Generic Fantasy Quest- The Legend of the Eight Magical Macguffins

>>210685
Another steel dragon or another nigger? Or boooth?

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>>210695
You cast a small bolt of lightning at a faraway negroid ""man"". The thunder strikes him right in the face, tearing it into little bloody chunks which are soon reduced to ashes by your forceful bolt spell.

"OH MY GOD." screams Mr. Exposition, a faggot party member who forcefully joined you to spout backstory.

"It can't be....... You're a walking personification of the evil warlord Zez!!!!"

"I HAVE to tell you about Zez and the three powers, Garg, Blarg, and Darg!!!" He exclaims.

Just then, the woman who you kidnapped after slaying Sarkany the Dragon begins to shake and mumble, her face still gagged. Goddammit. If she keeps this up, she'll damage your pile of gold and shekels.

What do?
>"Fine, Mr. Exposition, I'll listen to your damn story. Make it short."
>Fuck off, faggot, and don't talk to me again."
>Slap the woman in the face and tell her to stop shaking; she'll scratch the jewgolds.
>Take off the woman's gag and lift her off of your loot wagon. Ask her about Pyre, the guy you want dead.

>>210784
>>"Fine, Mr. Exposition, I'll listen to your damn story. Make it short."

>Take off the woman's gag and lift her off of your loot wagon. Ask her about Pyre, the guy you want dead.

Get it all out of the way.

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>>210805
"Alright, I'll listen to your story," you sigh.

"Fabulous! I've been waiting to get this massive plot dump out of my system and prove to my dad that getting a degree in history was NOT a waste of 60,000 gold!" he rambles, proudly.

"A long, long time ago- which I mean a looooongg time (Long before my dad found out that my little brother was actually not his), there were three superpowers dominating the world: Garg the Shadow Dragon, Blarg the Titan, and Darg the Demon. They constantly fought with each other, turning fertile fields into wastelands, mountains into deserts, and civilizations into dust. No society could grow with the three powers constantly in war. The only people who could survive were the bandits, who attacked and maimed many aspiring adventurers seeking safety and hope. Then, some random faggot named Pyre came out of nowhere and beat the shit out of the triumvirate. He vowed, with all his heart, to build a powerful and functional society so that the turmoils of the past could be forgotten. Unfortunately, Pyre had one more obstacle to overcome. Zez, a self-proclaimed warlord, wanted the superpowers to continue fighting because every time a mountain moved, every time a town was turned to ash, energy was created. Zez sought this power so that he could power a massive and awesome theme park, all to himself and without the worry of marauding governments and settlements. Pyre fought Zez, and like the three monsters, kicked his shit in. Hard. But Pyre is a dick, so therefore you have to beat him or some shit like that."

As he was mumbling on about dragons and titans or something, you were busy cutting the ropes and cloths and bound your female prisoner.

"Auuugghhhh!!" she screams, exasperated.

"You just....... Took me out of his castle and now we're in some kind of shitty ass jungle with niggers!!!!"

What Next?
>Fall asleep from boredom
>Stay awake and calm your prisoner down
>Slap her with your dick
>Interrogate her fiercely

>>210784

>Fuck off, faggot, and don't talk to me again."

>Take off the woman's gag and lift her off of your loot wagon. Ask her about Pyre, the guy you want dead.

>>210910
>>Stay awake and calm your prisoner down

And then...

>Slap her with your dick

>>210910
>>Stay awake and calm your prisoner down
Caught in the moment. After all when's the last time a dragon died and got their shit looted?

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>>210930
"Calm down...." you say in a soothing manner. "Everything's good."

"B-but..." she stutters.

You give her a warm and kind smile. She calms down, the tears drying from her eyes.

"What's your name?" you ask.

"My name's Maria. And you?"

"Liliana."

"So, I heard you muttering about Pyre. I used to be his secretary. What do you want to know about him. I also know about the Macguffin in the jungle."

Instead of asking her anything, you interrupt the calm atmosphere, pull down your pants, and slap her with your erect benis.

"What the hell?" she shrieks.

You think your high charisma definitely needs to be nerfed.

What next?
>Apologize and play it off
>Ask her about the Macguffin
> Ask about Pyre- Why does he wear the mask?
> Ask her about her own identity
>As she's freaking out, stealthily stick your cock in her mouth

>>211040

I'm a very horribly person...

>As she's freaking out, stealthily stick your cock in her mouth

>>211068
+1

>>211040
>>Apologize and play it off
>Ask her about the Macguffin

Then slap again.

>>211068
This

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>>211068
You try and silence her by sticking your cock in her mouth. Unfortunately, the excitement of the moment makes you blow a huge load in her mouth, and a chunk of year-old smegma is lodged into her throat. Maria begins to suffocate.

What do?
>Try mouth to mouth resuscitation (Roll out of 10,5 and below is a failure, above 5 is a success)
>Try CPR (Roll out of 10, 8 and above is a failure, 1-5 is a success, but it causes injury to her)
>Begin digging her grave and start lighting a fire to hide evidence
> Run as far away as possible (this is a 100% success, but your loot is gone)

>>211131
try mouth to mouth like the smegma craving slut I am

>>211131

Which dices do we use? d20 or 3d6?

Rolled 2 (1d10)

>>211131
>>Try mouth to mouth resuscitation (Roll out of 10,5 and below is a failure, above 5 is a success)
Shame on us for not bathing that area. You got to keep it clean for the ladies.

>>211139
forgot to roll
2d5

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>>211141
You place your mouth on her blue, almost-dead face. Shit. Ok, ok..... It's call, place....blow? No, Fuck. Pump, rump, dump?..... goddammit. No, Pump, call, suck? Do you suck or blow? For the life of you, you can't remember how to do CPR. Oh wait! CPR hasn't been invented yet and you have no idea what that term means. You continue to contemplate CPR as Maria drifts off into the sweet embrace of death. A quick glance back at Maria's lifeless corpse tells you happened. She's dead as a door nail.

Karma -100000000000000000000 (The next fight you'll get into will be disastrously hilarious)

You carve a makeshift grave out of a nearby rock and a sharp dagger from the loot pile.

Maria's ghost rises up from the grave.

"Fuck you." she says.

"If you wanna find that Macguffin, you can either explore the temple nearby, sneak into a nearby training camp, or ask around in the nigger fields." she mumbles. "But since you killed me I'm not telling you which one has the Macguffin."

What next?
>Ask the niggers
>Explore the dense jungle
>Find the training camp
>Find the temple
>Buckle down for the evening (This will improve your fighting chances. A roll out of 20 will determine what will happen in the night. 1-5: Noting happens. 6-10: You will be attacked by a wild animal of your choosing. 11-15: You will be assaulted by a mythical creature. 16-19:You will be attacked by a meromancer. 20: Pyre will appear.

>>211191
>>Find the training camp
Maybe they can teach us CPR or the heimlich maneuver.

>>211191

Fuck...! We don't mean to choke her dead with our seed... we must do regular fapping to avoid the same mistakes.

>Find the training camp

>>Ask the niggers

>>211191
Ask the nigs, ask the nigs!

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>>211197
After a while, you two arrive at a clearing filled with makeshift buildings and enemy guards. Both of you hide in the buses behind the clearing. An axeman standing very close by coughs into his hand and glances around lethargically. You spy 3 towers, all with bowmen occupying them. A large building made out of jungle wood and vines stands in the middle of the large camp, which could possibly house the Macguffin.

What is your plan of attack?
>Smash a nearby oil lamp with a thrown rock or spell
>Snipe the bowman closest to you
>Hold the axeman up
>Make a loud noise and have a guard investigate. This results in a battle which may or may not get you killed.
>When the guards are looking the other way, run and dive into the tall grass bordering the central builing (Roll out of 10; 1-3 is a success, 4-7 is an alert, 8-10 has a guard investigate.)

>>211322
>>Snipe the bowman closest to you
Take them out one by one.

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>>211344
You carefully aim at the bowman situated on the tower. With one finger, you fire a beam of flames at the target. And you miss by a hair of an inch, alerting all the guards in the camp.

"Intruder alert!!!!" screams the bowman.

What the fuck do you do?
>Reposition (Flip a coin; 1 means that no guard finds out along the way, 2 means that they find your position)
>Engage the enemy
> Ambush them
>Kill the bowman
> Run away and explore a different location

>>211415
>> Ambush them
Lead them into a trap.

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>>211421
As a guard wanders close to your location, you lure him next to your bush by making a small rustling noise. The next thing you notice is that he's standing directly over you, but hasn't noticed you yet. Just then, he spots the top of your scalp.

"WHHHHUUUUUUUU....."

COMBAT TIEM!!!!

What will you do? Flip a "2 sided dice". 1 means success, 2 means failure.
>Pull him into the bushes, and the two of you will strangle him
>Punch him in the head
>Shoot a beam of magic at his face
> Dive into him
>Kick him in the balls (loud)
>Remove his helmet with one fell swoop and shoot magic at him (Roll out of 20. Anything other than a 1, 2, or 3 will result in failure)
>Run away
> Uppercut beneath chin (Silent, but higher chance of failure. Roll out of 10, 1-6 is a failure, anything else is a success)
>Wait for him to attack, dodge roll, then counterattack (If it fails, then you will be given a permanent injury)

>>211542
>>Kick him in the balls (loud)

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>>211567
remember to roll

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>211573

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>211542
>Pull him into the bushes, and the two of you will strangle him
50/50 chance here we go.

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>>211599
You reach out to pull him into the buses, but you're a hair too slow.

"Spotted!" he yells, alerting all the other foot soldiers.

You back away, narrowly avoiding arrows and projectiles.

What now?
>Break into a sprint and get away
>Find the nearest guy and shank him (risky)
>Surrender
> Use the nearest guy as a meatshield
>Shoot magic at the soldiers (They have varying degrees of armor)

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>211666
>>Break into a sprint and get away

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>211666
> Use the nearest guy as a meatshield
Whelp time to pick a fight with the devil. Lets hope were stronger that hell.

(I assume we shall keep rolling d2s then.)

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>>211708
You break into a sprint, but towards the enemy. Quickly, you dive into a nearby foe, toppling both of you. As he gets on his feet, you wrap your arms around his neck and threaten to off him if he resists.

"You coward!" screams another guard.

"Let him go!"

"Stop it!"

You grip him tightly as you resist the taunts and yells of his comrades. You feel him reach down to his waist. He brandishes a large bronze knife.

What next?
>Strangle him to death
>Throw him to the ground
>Take his helmet off and use it
>Back away to where the guards can't see you and smash him against a tree.
>Demand that they give you whatever's inside the building
>Drop him and run
>Use your other hand and gain possession of his knife
>Throw his knife at a guard

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>211788
>>Throw his knife at a guard

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>211788
>>Throw his knife at a guard

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>>211820
>>211825
You fumble for his knife, hurling it at a nearby maceman. The knife sticks in his throat, killing him instantly.

"What the hell?!" screams a bowman, exasperated.

What next?
>Make a demand
>You decide (write in)

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>211886
>>Make a demand
Do you any of you know CPR or the Heimlich maneuver?

And where's the Macguffin?

>>211886

>Make a demand

We demand Phoenix potion to revive Maria.

>>211916
O shit and this to. I feel bad for not thinking of such a item.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>211916

Forgot to roll.

>>211933
>>211926
>>211916
>>211904
Sorry, my tablet's not working. I'll continue in about 20-30 min, give or take.

So while we're at it, let's discuss some things.

What do you like about the quest? What do you dislike about it?

I also wish there more players so I can do a majority vote, but a lot of time has passed since last thread and many players have moved on.

>>212005
All good.

>What do you like about the quest?
Good Art. Some of the humor.

>What do you dislike about it?
More on the player side than anything else. I need more story with the dickings. Yet we skipped and murdered a lot last thread.

I would like to see more people as well.

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>>211916
You demand a potion of the Phoenix to revive a fallen ally.

"Never!" screams the bowman, as he draws an arrow, long and slender and sharp.

He looses the arrow. You block the sharp projectile with your meatshield. Only you were too late. The arrow embeds itself in your eyesocket, nearly reaching the brain.

You give in to pain and collapse on the jungle soil, in extreme agony.

What next?
>Call for Mr. Exposition
>Scramble away
>Surrender
>Wait for something to happen
>Pull that shit out ASAP. It could have icky dirt or some shit and give you a nasty infection. This will cause more pain and may cause you to pass out. Post number ending in 1,2,3 will cause you to pass out, anything else won't

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>212140
>>Call for Mr. Exposition
Mother fucker shot us. We got healing powers from last time, right? Hopefully using that will ease the pain.

>>212162
Healing muffin only replenishes stamina (when you're tired) not actually wounds.

>>212170
Crap.

Still it will be good to call in back up. I would like to freeze the fucker that shot us when given the chance.

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>>212182
"Mr. Exposition!" you scream in agony.

At first, there's no response. A nearby axeman prepares to separate your head from your neck, raising the metal weapon far above his head.

Suddenly, a golden sheen bursts from the undergrowth. Mr. Exposition interrupts the axeman form decapitating you, and shoves a long, oblong object up the ass of the archer who shot you. Taking this opportunity, you cast a freeze spell and encase the goblin bowman in ice. All of the other guards seem to be in shock at what has happened.

What now?
>No magic- You're out of Mana
> Run into the building (risky)
> Loot the distracted guards
> Engage in combat with the axeman and strangle him
> Run while the guards are distracted

shameless self bump

>>212266
>> Loot the distracted guards
Snatch and run. We need more mana.

Going to bed. See ya'll tomorrow. Also, I'm getting blood work done in the morning.

>>212828
Later.

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>>212859
You steal the axeman's loot as you sprint away from the camp. Eventually, you reach your wagon, where you gloss over your gifts. In your hands are a mana cookie and a few expired condoms. But wait! You forgot that the camp may or may not have the Macguffin, and that guards are now patrolling the forest looking for you!

"I don't think its safe to go back, but you can try...." Mr. Exposition mutters. "Anyway, there's a temple 50 miles west of here, but who knows what's in there."

What do?
>Return to the camp (Low risk, close by)
>Go to the temple (High risk, roll out of 10. If 1-3, you won't be attacked by anything. If 4-7, you'll be attacked by a fearsome beast. If 8 and 9, then you'll face the guards. If 10, then something interesting will happen.)
>Drink your own piss and eat the condoms (they're lambskin)

Rolled 5 (1d10)

>>213963
>>Go to the temple

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>>213975
You head the direction of the temple. Day quickly turns to dusk as you plod along in the undergrowth in your horse drawn wagon full of gold. Suddenly, trees part nearby. A colossal head reaches out from the canopy, joined by several other heads! Uh oh, it looks like you're facing a hydra tonight!

What do? For mundane combat options, roll out of 10. If 1-3, then it is a failure. Anything else is a success.
>Look into the loot pile (Roll out of 20, 1-5 gives you gold coins, 6-10 is a projectile of your choosing, 11-15 is an iron sword, 16-20 is an elemental weapon)
>Stun one of its heads with a thunder spell
>Hit it with a poison spell
>Set it on fire with a flame beam
>Squirt your cum on it
>Hit it with a force bolt, which pierces
>Run onto the Hydra's back
>Hide away and treat your eye-wound

Rolled 4 (1d10)

>>214031
>>Run onto the Hydra's back

Let do something more epic.

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>>214045
You take a running leap, sprint behind the beast, and run onto the Hydra's back.

What now?
>Force bolt it
>Take out a carving knife and mount it like in those Chinese Monsta Hunta Vidyagaems
>Poison gas it
>Run onto one of the heads of the Hydra and pierce its brain
>Pull out your arrow, stab it in the Hydra, and put your dick in the wound created by the arrow
>Burn the Hydra

Rolled 1 (1d10)

>>214141

>Take out a carving knife and mount it like in those Chinese Monsta Hunta Vidyagaems

>Pull out your arrow, stab it in the Hydra, and put your dick in the wound created by the arrow

Nope! We don't dare putting in hole that is not either mouth, vagina, ass or onahole.

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FUck no one is playing.

Rolled 10 (1d10)

>>214141
>Hit it with a force bolt, which pierces
(by which you mean Soul Spear, because that spell always owns)

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>>216168
>natural 10
Hell yeah

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>>216168
You cast soul spear or force bolt or whatever that spell is called. Holy shit! A critical! Your bolt rends the hydra's upper body, piercing those insignificant organs called "lungs". The hydra begins to hyperventilate like an autistic weaboo on ritalin.

You feel stronger now! You learned Shade Magic, which temporarily turns you invisible and boosts your speed and attack.

What now?

>Stick your dick inside of its ass
>Stick your dick in in one of its heads
>Stick your dick in any other hole
> Wait for the Hydra to suffocate
>Pierce it again

sorry for lack of updates yesterday. had work to do

Rolled 6 (1d10)

>>217009

>Pierce it again

Do it x10 times but slooowly...

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>>217011
You hop off the hydra's back and fucking spam force bolt until your mana runs dry. The hydra is reduced to a tasty meatloaf. You won the battle, I guess.

Also, the hydra reminds you that you gotta go eat and also treat that arrow wound before your face rots off from gangrene. You were pretty sure that arrow was coated in shit anyways.

What now?
>Cast a fire spell and bbq that hydra-loaf
>Eat the mana cookie
>Build an eye patch pieces of cloth and pull out that arrow
>Ask Mr. Exposition for advice on how to treat it (Warning: Long-winded)
>Push on to the temple

fuck. no ones playing.

Getting a little exasperated since I'm pretty busy and I'm running this quest in like 90% of my free time.

>>217036
Become Punished Liliana.

>>217046
Sorry mang, sometimes timezones suck.

>>217056
Assuming this choice also includes disinfecting our wounds.

>>217056
Also, magically attach Maria's femur to your head.

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>>217056
You finish making the eyepatch, and you pull out the arrow. Then, you glue the fragments of the arrow head to your forehead.

You are now Venom "Punished" Liliana, and you are nuclear. Stealth has increased, fame has increased, heroism has decreased. Also, the eye patch cost you 300 GMP.

You head to the temple.

What next?
> Throw rocks around the temple, to look for booby traps
> Sneak in, to avoid alerting any unseen dangers
>Run in and get yourself killed, but it'll look fucking awesome on your epitaph
>Use Mr. Exposition to scout for any dangers. After all, he's immortal

>>217090
Throw bolts (rocks) around the temple to look for anomalies (traps) like a cheeki breeki stalker.

>>217090
>Sneak in, to avoid alerting any unseen dangers
"Liliana, this is a stealth mission. Our Intel suggest that the target our client wants us to infiltrate might nuclear weapons in their possession, we need you to avoid detection before we confirm if this is true. We're counting on you, Liliana."

>>217115
Fuck it, I second this.

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>>217103
You chuck a rock. Suddenly, an unseen foe springs up from the shadows. The rock hits the nigger right the fucking face, instantly killing him.

Goodbye, Trayvon. You dindu nuffin.

What Next?
>Sneak in
>Call buddy (Mr. Expostion) for intel
>Throw more rocks
>Request a supply drop for a mana cookie

>>217126
Call Mr. Exposition then proceed with your stealth mission.

>>217126
>Call buddy (Mr. Expostion) for intel

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>>217139
>>217137
You call up Mr. Exposition telepathically even though you're standing right next to him.

"Any threats?" you ask.

"Yep! There seem to be an overabundance of cave fish men, which are famous for their mastery of ice magic."

"Do you know where the Macguffin is?"

"Yep!" Go down the flight of stairs at the entrance, turn a right, turn three lefts, and then go down two flights of stairs. Careful though, there's a-"

"How'd you know this?"

"Degree in Archaeology. Cost me 60,000 gold."

You quickly head into the temple.

Unfortunately, you are stopped when you notice a cave fish man just around the temple corner.

What do?
>Peek around the corner and shoot him with fire magic
>Peek around and stun him with a rock
>Tactically take him down with CQC (1/2 chance to work, roll out of 2)
>Toss a coin the other direction and distract him
>Hold him up (write-in decides what to say)

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>217162
>Tactically take him down with CQC (1/2 chance to work, roll out of 2)

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>>217167
You use your tactical cqc to silently neutralize the threat. After a swift kick to the balls, the cave fish man is no more, his testicles shattered by the force of your strike.

You continue on down the temple.

Eventually, you reach a giant circular room with- whoa shit... the Macguffin! But most of the room remains cloaked in shadows, and anything could be lurking in the depths.

How do you approach this situation?

>>217205
Stay hidden and throw a coin towards the Macguffin.

Summon /pol/ and use their fat bodies as a distraction.

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>>217205
STRIP

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>>217215
You strip naked in the darkness.

Also I drew a really lewd picture.

What next?

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>217205

Sorry I can't resist this action >>217215

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>>217215
>The faint at the sight of our hyper weapon.
I'm a bit aroused at the thought.

>>217223
Jack off until you're DIAMOND SOLID.

>>217223
Cast Light and >>217231
(I think he means "They")

>>217239
I'm bad at typing.

set something on fire to light the room

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>>217234
You stroke your diamond dog until you release a small burst of semen. Oh wait, what was that noise behind you?

What do?
>Continue to jack off
>Set the vines nearby on fire
>Eat the glowing mushrooms on the floor to make your cum luminescent
>Something else

>>217264
>>217239 (Cast light and let them be shocked)

>>217264
Cast light on your dick then turn around.

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>>217276
"Denizens of the dark! May the gods have mercy on your souls!!" May this world...be cloaked......in LIGHT!!!! May this- oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit"

You turn around to find a giant spider the size of your loot wagon. The Macguffin Guardian has come! A massive spider covered in unholy magic! Beware its webs, poison, and bloodlust. Now you will know why you fear spiders!

Fuck. What now, asshat?
>Duck behind a pillar
>Cast a spell at it (your choice)
>Cum on it
>Finish Fapping
>Call up Mr. Exposition
>Something else

>>217328
>Cum on it
Do it.

>>217328
In hindsight I failed to notice "AT IT"

>>217338
Do this and hope spider's into protein

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>>217361
You buff yourself up with all the buff spells you can. You spend practically an hour increasing your stats.

"GIGA DRILL MEGA BEAM BLAST ICE FIRE FLARE COMET METEOR OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" you scream, echoing in the large chamber of the room.

You release the beam, creating a crater in the temple and completely demolishing the building. Your attack pierces the heavens and blasts God in the face. Your beam is visible from miles away. Even the blindest of moles can see your beautiful attack.

The attack glances off the spider.

What now, big guy?

>>217394
Dick slap it.

>>217394
Since this spider can resist a moneyshot that hit god, I say we run the hell away

>>217394

Accuse the spider of hacking.

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>>217412
You abscond the fuck out of there, grabbing the Macguffin along the way.

END OF CHAPTER 2

CONTRATURAATIONS

U R WINRAR X2

The trumpet fanfare blasts into your eardrum again, but this time you plug your ears to prevent permanent hearing loss.

For collecting the Macguffin, you have won the power of:

Drum roll Please!
A free trip to Applebee's.

Fuck this quest. It sucks fucking balls.

What next?
>Find the loot wagon
>Try to cause a cave-in
>Call Mr. Exposition
>Try to distract the spider and fashion a cage trap. (Needs Mechanism and cage)
>Something else

>>217462
Invite the spider to Applebee's.

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>>217481
You invite the spider to Applebee's. The spider, thanking you for your offer, picks you up and chucks you into a nearby abyss. Down you plummet, fast as a rock.

Thump. You hit the floor, your gut absorbing most of the impact. Ouch.

A nearby contraption clicks on, lighting up what appears to a stone room or prison.

What? There seem to be posters and articles hanging on the wall, written in English, the language you understand,

The light bulb flickers, which triggers your pain. You don't know how you survived the fall.

What next?
>Read the posters and articles
>Vomit and shit yourself simultaneously
>Give in to pain
>Call Mr. Exposition
> Find an exit
>Hey, is that food over there?

>>217546
>Call Mr. Exposition
His talking will help dull the pain.

the quest is back to being dead

niggers

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>>217660

>>217671
Please don't bring up 4t quest. I'm sorry, Nisa.

>>217675
sorry senpai

Investigate the food.

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>>217823
You look at the food. They seem to be inside small metal containers, sealed shut!

On the top of the can, a banner reads:

"Canned Sardines- Meal Ready to Eat In Case of Nuclear attack."

You have no idea what that means.

What next?

>>217946
>Read the posters and articles

>>217946
Read posters

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>>217974
>>217976
You investigate the posters on the wall.

Though they are faded and mildewed, you make out some important bits of info.

"Leaders may have gone rogue!"

"Scientist comes up with new experiment- A possible Solution?"

"Radiation Lingers"

"Can Humanity pass the test?"

The articles confuse you more than ever.

Also, who's that on the wall?

She looks familiar...

What now?

>>218016
>Call Mr.Exposition so he can tell us what the hell the posters are saying and who the person on the poster is.

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>>218062
You telepathically call up Mr. Exposition.

There's no response from him.

That picture of the girl..... It's giving you the chills...

What do?

>>218108
>"Borrow" the posters and keep the picture of the girl.

>>218108
Find sn exit

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>218108

Fap to the picture of girl, it will replace the chills with hot instead...

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>>218141
>>218168
You take as much as you can carry, taking all the posters and some of the "cans" with you. The photo, however, creeps you out. You swear you've seen it somewhere, just...... Oh, wait. Is that you?!

That is most definitely you. But wait, there's more! A caption under the photo reads:

"Birth of new phenomena."

What the fuck are we gonna do?
>Bang on the steel door in front of you
> Eat some sardines
>Something else

>>218197
>Bang on the steel door in front of you

These drawings are very cute.

>>218233
ty

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>>218232
You start banging on the steel door in front of you. After a while, your knocks turn to punches, and your punches turn to kicks. You bust down the door after some magical "persuasion".

What awaits you is a corridor, pitch black.
You cast light and follow the tunnel, which leads to a fork in the road.

Where to?
>Far left
>Left
>Continue
>Right
>Far Right

>>218281
>Continue

>r9k leaves
>quest is dead again

fucking why

>>218376
Far right.
>heil.

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>>218478
You continue to the far right. The tunnels seem to be alien, with steel tubes and red glowing things scattered throughout with an even pattern. Did a human make this strange place?

You are stopped by a giant door, looking like a safe's door. It shimmers from a light source located behind it. This is it. The exit.

You then notice a small object at your feet. It's made of rusted iron, but a part of it glows. The contraption is no bigger than a mouse. Suddenly, the two Macguffins you collected resonate, glowing in your pockets.

What do?
>Use the device
>Do not
>Open the vault door
>Something else

>>218506
>Use the device

>>218506
>>Use the device

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>>218511
>>218548
You press the button on the device....

Here goes nothing!

You recall the cold war. Every last detail of it, including how the tensions became a nuclear nightmare.

What do?
>Bust down the door
>Open it without expending your precious magical energy

>>218581
>Open it without expending your precious magical energy

Just kick on it.

>>218581
>Open it without expending your precious magical energy
Do you remember....The Boss's dream?

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>>218597
>>218598
You turn that little wheel thing, and BOOM! The whole thing comes open. You are temporarily blinded by sunlight, but soon adjust to it.

Chapter 3: Beneath the sea of garbage

You are in the rocky wasteland.

"The fuck?" a nearby mud elf says.

"How'd you move that..... metal disk thingy?!"

"Oh, that's a door. It leads to tunnels, which lead to the jungle."

"The jungle? That's 3 months travel from here! Those must be long tunnels."

You recall how long it took to get from the room to the door. It only took you about 4-5 hours, at most! How did you travel 3 months worth in a sixth of a day?

What do you do?
>Ask the Mud Elf abut the Macguffins
>Ask the Mud Elf about the tunnels
>Ask him about the whereabouts of the nearby Macguffin
>Ask him what the purpose is for collecting the Macguffins- What the hell do they do?
>Ask him to join you
>Ask him about Pyre
>Ask about the surrounding locales
>Ask about something else

>>218652
>"Join my clan on CoD"

>>218652
>Ask him what the purpose is for collecting the Macguffins- What the hell do they do?

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>>218679
"Hey, have you heard about the Macguffins? What do they supposedly do?"

"Golly gee!" he replies. "The Macguffins! I'm on a quest to collect them! My dad's wife's son said that they supposedly change the world if you collect all eight of them! Who knows, my not-bro is an alcoholic liar anyway. He told me about the Macguffins after I bought him alcohol, so he's probably full of shit anyway. And are you also on a quest to get the Macguffins?"

"Uh......yeah. Why are you out by yourself? You're like thirteen or some shit. Where are your parents?"

"I'm a runaway! I hate my parents! My dad always hits my mom and my mom always fucks my other daddy when I'm trying to sleep! I'm done with my goddamn family!"

"Uh, ok." you begin to turn away.

"Hey, can I join you?"

You hesitate.

"What's your name?"

"Leo."

>Have the boy join you
>Politely refuse his offer
>Tell him "just one Macguffin" and join him
>Tell him to fuck off, take a whizz on his bare nipples, and slap him in his cunt face
>Walk away slowly

>>218723
>Politely refuse his offer
On second thought we don't a freak of nature to join us..

>>218723
>Tell him "just one Macguffin" and join him.
But be very condescending about it.

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>>218748
"Alright." you say. "Just one Macguffin. Your parents must be worried about you, you little fucking faggot bitch."

"Yipp.....eee?" he responds, a little sad but also happy.

You give him a slap on the face to get him going.

"Where to?" you ask him.

He leads the way.

Karma -10

What Next?
>Question his judgement
>Call him a kid
>Ask him if he actually knows what he's doing
>Something else

>>218811
>Ask him if he actually knows what he's doing

>>218811
>Ask him if he actually knows what he's doing

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>>218829
>>218957
"Do you even know what you're doing?" you ask.

"Yeah, I'm pretty confident. We're headed toward the Desert Theater, or the Colosseum."

"But why? I thought the Macguffin-"

"Hush up, what's-your-name-"

"Liliana."

"Hush up, Liliana. The Desert Theater is where arena combatants duke it out in a battle to the death. The champion gets the possession of the Sand Gem, which is what we locals call the Macguffin. I was going to fight for my family, since winning battles gives you gold and glory, but since you're here, I'll also go for a shot to get the Macguffin. That's why I've been training my Transformation hand-to-hand combat skills!"

What Next?
>Keep going to the arena
>Leave him
>Tell him to fight for himself, and if he wins he gets a large portion of your loot pile( which involves you finding your loot pile)
> Ask him about the champion of the arena

>>219004
>Ask him about the champion of the arena
That would explain why he looks like a botched abortion.

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>>219014
"What about the champion? Won't we have trouble beating him?" you ask.

"Oh, the Champion! He's the orc war boss Ares! He's about 8 feet tall, 600 pounds, I'm sure we'll beat him! As they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall! Or we'll end up like the 912 others who challenged him."

You gulp nervously.

>Back out of this
>Press on like a champ
>Tell him that he'll be the first to die; the meatshield

>>219139
>Tell him that he'll be the first to die; the meatshield
He must prove to us he can handle his own.

Where is Mr Exposition?

>>219246
Shhhhh.......

Some things should stay forgotten, forever.

>>219388
Ask him about the cold war.

>>219409
Fuck that, we need to find him so we can use him as the ultimate meatshield. And return that stupid boy to his parents.

>>219409
"Cold war? Never heard of that term. Are you sure you're sane? I mean, people with weapons that can shoot projectiles, giant 'nuclear' bombs, that seems like some overactive imagination you got there!" he says with a confused look on his face.

"Don't worry about that! You'll have bigger things to worry about anyway. We're almost at the arena!"

What now?
>Enter the Colosseum with gusto
>Enter it, and beat the shit out of the biggest, meanest asshole you can see
>Enter it silently to avoid wandering eyes; impress in battle!

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>>219456
forgot my picture

>>219456
> Establish that we are the boss of this gym.

>>219456
>Enter it, and beat the shit out of the biggest, meanest asshole you can see

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>>219498
You sit down and wait for a badass dude to beat up. Eventually, a man wearing black leather comes strolling in.

"Hey buddy, wrong door. The leather club's four miles that way."

"Fuck you."

You and Leo then proceed to beat the shit out of him, drawing a large crowd.

What Next?
>Demonstrate to the crowd that you and Leo are not to be fucked with
>Ask the receptionist for a match
>Kill the leatherman
>Something else

>>219680
>Demonstrate to the crowd that you and Leo are not to be fucked with

I'm gonna end it here today. See you soon with a new thread soon!

Too bad there weren't many people today.

>>219742
Later

Should I make the new thread now or wait a day?

>>221141
We still have some time left in this thread.

>>221711
It's already on autosage, I think. Anyway, I have some shit to accomplish this week, so I can't be too active here.

>>221833
Alright