Sword Quest

>>22389
Read the sign.

>>22389
Equip sign

>>22389
Use an assault riffle becaus swords are for faggots

>>22389
Wipe your ass with the sign and go through the door

>>22399
>>22403
The sign says, "Go North." The mere idea of a talking sign scares you so you forgo equiping it in case it might be cursed.

>>22412
You have no ass or buttocks to speak of so you just head north through the door.

You arrive in a room.
>In the centre of the room is a sword lodged in an anvil.
>To the south is the door you came through

What would you like to do?

>>22487
Obviously a trap, go east.

>>22487
Wipe your ass with the sword hilt and go through the door

>>22487
Vomit on the sword stuck in the anvil to determine whether or not it also talks

Rolled 9 (1d10)

>>22487
Equip Anvil Sword

>>22503
You run face first into a wall.
>CRITICAL HIT

You have caused a large crack in the wall but have gained the status effect of a minor concussion.

>>22504
You still have neither a buttocks or a donkey. You open the door you came through and hear the piercing screech of the sign at the other end of the hallway. "GO NORTH!"

You swiftly slam the door shut.

>>22538
You stick your arm down your throat and pull out some vomit. You put it on the sword and...

Nothing happens. You pick up the vomit and place it back in you stomach.

>In the centre of the room is a sword lodged within an anvil.
>To the east is a large crack in the wall.
>To the south is a door with a demonic sign on the other side
>You have a concussion

What would you like to do?

>>22618
We are male or female?

>>22618
Wish we still had the vomit, we could have used to it lubricate the sword and get it out.

>>22600
>>22618

>>22648
We do, its just in our inventory you silly

>>22600
>>22651
You try to equip the anvil and sword but fail. It appears that the anvil has a large plaque on the front that reads "Pull the Sword out, Win a prize."

>>22638
This question makes you scratch your sweaty balls in contemplation.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>22676

Running drop kick the hilt of the sword

>>22676
Successfully equip Anvil Sword of the Plaque.

>>22676
Female then

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>22724
>>22676

>>22708
Because of the pathetic roll, you miss the sword completely and have your sweaty balls cut off in the process.

You have a small funeral for the children you will never have.

>>22732
Now.

>>22724
You grab the hilt of the ball bloodied sword and it slips out of the stone. The anvil and plaque then disappear in a puff of smoke before you have chance to equip them.

>There is a label on the sword

What would you like to do?

>>22775
Read label

>>22775
Strong independent knights like you don't need do labels. Toss it in the demonic door.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>22775
Trash the weapon rendered useless, and head towards the sign, attempting to inventory it.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>22788

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>22775
Wipe your ass with the vomit and go through the door

>>22788
The label reads, "This sword is cursed and will soon take over your soul .(c) ADME INDUSTRIES 1442"

>>22800
>>22801
You are now the sword, controlling some hapless punk foolish enough to pull you from the stone. You hold only one will in your heart and that is to control all. You have officially began

SWORD'S QUEST

>A giant stone slab descends from the ceiling and blocks the door to the south.
>There is a large crack in the wall to the east.

What would you like your lackey to do?
What would you like to call your hero?

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>22900

Lacky running dropkicks east wall

>>22900
Slash the crack

Lackey

>>22900
SEZUK SLAPSLAP, THE KNIGHT OF SWEATY PALMS
Chip away at crack in wall

>>22937
>>22939
The concussion status effect has finally overcome your "Lackey" and it falls face first into what was once it's balls.

They will be knocked out for the next 2 hours.

What would you like to do to pass the time?

>>22900
Knock down the wall and reunite /qst/ and /tg/

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>22962

Name hero Yotsuba. Pass time by looking for other odd things in room

>>22962
Tickle lackey until he wakes up

>>23001
>>22950
You have renamed your hero to be Yotsuba Slapslap, to appease the gods. And this room you already know far too well. Nothing has changed these four walls until this idiot arrived and the graffiti a teenager left during the 1000s on the ceiling of a huge green penis with pink pubes.

You have spent the better part of 500 years stuck in that anvil after sinking Atlantis and it's lesser know sister state of Clevelantis.

You are the original Great Sword, Gary Underfelt.

>>23022
You are a sword and swords can't move.

It has now been 2 hours and
>To the east is a crack in the wall
>By Yotsuba's face is a pair of brass testicles.
>On the ceiling is phallic graffiti

What would you like to do?

>>23091
Go north

>>23091
Summon yourself into a Beplaqued Anvil to make yourself a sword worthy of being wielded

>>23091

Make lackey slash at wall

>>23116
You head north and walk into a wall. Sadly, the wall does not break as but you find a loose brick.

>>23139
You are the sword who can only cut and control people, being wielded by a possibly retarded androgynous naked person who can rip their futs out at will. You're either taking over the world or finding a way to kill yourself.

The anvil is not an option.

>>23091
>>22970
TEAR DOWN THE WALL.

>>23189

Equip brick

>>23206
Since the assless Yostuba has no other way of equiping objects you have them eat the brick for leter.

After removing the brick from the wall, Yostuba dies from blood loss.

YOU LOSE

>>23189
Embed self in brick. Humble beginnings before we can get powerful enough to be wielded in anvils wearing plaques for clothes/bling

>>23263
Load last save

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>23263

Saving roll

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>23263
>implying the human matters
>implying our host isnt expendable.
>IMPLYING THIS ISNT A VICTORY CONDITION
Wait another 400 years for a greater less retarded host, and also try to get emnedded into a beick or something

>>23263
Wait another thousand years to be found by a mighty blacksmith. Then make him reforge you into a khopesh because greatswords are gay.

>>23420
Eladrin trash.

>>23517
Do you want your minion to be fucked because he couldn't block for shit?