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Lewany Dowskett
A Series of Trumpfortunate Events 2016-07-04 22:22:37 Post No. 336432
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A Series of Trumpfortunate Events 2016-07-04 22:22:37 Post No. 336432
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If you are interested in happy endings, you would be better off playing some other quest.
In this quest, rarely do good things happen. In fact, they hardly ever happen. This is because life is not pleasant for the protagonists of our story, the three wayward Trump children- Ivanka, Donald Jr., and baby Eric. I hate to break it to you like this, but that is just the reality of the situation. So if you're looking for a quest where you can just type in "conjure me a sword" into the little posting box and expect to win the day, think again- for the world of "Trumpfortunate Events" is treacherous, traitorous, and surprising at every turn. You will find no casual win-em-all adventure here.
Their misfortune began one day in Palm Beach, Florida, not too far from the jewel of their father's real estate empire, the famous, grand Mar-A-Lago. That is to say, the former jewel, because on that day it was engulfed in flame and burned to the ground. The Trump children were playing on the beach at the time, and barely noticed the smoke and smoldering fire rising from the estate until screams rang out from the windows, large portions of the building started collapsing, and it was generally too late to react in any way except for complete and utter shock.
That was the day their comfortable lives were forever altered, for the worst casualties of the fire included their loving parents, Donald and Ivana. Later the children were told that they were burned alive peacefully in their sleep after a fit of mid-day sex, but this information did nothing to comfort them, and Eric, being a baby, did not understand it at all. The only fact that now rang clear through each of them was that they were alone in the world now, with only each other.
Ivanka was the oldest child. Her cunning and natural wit acquired from her father have always aided her in escaping from difficult situations, and her radiant charisma captivated any and all who approached her. One time her father grounded her in her room at the top of Trump Tower, so she disguised herself as one of the many employees of the Trump Organization and sallied her way down to see her friends. How did she manage it, you ask? It was a tremendous disguise. She was 13 at the time of the fire.
Young Donald Jr., 10 years old, was the ambitious one. Don was a boy who acted from his gut- with courage and a sense of invincibility. Of course this often leads to trouble, but it just as often leads to a result no one thinks possible. He was the type of kid to run everywhere he went, and carelessly launch baseballs into neighbor's windows, and halt robberies with a forceful tackle. The latter example only occurred once, but what a once it was.
(cont.)
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>>336432
Baby Eric’s main interest in life was biting things. His two razor-sharp buck teeth assisted him in the careful severing of a myriad of objects, including (but not limited to) rope, cheese, tarps, certain thinly-stretched metals such as wire or forks, bone, wood, all matter of plant material, candles, gummy and wool. Eric, being only a baby, could not talk so much as shriek, and the only word he could utter was perhaps the most important word of all: his last name, “TRUMP”.
In the aftermath of the fire, the fate of the three children was very much in question. The days to come were filled with long periods of waiting in cramped, upholstered old rooms and the shuffling in and out of various old family friends expressing their condolences. But none of the condolences had any of their intended effect, and indeed, the only comfort that could come to any of Ivanka, Donald Jr., or Eric now would be the loving embrace of their father himself, or the soft Slavic chiding of their mother, or even the muffled sounds of bickering between them heard through the walls of their large, happy manor home.
You now sit in the office of the man assigned to resolve your situation, Mr. Beasley. You know Mr. Beasley very well from his years of service to the Trump Organization, where he was one of your father’s most trusted employees. His thin, quivering lips rise up from the page he’s been studying so intently and greet you- “Children, I have some very good news for you all.”
But first, some business to take care of. Who will you be playing as for this adventure, Ivanka or Donald Jr.?
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(Some rules:
My discretion for choosing who gets the action. Quick response, repeating digits, cleverness, non-chaos will influence my decision.
I will roll dice to determine the effectiveness of your actions.
Interstitial discussion is encouraged here.
Have fun!
And please clap.)
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(Really? No one is interested in playing a Trump-themed quest version of A Series of Unfortunate Events?)
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Don jr
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>>336479
And my first move is to piss into my sisters vagina and then drown her in piss and slit my wrists and drown in blood because my genetics are diseased and hate filled.
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>>336484
(Well I certainly don't need any sympathy. This is going to be a great quest. I hope you find peace in your life and think next time before you try to go ruining the fun of others.)
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>>336438
We are playing as Ivanka. (srs player not another troll)
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>>336504
Excellent. You are Ivanka, the beautiful young daughter of the late Donald Trump. Your father was your idol and from him you have adopted an enterprising attitude certain to take you to the tops of the tallest towers in New York City. Though your family may be wounded, you are determined to make sure your family name resonates through the future with the respect it has always commanded. TRUMP.
Anyway, Mr. Beasley was saying: "Children, I have some very good news for you all. Arrangements have been made for you to go live with a distant relative who has been kind enough to offer to take you in. Isn't that wonderful?"
> Who is this relative?
> Oh, thank god, we've been saved. Did you hear that, Donald Jr.? We've been saved.
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>>336573
(By the way, when I use the green arrows, it means I'm giving you a choice between options. I'm not quoting or anything.)
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Get this meme shit out of here.
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>>336607
(Wow, what happened here? I've run several quests and never had any problems before. I thought the whole boon of this board was all the different varieties of quests allowed now. And I actually spent time writing this, not just shitposting, so I don't know what your problem is.)
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>>336573
> Who is this relative?
Ask why they want to take us in.
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>>336614
m8 This boards is super slow also its a monday and a holiday don't get upset, your quest is very interesting so far.
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>>336614
pls keep writing
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>>336623
"Her name is Hillary Clinton, and she's the current First Lady of the Governor of Arkansas. Geez, you kids really lucked out, huh?"
You have never heard of this woman before, except for perhaps briefly in passing, at one of your father's dinner parties, where the talk flowed into all topics of conversation. This is where you first learned of Napoleon, and of sex and the Carter Administration and glory. It was your social training ground. But now it's gone.
Perhaps this "Hillary Clinton" will have an interesting life of her own, full of people. She is the First Lady of Arkansas, after all. That sounds like an important job.
> No, I don't want to go.
> Let's see what this new life has to offer.
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I'd participate but 4th July.
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>>336699
(Understandable. This is gonna be around tomorrow too, I'll make sure the thread survives until then. Nice tripdubs by the way.)
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Eric
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>>336710
(We're past that buddy, and Eric is an NPC.)
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Tell him to fuck off
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>>336675
No even we can govern better than us she, i= she is our nemesis after all.
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>>336675
> Let's see what this new life has to offer.
we need to assassinate her
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>>336675
>Let's see what this new life has to offer
May as well go along with the plot for now.
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>>337084
I agree annon
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>>336675
Go with her. It'll probably happen eventually
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