My Gym Partner's a Radroach

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I’m sitting in the gym’s locker room with my friend Brad Roach and I need help. Turns out this kid named Atom Brahmin signed up for the talent show, but accidently wrote my name instead! What am I going to do? I don’t have any talents and once you’re signed up, you can’t sign out!

Learn to play the guitar. Bitches love guitars.

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>>447557
Play the guitar? I would, but I don't own a guitar, nor could I learn to play one within one week!

>>447597
Murder that radroach in cold blood.

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>>447606
Kill my friend? What, no, are you crazy? I could never do that!

Play the drums then, anyone can do that shit. And if you can't find a drumset just use pots and pans like the Blue Man Group or something

>>447656
What do you know how to do

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>>447725
Play the drums... yeah I can do that, in fact I could use the cues from the gym locker room as sticks and Brad as the drum! Yeah!

Just as I got warmed up to practice

"What do you think you're doing, Adam?"

Oh no, coach Ratcliffe caught me.

"N-nothing" I stutter

"Get your unradiated butt out here, boy! We got a game to play!"

>>447748
I know how to get in trouble but I'm no good at sports, especially not against giant irradiated animals! What now?

>>447780
Don your fathers power armor, nothing short of a deathclaw could then beat you.

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>>447784
My father's armor is at home, besides it wouldn't help anyway, one of the people on the other team is a deathclaw!

"Alright!" coach Ratcliffe booms "an even 3v3, Homer Horner, Jeff Claw, and Scorps McSting on team A. Brad Roach, Adam Brahmin, and Jose Mosca on team B, and.. go!"

Quick, I need a strategy!

>>447833
What game even is this? Dodgeball??? Especially the sort with lots of balls?????

If so, resort to Pack Rat Tactics and pick up any fallen balls to give to your teammates while dodging fire. If you're not confident about your throwing arm, then you can at least be a good teammate and help the other better ones.

>>447833
Yell "tunnel rats rule" then walk out the door

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>>448044
Oh yes, it's dodgeball, the scariest sport there is! My throwing is terrible, but I'm the only one on my team with hands. We can't win this!

>>448146
"T-tunnel rats rule" I mumble, nearing the exit.

"It's Tunnel Snakes!" Jeff yells, hitting Jose with the ball.

"Yer out, Mosca!" coach Ratcliffe yells.

Great, now were down to two, what am I going to do now?

>>449722
Use your junk launcher built from a schematic you brought from the crazy bum in the alley.

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>>449737
Oh right! My Rock-It Launcher, yeah!

With it, I'm easily able to hit Homer and Scorps!

"Horner, McSting, yer out!" exclaims Ratcliffe.

Now, that just leaves Jeff, but he doesn't seem happy, I think he might have something planned.

>>449943
Exclaim as you point to his side"hey, what's that" as you shoot him I'm the face while he's distracted

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>>451171
"H-hey, what's that?" I yelled, hopeful.

"If you think I'm gonna-" Jeff started, but seeing that he a ball in both claws, I panicked and took a shot.

And it hit him right in the chest.

"Claw, yer out!" exclaimed Ratcliffe "Team B wins!"

I was super excited, I actually won!

"Meet me after school" Jeff said "you're dead"

Oh no, gym is my last period, do I meet Jeff after school, or do I try to run home?

>>453083

Fuck it, get straight home and get your father's power armor.

I hope you leveled your Sneak skill young man! You might need it if Jeff comes after you to sneak through the alleyways.

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>>453089
I ran straight home after gym, but Jeff started following me! I managed to sneak away and lose him, but now I've trapped myself.

I'm at the side of Mrs. Clave's house, on one side it's Jeff Claw, and on the other side, it's her vicious dog!

Where do I go?

>>453235
Sure is a good thing you took the animal friend perk! Now get home so your dad can save your ass along with his buddys in the enclave.

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>>453240
Luckily, I was able to tame Mrs. Clave's dog and run home to get my power armor.

Jeff saw hopping fences to get there and he was waiting right outside my house.

My dad is at work, so now it's up to me to fight Jeff all by myself.

How do I do this?

>>453312
Grab your trusty Eastland sledge hammer from dad's mantel and knee cap him.

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>>453323
"Wait!" I yell, before the fight could begin

"What?" he grunts

"I need to get something... please?"

"Fine, hurry up"

I run back inside and grab my dad's old super sledge from the mantel.

"Ready?" he asks, irritated

"Yeah" I say

He lifts a claw and in a rush of adrenalin I slam the sledge into his knee, and hear a sickening crack.

"What did you do?" he wails, blood spattering profusely from his knee, which is now broken.

Oh no, I didn't mean to actually cripple him! How do I fix this?

>>453399
Get the flamer, leave no evidence he was here.

>>453399
Grab a stimpak from the family medkit and jam it into his broken leg, that should fix it

>>453399
Give him some day trippers as well as the stimpack and befriend him.

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>>453401
I am not a psycho! I don't go around murdering people!

>>453406
>>453413
Right, right, stimpaks, of course! I run inside to get some.

On the way out I can hear metallic noises and people talking, I look out the window and see that Jeff is talking to two protectrons. He's going to tell them everything!

If people found out I busted someone's kneecap, I'm gonna be in serious trouble!

>>453451
Grab all the drugs and inject them into claw. Tell the protectrons that they are his epi pens.

>>453451
This is America faggots. Right to defend ourselves.

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>>453460
Bursting out of the door, I knelt beside Jeff's claw and stabbed the drugs into him.

"Ouch, what are you do-"

"They're his epi-pens"

I stand back up.

>>453461
"I don't know what he told you, but I want to remind you that this America, and I can stand my ground, so if you're gonna-"

"I didn't say anything" Jeff whispered

"We'll be going now" the protectrons stated then walked off.

"You didn't say anything?" I asked

"Do you think I want people knowing that Adam Brahmin beat me up?" Jeff said "Ugh, what did you inject me with?"

Should I tell him?

>>453504
You see the voices in my head told me to stab you with a chemical cocktail that'll fix you. Enjoy the trip.

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>>453512
"You see the voices in my head tol++-~~----=__~```--

++++++++++++++++++++++

--

This is bad, I don't think day tripper was meant for deathclaws, he's convulsing, what do I do?

>>453536
put a molerat bone in his mouth to bite down on and administer cpr

>>453536
Scream and claim he's going feral

>>453536
Due the same stuff he's on to see what he sees. Best way to help him is to understand.

>>454051
This. If it's bad
>>454048
This than.

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>>453711
Okay, okay, I take the foot of a mole rat and place it stub first into Jeff's mouth, then I.. uh.. push down on his chest, yeah!

Oh no, they made him spit the foot out, oh, I don't know how to give CPR to a deathclaw!

>>454048
"Somebody help he's going feral!" I shout, but it looks like no one wants to go near a feral deathclaw. Only one last thing to try...

>>454051
I stick the needle into my own hand since I'm a human it should be sa-~~----=__~```-

+++++++++++then I remembered I'm only a chi+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

>>457095
Be his trip guide. Our charisma should be high enough now that we can have a safe hallucinogenic trip. If things get bad, use calmex

>>457095
Fuck the nearest tree

That's what people on drugs do, right?

>>469167
It's what my ex did her first time on shrooms

>>457095
fuck the deathclaw
We gay lizard fuckers now