. Henderson (basement level)
11:00 P.M tomorrow night
-Janey
You pocket the note in your backpack.
Inventory
>bass guitar
>note
>phone
>keys
Places to go
>home
>2233 N. Henderson
>bar (currently here)
>>
>>497898
>stay at the bar, get some drinks in you. You are aquatic, after all
>>
>>497914
You nod to the bartender, you're a regular, he knows what you want.
While you wait, you notice that there's bit of a scuffle towards the back, apparently a rather macho guy didn't like what the lankier guy said to him, and now they're at each other's throats.
It's none of your business but... security has always been lax here, and you know the full extent of human cruelty.
>>
>>497930
>try and break up the fight. Use as many fish puns as possible
>>
>>497952
These guys both look wet behind the ears. Give em a little slap a da bass and send them on their way before security comes to give them a bad day. You're the fish who can sing with the best. You're not here to teach youngsters, tell em to give it a rest.
Your name may be a mouthful, but you'll give em something to choke on.
Tell em to scram, vamanos, swim away or they'll wish they were long gone.
Your Billy Bob Butherford, straight out the Mississippi.
You can't challenge this bass, you don't want to mess with me!
>>
>>497952
Leaving your backpack at the bar-stool, you move yourself over to the scuffle.
"Hope, you two don't mind, but I noticed there was something fishy going on, so just for the halibut, I decided to stop you two from beating the carp out of each other." you start, both men now putting their full attention to you.
"Haddock you heard? Violence is the sole worst option anyone can sea to fix a problem. If violence was a movie it wouldn't win an oscar, I'd tell it to take a pike, so cod I get you two to do the pollock thing and-"
"Shut the fuck up, Bill!" the lanky guy says, punting you across the room.
You wheeze as the wind's been knocked out of you.
"H-hey now that's enough!" the bartender stammers, it seems the situation has been further escalated.
>>
>>498021
Shit got real. Violence is on the menu, not fish. Aim at the back of the lanky guys knee with your keys and slide around the big guy to give him something to slip on while you slide your keys behind an ankle. Take em down while yelling to the bartender to get security.
That genetic modification didn't just make you extra cool. It make you super badbass
>>
>>498021
Oh that's it. Its time to slap their shit. Don't fuck with the bassmaster
>>
>>498033
Raw violence from a raw fish, you pull out your keys and give a hearty toss. The lanky guy is able dodge this but slips from the moisture he got on his boot when he kicked you.
You grab a wet rag from the counter slide in the path of the big guy, who falls over and onto the lanky man, knocking the air out of him as he did to you.
"Herman, get security!" you shout before >>498038 leaping over and slapping the shit out of their faces with your tailfin.
Thoroughly dazed, it doesn't take much for the bouncer to toss their asses out of there.
"Thanks]" Herman grins, you nod.
An eventful night, but a tiring one. It's probably best to get to heading home.
>>
>>498085
Head on home, don't forget to pick up your keys on the way out
>>
>>498575
"I'm heading out" you call to Herman, taking your keys and putting them in your backpack.
"See ya, Billy" he calls back as you exit.
Lugging a bass guitar while walking on your tailfin is the most challenging daily occurrence of your life. It wouldn't be too hard to trip and break a fishbone... or two... or three...
Best not think about it, it isn't long before you make it to your residence at Lakeshore, unlocking the door and passing out in your aquarium.
---
11:00 P.M tomorrow night
-Janey
It's the next morning, 8:30 A.M, with over 12 hours to kill before "Janey" told you to arrive at 2233 N. Henderson.
What to do, what to do...
>>
>>498629
Practice the bass.
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>>499234
You pull your bass guitar from your backpack and begin practicing.
It takes a lot to gain sufficiency in music. Like how a body-builder constantly mixes up a routine, you begin playing in different styles from McCartney to Schnittke.
With the mind sufficiently distracted each new set of chords allow the minutes to slip into hours, by the end of the session, the clock has ticked to 2:15 P.M.
It'd be nice to go outside, maybe to the beach? Although you are pretty hungry, having not eaten this morning.
>>
>>499289
There's a new crab shack on the beach, let's visit and ask the owner if we could pluck some chords after the meal?
>>
>>499327
Packing your things you head down a few blocks to 'Ohiki, the crab shack on the coast.
The place was renovated just a few weeks ago, and you didn't have a chance to go before now, you grab a stool by the counter and start to browse the menu.
"I don't want crab!" you hear a little girl scream "I want fish, the good kind!"
A waiter is trying desperately to calm the child and her mother down.
"What kind of fish do you want?" the waiter tries, hopeful.
"That one, I want that one" she yells, pointing.
Wait, she's pointing at you.
>>
>>499353
Simple, ignore her.
>>
>>499384
You pay her no mind, and turn your attention back to the menu. What really takes your attention is the crawfish, so you'll--
"I WANT THE BIG FISH", the girl shrieks, sound reverberating within the shack, and the sudden noise causing you to almost fall out of your chair.
"Uh, uh, y-yes right away miss" the waiter stammers, walking over to your direction.
Oh, shit.
>>
>>499436
Tell that waiter to back up and leave us alone.
While maximizing fish puns of course.
>>
>>499445
"Whoa, I know you want to be in tuna with all your customers"
"Are... are you talking?"
"Yeah, hake to break it you, but this bass ain't on the menu"
"I-"
"The girl wants to dab into the world of fish? Fine, just tell her there's plenty of fish in the sea, but not me."
"Uh"
"So please, goby a dear and tell the girl that eating the other patrons is a red herring"
"A-actually I was gonna move you to a safer spot and give her flier instead"
"Oh"
You're moved upstairs, in a suite overlooking the horizon. Damn, it's a nice view, no children up here either, which is nice.
You feel your backpack buzzing, you open it and pull out your phone.
Unknown Caller
Odd. You hang up, the screen says that the same "unknown caller" has tried calling you 27 times since 2 A.M.
Very odd. Should you call them back? They may just have the wrong number, but calling that many times, they probably know exactly who they're calling...
>>
>>499517
Call back. Fate waits for no man, but fish take fate by their own fins.
>>
>>499533
"Hello?" you ask into the phone, having called back the "unknown caller".
"Billy Bob?" a feminine voice asks.
"Yeah"
"Hey! It's uh, Janey, from last night?"
"You're the one that's been calling me since 2?"
"Yeah yeah, you're coming right? At 11? You have the address?" she was talking at break-neck speed.
"Yes, I'm planning on coming"
"Great, bring your bass, of course, also some form of ID. You can do that, right? You'll be all set?"
"Uh" you start, but she already hung up.
"Janey" is acting really bizarre, causing some unease about going, but even more for not going...
Nonetheless, it's 4:45 P.M currently, giving you some time to decide.
>>
Fucking formatting
>>499562
"Uh" you start, but she already hung up.
"Janey" is acting really bizarre, causing some unease about going, but even more for not going...
Nonetheless, it's 4:45 P.M currently, giving you some time to decide.
>>
>>499565
>Go
What kind of fish would we be if we ran.
>>
>>499565
We are down, but we need back up. We must have a cyanide pill in case we end up on a spit. Or a friend who lifts?
>>
>>499575
>>499582
Alright, it's settled, this fish is going to 2233 N. Henderson...
>>499582
...but not alone, definitely not alone.
You call the only guy you'd trust to do this with, Dylan "Army" Adams.
Army had helped you escaped shady government testing. He had undergone tests himself to regrow his missing left arm, in an effort for the facility to compete with a growing synthetic limb market.
The tests weren't anything more than glorified steroids, which built Army up as a giant, lumpy, human tank.
You don't share much in common besides a past, but you made a pact to always be there when the other needs help.
---
2233 N. Henderson
You're here.
It's 10:50 P.M, if there was a time to back out, it's now. What lies a head is uncertain, and potentially dangerous. Once you head in, you can't undo it.
>>
>>499614
>Go in
>>
>>499621
Let's do this.
>>
>>499621
>>499638
You head downstairs, with Army following close behind, to the basement level.
On you, you have
>phone
>keys
>bass guitar
>note
>ID
You knock on the door, a woman, "Janey", peeks out and looks at you.
"You got ID?" she asks
"Yeah" you say, handing it to her
ID
>William Robert Butherford
>Sex: M
>Biloxi, Mississippi
>Date of spawning...
She reads the content of the ID quickly, biting her lip in excitement.
"This is perfect, this is-- who the fuckis that?" never before have you seen someone change demeanor so quickly.
She shuts, unlocks, then opens the door, and points a gun at Army.
"Who the fuck are you?" she breathes, shakily, darting her eyes to Army, then you, then back again.
>>
>>499667
My insurance.
I thought i could trust you to allow me a safe environment or al least a friend.
>>
>>499667
He's someone who don't 'preciate people pointin' guns at him
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>>499684
"I thought I could trust you to allow me a safe environment or at least a friend" you say, disappointingly.
>>499704
"He's the type that don't 'preciate people pointin' guns at him" you mention.
She stares right at you, time is still, the basement is so tense... the she begins laughing.
Hard
"Heh, I'm just messing with you" she says "We like to give an underground secret project vibe, but don't worry, this gun is a fucking blank"
To prove her point, she shoots a blank at Army.
But's not a blank.
The ringing is deafening, Army is bleeding out, that gun was real.
"Oh shit" she says, suddenly an influx of people, various musicians of varying ages is rounded to the other side of the door-frame.
When the ringing lessens, you're able to hear the murmurs of "What happened?", "Was that a gunshot?", and general "Is he dead?" throughout.
This is going worse than you could've feared.
>>
>>499742
Fish slap that bitch and go call an ambulance.
>>
>>499752
In a rage, you leap up and smack "Janey" across the face with your tailfin.
Pulling out your phone you dial 911.
"~~~~~~~~~~~~911 what is yo--~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~" damn, you can barely hear the phone over the ringing.
You hand the phone to one of the musicians so he can give the info instead.
You move over to Army, who's getting paler by the second.
"I think this is it for me" he starts, barely audible. Speaking like that is never a good sign. Until the ambulance gets here, he'll need to be calmed down somehow.
>>
>>499783
Play a song with the guitar to calm him down
>>
>>499783
Slap him and scream "You are not going to die!'
Then try and plug the hole with the note (unless we have something better like a rag).
>>
>>499783
Stop the bleeding.
>>
>>499817
"Shh..." you say, probably too loudly, but he stops talking.
You pull out your bass guitar and play a soft tune...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM7Pgrb6GXo
He listens with a far away smile.
"This is it" he breathes.
>>499834
"You are not going to die!" you yell, definitely too loudly, and slap him with one of your upper fins.
You then pull out the note and attempt to use it as a bandage, but the thin paper dissolves in the blood.
Suddenly, you're handed a shirt, apparently one of the musicians had been offering it but you couldn't hear him.
>>499857
With the shirt you're able to lessen the bleeding to something... hopefully less fatal.
The paramedics stomp their way downstairs and take Army, leaving you covered in blood and alone with "Janey" and the musicians.
>>
>>499860
"So, we doing this gig or what?"
>>
>>
>>499871
"So, we doing this gig or what?" you ask.
This startles a musician so much he jumps and grabs his chest. Apparently, he didn't take kindly to being yelled at by a bloody fish, in your defense, it's hard not to yell when can't hear yourself over a perpetual fucking ringing sound.
Later, you find that it's even harder to play in a group with the ringing. That, and most of the musicians are still shaken up by their manager almost killing a one-armed body builder by accident.
It's just a mess all around, and you might have tinnitus.
Although things could improve, staying here and practicing more with these guys could lead to new developments. On the other hand, a trip to the hospital, both to visit Army and get yourself checked, seems more sound.
>>499904
While wiping yourself off with a towel, a question begins to nag at you.
"Why the fuck did you even have a gun, Janey?" you burst out suddenly, volume be damned.
"Oh, well, bands have a certain feel to them, you know? Like a theme or gimmick, and I wanted ours to no nonsense, top secret, the gun gave that effect, I didn't know it wasn't a blank" she shrugs.
>>
>>499915
Well, get her to take us to the hospital.
>>
>>499915
Assure her that playing with guns does not make her cool. Shoulda kept the safety on that bitch.
>>
>>499931
"Whatever" you say "I need you to take me to the hospital"
"Uh, you want... me to take you?"
"Yeah"
"Oh, but I've got to stay he-"
>>499935
"Don't give me that shit, you owe me, calling me out here, shooting my friend, making not able to stop hearing this fucking ringing sound. God damn, why wasn't the safety on?"
"I thought it was a blank, it was only to give a cool effe-"
"It's not fucking cool, you-- never mind, can we just go? Please?"
"...yeah"
--
You're in the car with "Jackie", driving to Golden Brook hospital. Supposedly, the car's radio is turned on, but obviously you can't hear it, just ringing ringing ringing...
This is gonna be a long car ride, and you're on the verge of snapping.
>>
>>499948
I'm on the verge of sleeping, gonna continue this tomorrow. See ya later.
>>
kiss jackie while making glub glub fish noises
>>
>>499948
Ask Jackie/Jamey when you're getting paid for this gig.
>>
>>501249
This. Make it known how we hate dealing with cops and dead best friends. It would be nice to be compensated for dealing with this terrible event while she gets to sleep in her bed and not a jail cell.
>>
>>499948 >>500671 >>501249 Shit, did I write Jackie? I meant Janey. :/
>>500671
You reach over and plant your big fish lips on "Janey"'s, causing her to freak out and swerve the car.
She dodges a truck as she veers back onto the street.
"What the fuck was that?"
"Glub glub glub"
"What? It's a miracle we didn't crash, or weren't seen by a cop, I don't want a ticket"
>>501249
>>501368
"Speaking of" you respond "I', getting paid for this gig, right?"
"Paid? Gig? This was a practice session"
"Oh no, that's not how this is going down" you warn "Like you, I don't want to deal with police, but I even more so don't want to deal with dead friends, so unless there's compensation you're getting at least a negligence charge and if he dies, manslaughter"
There is a long pause of silence.
...
"...damn it. Alright, how much to get you to keep quiet?" she asks.
>What's our offer?
>>
>>501504
Start haggling with something big like $1500, but we'll probably accept $500 and a can of worms.
>>
>>501596
"$1,500"
"$1,500?"
"$1,500"
"I can't do $1,500!"
You would shrug but you don't have shoulders.
"Look, how about something more reasonable... $100?"
"$1,000"
"$250"
"$750"
"$500"
You think it over...
"$500 and a can of worms"
"A can of worms?" she asks.
"Yeah"
"...okay then"
--
You pull up to Golden Brook, the ringing starts up again in full force. God, it's unbearable.
But you do want to make sure your friend is fine. What's the best course of action?
>>
>>501654
You tell Janey to start filling out your paperwork, and you find Army and make sure he's still alive
>>
>>501724
You walk in through the front doors with "Janey". At the front desk, there's a receptionist.
"Janey, start filling out the paperwork, I'm going to ER to see Army"
"Wait, what exactly am I filling out?"
"Tell the receptionist I want to be treated for possible tinnitus" you say, heading towards ER.
--
The ER waiting room is complete madness, a showcase of various ailments spread across very anxious people. You head to the help desk.
"I need to see my friend, he was shot. He was just brought here" you say to the person behind the desk. They check their files.
"Dylan Adams?"
"Yes"
"I'm afraid he's still undergoing surgery, he can't have visitors yet"
"But he'll live?"
"Too soon to say, unfortunately"
Shit, if he dies...
"Billy Bob!" it's "Janey".
"What?"
"I told the receptionist about your tinnitus, but when I mentioned you were a fish, she said to go to the veterinarians instead"
Motherfucker, Army might be dead and Golden Brook won't treat you.
>>
>>501804
Give the receptionist your phone number. You want to be called immediately after Army's surgery. Then get Janey to drive you to the nearest vet. Hearing is important for a bass player!
>>
>>501813
"Alright then" you sigh and grab sticky and pen. After what seems like an entire minute of awkwardly moving the pen on the note with no opposable thumbs, you manage to write out your phone number.
"Call me the surgery's over, okay?"
"Of course, as soon as there's new information, Mr...?"
"Butherford" you turn to "Janey" "Let's go back to your car, we're driving to the vet"
--
The nearest vet that treats fish, Happy Exotics: Reptiles, Fish, Amphibians, and Birds Treated!, is 2 hours away.
This night sucks. You need a distraction, anything.
>>
>>501897
Gonna go out and eat dinner, be back,say, in about an hour or two.
>>
>>501897
Try and make some conversation with Janey. It has to be really awkward, preferably with a fish pun.
>>
Ask if she'd like to see our "cod"
>>
Ayy bby u ever has an ass in the bass
>>
>>502037
>>502202
You decide the break the silence, something to distract from the tinnitus.
"So... why'd you start this band?" you ask.
"Huh? Oh y'know, music has always been inspiring, like, it has made me want to express myself, to give something" you can see her getting excited talking about it.
"To not be so... shellfish"
"Oh, uh... ha ha" she says, sounding deflated.
"Yeah..."
She coughs.
,,,
>>502170
>>502180
"You wanna see my cod?"
"Your cod?"
"Yeah, my cod"
"What is your cod?"
"Ever wanted to try a bass in the ass?"
She stops her car suddenly.
"Tell the police what happened, I don't give a shit" she says, reaches over, opens the door, then literally pushes you out of the car with your backpack, before driving off.
Shit, now what?
>>
>>502413
Wow what a bitch. I suppose we gotta either hitch a ride or try to swim upstream to get to that vet now. Plot our revenge on this pycho.
>>
>>502439
You pull out your phone from your backpack, best to get an Uber or Lyft or something, swimming would just get our bass guitar wet.
When the ride finally comes and your back on your way to the vet, which is still over an hour away, you begin to think about all the shit "Janey" has pulled.
Inviting you someplace under weird secrecy, leaving 27 calls on your phone, shooting your friend, push you out of the car. Not to mention trying to weasel her way out of compensation. Well, guess she got out of that by driving away, she's slippery, slippery as a...
Well, time to get down to business, getting revenge on the cunt. The silver lining to the long drive is that it allows time to formulate a plan.
The most obvious course of action is to tell the police what happened, but maybe stretch the truth and say she shot him on purpose. The problem there is the witnesses who could testify it being an accident.
You could tell the police the truth, that she accidentally shot him, that's a felony in itself, but that leaves you out of $500 and a can of worms, and your a fish that could use $500 and a can of worms.
You'll need to think of something, but what?
>>
>>502452
Settle in court for a large sum. The emotional trauma alone will net you a lifetime of worms.
>>
>>502460
It comes to you, almost, like a tidal wave, a grand realization that turns the world from shit to gold.
A lawsuit.
A settlement is perfect, your defense case, even more so. Here is you, a poor hapless fish, hooked by opportunity provided by a seemingly innocent catch, that turned out to be a elaborate trap by some vile bitch to put you in her net.
Sure, witnesses will say that the shooting was an accident, but no one could prove you'd tried to take a bribe to stay quiet. Guess she'll have a bass in her ass after all.
--
When you finally arrive at the vet, panic hits you.
The other animals.
Immediately upon entering, you're eyed by a three-legged cat, that's bad news disguised as a creature. You'll need to tread carefully here.
>>
>>502469
Well I know feel bad for Janey I vote we try and make up with her.
Currently I vote we just ignore the cat, unless it comes near then fish slap it.
>>
>>502469
Well I know feel bad for Janey I vote we try and make up with her.
Currently I vote we ignore the cat, unless it comes near then fish slap it.
>>
>>502489
Cats and fish have never had the best relationship, confronting one at the vet has made you rethink some things in your life.
Is ruining "Janey" the best way to go about things? Sure she has been mysterious and shitty but you haven't been entirely normal either, aside, of course, from being a walking, talking, bass guitar playing, largemouth bass.
Emotionally conflicted on the future, you can at least appreciate how simple the present is: getting rid of this fucking tinnitus. You walk up to reception.
"Excuse me I-"
You fall on your face, before you can even react to happened, you're dragged from underneath your backpack.
You're being dragged by your tailfin by that cat! You reach out to slap it, but your fin can't reach!
You need to think of something, fast!
>>
>>502507
See if you can swing your bass around and beat it over the head.
>>
>>502884
Seconding this
>>
>>502884
This, and call for help.
Also, we don't have to ruin her. We can settle for reparation at a small sum of 1000 dollors for the emotional trauma caused by her swinging a gun at our friend. We didn't know it was fake and we almost had a heart attack. Not to mention the trauma caused when she actually shot of her "blank" near our face, severely damaging our hearing, which our livelihood depends on.
We don't have to ruin her, but 1000 dollors to settle and not press charges is deserved by us at the very least.
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