The Light

>>33850
Throw magic missile at the darkness.

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>>33897

You throw a magic missile at the darkness, you still haven't turned on the light.

>>33928
Cast Light on yourself.

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>>33951

The room is nice and lit up, thank you!

THE END

>>33974
Masturbate furiously

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>>33987

As the story for some reason continues, you start FURIOUSLY JACKING IT, but what to?

>>34059
The demon bear's wife.

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>>34089

You stare out the window to find the resident neighbour Demon Bear, David! And oh my, he's doing it with his wife. As you finish JACKING IT FURIOUSLY to his wife, Nancy, what do you do?

>>34151
you cum and never stop cumming
your balls are bags of holding
of cum

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>>34165

As your never ending cum jet stream barrages into your neighbor's house, you hear a frantic David call the police, you're starting to freak out! What do you do?!

>>34248
Flood the street to deny the police access.

>>34267
block thier access by cumming on the street, then use your cum-hose as a jetpack to fly high into the air for escape!

>>33897
Top zozzle. Good reference.

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>>34267

Smart thinking! They're struggling.

However, one cop doesn't seem stopped by all this.

Meet officer Paul Harrison, he lost his wife to cum, he really fucking hates cum, he wants to get you no matter what it takes.

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>>34300

You're flying through the sky! But, one well-timed Harpoon means no more cum stream, say goodbye to your children.

You're going to fall, what now?

>>34451
>>34478
Land on Paul and instantly start jerking his cock.

>>34478
Perform a superhero landing in the cum and reveal your mutant power of being cum.

Like Sandman except with cum.

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>>34507
>>34504

You try being the hero but as you land Paul snaps your neck. You don't seem to be dead though.

You should probably get away from him, but how, and where to?

>>34562
Hide under the cum and swim to safety in the sewers.

>>34562
Use Cum to glue vertebrae back together

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>>34610

Welcome to the sewers! Around you are 2 sewer pipes, and a random box.

>>34690
Look in box and and connect sewer pipes to contents of box

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>>34710

Inside the box are: A bag with unknown content, a wrench, and a gag mustache with John Lennon glasses.

You sure you can connect the sewer pipes to that?

>>34690
create siper-man web-like substance to replace lack of cum

>>34787
use the unkown content to connect the pipes

>>34812

It worked! It hasn't seems to have run out, either.

What was the point of this, again?

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Forgot pic

>>34867
bang morse code on he connected pipes with the wrench to call for help

>>34867
Wear the mustache and glasses.

Paul will never recognize us this way. All we gotta do is find George and Ringo and we'll be safe.

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>>34975

You bang on the pipe! God I hope this doesn't turn out to be something offensive...

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>>35084

A man on the outside hears it! He seems to be listening now, but is heavily offended, what do we Morse code?

>>35107
"I am John Lennon, please get help"
be sure to put on the glasses if help comes

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>>35142

Can't hurt to try!

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>>35202

"JOHN LENNON?! OH SHIT! I'LL CALL THE POLICE RIGHT AWAY! THEY'LL HELP YOU!!!"

Oh...no, not the police! What do we do?!

>>35222
It's fine. We're John Lennon.

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>>35247

Officer Paul drops down!

"John Lennon? How did you get stuck in the sewers?"
You start to begin sweating, you're REALLY bad under pressure...
"Y-yes..." you stutter out.
What?! That didn't even make sense.
"Are you even John Lennon? You kind of look like a cum guy I'm chasing...can you PROVE you're John Lennon?"

How do we prove it?

>>35315
"I love Yoko Ono! She's such an amazing, groundbreaking artist!"

>>35359
Beat me to it.

>>35315
start singing the famous beatles song "Beast of Burden" to lull Paul to sleep and take his gun

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>>35359

You physically cringe as you try your hardest to say:
"I....lllloovvee Yoko Ono...she's such an, an amazing and...groundbreaking artist..."
Paul suddenly gives you a blank stare.
"Wow, uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Lennon, uh, I'll escort you to the surface. Can I ask you a favor for getting you out of here though, could you have dinner with me and my family?"
You start to follow Paul, not sure what to say.

What do we say?

>>35450
"Sure man"

>>35450
Sure, Paul. Whatever you want.

>>35450
dont forget to take the mustache, it might come in handy

>>35450
Yes.

"I haven't talked with anyone about Yoko Ono in such a long time. It'll be great."

Hopefully he'll change his mind.

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>>35464

"REALLY?! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He gets a strange spring in his step.

You shove the contents of the box in your pocket and follow him to his house.

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>>35593

You're in Paul's house.

"I'll whip us up some drinks!"

You sit on his couch, pretty comfy! In his house is:

A couch, a table, a living room plant, a window, a bookcase, and a pretty smug looking painting.

What do we do while he's away?

>>35629
turn everything upside down as one of those famous John Lennon pranks

>>35629
Have a smug-off with the paiting

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>>35653
>>35660

You decide to turn the smug painting upside down first, but you have a smug off with it first.

Damn...that thing is pretty smug. But you'd like to think you outdid it.

Anything else we can do in the living room?

>>35727
Jump through the window and run away

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>>35760

You run through the window out onto the street. About a dozen houses in this street, where do we go?!

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>>35865

The neighborhood

>>35898
House 5 seems good.

>>35898
stop and wonder why the houses are numbered in a non linear way, then remember Paul is coming and enter house 5

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>>35920

You crash through the door of house 5!

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>>36040

As you enter the living room, you see a man and a woman sitting on a couch.

They see you, with your glass shards and door pieces stuck in your face as you bleed like an open fountain.

The woman screams "OH MY GOD, WHO ARE YOU!?"

Well?

>>36064
>"Imagine there's no heaven."
>"It's easy if you tried."
>"No hell below us."
>"Above us only sky."

>>36064
Continue John Lennon facade. As you do, realise these people are your neighbours David and Nancy.

>>36064
"J-john Lennon?"

>>36064
Penis book.
By poopypants
Now give me all your sketties and hugs

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>>36095

As you clean stuff off your face and upon further inspection, they are our neighbors! David and Nancy! You stumble out "I-I'm...John Lennon".

They don't seem to be buying it...anything else we can say?

>>36167
Smile, they won't blame the happy guy

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>>36189

You SMILE, you SMILE like you've never SMILED before, you SMILE so hard your pupils start to SMILE

>>36273
Is it working?

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>>36273

Turns out David doesn't take kindly to messing around.

"Hey wait a second aren't you the guy who bathed our house in cum?! What's your name?!"

He's onto us! What's our name?!

>>36297
Bear Demon.

>>36297
John Lennon. He already knows our name.

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>>36318

Turns out you were carrying your ID with you the whole time! Pretty grimy, David wipes away the grime part by part to reveal...Your name IS John Lennon.

He continues, what's our age?

>>36426
420.69 months and 911 hours

>>36469
GET
Also, I realize that is barely above the age of three years.

>>36426
76. October 9, 1940.

>>36469
And I just saw the first two characters in my ID.

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>>36469
>>36480
>>36489


Is 69 fine?

Turns out you're 69! As today is March 3rd, 2009.

But what's his country of birth?

>>36539
Pennsyltucky.

>>36539
Balognia

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>>36567
>>36569

He comes from the great country of Pennsyltucky, Balgonia. A proud nation of people just like good ol' John.

So, at last, what's his job?

>>36620
Works at a plant that produces Zyklon B

>>36620
"Yes."

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>>36635
>>36642

Now we got our full profile for John!

Honestly though I really need to go to sleep now, it's like 4 AM, maybe if this thread is still around when I wake up I'll continue it. Sorry folks.

>>36681
Don't worry. You do you.

>>36681
Best thread.

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David starts to chase you out of his home! You run out back to your home as you hear an angry mob mad about your cummings as well as Paul on your heels.

You are back in your room and you decide to do the only thing that is right.

>>36751
Turn the light off.

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You turn off the light, and everything returns to dark once again.

THE END.