Dad Quest

Rolled 6 (1d9)

Magical tie power, dad's tie will shimmer in a way only he can see, giving him super sensory powers such as knowing if a person is lying to him, is a threat to him, etc, as well as flashing when in a dangerous scenario such as an impending traffic collision or his daughter about to date a black man.

Rolled 5 (1d9)

>>279219
Super Everything

Dad has super strength, speed, hearing, vision, smell, flexibility, breath, lung capacity, sensitivity, instincts, healing and endurance.

Rolled 6 (1d9)

>>279219
Magical suit powers, can only be used while wearing a suit. Should he need to his suit will give a slight glow and give him the abilitys to save him from a bad situation such as super speed to save his children from being run over or a gun incase his daughter is about to date a black man and he needs to be removed.

Rolled 1 (1d9)

Dad can summon a comfortable chair, slippers, a good book, reading glasses, and a fully prepared pipe no matter where he is. He can summon one at a time if he needs to.

Rolled 4 (1d9)

>>279219
>Work ID card that can open any door

Rolled 6 (1d9)

>>279219
"Son I'm disappoint"
Gaze into the soul of a child and inform them telepathically of your disapproval. Teenagers require a skill check.

Rolled 8 (1d9)

>>279219
Your dad jokes are actually funny.

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>>279232
Your tie is now feels the danger around you, awesome power, Might be usefull
>>279249
You landed in 5, you are almost a super human at the level of batman and captain america
>>279252
You feel something strange in your body, now when you wear a suit it will enhance your already awesome abilites

>>279262
>>279270
>>279276
Sorry, too late guys

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Now that you have stated your powers you feel something off.

"Where my wife?" you think.

Somehou she comes in.

How does she look like and how is her personality?

>>279301
Late 30s bimbo, tanned, slightly wrinkly, fake blonde hair, big fake tits, stays at home watching QVC ordering jewelry and eating leftovers from the previous night's dinner, generally just wears a bathrobe all day, fucks like a beast to keep her man happy and hardworking.

>>279307
seconding

>>279307
Thirding

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>>279307
>>279313
>>279327
THE PEOPLE HAS SPOKEN

She is a tanned plastic milf.
A bit of an airhead, loves to order jewels (even thought she never uses any of it.
Some think she is living out of your hard work
You don't care tho.

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You have a wife and powers, but there is something you feel missing, something important.

"A child!" you think.

That's it! you can't be a DAD without a child!

>How is your child?
>How is his/her age?
>Does he/she loves you?
>What's his/her sex?
>What's his/her age?

>>279412
>>How is your child?

She is very healthy

>>How is his/her age?

She is quit mature and intelligent for her age and she study to be computer programmer.

>>Does he/she loves you?

Yes she love you but she is not happy that you still treating her like a child.

>>What's his/her sex?

Girl.

>>What's his/her age?

She is 17 but she will become 18 in next month.

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You daughter is a healthy almost legal girl.
She is quite mature for her age and also is a programmer.
You are proud of her and she loves you but she sees you as kind of annoying because to you she still your little girl.

Did i mention she's a girl?

The next month she'll be legal, so your dad super tie senses and suit powers are almost always active around her.

Your awesome family is awesome... where do you live dad? this decision might or not affect your journey.

>>279545
Detroit, in a walled off white neighborhood.

>>279545
we live in the suburbs of austin, texas

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>>279577
>>279578
You think for a moment...

Roll a d20 to decide where you are living.

10-20 Austin Texas suburban area

1-9 Walled off white fortress in Detroit

(roll a d3 if you want mexico)
(1 yes, 2-3 no)

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>279636

>>279636
I like how this is basically the dad trying to remember where he lives.

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>>279644
Dubs have smiled you today, you live in the suburban area of austin texas.

>>279652
>Thnx m8
Gladly you remembered where you live... but you forgot why are you in the backyard.

>>279704
A wild pack of african americans is currently threatening to trespass on your property.

>>279704
Daughter's at a friends house sleeping over, you're in your jacuzzi with your wife, celebrating her latest successful breast augmentation surgery by wearing the skimpiest swimwear you've got, drinking champagne and getting ready to get it on.

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Ok you have your tie has gone crazy.
You recieve alerts from every direction.

You dodge many attacks but it's your turn to strike down the nogs.

Each african american has 400hp

Roll a d500 and decide who you'll take down first

Rolled 231 (1d500)

>>279881
Use the smallest of the nigs as a weapon to smack down the largest

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>>279900
Congratz, you managed to do 231dmg to fatnog and miny nigga.

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Rolled 66 (1d300)

Seems you made power nigga mad

you got 600hp

power nigga has 400hp and deals a max of 300dmg

she attacks

your tie enables you to counter or evade this attack, what do you do?

>>279987
counter him by telling him painful stories about your youth.

>>279987
Pull out a pen from our shirt pocket and stab at the beast

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>>280016
You talk about your childhood and stories of your life. How even when your family sided with blacks since times of slavery you were sent to combat muslims by Obama and how you saw your bestest friend Tyrone crying over the deseased and mangled body of his watermelon.

The same watermelon he was about to feed to the poor childs of africa.

that watermelon was killed by mudslimes.

nigga is confused, your rage gives you an atk boost of 200dmg

>>280063
Attack him with our ex-highschool football tackle.

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>>280044
>>280075
Roll a d100 to act

the highest decides what to do

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>280095

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>280095
Call the cops who respond with lightning-fast speed

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>280095
I lost.

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>>280103
Maybe next time bro.

>Hello? yeah this is dad, can the cops come out to play?
>*what?! Who is this?
>Niggers!

You hear the police just in front of your house


roll a d3

>1 one nigga was the real culprit
>2 two niggas go to jail
>3 the three go to jail

>>280149
None of the above, the shoot all of them dead.

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>>280155
I like how you think dubsman

who shoots the niggers? to death?

>>280149
Buddy up with the cops and talk about how the nation has gone down in the dumps because of Obama

>>280170
The cops in "Self-defense"

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>>280155
>>280174
>>280192
the cop arribes
You tell him about how this country used to be great and how can it be great again if we get rid of the master nigger Obama.

Your friendship starts with the cop.

You jump so high, and your hi five is so epic all the nigger heads in on the streets explode

the incident is reported as a necesary action in self defence

You remember seeing the cop before in a book

sudden realization... the cop is actually...
>you decide

>>280218
axe cop (crossover appeal)

>>280218
SHERLOCK HOLMES.

>>280218
Gay

>>280264
Kek
e e
keK

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>>280240
>>280230
>>280299
>>280264

so who is the cop?
is it a gay guy? is it kek? is axe cop or sherock?

who knows...

>>280320
>sherock

>>280320
Its actually donald trump in disguise

>>280342
this

>>280342
Eh, too obvious.

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Rolled 3 (1d5)

You start feeling a little confused about reality...

And confusion gives you a boner...

You decide you should launch your homemade 5 faces coin to decide what is real.

1= Axe cop
2=Sherlock holmes
3= Random gay guy
4= Kek god of gets
5= Donald Trump

>>280369
What about Ben Garrison?

>>280421
Oh, we don't even get to roll, OP? Wow, I think you must be the cop, because you are the only faggot I see.

>>280421
you better get that boner to your wife, she needs it

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>>280437
True that's unfair for you anon... then the first who rolls after this post is the roll who decides

roll a d6
6= ben garrison

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>>280456

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>>280471
Sorry for doubt about your power anon, that was a great roll

Now dad has a friend.

what we do next?

>take care of boner with wife
>kill the evil pressidnet
>find daughter
>other thing

roll a d4 guys

Rolled 4 (1d4)

>>280498
Am retarto sorry

>>280565
If this counts take care of boner with daughter

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>>280565
>>280581
Isn't like... illegal?
i mean this is texas and she's 17...

>>280596
Did we ask for legal advice or moral standings of things? We're the best dad ever and we're gonna use our daughter's vagina to satiate our lust. She owes us that much after all.

>>280596
>>280633
The cop sees us about to bang our almost legal daughter and throws dad in jail with a tear of sadness in his eye.

>>280647
We're in Texas. Cops in Texas are either super abusive cops or chill guys who let private life things be private. I knew a couple of cops from Texas, so I'm practically an expert on all cops everywhere, but especially Texas.

As long as we're not black, he'll let us do whatever.

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>>280581
>>280633
>>280647
>"IREMEMBERIGOSOMETHINGTODOBYE!"

with tears on your eyes you feel the weight of the guilt on your back, your friend axe cop just watches as you run faster than every human being, your tie senses a great potential danger in your actions while you go to find your daughter.

If he finds out, you are dead.

>>280671
Realize what you're about to do then lock yourself in your private study out of shame which may or may not have a gun or bottle of booze.

>>280671
Get your Goofy mask and burst into your daughter's room when she's at home, yelling "IT'S GOOFY TIME."

>>280662
blame this guy >>280633

>>280664
We are talking about axe cop

>>280697
Who is Axe Cop? Not every obscure reference made is known by everyone in the thread.

>>280715
He kills every criminal he deals with using a axe. I cant remember if he even arrests people.

>>280725
Well he just committed murder (and falsifying police reports) and we assaulted some black folks hanging around our house. Shouldn't he be trying to kill both us and himself already then?

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>>280693
>>280696
Yo go back to your study, look at the family photo.
>I'm a monster
Yo go to and take sit, serve a glass of booze and after drink you just lay on the table

>>280715
Here buddy>>280230

>>280751
Turns out your wife was ready and waiting under your desk. A crying bj is still a bj

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You notice a shadow in the near corner

>>280751
>>280761
Decide that you need a night to recover from blue balling yourself. Go play football with some of the neighborhood kids. Go full contact and whoop their asses so hard they literally go crying home to mommy.

We need to assert our dominance over those little shits so they know who the true king of the neighborhood is.

And fuck that shadow. Roundhouse kick whatever is causing it.

>>280761
Use our ultimate weapon aka pocket sand on this new threat.

Its your daughter, not knowing your wife is currently blowing you.

>>280793
OH FUCK GET THE FAMILY GUN

>>280793
Goofy. Is that you?

We've missed you so much. Tell us what we should do, oh great Goofer.

>>280793
Daww Goofy :)

>>280829
The golden goofy

>>280829
Now would be a good time to shoot it dad before it powers up more.

>>280829
Our tie isn't shining yet, so it's obviously time to listen to what Goofer wants. He is wise and knows just what you must do.

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>-Hey dad are you ok?
>+wha-
>-Alex had got in trouble with her parents and i came back earlier.
>+oh
>Is everything alright?

>>280887
Shhhhh honey. It's Goofy Time.

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>>280895
what happens next?

>>280917
Cast pocket sand

>>280917
Let Goofy take over. He knows what to do.

We can always trust Goofy.

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That's it for now, we'll se where this goes in 12 hours or latter

>>280972
FUCKING CLIFFHANGERS!