A Dumb Quest (continued)

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>>29294
You command Red to behead Franz with his axe.

>"You know, that's a really, really good idea, but this axe doesn't really do, uh, beheading...sorry! It's more of a defensive weapon!"

You shrug, looks like you'll have to take matters into your own hands.
>>29314
>>29476
>>29647
You decide to make fun of Franz by telling him that his hair looks stupid and that he's probably dumb. He doesn't seem very happy about that.

>"Haha, you're calling me dumb? YOU are calling ME dumb? That's just hilarious, I'm smarter than anybody in the fucking vorld!"

Holy shit, his arm just stretched out quickly and went straight for your face. Fortunately, you dodged just in time. You run up to Franz as he's "retracting" his arm and start out by kneeing him in the stomach, that doesn't seem to do much other than make him chuckle. You yank your hunting knife out of your ass, toss it in your mouth, and suplex him, lodging his head into the ship. You proceed to cut at him with the knife, creating several deep cuts. That was relatively easy, you didn't think that he would go down so easily...why is he not bleeding?

>>33962
Search his pockets, maybe he has some booze.

>>33962
HE'S A VAMPIRE. USE YOUR KNIFE TO CARVE A STAKE.

>>33962
Is this dude undead? You should probably just throw him overboard.

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>>34259
>>34499
You decide to search his pockets and throw him overboard, but just as you're trying to reach into one of his pockets, his arms and hands begin to move in an attempt to push his head out of the floor. You hop back as he yanks...nothing out of the floor. Oh shit, his head's gone! All of a sudden, the body puts a finger up in a "give me a minute" kind of way. Within a second, a full head (hair and everything) regrows onto his shoulders.

>"Vell, that vas unpleasant...so, vhere vere ve?"

He gives you the biggest shit-eating grin you've seen in a while.
>>34416
You grab a nearby piece of wood and begin carving furiously, Red hops in front of you with his axe ready.

>"Uh, do you know how to swim? I don't think that I can beat this guy, b-but I think that I can stop him long enough for us to get out of here..."

>>35073
Stab him in the heart with your stake.

>>35073
Distract him by yelling obscure facts at him.

>>35073
Try to kick him out of the ship.

>>35073
Give a really REALLY shitty Sesame Street The Count accent, mocking him.

Pull a crucifix out of your ass and deliver a righteous beating.

>>35073
Do we have a bunch of seeds with us?

>>37660
This

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>>38013
Yes, we do.
>>37533
You run at him, but one of his arms becomes huge, tearing through his jacket sleeve. He swats you back with it, causing minor damage.

>"You'll have to try harder than that."

>>36097
>>37629
You attempt to confuse and anger him psychologically by yelling strange obscure facts at him, like what the names of several Inca leaders were as well as some strange facts about seagulls. You also attempt to mock him by counting your seeds in a shitty Sesame Street Count style, he seems mildly annoyed.
>>37660
>>38189
>>35141
You decide to be a bit more tactful and pull a crucifix from your ass, you rush at him with crucifix and stake in hand. Red hops in front of you and blocks the large arm from hitting you with his axe, literally fucking breaking his axe and sending shards flying into the air. You hop off of his back and come down hard on Franz's head with your crucifix (which breaks), you use his disoriented state to jab him in the heart with the stake.......he looks at you, perplexed.

>"Did you think that I vas a vampire?...You really are a strange one."

>>38708
We should spin throw him off the boat.

>>38708
Use our new found leverage to push him off the bridge.

>>38708
The Count accent seems to be working. Pull off several Hugh Gus Slammers whilst counting them like The Count.

>>38708
Lean in really close and open mouth kiss him to startle/confuse him and then use his dazed state to toss his ass overboard.

>>38708
Kiss him on the cheek.

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>>39116
You give Franz a smooch on the cheek, he just looks at you with an annoyed look.
>>38867
>>38919
You use your newfound leverage to shove Franz off of the boat. Unfortunately, his arm is a bit too heavy. Red notices what you're trying to do and yells over at you.

>"Jump away from him! I have a plan!"

You don't have much of a choice, as something that looks awfully like a rib just out of Franz's free hand and goes straight for your neck. You hop backwards to avoid the blow and, all of a sudden, you see explosions in front of you and behind you. These explosions both sever Franz's engorged arm and knock him far away from the boat.

>>39263
Follow the plan

>>39263
Put on sunglasses and pose in front of the explosions like a cool guy

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>>39336
You do a badass pose in front of the rest of the explosions. Unfortunately, someone took your sunglasses while you were out.
>>39275
You ask Red what the next part of the plan is.

>"Oh, uh, well, that WAS the plan...yeah. I mean, launching him off of the boat wasn't too bad of an idea, right?"

>>39493
Not if it cost me my goddamn sunglasses! We're hunting the person that took em down.

>>39493
Check out the pizza hut in the garage

>>39493
Search the boat for vodka.

>>39493
Find the ship's captain and get some idea of where you are.

>>39505
This. We follow in pursuit of our lost sunglasses.

>>39505
This

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>>39955
This is a ship, ships do not have garages.
>>41091
>>40696
You do not find anything underneath the ship that you haven't already seen besides the room that Red woke up in and a kitchen full of vinegar. You also check the captain's room around the top of the ship, but find nothing other than a map and a locked smartphone.
>>39505
>>41097
>>42191
You decide to search for your sunglasses, the only places available to you are the boat and the land in the distance. It looks like a city...Red's axe seems to have been either repaired or replaced.

>>47286
I dont know whats going on in this quest but give that guy next to you The People's Elbow

>>47286
Head to the city, but hum a tune while you're doing it.

>>47286
Well our Sunglasses are clearly not on the boat, otherwise we would've found them while looking for Vodka and Pizza Hut.
Have Red explode us to land like he did that guy.

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>>47313
>>47318
You ask Red to explode the two of you to land, he looks at you with a look of confusion.

>"Uh, not that your plan is bad, but...well, that's not a good idea. Explosions hurt people-well, I mean-not me, but...uh...that could probably really hurt."

You shrug and tell him to try anyway. He sighs as you two walk to the ship's deck.

>"All right, uh, brace yourself..."

He bashes his axe against the floor and, instead of destroying the wood floor, his axe shatters into tons of small pieces. The pieces float in the air for some reason, like spores.

>"Okay...this might hurt a bit, so, uh, sorry in advance."

He snaps his fingers and all of a sudden, the shards in the air begin glowing...this might've been a bad idea.

BOOM!

You and Red are launched from the ship, you sustain heavy burns on your left arm and back. Then everything goes black.

You come to with Red standing over you.

>"Hey, uh, are you okay? I'm really really sorry, it looks like you got pretty badly hurt...oh, uh, it looks like we're in San Francisco."

>>47857
give him the people's elbow dont be a cuck.

>>47857
Repair your injuries by absorbing the ambient Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect from the environment.

>>47872
Fuck that, get some tequila or something.

>>47857
Tell him you need hard liquor

>>47857
Tell him we need vodka stat

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>>47869
We are not in an appropriate environment for that, we require a wrestling ring with ropes around it.
>>47872
You attempt to repair your injuries by taking a very deep breath, unfortunately, the air isn't all that clean in a city so you just end up coughing.
>>47900
>>47950
>>47993
You tell Red that you require alcohol to repair your injuries, you explain to him that one of your amazing powers is healing through alcohol consumption.

>"Oh, uh, well that's interesting...and useful! I think I saw a convenience store from where I landed, I'll be right back!"

He runs out of the alley that you landed in, leaving you alone with your thoughts...and the sound of people's screams outside of the alley. What the Hell is going on out there?

>>48241
Injuries be damned, investigate!

>>48241
Use the lid of that trash can as a shield and check what the screaming's about.

>>48241
Go exploring. Maybe there's a hot chick to save.

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>>48318
>>48386
>>49000
You wander over to the end of the alley. Fortunately, your legs feel fine despite the explosion, so you have no trouble walking. As you approach the streets, a blinding flash of light appears in front of you, forcing you to shield and shut your eyes. When you open them, everyone that had been running by was gone and had been replaced with ash. You look both ways and notice only one living being that hasn't been turned to ash: a tall man, about 7'5, dressed in clothing reminiscent of lumberjacks holding up a glowing arm. He notices you walking out of the alley and glares at you.

>"Hmph, looks like I missed one. Stand still, human! It will make this much easier for me!"

He points his arm at you and it begins glowing intensely. Seems as though he plans on disintegrating you!

>>49156
Run like you stole something

>>49156
Throw the lid at his face.

>>49156
PEOPLE'S ELBOW

>>49156
Tell him his shoes untied

>>49156
Grab a man hole cover to block the blast. Then throw it at him to make an opening.

>>49156
Tell him you are already burned so there is no need, but thanks anyway.

>>49156
Tell him you're not actually human, though your disguise is way better than his.

>>50787
This

>>50042
This

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>>50787
>>50943
You inform the man(?) that you are not human, you're disguise is just much better than his. He looks at you for a second, confused, then shakes his head.

>"You're a fool to think that you could fool me with that."
>>50673
You inform him that you are already burned, but thank him anyway. He drops his guard again and scratches his head.

>"...you...are a strange one...and for that I must destroy you!"

He raises his arm and it begins glowing even brighter than before.
>>50048
You tell him that his shoes are untied, he glares at you.
>>50042
>>54671
You lack the required setting for this, maybe if you found a wrestling ring.
>>49627
>>49378
You shrug, throw the lid of the trash can at his face, stunning him for a second, and run like your life depended on it (oh wait, it does). You get reasonably far until you crash straight into Red, who is holding a six-pack of beer. You both fall to the floor.

>"Ow...oh, uh, hey Gus. I got the alcohol for you. Sorry that I couldn't get anything, uh, fancy, they were apparently sold out of most of the other stuff...why were you running?"

>>54828
"Shut up kid"
Then double shotgun some beers

>>54828
Thank Red but in a tsundere way then ask him if he knows where a wrestling arena is at because we need to go there yesterday.

>>54828
>Nothing important, a weirdo is trying to kill me again.
Then drink those beers as fast as you can.

>>54828
shotgun the beer and ask him if he knows where the local alcohol store is

>>54828
[Offer hand] Thanks for the beer.

[Chug Beer] We got something burning people and it's time to fight.

>>54994
This

>>54927
If we really needed to, we should get Red to make a makeshift wrestling ring. The People's Elbow demands it.

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>>54927
>>55486
You thank Red in a tsundere way and ask him if he knows where a wrestling arena is or if he can make one for your ultimate move.

>"Uh, no, sorry! I honestly have no experience with that kind of stuff...so, uh, why were you running?"
>>54994
>>55317
>>55070
>>54998
You shotgun a few beers and then ask Red if he knows where any local alcohol stores are.

>"Sorry, I'm not from around here, so I wouldn't know. Uh, can you answer my question please?"

You casually mention that there's a guy burning people to ash and attempting to kill you. You shrug as he gives you a frightened stare.

>"Wh-what? Oh man, we should get out of here! Let's not stay long enough to figure out if we have a cha-ow!"

A bee stung him...wait, bees in San Francisco? A familiar person walks out of a nearby alleyway, she's grinning at the two of you.

>"Looks like you made a friend, why don't you introduce me?"

Small arthropods of all shapes and sizes begin crawling and flying out of the alley that she was in, you hear Red make an audible "Ewwww" and pull his axe out of...his shirt pocket.

>>57196
Well don't be rude, go ahead and introduce red. Struggle to hide your feelings and you make sure to point out that you're only friends, calling him an idiot in Japanese, baka.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>57196
>Introduce Red by whipping him into the girl
>find some useful in ass to fight

>>57196
throw the empty beer cans at her.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>57196
Flex and try to seduce her

>>57196
Introduce Red, obviously. Then ask her if she knows about a good liquor store.

>>57196
Chuck a full beer can at her head.

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>>57872
>>58202
You begin by chucking the cans on the floor at her, you cannot find any full cans, so you make do with the empty ones. She dodges them peerlessly.

>"Is that really what you're going with as a starting attack? I honestly thought that you were smarter than this..."

>>57668
>>57732
>>58044
You introduce Red by basically kicking him into the woman and yelling,

>"This is Red, he's a cool dude! We're only friends though, b-baka! Also, do you know any good liquor stores around here?"

Both Red and the woman give you the strangest looks.
>>57940
Seduction roll fails, you check your ass for useful supplies and pull out a flaming greatsword+2, how useful!

Red runs back to your side, making small explosions around where any bugs are on his body. All of a sudden, the guy burning people up shows up, his hands already glowing.

>"Feh, more of you. You humans make my job so much more difficult by running around."

The bug lady looks over at him and then back at you.

>"Friend of yours?"

>>58663
Nope [Throw another trash can lid at him]

>>58663
>Nope. I thought that guy one of yours.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>58663
I feel the tense autism ripping within me, making my character unable to interact with the woman. I pull out a .44 magnum and shoot her in the kneecap.

>>58814
I disagree, last time we acted suave as hell, in fact we should ask her for a date

>>58894
we already pissed her off with the beer can shit. She's just like us right? if we shoot her we can pour liquor on the wound and show her we care.

>>58663
Spray beer all over flame guy to try and extinguish his flames.
If that doesn't work at least the insects will be attracted to him

>>59058
>>59066
We're out of beer. We have to send Red for more before we shoot her playfully in the knee or give the new guy a bath.

>>58663
Maybe we can get them to fight each other? Tell her that the burning people guy hates bugs but that you think bugs are cute (even though you really think bugs are nasty).

>>59477
This

>>33838
it's weird how your main character almost looks like my oc

>>58761
Let's lie and say that he is with us. Maybe they'll duke it out while we make a wrestling ring.

>>62257
This won't work, she will see right through our lie. It's better if we say the truth but do something stupid like >>59477

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>>62117

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>>58755
You lack a trash can lid, you are currently holding a flaming greatsword +2.
>>58761
>>58894
>"Huh? I thought that he was with you. Also, do you want to go out sometime?"

The woman looks at you, confusedly. She then shakes her head and makes an unhappy face.

>"No, I don't even recognize the guy. Also no again, fuck you. I want to kill you, reme-"

Her line is cut short by an intense burst of light. Oh shit, she's dead. The dude looks over at the two of you, glaring.

>"You humans talk too much, now die!"

His hands glow again, but his attack is cut short by a figure landing in front of him and punching him in the stomach, launching him pretty far back. The figure turns around and strikes a pose.

>"Never fear, citizens! I am here to save you from this strange man! Now run along and-holy shit, your skin is completely red. That's so weird."

>>64321
Fuck it. Slash the glowy guy with your sword before he can attack again.

>>64355
Oh, and CUT OFF HIS FUCKING ARMS.

>>64321
We should introduce ourselves as fellow heroes.

Ask the new hero whatever if he knows how to make a wrestling ring, or at least has more booze.
>>64355
Wouldn't he have a resistance against our Flaming Greatsword +2, considering the fact that he's basically a lumberjack torch?

>>64321
discover a source of paprika, smoke the paprika and mix it into a paste, paste the enemy man

>>64377
This, then the legs, ask him who he is and why . Then kill him.