A Dumb Quest

>>3434
Fick face mcgee
Genderfluid numale
Professor Horse Anus inspector

Sevyr Dusk, Male, Necromancer

>>3434
You are Zipper Inkotgeboren, also a fly.
The fly over there killed your father when you were but a maggot. He was only going to live another week, tops anyway, but that's besides the point. Revenge!

Hugh Gus
Male
Professional Wrestler

>>3434
chuuni-chan female HEALSLUT

>>3434
Tim, Male, Warlock (Demon of Gluttony Pact)

Pepsiman
Pepsiman
Pepsiman

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>>3443
That's right! You're Hugh Gus, professional wrestler and penis owner. You find yourself in a dark warehouse with very little inside besides you and a fly.

>>3467
start training the fly, you see potential in him

>>3467
Perform a Sneak Attack on that Fly. It can't see you.

>>3467
FUCK
THAT
FLY

>>3467
TRAIN YOUR REFLEXES AND CATCH THE FLY WITH JUST YOUR THUMB AND INDEX FINGER!

Train the fly to catch people with chopsticks

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>>3469
You effortlessly perform a sneak attack on the fly, expertly snapping its fly neck with your bare fingers. You hear a scream of rage from outside of the warehouse.

>>3498
make the fly check whats going on

>>3498
Cry over the loss of your only friend

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>>3506
The fly is dead, it cannot check on anything.
>>3512
You cry manly tears over the death of the small bug, the poor thing only wanted to buzz around. You hear angry walking outside.

>>3564
Throw the barrels behind you in front of the door

>>3564
Angrily stomp around in the room as well.

>>3564
whip your dick out

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>>3593
You pull out your penis, this accomplishes nothing besides making it cold. You decide to put it away and save it for a better time.
>>3578
>>3566
You angrily stomp around and throw the barrels that were near you in front of the door. Good call, sounds as though someone was going to try to get in and now they're banging on the door. You continue angrily stomping around the room.

>>3640
Yell russian at the people trying to get in.

>>3640
Try to find an alternate route of escape, perhaps a backdoor.
>>3643
Specifcally along the lines of "Cheeki Breeki, Cyka ez mid"

>>3640
pull a boomerang out of your asscheeks and ready it for attack

>>3640
Look around to see if there's anything to use to defend yourself, like a ladder or chair

>>3640
go kill yourself you stupid faggot bitch.

Be ゴ ゴ ゴ ゴ and pose and wait for the guy to pry open the door

use your previously unmentioned sewing skills to make a gun out of cloth, from your pants (your pants will be gone, but you will have pants gun)

Do we have a weapon of some kind?

>>4146
Your dick idiot

We're going to die!

pull out your phone
look at your empty contact list and cry
call domino's

Unzip dick

Climb up high and be ready to body slam anyone who gets in

>>3896
This

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>>3653
You manage to procure a boomerang from between your cheeks and prepare it for any attack that may come in, but the pounding dies down. You see three flies fly in through a crack in one of the windows, how strange.

try hardest to catch and eat all the flies

The flies are clearly the enemy, throw the boomerang at them so they can't harm you

try and train the flies to become your army.

>>9861
The flies are part of an enemy stand, proceed with caution.

>>9861
THEY CAME FOR YOU. THEY SEEK REVENGE. KILL THEM BEFORE THEY KILL YOU.

The flies are minions of the demon lord Baalzebub! Ready your holy symbols!

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>>9861
fuck the flies with your dragon cock

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In case anybody was curious, my ID is different because I'm posting from a different place.

>>9888
>>9871
You throw the boomerang with peerless skill, but only manage to hit two of the three flies. The third fly jets over and bites you on your neck, causing you to scream out in pain. You see a few other arthropods crawling in the warehouse from under the front door, maybe they're friends of the fly's too?

>>9970
The fly is radioactive, you start developing fly superpowers

Aim your retractable proboscis and vomit on the centipede

>>9970
Slap the bitch and assert dominance!

What are you a prissy little mouse? Get over there and squish those measly pests like the vermin they are!

>>9970
Just die you have no hope now

/balk/ GET

>>10000
Damn

>>10000

Bv mircea

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>>9991
You smack the fly aside, making it hit the wall. You squish a spider, but a woman's voice cries out before your foot lands on a centipede.

>"If you move that foot any farther down, you'll regret it!"

Assuming the boomerang came back, wing it at the bitch as hard as you can


if it didn't try to seduce her

>>10875
Its your hippy mom! Run!

stomp the centipede to oblivion, as well as all the rest of the bugs within your reach, while screaming "don't fucking threaten me you cunt"

>>10875
Stamp the foot down yelling: "I REGRET NOTHING!"

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>>10877
Unfortunately, your boomerang got stuck on a window. You decide to attempt to seduce, the woman laughs at you and comes out of the shadows.

>"Sorry, big guy. Weaklings aren't my type, maybe I'd consider if you beat me in a fight or something."

Just then, a centipede crawled out of the woman's mouth and into her ear.

>"Haha, oops. I can't always keep these little guys under control."

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>>10909
Fucked up the space inside of her arm.

>>10909
Run and towards her and pin her to the ground before she can react.

>>10909
go batshit insane on her

seriously, give her everything you've got

eye gouging, biting, knees, kicks, stomps, elbows

fucking kill this disgusting monster

if you get her on the ground, you start swinging at her face until it's blood and flaps of skin

if there is any hard object around like pipes, tools, or table legs, you smash her fucking skull in, don't stop until she is clearly dead

>>10909
ew kill this nasty ass bitch.

stone cold stunner her!!!!

>>10915
THROW SOMETHING AT HER STUPID FACE! SHE IS PROBABLY A SHAPESHIFTING ALIEN BUG OR SOMETHING. OR FROM AUSTRALIA

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>>10931
>>11022
You decide to use your patented "Hugh Gus Stunner" to pin the woman and break her neck, you move in front of her at blinding speeds, turn around, and perform the move. You hear an audible "CRACK!"...

However, seconds into the hold, you hear a chuckle and feel many small objects on your arms and shoulder. The woman looks at you and grins.

>"That's not enough to stop me, hun. I appreciate the effort though."

>>13412
GUY FIERI STORMS IN AND TAKES THEM BOTH TO FLAVORTOWN WHERE THEY WILL BRAWL IT OUT

>>13412
rape her

>>13412
Sweat the bugs off.

>>13412
Leap away from her, make a dramatic martial-arts pose, and demand to know what's going on here.

>>13412
put her in a headlock and slam her face into the floor.

fuck the bugs were are HUGH GUS THE MOTHERFUCKIN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER

FLEX THE BUGS OFF

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>>13742
>>13707
You flex the bugs off and leap away, striking a cool pose.

>"I demand to know what's going on! Weird women with bugs inside of them don't just attack badass, world-renowned wrestlers or whatever like me!"

The woman gets up, cracks her neck, and gives you a smug grin.

>"My employer kind of wants you dead, so I'm just doing what he paid me to do."

Hold one of her tiny friends hostage in exchange for info

>>13877
Pee on her. The urine will send the bugs into a frenzy and she'll self destruct.

Take forth the holy cross you always keep in your pants.

Clearly this woman is an unholy abomination!

>>13877
Use the surrounding environment and chuck shit at her.

>>13925
This

>>13925
>>14429
Considering how fast bugs reproduce and how many of them there are, I doubt she's going to care about that.

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>>14272
You pick up a box and chuck it at her, she lets out a yelp as it smashes into her and launches her into a wall.

>"Owwwww...that hurt. Maybe attacking you in a place with heavy, metal boxes wasn't a great idea...yeah, that's it. I'll retreat for now. Watch your back though, there are two others that've been hired to kill you and both are a little more dangerous than me."

The woman then removes a wooden plank holding the front door closed and runs out, leaving you alone.

>>14764
Carry the heavy metal boxes with us, they are her weakness.

>>14764
Cautiously make our way out, checking our corners.

Benchpress several metal crates; she won't think of you as any weakling anymore.

>>14764
Fashion the metal crates into knucklers

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>>14815
>>14793
>>14926
You decide to carry the metal boxes with you, however you decide that lugging them around would just tire you out, so you fashion them into a pair of knucklers. You equip the knucklers and cautiously make your way out.

You find yourself around some unknown docks at night.

>>15169
Into town then.

>>15169
Make noise until you catch some attention

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>>15206
You do not know where town is.
>>15258
You yell out to see if it'll catch anybody's attention, someone yells back at you.

>"Shut up!"

Wow, how rude.

>>15486
Ask that faggot where the nearest convenience store is.

>>15486
Challenge him to a TLC match

>>15486
Throw something at them and ask where you are. Box or rock, the bigger the better for Hugh Gus

>>15486
ask him if he smells what the HUGH is cooking

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>>15556
>>15584
You ask the figure if he smells what the HUGH is cooking.

>"What?"

You throw a steel barrel at the figure and tell him that you want to know where you are. He goes into a coughing fit from the shock of almost being hit by a large object and starts talking when it calms down.

>"Why didn't you say so in the first place?! You're in Russia and I'm fishing for dinner, now fuck off."

He coughs a couple more times and goes back to fishing.

>>15789
Ask the guy if he knows where to buy vodka.

>>15789
use your innate tracking senses to find out where that girl went

>>15789
That man's probably one of the other 2 killers that lady was talking about.Take his rod, push him into the water and bail

Grab him by his shirt and start yelling at him Christian Bale Batman style about where the bug girl went.

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>>15857
>>15811
You grab the man by his shirt and begin yelling at him, both about where the bug lady went and if he knows where to find good vodka. The man gives you a sour look and knees you in the stomach, he jumps back and you notice a spike jutting out of his knee; it quickly retracts, leaving nothing about a ripped pant leg and a knee. You feel the area around your stomach bleeding.

>"What's your fucking deal? I try to fish and not only do you distract me, but you make me lose my rod and now you're getting me riled u-!"

The man goes into a coughing fit.

>>16106
Quick push him into the river before he retaliates.
And make a clever pun about fishing.

>>16106

Drop kick him into the river.

>>16106
This guy has sent for a legally distinct Attitude Adjustment. Time to deliver.

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>>16115
>>16567
>>16124
You take advantage of the man's vulnerable state and deliver a quick kick, knocking him into the river behind him. Unfortunately, he spiked up his skin a bit and cut your leg before getting hit, looks like he wasn't completely vulnerable. You walk over to the side of the dock and pull out some shades.

>"Looks like you're...swimming with the fishes."

Cheesy 80s-styled rock music plays in your head, you hear an audible groan from the water.

Look around to see what else is near the docks

>>17358
Is he dead? If that's the case go look for that vodka on your own.

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>>18151
He is not dead, he's actually swimming back to shore now. He doesn't seem like he wants to fight anymore, although he looks very unhappy.
>>18151
There's a flight of stairs to your left leading up a hill, the warehouse is behind you, and the docks just end to your right.

>>18209
try to find bandages

>>18209
Jump into the river
"I'm a Hugh fucking shark, bait

>>18209
Start to swim, the salt water would clean his wounds, he saw it in the Discovery channel

>>18209
what happened to the shadowy figure who yelled at us?

go stand in the light and look for vodka in the boxes too

>>18209
Fuck, meant to quote >>18126 for that second one. Sorry!

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>>18262
>>18304
The shadowy figure was the one who could make spikes come out of his body, we kicked him into the water after he kneed us in the stomach.

You check the boxes in the surrounding area, there's random shit inside of them, but nothing of use to you. No vodka, no bandages, no nothing.
>>18301
You hop into the water, it makes your wounds sting horribly. The man, who has been watching you ponder your next move, speaks up.

>"Maybe you should try to find something to patch yourself up with instead of doing stupid shit like that."

He's pretty rude.

>>18372
suplex him

>>18372
>Don't question my methods, bitch
And punch him in the face

>>18372
maybe he's not so bad after all, plus you still gotta find where the vodka is. Catch some fish with your bare hands to give him for his dinner.

>>18395
Aquaplex him.

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>>18399
You tell him this and punch him in the face. Needless to say, you get a fistful of spikes and now your fist is bleeding.
>>18407
You decide to catch some fish for him with your bare hands and hand them to him as a peace offering...it takes about half an hour, but you finally catch two decent-looking fish and you've bled out a little more, that might not be good. You hop up onto the dock and hand them to him, he grabs them from you after coughing a few times.

>"Is this a peace offering or something? What's wrong with you anyway?"

You shrug and ask him where the vodka is.

>"Do you really think that Russians just have vodka on them at all times?"

You nod.

>"...well, you're right. Here, have a bottle. Now go away, you should probably get to the nearest town and find a way to patch yourself up anyway."

He tosses you a bottle and looks over the fish that you gave him.

>>18520
Down the entire bottle and walk off (or atleast something close to walking)

>>18520
drink some then when the guy isnt looking knock him out.

he deserves it for cutting you up like this

Drink the vodka and then check out that small box next to you

>>18560
This. Then follow his advice and look for an hospital, you aren't feeling so good.

>>18520
5 hours and still no update?

>>20671
Most people need to sleep to live and some of them have jobs, obligations and a life outside 4chan. Shocking, I know.

>>21059
????????

>>18520
Down the entire bottle

>>18520
Down entire bottle in one go
Then stumble around looking for a hospital

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>>18549
>>22933
>>24010
You thank the man and chug the bottle down, you are now very drunk. You stumble up the stairs and arrive...somewhere...your vision isn't the best right now. You keep walking for a while until you bump into something...there are lights everywhere and you are unaware of where you are.

>>24624
RKO the lights everywhere

>>24624
Keep on bumping into it. Whatever it is, it's clearly lusting for a thrusting.

>>24624
Ask if you are in the hospital.

>>24624
You should ask the spike guy to be your friend. Who knows when you'll need the backup.

>>24624
Be astonished at the fact that alcohol can cure grievous flesh wounds

>>26048
This

>>24624
attempt to piledrive the something then suplex the lights

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>>24658
>>24705
You continue to thrust against whatever you're thrusting against and ask it loudly if you're in a hospital. It's at that moment that you feel a sharp pain on the side of your head and everything goes black.
>>26048
>>27097
You awaken somewhere dark, the floor is quite obviously made of wood and the room that you are in is swaying...is that water? You are astonished by the fact that your wounds are gone, looks like that alchohol helped. The lack of hangover is pretty strange too.

>>27557
clench your asscheek hunting knife in your teeth as you peer through the window

>>27557
suplex the barrel to discover what's inside

>>27557
Check to see if there's anything in your pockets

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>>27599
You check your pockets, you find some lint, a fortune from a fortune cookie that says "git gud," a butterscotch candy, and $5.
>>27591
You suplex the barrel, water splashes everywhere. That was pointless.
>>27578
You pull a hunting knife out of your ass and put it in your mouth and peer through one of the windows. You see water.

>>27628
punch through the wall behind you into the next room

Smash holes into the walls to bring the water in

>>100

>>27628
Shout out, asking if this is the hospital.

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>>27628
Explore. Seek ADVENTURE. Maybe you can acquire NAKAMA. (Preferably with big boobs)
Also see if you can find a straw hat.
If straw hat and NAKAMA are found, become a PIRATE and acquire ADVENTURE.

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>>27636
You bash down the wall next to you that you assume doesn't lead to water. The next room over seems to be a dining room with a very large table, nobody seems to be around.
>>27742
You shout out and ask if this is a hospital, you do not get a response.
>>27786
You begin to explore the room when you hear the door to said room being knocked on, you are not sure if this will invite ADVENTURE and NAKAMA or pain and death. You also found a steak knife which you store in your ass for safekeeping.

>>27859
Sit at the table while you ponder life.

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>>27859
Open the door and see if it's ADVENTURE. Or NAKAMA. (Preferably with big boobs)
Remember that adventure quite often goes hand to hand with pain and sometimes death. Forget to be bothered by that.
Later remember that ADVENTURE also has something to do with LOOT and keep an eye out for it.

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>>27883
You open the door, fear wiped from your heart. There is a confused-looking pure red-skinned young man standing in front of you, ready to knock another time.

>"Uh, hi...do you work on this ship? I'm kind of confused as to how I got here..."

Upon closer inspection, you see that the young man is carrying a very large, red axe.

>>27987
acquire new friend

>>27987
Tell him that you dont work on the ship, chat with him a little and become partners. We are gonna need axe-boy when the undead bug girl shows up with her other 2 cohorts.

>>27987
ask him about his past, and question him about the strange markings on the axe

>>27987
Chat with him a little. If he is a likeable person, befriend him. Also ponder ADVENTURE and getting gud.

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>>27989
>>27991
>>28071
>"Oh, well that's disappointing. I was hoping to find someone that knew how to get out of here...n-not that I'm not happy to see someone else who seems to be in a similar situation! Not to imply that you're in the same situation, you just looked confused about where you are...uh...I'm Red."

You ask him if he'd like to tag along.

>"Oh, uh, sure! That would probably make getting out of here easier...uh, can you fight? It might not be a good idea for me to fight here..."

>>28478
Ask why the axe he was holding disappeared

>>28478
Look for a way out, suplex way out

>>28478
DON'T TRUST HIM
Bug girl said there were other assassins.

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>>28499
He just let go of it, it's right behind him.
>>28670
You decide to be wary of him for now, you don't know enough about him to trust him.
>>28636
You bring Red along with you to look for an exit. Eventually, you find a door leading outside. You're definitely on a ship in some water, you see a coast in the distance. In addition to you and Red, there's a sickly-looking man on the ship who's looking over at the coast, he doesn't seem to notice you. Red seems uneasy.

>>28845
Tell red to push sickly man into ocean
Say you know the guy and it's a friendly prank

>>28845
Last time we pushed a sickly looking person off an edge into water we got vodka from it. I say we stick to what we know. Telling red to try is also probably a good idea to avoid further spikings.

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>>28856
>>28895
You tell Red to shove the man into the water, adding that it's ok because you know the guy and it's all a friendly prank. Red looks at you with distrust on his face.

>"I'm sorry, but I really doubt that..."

The sickly man's head suddenly turns around to look at you...wait, did his head just turn 180 degrees? He grins at the two of you.

>"I vas vondering vhen you two vould vake up. My name is Franz, I'm here to kill you."

He gets up and turns his body around to match where his head is. Red steps back a little.

>"M-maybe pushing him in would've been a good idea..."

>>29032
Tell the man to stop posting this thread in Showderp.

>>29032
Enter crafting menu, combine axe with Franz's head

>>29032
>posting this in Showderp still
kill self

>>29032
reveal your super duper special OC power in red and his axe
by suplexing red while he holds it so it slices into his skull

>>29032
seriously though suplex red into the guy so the axe cuts into his head
because wrestling

>>29032
Suplex him.

>>29032
Wave hand in front of face yelling "YOU CAN'T SEE ME" and hope that you can actually turn invisible.

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>>29155
>>29044
>>29123
You grab Red and, before he has time to react, suplex him into Franz. Red drops the axe and blocks his head with his arms as you suplex him though, doesn't look like he understood what you were going for. Regardless, Franz is knocked down a bit by your move, and crashes (face first) into the wood. Red gets up and hops over to his axe.

>"Why did you do that?! Couldn't you have just suplexed him instead of trying to hurt me too?"

Franz gets up and cracks his neck.

>"Vell, that smarts. Is that all you've got? Honestly, at this point, you aren't even vorth killing."

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>29230
Behead franz with axe

>>29230
Make fun of Franz. Tell him his hair looks stupid and he's probably dumb.

>>29230
Knee him in the stomach.

>>29230
We've still got a knife in our ass right? We could secretly cut him with that while we pretend to do something else, like suplex him. Make fun of him first though.

>>29230
If all else fails, suplex the boat into the water.