Messenger Pissmop

>>313677
Use sunlight to read the note without opening the letter. Just in case we lose it, we can recite the letter to her.

>>313685
This. Also look to see if your being followed.

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>>313685
The sun's not quite bright enough yet to see through the envelope with it, but you hold the letter up to a bright candle on some civilian's windowsill. It takes you a handful of minutes to turn the letter over and decipher it's entirety.

...The man writes like an ape. You have the feeling the captain of the guard does not take rejection well. And if that happens, god knows what will happen to you. This will take enormous revision or the most fantastic bullshittery salesmanship on your part.

You stash the letter away in your snazzy scarf.

>>313709
The streets are quite dead, considering how early it is in the day. The only movement you've been able to detect was a man stumbling home from a tavern, now long gone.

>>313789
Time to check our inventory

>>313828
Then go to shop to get some rope and supplies so we can climb through a window to get to the princess.

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>>313828
You rummage through your scarf to find a myriad of things:
1 copper dagger, a powdered wig, an animal training whistle, and the captain's letter.

Thankfully for you, when you were imprisoned the guards were too scared to remove your scarf. Nobody really knows what sprites are underneath their clothes. You haven't bathed since... forever.

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>>313856
You approach a storefront from across the intersection to see it has still not opened. You also don't really have money for supplies or rope.

The guards were smart enough to take your coin purse for good measure. You could wait until they open and find cash in the meantime, or just... rob the place while the shopkeeper sleeps. You've never had any moral qualms about thievery before.

>>313960
Find a place that sells ink and paper? How's our calligraphy? What should we roll for it?

>>313981
Do some pick pocketing for mones.

>>314047
>thief
>trying to imply we'd pay for anything.

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>>313981
Why, you are a thief! Your hands are dexterous and able, capable of even the most obscure niches of calligraphy! Then again, you didn't go to school, so you barely know how to write. But nonetheless you have many a wit that would surely impress the princess!

The scribe shopkeep is looking at you wearily. He's just opened his shop and your ego trip has already disconcerted him.

When attempting to write the letter, roll 1 d10.

>>314060
>trying to imply we are a good thief when we were caught by the guard.

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>>314047
You immediately begin buttering up the scribe to avoid seeming suspicious. You were audibly bragging about being a thief, after all.

"What a fine establishment you run, sir! And tending to it at so early in the 'morn. How do you find the energy to be such a renown merchant?"

The scribe is too exhausted to really do much when you cozy up to him. He stiffens up a bit, but doesn't notice your hand slipping into his back pocket.

PICKPOCKET GET!
> 1 gold piece
> A small bottle of purple ink, suitable for a princess' heart
> A short quill

Rolled 4 (1d10)

>>314166
Leave and go to alleyway out of sight. Write new letter on backside. Cross out worse be it the new or the old note.

Rolled 8 (1d10)

Rolling for our writing skill

Rolled 10 (1d10)

Pull his pants down and take everything. Including his dignity.

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>>314256
What?

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>>314189
You sneak into a nearby alley and hide behind some crates to begin working on the letter in the blooming sunlight. You first practice your writing over top of the old letters on the back to get the hang of it. You warm up your skills while also scratching out the old letter.

You flip it over, and using your incredible wit, write... an alright letter. Okay, you're not the best at romance, but it's easy to swindle nobility. And writing words...? Well, you know fancy calligraphy usually has lots of swoops and squiggles. So you just do that. It's not very legible, but it looks fancy. You hope.

At least it's purple. You reseal the letter after letting the ink briefly dry and press the wax seal back into place as best you can.

>>314329
Onward to the castle! Letter delivery time!

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>>314345
You approach the castle but hide out of sight in a convenient bush before the guardsmen notice you. Since you haven't proven yourself yet, you probably haven't received official pardon by the captain of the guard. You don't want to risk getting arrested, again.

The portcullis is down and the level above it has a large wooden door sealed shut. There are two spear men with halberds, and one elf crossbowman on the upper level.

Surely there is some method to get past them and into the castle without notice, although you could also try a different approach.

>>314469
Throw the powdered wig as a distraction. Slip through the gates bars cause were so small.

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>>314493
You lop the powdered wig at the elf – he would be most likely to spot you if your distraction was aimed at someone else. His high pitched wails of fear at the mysterious hairy thing that smells of old man pee distracts the other two guards. They are distracted as they watch the elf wrestle with the mysterious object.

You sprint for the bars and use your momentum to slide easily through the bars. Being a tiny fuck is annoying sometimes, but damn is it nice to be compact!

You are now in a courtyard. One door in the distance is large and regal and probably leads to the throne room, which is probably full of a fuck-ton of guards, and you ain't into that. There is also an archway leading to another open space, a smaller door – presumably a service entrance, and a window to the second story.

>>314657
Climb up vines to second floor. Princess will probably be there.

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>>314702
Whelp. You're certain these are the breasts of the princess. You'd climb in but her bosom is blocking the window, and you don't want to startle a delicate flower such as her and scare her off before you can make your delivery. She cant even see you beneath the windowsill. She probably hasn't seen her own feet in years.

>>314813
Welp, let's get this over with.

>>314813
Present letter and say "A message from the captain guard."

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>>314828
>>314831
"I come baring a message from the captain of the guard."

You blindly thrust the letter forward and hear an angry gasp in reply. She refuses to take it no matter how many times you blindly prod her with the letter.

"Listen lady. I'm two stories up hanging on vegetation. I'm also squat as fuck, so two stories is more like five for me. If you turn down this letter, I'm either a splat on the ground or my head is gonna roll at the chopping block."

You hear a dainty gasp, and she draws away from the window.

>>314898
Let go of letter and climb back down. Go to captain so he can pardon you.

Roll for climb? You make it seem like were about to die.

Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>314907
Forgot roll.

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>>314907
>>314919
You shove the letter into her cleavage and she fans herself angrily but doesn't say a word. You repel down the vines with ease. It was only a struggle holding on with a single hand - but you have the agility and endurance to do just fine! You slip through the portcullis bars once again and head to the barracks.

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You finally find the guard commander, loafing about in his quarters.

"I delivered the damn letter."

"What? Really? How do I know you didn't just throw it away?"

"Uhh... because she absolutely loved your letter."

"What?!?! You saw her read it?!"

"Yeah. She loves your penmenship and was very moved."

"So she'll meet me tonight?! Even if shes gonna be engaged soon?!"

"Uh."

Ah. Fuck. Probably should have convinced her to read it before taking off.

"Well... she has to think about how to break up with him, first!" You try your best to lie through your teeth.

"She said she'd send you a note when she was ready to meet!"

"Oh wow! Jeez! This is like, the best thing, ever!"

"Thanks, little guy!"

"Yeah... can you pardon me now. I like not dying."

"Oh yeah, sure."

>>315033
GG?

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The pardon checks out, even if the captain signed it in his ape handwriting. Just for good measure though, you decide it's best to skip town in case word gets out you fondled the princess' boobs.

After you rob it blind, of course.

>>315043
Yep, thanks for playing!

>>315053
Also if anyone would like to leave feedback or notes to help me improve, that'd be much appreciated.

>>315065
Not really seems good. :)

>>315053
Noice quest, m8.