Kabbalah Quest

>>316
>[ ] Pick Death
>[ ] Pick the Devil
>[ ] Die

>>316
>[x] Pick Death

>>316
>[ ] Pick Death

>[ ] Pick Death

Your fingers resonate as they stretch out towards the garish grin and your vision narrows until all you see are the dancing hues. The instant you feel the tips of your digits brush against the smooth surface a sudden grating sound slams through your very being and everything goes dark. Stifling musk now permeates and writhin your find yourself trapped in a small space, the confines rapidly flooding you with panic that is only heightened as another slam shivers through your world.

[ ] PANIC
[ ] Try to remain calm
[ ] Pray to something, anything (write-in who you cry to for help)
[ ] Write-in

Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>316
Pick up the die and roll

>>503

>[ ] Try to remain calm

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>503
roll dem bones

>>503
> Pray to Ganesha and Kanon for mercy, pray to Allah for the guiding light

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>503
>[X] Pray to Jesus

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>594
That false prophet? I don't think so!

>>503
>>528
Rolling!

>>611
I roll say otherwise. ;)

Watch out, RCQ wad the only other actual quest on here and it just got blammed.

>>634
Nah, my 4 killed your Jesus. GG tho

>[ ] Do all of the things

Steady. Remain calm, unaffected. If these are the cards you were dealt, then you must make what you can with such a hand.

You rummage with one cramped hand by side, seeking the pair of dice you always carried to detach a sucker from his copper. Your hand closes on something roughly the right shape and size, the angles don't quite match your mental profile of the object but you're not fussy right now, and with a flick you toss them whereupon they clatter almost immediately to a halt. Groping feebly for them you run your thumb across their surface, trying to make our the pips before realisation strikes you.

These are knuckles.

You hurredly feel around you and come to the swift and horrific conlusion that there is the moulding remains of a skeleton pressed against you, thin strands of fabric draped across it.

You know you cannot panic, must not panic, will be lost to madness if you panic, will be trapped here forever if you pan-

SLAM

Oh gods above, I beseech of you, oh Ganesha and Kanon have mercy, lend me the mental fortitude to escape the shackles of my-

SLAM

-fate, oh Allah show me your light that I may-

SLAM

And then your mouth simply subsides to gibbering, and a corner of your mind ruminates on the timbre of the noises, the curious scraping edge it has, that slight wetness. Focussing on what cries you're uttering once more you find yourself praying to the baby Jesus on high when-

DUNK

-a crack suddenly ruptures the darkness before you and glorious light pours in.

[ ] Write-in

>>705
>aaaaaahh, fuck! my eyes!
>2bright2furious

>>705
>get some water and brush off the bad trip

>[ ] The light it burns, what is real

With a hiss you turn your head and narrow your eyes. Reflexively trying to bring your hands to your face only resulted in banging your elbows, but that's the least of your concerns right now. There's scrabbling above and you've managed to put your situation together enough to deduce that you're in a coffin, and are presently in the throes of being dug out.

The slight relief that imminent freedom brings sets your mind racing back to try and assemble the chain of events that led up to this. It feels way too vivid and your mind too clear to be anything like your normal drug induced hallucinations, but there's always a possibility you took something out of the ordinary that's fucked you so bad you can't even remember it.

That might be nice.

Your eyes have adjusted to the light now and you realise that far from being the brilliant blinding luminance you first saw it is in fact the dim glimmer of the moon peaking in.

And then the lid suddenly drifts away and you're looking up at a pair of wellingtons, the rest of the figure in shadow.

>[ ] Call out to them
>[ ] Lie still, pretend you're dead. Who knows what they might do if they thought you were some kind of freaky undead
>[ ] Thank Jesus
>[ ] Write-in

As a side note, it's getting late and I should get to bed. If someone wants to take over they're welcome, if not then I may well resume this ~19 hours from now if the thread lives.

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>>975

Lie still

>>975
>[] Thank the gods of the elder universe
Aka Punch Rockgroin and the other characters from old Kabbalah

:^)

>>1814
Slab Bulkhead was a much better character from old Kabbalah

>>3832
>tfw I was actually a QM in multiple threads from old Kabbalah
>tfw ran under multiple names
Feels good.

You all should consider about suicide

Weeb fags

>>6106
You don't even know what this quest is about do you?
Kek

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Alright you vermin let's get a sidestory going, in the spirit of Kabbalah.

Listen up WORM: you're in HELL. That's right THE HELL, the place where the damned go to waste eternity waiting for God to get off his fat fucking ass and do something, anything.
Like maybe starting the apocalypse, that'd be neat since you'd all get out there to wreck some shit. But for now? You're stuck here with the damned, for what will possibly a few billion years.

Around you there akes of blood and oceans of magma. You breathe in, the air is made of jalapeno sauce. Your skin starts hurting because the sun is a giant fucking red microwave.
WELL THIS PARTY SUCKS, TIME TO GET REAL AND CRASH IT BOYO, so who the FUCK are you?

>a) Lewd Loli: -4 BRAWN, -4 SWIFTY, -4 SHIFTY, -4 BRAIN, +10 CUTE
Imouto is not for lewds. Thank god you're no one's sister. Totally over 18.

>b) Brawny Bro: +4 BRAWN, +2 SWIFTY, 0 SHIFTY, -4 BRAIN, -10 CUTE
BRO YOU'VE BEEN LIFTING RIGHT? WANNA BUY SOME DEVIL TEST?

>c) Cheeky Cunt: 0 BRAWN, +2 SWIFTY, +2 SHIFTY, -2 BRAIN. -10 CUTE
Fucking australians. Never trust australians: Hell looks like home to them.

>d) Adventurous AYYLMAO: -2 BRAWN, -2 SWIFTY, +2 SHIFTY, +4 BRAIN, -10 CUTE
You're a fucking tentacle monster from space. A real hit with the ladies.

e) Imageboard Admin: -10 BRAWN, -10 SHIFTY, +20 SHIFTY, -10 BRAIN, -20 CUTE

>>7362
>>b) Brawny Bro: +4 BRAWN, +2 SWIFTY, 0 SHIFTY, -4 BRAIN, -10 CUTE
>BRO YOU'VE BEEN LIFTING RIGHT? WANNA BUY SOME DEVIL TEST?

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>>7403
It seems you're a big guy. No, that's understating it: you're SWOLE.
That's right BRO your glistening pecs reflect the reddish light of hell, your abs (hmmm abs) make the incubi jelly, and your enlarged biceps strike fear into the heart of manle- Imps...

But sadly, you're not the top dog anymore. While you previously inhabited the top of the Gym FoodChain (which goes more or less like this: You > The Lift Bros > The Hot Chicks > The Steroids Dealing Janitor > Everyone Else), you're now nothing more than another of the damned stuck in this shithole.
Time to change that.
But how?
>a) Find the biggest dude around and kick his ass to assert dominance
>b) Find the biggest dude around and fuck his ass to assert dominance
>c) Make a display of strength (what do?)
>d) Check out that succubi ass. Hmmm Ass.
>e) Get Swoler

yeah I know the drawings suck

>>7474
>d) Check out that succubi ass. Hmmm Ass.
Bro gonna get dat ass tonite. Bro gonna get dat ass tonite. Bro gonna get dat ass tonite.
>c) Make a display of strength by flexing abs within abs

>>7992
A real bro needs to get his ass needs (no homo) in check, thus you head for the naughty succubi idling around some weird fleshy titty-trees.
They seem unperturbed by your arrival, their dangling asses sway back and forth as they stroll around their trees and gossip about whatever it is succubi gossip about. It's like you don't even exist, and you CAN'T let that be.
You have a plan. You will show them.
You breathe in
You breathe out
It is time for the ancient technique passed for generations through your family. Time for YE GOOD OLE FLEX
You command to your ab muscles: CONTRACT! The fibers do so, and start bulging...
>[roll me d20+4 for FLEX]

Rolled 4, 3, 16, 3, 5 = 31 (5d20)

>>9019
HUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH

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Did- did someone say Kamala Quest?

As-salamu alaykum, true believers!

>>9019
Are we in the imperial palace? Are we lost?

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>>9298
Lost in the middle of bumfuck Hell.
I'm just running with it bruhv.

>>9129
>4,3,16
I'll take best of three, 16+4=20. Good!

You contract every single abdominal muscle fiber you can muster, and even some that shouldn't be in your abs! You let out a wild roar while clenching your ass and flexing your abs.
"HOOOOOEEEEEESS" you bellow.

The succubi are surprised by the roar, and their eyes are imediatelly drawn to the biggest 8^2-pack they've ever seen.
Each one of your 8 main abs has grown extra abs inside it, and they're all flexing simultaneously. It is a glorious sight, and as they witness it, their erogenous chasms gush forth with the nectar of... THEY GET WET ALRIGHT?
FOR FUCK'S SAKE THERE IS ONLY SO MANY WAYS TO SAY YOU FLEX HARD AND BITCHES GET HORNY
Anyway, hoes get crazy. Dozens of the sluts rush for you, they claw at your extremely large muscles begging to have their moment with you.
Seems like you got their attention.

However... what is that you hear? Stomping? It gets closer and closer until it silences the cries of the slutty demons. You don't see the source, until you get tapped in the back.
Turning around you meet HIM. The biggest NERD you've ever laid eyes on.
"Zo, are you ze pilates instruktor? Come and give me some attention too, hohoho, don't mind zese silly gals"
What the fuck do you do?

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>>9149
One day chief, one day.

>>9384
>Fold a frisbee into quarters
>shove it down his throat

>>9384
>>9408
>"Keeping the frisbee folded in your gut is the key to abs like mine."