Golden Retriever Fun Time

>>251681
Be a good boy.

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>251681
Walk up to the nearest human being, wagging your tail and jumping around happily.

>>251681
Find a gun.

>>252207
You find a gun.

>>251681
Find owner.

File: owner.jpg (47KB, 320x279px) Image search: [Google]

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>>252643
You find her.

>>252663
Do whatever it is you do when you want to go for a walk.

File: lil pupper walk fun.jpg (112KB, 800x534px) Image search: [Google]

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>>252796
Your owner sees that you want to go for a walk and you frolic together peacefully.

That thing to the left is foreboding as shit though.

>>253104
chase your tail

File: hahaouchhaha.jpg (54KB, 499x425px) Image search: [Google]

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>>253120
You do more than just chase.

File: Slavs4.jpg (160KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

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>>253143
Kill your owner. SOBBAKA REVOLUTION NOW. KILL THE BORSCHT AND LIBERATE GULAGS.

File: burning justice thousand licks of death.jpg (171KB, 1300x797px) Image search: [Google]

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>>253172
You use your special move:
Burning Justice: The thousand licks of death.

She just says: "Aww..." and then smiles and sits down with you.

>>253190
maul your owner

>>253194
With nose-presses. Nose-press your owner until she can't take it anymore.

File: cud lil nose press.jpg (48KB, 450x358px) Image search: [Google]

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>>253194
>>253201
You fire your nose press rifle at her dozens of times.

She comments on how moist and cool your nose is you silly willy walnut head.

>>253190
shoot your owner w/ the gun you found earlier

>>253240
You didn't pick it up because you are a dog.

>>253260
we might be a dog but we're a golden retriever

so let's live up to our name and go retrieve that gun

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>253238
Whine for food.

>rolling for roast beef

File: gun+hairtreatment.jpg (47KB, 450x319px) Image search: [Google]

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>>253265
You go back to the gun but stop at a dog salon on the way where you get your fur bleached.

The gun feels right below your new perfect Aryan paws.

>>253290
Go now. End Judy.

>take a shit
>eat it

Chew on gun

>>253308
>>253341
You can't pick up the gun because you don't have thumbs. It does taste nice though. Mahogany.

>>253333
You pee a little. Didn't have to go right now though.

Grab with your mouth. Take it to owner

File: lil girl cud lil gun.png (868KB, 954x610px) Image search: [Google]

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>>256309
She takes the gun from you, and says:

>>252042
"Who's a good boy!"

We must convince her to kill. We run to a shady alley and get ourselves in danger

File: sppooksmcalley.png (548KB, 2184x676px) Image search: [Google]

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>>256507
You go to the spookiest alley you know of. Full of howling winds and precocious bats. This Halloween haunt is a sight to behold.

>>256627
Quickly run away and leave your owner behind in the hall, left to fend for herself with her gun. When she comes out traumatized and covered in the blood of her enemies, we will be there and she will be happier than ever to see us.

Pretend to limp and wimper in pain.

>>256670
>>256714
You attempt to flee the spooky alley whilst also pretending to limp but your cute owner is too strong for you. Haha.

File: FLEESPOOKALLEY.png (1MB, 2474x1760px) Image search: [Google]

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>>256726
pic4reference

Will we ever achieve tragedy?

>>256730
Try to find hard drugs.

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>>256784
Oh shit. That foreboding thing to the left was a tear in space in time (What good writing).

It's super big and scary.

Try to eat it

File: doggiehell.png (226KB, 528x296px) Image search: [Google]

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>>259867
You try, but are sucked into the abyss. You shouldn't have done that I think cus it was kind of scary and big like I said but you did.

You see hell.

File: doubledrugshell.png (703KB, 669x587px) Image search: [Google]

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>>256786
You try your hardest to find hard drugs in Hell but it leads to somewhere you didn't believe could exist:
Double hell. You still don't believe it exists.

Keep going. What's the worst that could happen ?

>>259944
We have to go deeper. Descend to triple Hell.

>>259944
Search for hookers and blackjack!

>>259944
Look for triple hell.

>>259944
Find harder drugs.

>>259944
REPENT

>>259944
acquire the poet Virgil

File: 400 HOURS MSPAINT.jpg (1MB, 3668x1288px) Image search: [Google]

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>>260015
>>260021
>>260047
You meet Satan and ask him about triple hell. He calls you a "fagdog" and says you should get a real job or something like that. Guess it's not real. Or it is. Either way satan thinks your a fag and that says a lot to me...

>>260039
>>260097
You find a plethora of drugs which could only be described as:
"A literal google image searches worth of hardcore drugs,"
but you are dog and you don't know what to do with them.
No one know how to play blackjack in hell.

You're a dog and even you know that.
>>260099
>>260099
YOU REPENT! TWICE EVEN! LIKE THE QUOTES! ^^^

It gets you laid and everything's pretty cool for a while but Satan was just messing with you I think cus she turned out to be a


real bitch.

>>260110
All you can afford is Robert Frost and he just keeps making dumb jokes about this road being taken and tells you to get off the road. He's serious too. He wants you the fuck off his road.

this is amazing
chase tail again though

File: BACKWARDS FORWARDS CONUNDRUM.png (706KB, 3668x1288px) Image search: [Google]

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>>262653
Backwards or forwards? Please circle your answer and provide at least a three sentence explanation for your answer. This will be pass/fail. No partial credit. No cheating.

>>262704
forwards
I am too lazy to open and circle an image. I chose that directions because for some reason my goldie ALWAYS chases hers in the same direction. From my point of view the direction is right, the same way te forward sign points.
god help me pass

File: itadakimasu.png (1MB, 704x596px) Image search: [Google]

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>>262714
Indeed. You will be needing the help of God after this sordid affair.

File: Thegodofdestructionhasbeenunleashed.jpg (820KB, 1820x1606px) Image search: [Google]

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>>262898

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>>262943
You wake up, and walk outside.

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>>262955
You've ended up in a hell worse than anything you could have imagined. And you don't have to imagine it. You were LITERALLY IN HELL YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

But I digress, in this new world, this untrodden land of many potential ruses you should think,

Dogs. Are. People.

And even worse, dogs are dogs as well.

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>>262991
There are numerous examples.

Be a people

>>262998
I just noticed the dog in the mirror and front seat after coming back after a day. Laughed hard.

Try to adjust to this new life, look for a job now that you can't rely on Owner for food, or hell for drugs.

File: wwwjobcom.jpg (917KB, 3776x1788px) Image search: [Google]

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>>265647
>>264633
You boot up your dog computer and go to katie's job.com where you search for a new dog job.

File: spamburgersandnotdogs.png (308KB, 846x1482px) Image search: [Google]

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>>266993
You find a couple listings.

This one seems nice.

File: President of the United Dog States of America.png (162KB, 696x1144px) Image search: [Google]

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>>267086
There's also this one. Whichever sounds better honestly...

>>267159
Threads over I guess. Had fun. Bye.