poorly drawn villain quest.

>>30301
Take stunprod apart for spare parts to craft with later.

>>30301
stun them in the nose n get $$$$

>>30301
get poorly drawn armed guards raped by trusty stun prod of evil

>>30301
Evilly use you prod to make the guards fight each other

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>>30391
as you reach out to stun the guard he draws a gun of questionable craftsmanship.
"what do you think you're doin-"
*zap*
"bastard!"
the first guard goes down in a flourish of swearwords, crying and obscene gestures now the other is drawing a night stick.

>>30422
Hit him with your day stick (stun prod).

>>30422
Draw yourself an anti-nightstick helmet

>>30301
Pretend it was just a joke and then use my stun prod of evil to shock them in the vulnerable toe skin when their guard is down!

>>30422
pick up gun and shoot other guard

>>30422
Stun the second guard

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>>30438
an epic battle shall ensue as you clash your sticks, night vs day, good vs evil, guard vs villain ect ect. with a swift jab to the eye however the guard goes down, it's a good thing you have very little morals and will stoop so low otherwise his training and vastly superior skills might have bested you.

>>30487
Arrange the guards in a sexually suggestive position and proceed to rob the bank.

>>30487
In a dastardly fit of evil I pluck out all his eyelashes so he looks stupid.

>>30487
scream in a berserker rage

>>30487
Draw yourself a Stun-Rod Greataxe.

>>30487
take hostages and reward them with money once the heist is done

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>>30508
>>30513
both, why not both? After a few moments of snickering you perform your dastardly evil scheme and rob the bank soon after.
new item aquired, bag of swag.
as you leave the bank you come cross several police cars engaged in a shoot out with a much more respectable villain across the street.

>>30558
Run, not even villains deserve your help.

>>30558
Villainously run away.

>>30558
hide bag in safe spot and stun villain. get rewarded by police

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>>30584
>>30609
knowing full well the villains code states everyman for himself you use the scene created by the more respectable villain to aid in your escape, clutching the bag of swag to your chest you ponder the meaning of being a villain and decide on your villain name, what shall it be?

>>30624
Your name shall be Atlas

>>30624
the stunner

Gables the Immoral

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>>30664
The Stunner? you ponder the name before settling on it, hoping to god that it's not a euphemism. You continue to run through the city streets to your apartment/lair excited at the prospect of printing out business cards.
before you can make it home however you come across an angry looking policewoman holding mace.

>>30734
Throw the prod, rape her, and spray her with mace while stunning her for a couple minutes.

>>30734
Confess your feelings to her.

>>30734
Seduce her with your wily mustache that you just spontaneously grew. She'll be our loyal and adoring henchwoman.

>>30734
close eyes and start swinging your rod

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>>30804
twidling your moustache you crafted out of stolen eyelashes you raise your eyebrows at her, within seconds she is like putty in your hands, what shall you name this new henchwoman?

>>30858
Atlas.

>>30858
red mace

>>30858
Crimson Mace.

We'll get her a flamethrower that sprays tear gas.

>>30927
high five

>>30858
Mace of spades

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>>30901
"I shall call you red mace, my sexy henchwoman"
"Actually my name is claire..."
"Silence red mace!"
she is silent but is giving you a dirty look, how do you deal with this?

>>30858
This really cracked me up. Also second "Crimson Mace".

>>30965
crimson mace its better. or at least leave the flamethrower please

>>30965
Can't call her Claire in public. That's for our private talks.

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>>30986
"how about crimson mace?"
she still looks annoyed.
"I can get you a flamethrower?"
with the now pleased hencwoman at your side you make your way to your apartment. soon you make it to the apartment and relax into your chair, the Crimson Mace is pacing around with an excited look on her face,
"what shall we do now boss? what's the next big target?"

>>31053
We're gonna take down the Federal Expresses, the American Apparels, and the American Furniture Warehouses. Show the federal government they can't mess with our villainy.

>>31053
You're hungry. Stick up a nearby mexican food store and take ALL their nachos. Make sure you go for high end, Taco Bell ain't worth bullets or gasoline.

>>31053
kill every mime in france

>>31182
and a jew

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>>31156
"food first! and then..."
"and then?"
"and then the world!"
twiddling your moustache you leave the building in a mad dash to your car, of course this would have come in handy in your robbery but you wanted the exercise that morning. with Claire/Crimson Mace in the passanger seat you set off, what evilish music should you listen to?

>>31182
>>31203
No, kill every Jew in France and a mime

>>31232
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I52SWfrLvHo

>>31232
Dreampop.

>>31232
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1OeL3JbrQs

>>31232
politicians in my eyes- death

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>>31275
slipping in the CD you hit play and skip to your song of choice when doing evil.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl3FstCc_OY
driving fast, you soon reach a mexican establishment known as taco town. do you enter through the window, roof or door?

>>31331
Through the wall.

destroy the roof like how you're about to destroy your anus with all these free range corn chips

>>31331
window. kicking a customers head (un)intentionally

>>31331
Doors are for plebeians.
THROUGH THE WALL.

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>>31354
>>31362
>>31367
you attempt to do all three and somehow you do, smashing half of the place open. at the counter is a bored looking teenager with 'hello my name is Dave' on a name tag.
"what do you want?"

>>31410
Tacos or your life.

Also, I'm currently hiring so are you any good with performing morally questionable actions that aren't spitting or ejaculating in people's food?

>>31410
i want the cheesiest thing on your menu. and all your money try nacho kill everyone dave and dont ring the cops

The National Nacho Cheese?™ Supply Reserves

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>>31436
>>31460
"Give me a taco drowned in cheese and something pretty for the lady"
the lady nods at the spotty teen who starts to blush.
"oh and I won't be paying"
"that's okay"
the teen is clearly lost in the eyes/chest of Claire your sexy henchwoman.
how do you make your daring and evil escape before you feel sorry for the poor sod?

>>31525
Make him your henchman

>>31525
Throw someone's food on the ground and flip them off.

>>31525
kick him. shes mine faggot

>>31525
take all the hot sauce packets on the way out

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>>31566
>>31579
on your way out you kick a nearby child and throw the mothers food to the floor flipping off everybody as you do so, you also take the hot sauce packets as you leave. now to commit actual crime, what was that about jewish mimes?

>>31627
all the jews and a mime

>>31627
We need a Jewish mime as a henchman, as it affords us a degree of immunity.

>>31661
more like intel

>>31627
>>31653
Gather all the jews and force them to watch a mime

>>31686
then throw a penny in front of them

>>31627
Put an invisible penny on the ground to get the Jewish mimes.

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>>31686
... the idea makes you laugh out loud, what a twisted thing to do, after all everybody knows that jews are deathly afraid of mimes. first you'll need a mime henchman to perform such an evil deed, where to find him and here's hoping he'll accept mexican food as payment.

>>31749
Quickly! To the nearest liberal arts college.

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>>31775
as you get to the liberal arts college you are informed that you and your henchwoman are white scum and that this is a hate free safe space. however past the very loud and large woman blocking your path you can spot a Mexican Mime, how can you reach him?

>>31775
Actually, with the amount of hopeless people there, you could probably get an entire army.

>>31831
offer taco in fat suit

>>31831
Tell them to stop raping you. The paradox will disable them and let you pass.

Offer the Mimexican tacos now, and great power later if he offers his service to you as a henchman.

>>31831
Throw the Mexican food

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>>31856
>>31905
as you offer her a taco she begins to lecture you about cultural appropriation, in response to this you scream:
"please stop raping me with your words"
the differantly sized woman spasms in response she begins to set up another lecture as you slip past and come face to face with the Mimexican who informs you with a complex set of hand signals that his name is El-Mimeo. now... where will we find the jews.

>>31990
To Wall Street!

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>>31182
Why kill the mime?
>see? No one cares about the jews!

>>31990
Southern Poverty Law Center

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>>32011
"to wall street!"
the three of you hop into the car as you blast down the roads as you drive the mime offers you his CD to play, it's a collection of Paul Simons greatest hits, do you play the CD?

>>32123
Hell yeah, turn that shit up.

>>32123
Dude.

What's more evil than getting "You Can Call Me Al" stuck on everyone's mind?

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>>32128
>>32148
within seconds the car is blasting the music out loud and pissing off everybody it drives past.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULjCSK0oOlI
you and Clair are singing along together as El-Mimeo pretends to be trapped in a box. soon however you arrive and step out of the car, realising that this escapade will land you on TV you duck into the nearby costume shop for a mask, what mask do you pick?

>>32239
Spiderperson

>>32239
Jesus.

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>>32286
slipping on a Jesus mask you of course refuse to pay for it. stepping outside you enter the main building with El-Mimeo and Crimson Mace.
the nearby Jews are scared shitless of the Mimexican who begins to perform, blocking there escape with an invisible wall.
"WHAT ARE YOUR DEMANDS!?"
screams a terrified Jew.

>>32367
Bring me all of your stocks! And let me inspect your finest Jewish girls!

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>>32391
a single Jewish woman steps forward.
"My name is Sarah, why are you doing this to my people? also... do you actually know what a stock is?"
Crimson Mace steps forwards and does her job of keeping the peace. it appears however that there are no other jewish girls. with no girls and no stocks it appears this may be a lost cause, unless... of course! you can just take the money! Jews have money... right?

>>32498
Pft. Of course I know what a stock is. It's that thing... and you... and then money.

But why don't you tell me about it back at my place after helping us get the gold and money (Seduce her with prospect of riches).

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>>32560
Sarah begins to blush as she wonders what you must look like under that Jesus mask, however before you can respond Crimson Mace sprays her in the face, apparently there can only be one female companion on this quest.
with the Jews still subdued you run through the building and grab as much paper as you can, perhaps these are the stocks you're after.

>>32656
Call ISIS to finish the job.

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>>32800
you have no access to them instead you decide to light a small fire and piss on the floor, that'll show them. now you ponder where to go now that you have all these stocks and the Jews are scared enough by El-Mimeo

>>32836
three shakes and then leave

>>32836
Kidnap a child from the adoption center

>>32836
Four shakes because then you're playing with it, offending the Jew bankers. Also you're uncut, further upsetting them.

Let's find gun show and turn all these stocks into firepower.

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>>32963
5 shakes, and you perform an erotic flick of your hips, you make your way outisde to an ocean of press all taking your photo, climbing into the car you put on more Paul Simon and make your way to the gun show.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU
nearing the gun show you exit the car and walk towards the entrance where you are scanned, unfortunetly you don't have a gun so you can't be let in, what now?

>>33001
Have Mimexico give is mime guns.

>>33001
Check pockets for gun.

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>>33011
>>33021
you find no guns in your pockets but El-Mimeo can mime some up for you, now armed to the teeth you enter the gunshow, do you check out the pistols or rifles, then again you did promise Crimson Mace a flamethrower.

>>33065
We are a villain but we don't lie (a lot). Check the flamethrower exhibit.

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>>33089
as you make your way to the flamethrower section of the gunshow you encounter a familiar face/mask it's none other than the more respectable villain from ealier today, he smiles warmly at you as he walks past, what shall we name our new rival?

>>33219
Dicks Oak.

>>33240
second this

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>>33240
>>33252
Dicks Oak moves away from you as you come to the flamethrower stand, you stand next to Claire as she browses and El-Mimeo performs nearby, you start to feel strong feelings, perhaps even love... who do you confess these feelings too?

>>33293
Dicks Oak

>>33293
Claire. The way she's bend over that table to look at the flamethrowers. Her ass is a wonderland.

>>33293
The flamethrower stand

>>33337
seconds

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>>33303
leaving your henchpersons behind you set off to refind Dicks Oak the more respectable villain. as you spot the dashing young villain your blood runs cold as he is in the arms of another man, granted he's trying to strangle him... but oh what a handsome man it is, it makes you question your feelings for Dicks Oak all together, for which man do you rush in to help?

>>33375
That handsome man.

>>33375
the handsome man

>>33375
>>30624
>the villains code states everyman for himself

Help neither

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>>33394
>>33427
running in you punch Dicks Oak square in the face, he's face down on the ground in a pool of blood as Claire runs over to you, she's holding a flamethrower and smiling, oh Claire, sweet Claire before you can confess your love to her you are pulled into an embrace by that handsome man, he's thanking you and talking about the police and some crimes, pushing past him you move to Claire, what do you do/say?

>>33461
lets burn the world together, baby

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>>33509
blushing, she leans in and kisses you on the cheek before whispering in your ear.
"I didn't pay for this so we should probably start running"

>>33548
burn everything in the store, including dicks oak

>>33548
Hell yeah.

Mimexican! Let's blow this joint. (Drop a mime bomb)

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>>33570
>>33574
the Mime throws an invisible grenade as you grab her hand and the three of you run out together, setting the gun show ablaze you make it outside. here and now you kiss her passionately as the mime makes a gagging gesture, the gun show burns in the background, it truly is a sight to behold.

>>33635
what proceeds now?

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>>33745
"can we do something evil? like, really evil"
she's smiling at you and so is the mime.
"what shall we do my dear"
"I say we take control of the nations cheese supply and burn the lot of it!"
perhaps it is time you listen to you henchwomans plans, burning near endless tons of cheese does sound fun or you could be lame and burn down the library or something, so what shall it be, book burning or cheesegeddon?

>>33840
We burn the cheese but keep some of it, granting us immense political power.

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>>33860
within the hour you find yourself outisde the cheese storage wharehouse, this location holds 98% of the cheese in the country, there are two armed guards at the front door, how will the three of you get past them?

>>33954
flamethrower or mime napalm

your wit and grand personality

>>34070
instead of being clever and burning your way past you instead attempt to use charm, however the guards are impervious to your ways, perhaps if you used some kind of stunning device to match your most amusing of names? maybe then you could get past these guards. going to sleep so I'll post more tomorrow

>>34145
Bludgeon guards with handle of Trusty Stun Prod of Evil™

>>33954
Check inventory.

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>>36558
you proceed to bludgen one of the guards with the handle of your Trusty Stun Prod of Evil™ and he goes down in a torrent of blood and foul language, the second guard draws near, it appears your cunning plan won't work twice.

>>39991
Attempt your cunning plan twice

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>>40689
the plan in fact does not work twice, your swift jab is blocked so you attempt to kick him in the balls, this plan does work and the guard goes down, now to rob the cheese storage.

>>40703
Begin eating dozens of entire cheese wheels, dovahkiin-style

>>40703
Take the cheese and pretend to burn it, increasing the price.

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>>40879
>>41524
you pretned to eat the burning cheese, this was a terrible idea and you instead decide to burn the cheese, keeping a portion of it for yourself. what smart villain you are.

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>>41772
you soon realise that there is far too much cheese to eat/burn... how on earth will the 3 of you remove it all?

>>41855
dissolve it with the combined urination of you and your henchmen

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>>41997
as you pee away on the cheese you begin to ponder life, your trusty henchwoman Claire is admiring your length from afar before blushing when you make eye contact, thing are getting awkward, what shall you do?

>>42081
say "heh, want me to suck ur dik or something? ... nothin personel, kid" and give a cheeky smirk

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>>42123
she looks mad, really mad... how does one calm an angry woman? with food perhaps, or maybe a song, yes a song! what song will calm this angry maiden?

>>42149
"Anyway, here's Wonderwall."

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>>42407
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hzrDeceEKc
she moves to sit next to you, resting her head on your shoulder as you play the guitar and sing to her, after all... she's your wonderwall and maybe, she's gonna be the one that saves you. kissing you on the cheek she smiles as the mime appears to inform you that the police are coming, time to make your escape.

>>42453
Make a cheesefort and hide inside.

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>>42474
you hide in your box fort and play British Pop Rock (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tI-5uv4wryI) at the police who soon bring battering rams to knock down the fort, how do you keep them away? also, what song do you play next?

>>42555
I throw the stinkiest cheeses I have at them while progressing into British prog rock https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHJ7An2CMB4

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>>42605
the cheese tossing is effective, they have set up camp and brought nice wines, it appears they are also enjoying the music, perhaps you can use this to your advantage?

>>42924
Tell the mime to entertain them. Once they've gone full Frenchie mode, they'll surrender easily.

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>>42945
the mime performs for the police who begin to clap at his every move. soon they are like putty in his silk gloved and cheesy hands, they all begin to eat the cheese even quicker and drink there fine wine, as they lounge at your feett you smack the nearest police officer around the head with your Trusty Stun Prod of Evil™ the rest all surender, now to make your escape.

>>43111
Run out through the back and hijack the nearest car.
Take some cheese with you for on the road.

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>>43136
you make your escape in your trusty cheese filled car as El-Mimeo hits play on the CD player.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU
you drive away listening to Paul Simon as the police give chase, where do you drive to?

>>43439
Disneyworld.

gonna take down micky's rat ass

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>>43449
>>43469
"Disneyworld!"
your two henchpersons just sit and stare at you...
"sweetie are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure, that ratty bastard has got this coming..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTLpq2O8Zb0
the next song plays as you drive out of the city, soon however you come across a hitchhiker, do you pull over for the scruffy looking man?

>>43676
Yes. The more the merrier.
Offer him some cheese too.

>>43676
Does he have an axe and ski mask, both covered with copious amounts of blood? If so,

fuck
yes

>>43676
instead ran him over

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>>43690
>>45954
the man holding the axe just twitches as blood drips from his clothing, you recognise him as that handsome man from the gunshow as he sits in the back of the car he doesn't say anything but he does grin a lot, what shall you name this new companion?

>>49508
Patrick Bateman

>>49508
Hat Trick Skateman

>>49508
Desmond

Matlock Rapemen