Fantasy boredom Quest

>>240189
get /fit/

>>240189
Fuck the sturdiest animal to clear your head in order to formulate a plan

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>>240199
you lift some potato sacks, +1 STR

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>>240205
you fuck Jerry, the alpha goat in your barn, and think about what to do next. the sweat from your workout makes for excellent lube.

>>240243
Thats a little bit fucked. Is there a medieval form of house insurance in your area?

>>240249
the city you work for has a guild of insurance, always was too expensive maybe after this harvest you finally have enough to get some!

+100 gold

Grab a pitchfork and avenge your family. If a wizard can enchant the pitchfork then that's a bonus.

>>240259
Get insurance
Burn down barn
???
Profit

Get swole as fuck and punch everyone in the village.

>>240243
Go to some Level 1 goblins and Fuck their shit up

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>>240265
you go to the guild and buy some insurance -100 gold , than immediately burn down the barn and all your possessions. all animals run away, you get + 101 gold for the insurance.

total gold 101

>>240262
you remember that your cousin ran away saying he was a wizard, you grab your pitchfork to see if he can enchant it, but inbetween you and his spooky tower lies a river and a forest. Do you continue?

>>240296
Hire the town idiot to be your meatshield then kill him before you get to your destination

>>240296
Yes. Take your pitch fork and use it to jump the river. Like pole vaulting

>>240296
Find Jerry the alpha goat.
Get the wizard to enchant Jerry too.

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>>240276
before you run to find your cousin you punch all your fellow farmers,

+1 wanted level,

the guards might come for you

>>240313
>>240308
I second both of these

>>240296
Seconding >>240311

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>>240311
roll a d4 to see what happens

Rolled 3 (1d4)

>>240344

Rolled 3 (1d4)

>>240344

>>240308
you punched the town idiot, if you go back to the town it will take some convincing

>>240344
>>240347
tear off shirt and flex your pecs
use shirt and pitchfork to make a splint.
kicks now do +2 pitchfork damage.

>>240375
Kickass. Continue to the tower

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>>240347
you break your leg when polevaulting

-5 hp now at 15hp

apparently jerry was following though, you now have a jerry,

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>>240381
when you reach the spooky forest you see an old man, he yells

"Stay out or be CURSED!"

what do

>>240386
Curse him
then Shout curse words at him

>>240386
>Cursed with my dick
Fuck him

>>240386
Rob him of everything, including his cloths.

>>240386
Jump over him.

>>240386
Stick your dick into the forest, and get a cursed dong

>>240386
Kick him in the dick

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>>240388
>>240390
you approach, he says something spooky but your too horny to hear.

you curse him with your dick

Jerry feels betrayed

you get cursed
+1 curse

roll d10 to determine the severity of the curse you got

>>240386
Crazy old man, get out of my way

Rolled 1 (1d10)

>>240415

Rolled 10 (1d10)

>>240415
Random number gods, be true to this quest!

Rolled 2 (1d10)

>>240415

>>240429
Tell Jerry they'll always be your number one.

>>240415
Make sure to fuck Jerry again to show your love

>>240429
Does that mean really shit roll so nasty curse, or really weak curse?

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>>240429
you lose a testicle

-5 to fuck

your loads are now half size

>>240452
Eat your trusty watermelon rind and fuck jerry

>>240447
Jerry says he has a headache

>>240443

he looks away, sadly

>>240450
less severe curse

>>240452
Ask the guy how to fix this

>>240452
Kill the old man and throw his corpse into the river.

>>240464
Aww, poor JerJer, here, let me help.

>>240452
Only a true love's kiss can reverse the curse!

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>>240465
"YOU ARE FOREVER CURSED TO ONLY CUM HALF AS MUCH"

>>240471
you throw his body into the river and a sea serpent eats it, glad you didn't fall in

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you continue through the forest and find humans heads on stakes, you have heard rumors about a cult in the forest but you never believed it...

What do.

>>240502
Forward, into the spooky forest!

>>240502
Go find the fountain of extra testes, get up our ball back, maybe a few extra

>>240518
you think maybe your cousin could help you grow a new one... got to get to the tower first though

>>240510
Vigorously rub the cult, then fuck them with your pitchfork.

>>240510
Find them and try to become their leader

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>>240532
>>240552
roll a d3 to see what happens

1, they sacrifice you to the demon of goats

2, you kill them all and take their monies

3, you join the cult,

Rolled 2 (1d3)

>>240570

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>240570

>>240579
Can we have one survivor? We should give Jerry a sex slave

>>240570
>>240585
sacrifice them to jerry

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>>240579
>>240594
you kill them all and as you do jerry starts to wail, he starts to slowly change...

also +50 gold from cult

you continue and reach the tower, the door is locked but there is a window 50 ft up.

>>240594
jerry has been vibrating and making strange noises as you make your way to the tower

>>240616
bribe the door to let you in.

>>240633
roll a d20 to bribe

>>240616
Use jerry to ram the door down

>>240622
>>240616
Charge the door.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>240637

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>>240649
the door says "no fuck you"

>>240638
>>240640

You hear tearing of skin and bone as jerry transforms into some beast and charges the door

He is now standing in the base of the tower staring at you, breathing heavily

what do

>>240675
Tell him you faked every orgasm

>>240675
"Fuck you door"

>>240675
Lookin' good Jerry

>>240675
prepare to get your ass rammed by jerry

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>>240690
>>240709

He grabs you and says, "HAHAHAHAHA, NOW ITS MY TURN TO FUCK YOU!"

what do, surly you will die by the cock of this massive demon jerry, will you fight?

>>240743
spread ass for jerry and when he goes to fuck you fist him right in the peehole

>>240743
"You don't want to fuck me, I have sexually transmitted curses."

>>240759
This one

>>240743
>>240766
Go with this. If he still wants to do it, spear him in the dick with the pitchfork

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>>240759
Turns out his penis is barbed, you punch the pee hole and your hand gets stuck, what do.

>>240776
only one thing to do
>double penal fisting

>>240776
masturbate with your other hand

>>240776
Only way to go with barbs is further in

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>>240798
>>240788
>>240787
You stick you other hand in and try and jerk him off. In hios orgasim he accidently teleports to hell.

your face melts off

DED

>>240808
Alright boys, GG. Thanks for playing

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>>240808
>>240814

congrats you died. ( I have to go to work)
here is your stats

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>>240814
>>240798
>>240788
>>240787
>>240768

Even as an arch demon you still feel emotion

You feel intense remorse as you look at the mangled, single testicled body of your former master. You recall all the times he fucked you harder when no femgoat would.

You have to find something to do with the body.

>>242309
Bind his soul to the corpse and turn him into a demon.

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>>242320
The transformation went well!

"wait, what! WHERE AM I?!?! IS THAT YOU JERRY? OH GOD WHERE IS MY FACE, WHY ARE MY HANDS ON FIRE?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK JERRYY!???

"well i guess we are both demons now, what do you want to do?"

what do

>>242326
Give him a pig's face.

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>>242333
you decide any face is better than no face, a pig!

"well this is weird, now i can eat shit and not look weird, do you wanna go fuck up those orcs or find my dead wife?"

what do

>>242349
Dead wife time.

>>242349
Fuck jerry then dead wife

>>242349
wait we're playing as jerry now?
PUNCH EVERYTHING.

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>>242603
>>242425
>>242374

you punch the demon of everything and Your former master uses his new fire powers to burn that faggots head.

do you head off to find your former masters dead wife?

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>>242895
You reach the department of souls, its guarded by tentecle boys, good fighters. there is a hole in the top that looks like a good entrance, but you have heard of an underground tunnel as well,

Fight, go up, or go under

>>242907
Summon some shit tier demons to distract them and walk in.

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>>242908
you are new to this whole demon thing

Roll a d4 for which demon you summon

1. flying goat head
2. Imp
3. pile of flesh
4. wandering eyeball

Rolled 4 (1d4)

>>242922

>>242923
Yay!