DAVE-QUEST

>>36253
stop being ghost dave and be living dave.

BUY SOME GUNS DAVE
GO BUY SOME GUNS

>>36253
You need to go drink some milk Dave. A lot of milk.

Just BEE urself, Dave

File: dq2.png (11KB, 857x481px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 857x481px

>>36266
>>36290
>>36348
>>36419
Dave is confused, startled even. Here he was, in his living room spending the last hour starring out of a window when suddenly he started hearing voices in his head! Dave is a simple man. He spends most nights watching old reruns of Full House. But now Dave's scared, the last time he's heard voices in his head they made him do bad things

>>36438
Have some cereal, Dave.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>36438
ruin dave's life.

File: dq3.png (25KB, 857x481px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 857x481px

>>36455
Dave reluctantly agrees to eating the cereal. "Maybe if I do what they say, they'll stop talking!" thinks Dave

>>36464
>>36531

>>36531
Those a spiders, Dave. What are you doing. God damn it.

>>36531


Now go out there AND GET A JOB DAVE

File: dq4.png (23KB, 977x457px) Image search: [Google]

23KB, 977x457px

>>36545 >>36546 >>36575 Dave bursts into tears once he realizes the Choco-Balls in his mouth are made out of Spiders. "Today was going to be a good day", thinks Dave. Today was going to be the day Dave tried something new and mixed up the Full House routine with Family Matters or, if he was feeling extra risky, maybe even a little ALF. But no, today's the day the voices come back and tell him to get a Job and to ruin his life Also fuck, I'm sorry. I gotta leave for a couple hours. I'll be back tomorrow around 3 or 5

Go talk to that cute girl from community college, Dave. We'll talk you through it. You like her, don't you, Dave. We can help you have her, Dave.

File: dq5.png (17KB, 687x457px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 687x457px

Sorry for the delay
>>36745
Dave thinks for a moment about the cute girl from community college. "I barely know her", thinks a weak-willed Dave. "She probably wouldn't want me thinking of her like that anyway..."

Dave.. You are a shriveling coward!
You must be commanding if you wish to for anything in life to go your way!

RAPE HER!

File: DQ6.png (16KB, 687x457px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 687x457px

>>42869
Dave is unphased. But he's beginning to break. His perception of Cute Community College Girl (Or CCCG for short) has started to change. He feels something throb. "I'd never... Make her impure..." Thinks Dave as the throb grows harder

Silly Dave, women love to be raped. They only tell you that they don't so YOU can't have any fun! That's right, they go out of their way to exclude you!
However, we must not get ahead of ourselves... A proper rape must first be lead by a proper stalking.

>>42971
Put on a dress

>>42971
Put on a short, frilly dress, then go ask her out

File: dq7.png (15KB, 687x457px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 687x457px

>>43099
>>43387
>>43434
Dave is confused and conflicted. On the one hand, he's starting to believe the voices in his head are actually trying to help him for once instead of make his life a living hell. On the other side, they also want him to rape people and wear frilly dresses. None the less, Dave is an honest man. Today is the day he tries something new! Today, he goes and tries to court the girl he loves!

Dave opens up his closet. He's disappointing by his wardrobe and cannot find any skirts

>>43529
Take some shekels from your desk and go out shopping in H&M for a new girly dress

>>43529
This is clearly a subversive plot by the clothing manufacturing industries. Dave, you must strike them where it hurts: their inventory! Go to H&M and steal the most expensive dress you can find!

File: dq8.png (14KB, 687x457px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 687x457px

>>43568
>>43577
Dave is hesitant to buying a dress for himself, but he also thinks that buying the dress would help him meet the CCCG. Maybe he'll run into her while shopping, or maybe he can give it to her as a gift! "Today's going to be a good day!" Thinks Dave

>>43680
Rush into H&M screaming in italian and take all the dresses you can find then run out of the shop quickly

Dave, obviously, you have to be swiss!
If you speak italian, people will like you, right?

>>43753
>>43774
These

>>43753
this but it has to be SWISS italian

File: dq9.png (19KB, 689x418px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 689x418px

>>43753
>>43774
>>43854
>>43873
Dave stumbles his way through the crowded mall until he finds the H&M store. To Dave's surprise, the CCCG is working there! "Oh geez, here I go..." Thinks Dave, as the voices in his head try to decide what accent he should speak in. He stumbles and fucks up pretty badly, amalgamating both a Swiss and italian accent at once. Dave musters out a shrill and awkward "H-Hi". He's waiting to see how the CCCG reacts. Should he stay here or move closer? Maybe try looking at some clothes? Dave's in foreign territory here

>>43962
tip receptionist $1 and wink at her

>>43962
Pretend you're looking at clothes, then when she comes over talk to her about something everyone likes. Star wars, or something.

>>43962
ask if they have any dresses made of iron

>>43962
you know what you must do
rape her

File: dq10.png (19KB, 753x418px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 753x418px

>>43975
>>43999
>>44020
>>44043
Dave moves forward and tries his best at making conversation. He pulls a quarter out of his pocket and places it as a tip while asking her how's the weather
CCCG: "I don't know. I've been working for the last 5 hours"

Dave moves swiftly onto the next topic. He tries asking where a specific brand is, but the voices in his head cause him to fuck up and he asks where the Iron Dresses are
CCCG: "I... Don't.. What are you asking for?"

Dave stumbles and goes straight into the women's lingerie section. Out of sight, out of mind, thinks a flustered Dave

>>44205
smear feces on your face and strip naked

Dave, do you have to poo in loo?
It's fine, out of sight, out of mind.
Do it here!

>>44205
buy clothes. all the clothes.

>>44205
man up and go back to her aske her to help you decide which dress looks good on you

DAVE! YOU SAW HER!
Can you not see the mockery in her eyes? She knows you won't do it and until you do she will NEVER even CONSIDER you a real man.

- Begins chanting the word "Rape!" quietly and progressively gets louder until it is an all out shout inside Dave's brain -

>>44282
dont rape, ask her where the fucking iron is

Dave, I want you to listen carefully. You need to establish familiarity with this woman. You need her to believe that you are on good terms. The only way is to speak with decisiveness and confidence. You must introduce common ground with her, and at the same time undermine her. Here is what you must do, Dave.

Return to her, and in a friendly but forceful manner say "Ok, I'm ready for you to bring me the dress we talked about." She will be confused, but you must insist. You must do so in a manner that implies that she is the idiot for forgetting. It is very important that you get it right. Imagine you are a potent and powerful man. She will feel weak and stupid, and will look to you for guidance. It is what you want, Dave. It is what she wants. She will not be able to resist positioning her clam over you.

- Tries to shout over the other voices-

RAPE! SHE WANTS IT! RAPE!

>>44303
Make sure to mention the dress is made of iron

File: dq11.png (21KB, 715x418px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 715x418px

>>44223
>>44228
>>44239
>>44269
>>44282
>>44282
>>44300
>>44303
>>44324
>>44358
Dave Returns back to the CCCG. He places a pink skirt on the counter and tries to make a purchase. Dave is battling his inner demons and struggles between determine what is reality. He doesn't want

Dave: "Um.. Do you have any Rapes in a better color? I like Iron. Do you too...? Coffee? Tomorrow?"

CCCG just stands there, bamboozled at what the fuck is happening. She can't tell if she's being asked out or if the synapses in Dave's brain all went home for the weekend

>>44492
FOCUS DAVE

>>44492
Cry and curn in a ball while saying whatever the other voices say.

>>44492
ask her if she enjoys the films of wes anderson

>>44510
ON RAPE!

>>44492
I LOVE YOU DAVE

>>44536
*curl

>>44492
DAVE SHOW HER THAT YOU ARE A MAN. SHOW HER YOUR POWER

>>44492
THIS IS IMPORTANT DAVE, LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME.

THE OTHER VOICES ARE DEMONS, THEY ARE OUT TO GET YOU, YOU NEED TO GET HELP BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, LAY ALL YOUR CARDS OUT ON THE TABLE AND TELL HER VOICES ARE TELLING YOU TO DO BAD THINGS AND THAT YOU NEED HELP, ASK HER TO CALL THE HOSPITAL, THE POLICE, OR ANYONE. THEN, AND THIS PART IS IMPORTANT, ARE YOU LISTENING DAVE BECAUSE THIS PART IS VERY IMPORTANT, THEN YOU NEED TO RAPE HER TO LET HER KNOW YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH. I KNOW IT SOUNDS BAD BUT YOU CAN TRUST ME DAVE, THEY CAN HELP YOU UNLESS YOU RAPE HER.

>>44580
these voices are hurting you yess
so cry
curl up in a ball and cry

>>44580
no this isnt true
lies and slander

You need a holiday, Dave. Leave and get tickets to Oslo. I heard they have a fabulous nightlife, maybe you'll find a cute Norwegian gf.

>>44635
You need a holiday, Dave. Leave and get tickets to Oslo. I heard they have a fabulous nightlife, maybe you'll find a cute Norwegian gf.
You need a holiday, Dave. Leave and get tickets to Oslo. I heard they have a fabulous nightlife, maybe you'll find a cute Norwegian gf.
You need a holiday, Dave. Leave and get tickets to Oslo. I heard they have a fabulous nightlife, maybe you'll find a cute Norwegian gf.

this

>>44580
FUCK THIS VOICE DAVE DONT FUCKING LISTEN TO THIS ASSHOLE

All you must do is slow down and listen to just one voice. Then all your problems will go away...

However, you must be very careful in your selection, Dave. I have been ever loyal to you, always trying to convince you to do what will truly aid you, while the others degrade you, forcing you to eat spiders and shop for dresses.

You have to remain calm.. And do as I say...

Rape

>>44635
Don't listen to it Dave, it want to get you out into the world away from the safe things that ground you so it can make you do bad things, you need help dave, you need to rape her so they can help you. They won't believe you unless you rape her.

>>44683
>>44635
>>44673

DO IT

Dave, women are a lost cause. Norwegian men are much better. Go Dave. Go.

>>44762
dave
go to norway
to oslo
and meet daniel

>>44801
Daniel the Norwegian man. He loves you Dave. He is your true love. Find him.

Don't fall for their propaganda, Dave.
Only I truly know what is best for you.

Go on, swiss dave.
Off to Norway with you.

Just go home Dave, have a drink or something and go to sleep, jesus christ

>>44842
this

Switzerland to Norway isn't that far. Find you're true love.

touch her boob

>>44842
this

We care about you Dave

>>44814
>>44801
>>44762
>>44737
>>44683
>>44673
>>44635

These very same voices that are telling you to move away and become gay are the ones who earlier told you to pull your pants down and take a dump in public! They are the ones who made you ask the girl of your dreams whether she likes irons or not!

THESE DEMONS DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. All it takes is a few moments for you to turn your life around and save yourself from this torment.

Clear your mind.. And Rape.

Finding Daniel the Norwegian is the key to ridding yourself of the voices. A mans mind is not whole until he finds his true second half. Dave, you're gay, you can't hide it any longer. You're true love lives in Norway. Find him.

>>44836
You aren't crazy dave, you are chosen, the voices of angels and demons rage though your mind because you are special. Your soul is a battleground to prove the worthiness of all mankind, you need to make the right choices, you need to listen to the right voices not just for your sake but to spare all of mankind from eternal damnation. Do not go to norway, they want you to go to norway so the dark and the cold weaken your resolve and make you easier to manipulate.

You can't win this battle alone, you need help, you need to rape her so they can help you dave.

>>44899
>>44891
>>44852
>>44861
this

WATCH AS THE VOICES LIE TO YOUR FACE!
YOUR TRUE LOVE IS ONLY MOMENTS AWAY, LUSTING FOR YOU TO MAN UP AND RAPE HER.

I know it hurts dave, I'm so sorry it hurts but you can make it stop, you can make the right choice and make it stop. All you need to do is rape her and they can help you make it stop, you just need to rape her.

Rape dave, she will love you

File: DQ12.png (16KB, 507x482px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 507x482px

I gotta bolt. This was fun. Same time tomorrow?

Dave, rape is never wrong. No, I mean it's never right. Is that the right way round? I'm not sure. Either rape is never wrong, or it is never right. It is absolutely crucial you remember that. The answers lie in Oslo

>>45024
Sure, my finals are tomorrow at around 1-5 EST but I'll be back to join after. Cya dude.

>>45024
This quest is going places.

File: B-Promo.png (39KB, 1880x480px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 1880x480px

Back but not for long

>>46295
God damn it, Dave. Go home and think about what you've done.

>>46295
You did it! For the first time in your life you got what you wanted, despite the repercussions.

Now that you've felt the thrill of freedom, we must fight to defend it.

Buy some steroids, because it's time to get buff.

>>46295
dave why
you were supposed to go to oslo

File: DQ13.png (20KB, 746x480px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 746x480px

Sorry for being late My house was just broken into. Spent the last 3 hours talking to police

Our lonely hero rests in his home, contemplating his recent actions. He is not happy with the voices. It's going to take a lot to raise his spirits. We're talking a 2-part episode of Full House. And he spent the last of his money on that dress, too. So he's going to have to push that plane ticket for Oslo to the near future

>>53791
damn OP, hope everything's okay

DAVE POUR THAT DRINK ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD

>>53791
go!

File: dq14.png (20KB, 737x385px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 737x385px

Dave is a broken man. He can only feel pain now

>>53791
Oh shit, was anything stolen?
Anyways, let Dave have fun. The voices aren't all bad. Let him relax until it's time to travel for a nice vacation.

>>53879
Cheer up, Dave. Why not shitpost on your favorite website?

Dave, you need to go to Oslo. The answer is so close. So obvious. You need to commit crimes. The world has treated you badly, and you must redress the balance. In order to fund your trip, you must attack an elderly person. You must wait and watch, until you see one who appears vulnerable. Remember, the elderly are the corpses of the living world. They welcome abuse. This is their gift. Their gift to you.

>>53879
Give this specific voice a kiss, mmmmwah

visit his parents

Maybe mama can fix me up

File: dq15.png (11KB, 476x361px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 476x361px

>>54082

>>54157
Dig out her body, Dave. We NEED her help.

>>54175
>>54157
no! dig out the grave next to her!

File: dq16.png (12KB, 748x361px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 748x361px

>>54175
>>54225

>>54267
well someone's body is being dug out today

>>54267
that's a rather odd last wish for a dying man to make. what if they had died of supercancer, and the only way to research it was to harvest it from victims. are your parents breeding superbugs in their coffins? i say we dig them up and arrange an autopsy.

>>54267
Listen to them. Be happy for a while.
Go watch full house until you sleep.
>>54267
Listen to them. Be happy for a while.
Go watch full house until you sleep.
>>54267
Listen to them. Be happy for a while.
Go watch full house until you sleep.
>>54267
Listen to them. Be happy for a while.
Go watch full house until you sleep.
>>54267
Listen to them. Be happy for a while.
Go watch full house until you sleep.

- Grumbles from waking up -
What is this? Why are you wasting your time on dead family when you should be getting buff?

Ditch this lame sob fest and I'll teach you how to be cool.

Dave, go rob a bank.

>>54267
"Dave this is mom, Stop being such a prissy cunt and get a job already you dead beat bum"

GET a GUN and a MASK and some GLOVES and go ROB a BANK

>>56777
you need more money....rob a bank with a anon mask on

>>54267
Dave, you aren't close enough for them to hear you. You need to get closer for you parents to hear you!

>>56777
you need cash for our plan, you don't want to disappoint us

>>54267
Dave, rob your dead parents

>>56979
200% supported

>>54267
Dave your mother will think you don't love her if you don't let her hear you.

File: DQ17.png (8KB, 478x371px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 478x371px

I'm sorry, gang. Due to a lot of shit going on in my personal life, I won't be able to carry out Dave Quest. It was a fun ride while it lasted

>>68513
All the good quests are being ended by personal responsibility!