SATURDAY NIGHT QUEST - CARPE NOCTEM

We're all dudes, dude. So little girl obviously.

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>>403066
oak? is that you?

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>>403077
A Little Girl indeed! A challenging class, as your parents will almost certainly not let you out on your own at this late hour. The first step on your epic journey is simply to leave the house! DO YOU:
1) Ask Mommy to drive you somewhere
2) Ask Daddy to call you a cab
3) Attempt to sneak out of a first story window

Make your choice, and roll a d20 to see what you can achieve!

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>403098
Make sure we have our taser and pepper spray in our handbag

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>403098
simply teleport out the window like all females can.

>>403111
You forgot to choose which option! And you only rolled a 5, the equivalent of walking into the living room and forgetting why you're there. Try again, brave soul!

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>>403113
You close your eyes and wish as hard you can that you were outside the window already, but alas, you remain trapped in this boring house of boredom. YOU CAN:
>roll again to try to exit the window through magical or material means
>Decide that playing with your Barbies is an enriching Saturday night activity
>rifle through Daddy's medicine cabinet for candy
Choose your course of action and roll!

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>403153
damn, so we cant teleport... well better just walk right through the wall

Rolled 3 (1d20)

3)
Ninja option a go

>>403165
>Can't use magic to teleport
>Decides to just ram into the wall.
>NATURAL 20

My sides are gone.

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>>403165
FUCK THAT WALL! With the might of a thousand Kool-Aid men, you calmly destroy and entire side of your house and walk fearlessly into the dark of your quiet suburban neighborhood, leaving your parents in stupefied disbelief, too shocked to even try to stop their Uber-child.

Looking around, you see a beautiful white-tailed deer across the street beneath a lamp post. It is exquisitely still and beautiful as it sense your gaze. To your left, a few houses down, you hear the thumping rhythmic bass of reggae being played very loudly. To your right, and Elvis impersonator is playing air guitar and thrusting his pelvis at you incessantly. DO YOU:

1) Approach the beautiful forest animal
2) Seek the source of the cool island vibes
3) Jam with the King of Rock and Roll

>First response decides

>>403165
My laughter has awakened my cat.

>>403195
approach the beautiful beast as we instinctively think is "adorbs"

>>403195
>Not giving her super saiyan hair
Thats some wasted potential right there.

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>>403216
Having seen Bambi, you know that to befriend this magnificent creature, we must not shoot its mother. You approach slowly, with your hand out, cooing gently like a pigeon and asking "who's a good boy?" The deer regards you warily, but allows you to come close enough to pet it. As you softly caress its adorbs muzzle, a single tear slides silently down from one of its large hazel eyes. The animal loves you, and it kneels before you, offering to take you wherever you wish. The deer is now your loyal steed, able to transport you with relative speed, for a little girl. WHAT DO YOU NAME IT?
>First response gets naming rights

>>403245
>smashes through a wall like nothing
>somehow a deer remains calm enough to not run
>tames said deer as a steed with a touch

god damn we are fucking awesome. but ill let someone else pick

>>403245
Nigger Slayer 9000

Now go find some urban youths to being to justice

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>>403257
"Onward, Nigger Slayer 9000!" you shout as you gently goad your stupendous mount. With a bound he is off at great speed, sprinting down the suburban street with a clatter of hooves and a racist name. Leaving the Elvis impersonator well in your dust, you decide that there must be some urban youths at the source of that mysterious Reggae music. As NS9K rounds a corner, you see that your assumption was correct! A mere 3 blocks away, your nice whitebread neighborhood has melded into an inner city Caribbean block party! Urban sprawl indeed! The savory smell of Jerk chicken wafts into your nose as the steel drumbeats enliven your ears, and in the middle distance you see an elderly gypsy lady beckoning to you with one wrinkled, curling finger. DO YOU
1) Track down some of that delicious smelling chicken
2) Dance to the West Indian beat
3) Go listen to what wisdom the crone has to tell you

Choose your choice and roll your d20, Little Girl, the Saturday night awaits!

Rolled 19 (1d20)

1)
Nourishment is important

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>>403329
You approach a bald man with obsidian skin, working happily behind a drum-style grill. Looking at all the spiced chicken being cooked to perfection is almost too much to stand, and you activate your Little-Girl-Puppy-Dog-Eyes power, hypnotizing him instantly. With a giant smile he grabs a trash bag and scoops his entire bounty of delicious grilled meat into it for you, proclaiming "Everybody gets Jerk Chicken on Caribbean Day!" You graciously accept the treasure bag and bite into a wing. It's better than you imagined! You gain the passive upgrade "Spice Resistance," no level of Scoville Scale matters to you anymore. You have gained mastery over Capsacin, and a large bag of meat as well. DO YOU:

1) Share your bounty with the Caribbean Day block party
2) Attempt to trade it for something better
3) See what that old gypsy woman wanted

Choose and roll!

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>403377
Try to trade the chicken and get stuff

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>>403393
You see a group of grown men crowded around something on the sidewalk. They are making quite a commotion, hooting and hollering, cheering and booing. You approach and see a pile of money on the ground a pair of dice rolling. You tug on the hem of a sweaty man's undershirt. "Whatcha doing, Mister?" you ask innocently.
"Shootin' dice little sweety. You wanna play? I'll put my winnings against that bag of chicken that you can't roll an even number."
CAN YOU ROLL AN EVEN NUMBER???

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>403422
say Check em faggot! and roll

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>403422
4 real m8 check my 6

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>>403430
The grown-ass man looks at you with a raised eyebrow before snatching your bag of delicious chicken away. "Them's the breaks honey. And be careful who you call faggot around here."
Well, that backfired. NS9K waits patiently for you at the end of the block, but there's still plenty of block party left to explore. In the meantime that old gypsy woman has left her tent and is slowly stalking toward you, and it seems that she's hiding something beneath her gypsy shawl. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a street kitten playing with a plastic bag, and down at the other end of the street a large commotion starts as the first float of the Caribbean Day Parade drives by. DO YOU:
1) Confront the gypsy woman
2) Play with the street kitten
3) Go to watch the parade

Choose and roll!

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>403457
tell nigger slayer 9000 to "sick em" and watch the magic.

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>>403461
You stamp your foot and say "Nigger Slayer 900, sic'em!" with a pout. Faithful animal that he is, NS9K leaps toward the group of men playing dice. Spinning around, he donkey kicks the man who took your chicken in the side, dealing 11 damage. The man is knocked off of his feet but still alive and in fighting condition. NS9K then rears onto his back legs and manages to land a few jabs, dealing a further 6 damage and discouraging a counterattack. You have reclaimed your chicken! But there is now an entire group of grown men who are upset at the disruption, and over your shoulder you hear a creaking voice saying "little girl, sweet little girl, come to Igmeralda..." The gypsy woman is almost upon you! DO YOU:

1) Pelt everyone with fried chicken
2) Have NS9K try to take on everyone at once
3) Flee on the back of your woodland beast

Roll like your life depends on it, because it might!

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>403497
Destroy them with your coolaid man strength

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>>403504
You can handle this. You've seen girl empowerment shows, like Sailor Moon and Wonder Woman. You know the secret to all feminine strength, the very fount of ur-woman matriarchal power: Spinning. You hold your arms out straight and begin to spin in place, picking up speed rapidly. NS9K sense what's about to happen and dashes to safety. As the centifugal force around builds to lethal speed, you see the knife flash in the gypsy's hand. The men gathered around the dice pull several handguns from their waistbands. But it is too late for them, for all of them. With lightning crackling around you like a Super Saiyan Tasmanian Devil, you spin your fist into and through the gypsy woman, literally ripping her in half in a fraction of a second. The force carries you in a clockwise motion into the group of men, sending limbs and sections of spine splattering all the way up to the third stories of the surrounding apartment buildings. People scream as a tornado of blood and thunder whips through the block party, destroying property and killing dozens of men, women, and children. The carnage is horrifying, but it takes a mere 19 seconds to complete. The cries of the maimed and the stink of death hang in the air as you come to a complete stop with a haughty "Hmph!" You straighten your hair. Down the block, at the parade, a police officer has witnessed everything from across the street and is speaking rapidly into his shoulder-mounted radio. He's definitely onto you. DO YOU:

1) Attempt to silence the cop before he can get the report out
2) Flee the scene on the back of NS9K
3) Write in!

Choose and roll!

>>403542
lean over the cop before he can give the report and whisper...
Its okay...Its all ogre now.

then explain to him How ogres are not like cakes

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>403621
forgot to roll

>>403634
How are you so lucky with rolls anon?!

>>403640
i have that meme magic

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>>403621
As you approach the officer, your eyes flash a dull yellow-green. He stops talking for a moment as you cross the street, halting a parade float in its tracks. You walk right up to him, stopping uncomfortably close. He's obviously shaken, having just witnessed your insane rampage. You look up into his frightened eyes, toss your pretty blonde locks, and scream "GET OUT OF MAAAH SWAAAAAMP!"
The force of the outburst overpowers the policeman's very physical structure. His flesh begins to melt and bubble, bones collapsing inside as all of his interior organs implode. In the seconds before he becomes a puddle of sticky goo on the sidewalk, he manages to gargle out the phrase "Shrek is love."
Well, that's taken care of. Say, there are two other little girls over there playing hop scotch and skipping rope! But there's also an armored car delivering bags full of money to a nearby bank just two blocks further down, and the delivery man seems to be very unaware of his surroundings. Hmm, decisions, decisions....

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>403667
HOW DARE THOSE GIRLS BE FEMALE AROUND US!

naturally our womanly instinct tells us to bitch them out for something that my or may not be their fault.

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>>403677
You skip prettily over to the two girls and kick one of them in the shins. The other opens her dumb mouth and gets a swift backhand across the face. "I'm pretty sure you two are the reason my jerk chicken got cold!" you accuse. They look at each other, a little cowed, and offer their apologies. "We're sorry about your chicken. We can be friends, if you don't hurt us again."
It might not hurt to have allies, but having friends could be a liability. WHAT DO YOU DO?

>>403700
good, we established dominance, we are now the alpha female of our new clique.

>>403718
"Fall in line, girls!" They salute smartly and fall into step behind you. Now that you've got a clique, getting around town will be a little more difficult; NS9K can only carry yourself. However, there is a giant pink Unicorn float coming down the street in the middle of parade banners and confetti. Surely that would be an appropriate vehicle for three little girls. Of course there's also that nigh-unattended armored car idling down the block, and those girls can always walk can't they? Up to you, you're the boss! By the way, you hear police sirens coming closer.