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Wow there buddy! Before you can start this shitty quest, you're going to have to go through the dangerous task known as CHARACTER CREATION. Yes, you heard me right you goddamn bastard, you can put your filthy smudges over the PROTAGONIST and taint them with the ideas from the darkest parts of your cerebrum. So get ready to give this random citizen a
-NAME
-INTEREST
-FLAW
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>Balsac McGee
>Cosplaying Magical Girls
>Picks zits incessantly
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>>193616
>Iosefa Solomom
>Telling Jokes
>As he is a Polynesian, he is intimidating
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>>193688
*Iosefa Solomon
I need to proofread a lot more.
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John Winder
Eatting metal
Abrasive
>>
Oh yes, you did it!
You managed to escape the dreadful character creation stage and find yourself onto a new stage, a COMEDY CLUB STAGE.
You're now Balsac McGee, oh wait no, that's what they called you back in high school. Thankfully though, you've grown past that stage in your life and can now be identified as a dignified adult named Iosefa Solomon. (But due to how intimidating you are, you prefer a much more friendlier name, John.)
Your main occupation is being a comedian for your ANIME COMEDY CLUB. But for the past year, it's only been you telling shitty jokes to your TWO CUPS on a TABLE, STAGE CURTAINS, EXIT DOOR, CEILING FAN, SHITTY ANIME POSTER and probably the other numerous items you'd find inside your stereotypical ANIME COMEDY CLUB.
You think that today is the day you're going to close down since damn, this place hasn't made a dime and has only been surviving from the money you had saved for college.
Hopefully you'll be able to do something to actually get this comedy club popular and to prevent it from being shut down!
But the question is what will you do?
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>>193768
Advertise! What better way to get attention by advertising?
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>>193768
Go to meetups with other weebs and see if anyone is interested in joining/going to your club.
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You decide the best option is to advertise to the local weebs so you...
Wait a goddamn second.
I think some sort of shitty trickery is afoot.
Oh no! A massive oversight has been reached! Due to no checking of the invisible extras menu, we've incidentally made our protagonist an NPC, leaving him to his default behavior of constantly picking at his zits and thinking about cosplaying magical girls!
You, the quester, stand back astonished, maybe even feeling a little betrayed as you whisper to yourself "Oh shit, another railroaded quest!".
It seems that there's no way to get your commands to reach our hero...
"Wait...", you say to yourself, looking up at the mysterious stat known as KARMA. It seems that Balsac has filled up his KARMA bar before the start of this quest! That could be a saving grace for you to be able to have any input.
Balsac, I mean, John or whatever, may be able to save his ANIME COMEDY CLUB via a series of coincidences. But for these coincidences to happen, you must give commands to the objects in the surrounding area.
I guess the real question is now, what will everything else do?
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>>193838
A cute girl comes by to hear some jokes.
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Alas we attempt to control a nearby cute girl who's very much willing to listen to the blabbers of an acne covered anime comedian but this attempts fail as she's an NPC with free will. Doesn't freedom suck?
Though you do decide to take the opportunity to examine the objects around her, including GUM ON THE SIDEWALK, various BAGS OF TRASH and SOME MYSTERIOUS SUBSTANCE.
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>>193892
Check the mysterious substance.
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apply substance to gum
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>>193892
Sit on gum
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Put gum in mouth
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Throw the bags of trash out the window.
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You become the GUM and decide to use one of its more secretive traits known as CAPITALIST ADVERTISING. See that capitalism bar's gluttonous fulfillment? That means that humans are more likely to fall to our devious traps. It's like social commentary about how money is bad or some bullshit like that.
You advertises how much of a SWEET DELICACY™ you are to this poor girl, and you can tell that already she's putty in your non-existent hands.
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She hesitates to fall for any of your tricks but in the end you're the victor as she shoves you into her mouth like those vore comics you try to avoid on the internet.
A victor such as yourself deserves a DESTINY UPGRADE, an upgrade only given to the highest tiered objects who can manage to fulfill their purpose in this godforsaken world.
You evolve from a mere SIDEWALK GUMCHEW to a much more respected DENTAL GUM INVADER, you don't actually know what cool gum related power you get because of this but you'll come up with something later.
Maybe you cause like tooth decay or something?
Maybe you could give people diabetes now?
Something like that.
>>
We take a break from being the GUM in order to become the current existential crisis known as the MYSTERIOUS SUBSTANCE.
Due to being of the VAGUE nature, it's hard to examine yourself because you don't know exactly what the fuck you are. You could be a hobo's cum on the sidewalk, you could be dog shit someone purposely didn't clean up, you could be some obscure anime figure who was sadly left out in the sun and melted. Whatever your real identity was before you became MYSTERIOUS doesn't matter anymore.
One beautiful advantage from being UNKNOWN is that you have the chance of becoming whatever object you wanna be. But be careful, once you decide on your new identity, it'll be impossible to be MYSTERIOUS again.
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>>197120
I opt for being water leakage from the A/C unit above.
>>
The MYSTERIOUS SUBSTANCE turns out to be WATER LEAKAGE from the A/C UNIT above in the WINDOW, which connects the ANIME COMEDY CLUB to the PURE AIR outside.
This A/C was installed just in case any of the nerds inside would get hot and bothered by Balsac's sexy magical girl cosplaying comedy.
Alas the A/C has never been able to fulfill this MANIFEST DESTINY.
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>>197991
Get gun, shoot weebs
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The GUM uses its newly gained UPGRADE, CAPITALIST INFLUENCE.
The GUM decides to advertise itself and implant the idea of buying MORE GUMS, but due to a tragic spelling error on the GUM's part, the idea of BUYING MORE GUNS, has been implemented onto the NPC's brain instead.
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GUM manages to travel its way into the nearest GUN STORE. Due to GUM's CAPITALIST INFLUENCE, it seems that the girl is now under the impression that she was thinking about buying a GUN and hearing ANIME JOKES so that she would be in the mood to shoot a bunch of weebs.
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>>198370
Freak out at Npc girl's ideas. Take cover in a bomb shelter. Make new anime comedy club there.
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Becom a gun with the desire to shoot people to protect anime comedy clubs
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We become the PATRIOTIC GUN who represents all AMERICAN VALUES: ANIME, COMEDY, and CLUBS. You decide it's high time to take action against this NPC GIRL's terrorist attempt against AMERICA.
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This one time in a sitcom I saw a gun shoot by itself so I'm pretty sure you use whatever fucking ability that is to shoot the NPC girl.
"Hell yeah America" you think to yourself as you feel the gun powder in your bullets explode in PATRIOTIC EXCITEMENT. You successfully shoot the NPC Girl in the arm in the name of AMERICAN ANIME COMEDY CLUBS.
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The NPC Girl spits the GUMS out to the ground in a panic. Damn, it looks like ever since their UPGRADE they've acquired the mystical item known as a COOL HAT. It signifies that they're capitalist geniuses now. Evolution is incredible.
They decide that for their own safety they have to find a way to the nearest BOMB SHELTER. Hopefully once they reach their destination they may form a new ANIME COMEDY CLUB in order to boost CAPITALIST RIVALRIES. The GUMS pull up a MAP of the ENTIRE CITY, consisting of THREE BUILDINGS, the ANIME COMEDY CLUB, the BOMB SHELTER, and the GUN SHOP. Now all they have to do is find a way to the BOMB SHELTER, this is difficult as they lack LEGS.
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Convince the hat of the gun counter guy and the freeabo gun that your ideas are in their interest and they should influence the guy at the gun counter
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The GUMS decide that in order to continue its business, it'd be best if they started recruiting other equally professional objects. The GUMS negotiate with the HAT and the FREEABOO GUN, convincing them that it'd be in their best interest to join the GUMS in their goal of creating a new ANIME COMEDY CLUB. FREEABOO gun wholeheartedly agrees, but HAT 1/4heartedly agrees.
We examine HAT for any possible special abilities, ah yes, a classic ability.
The DEPRESSIVE INFLUENCE ability. Due to the nature of all people who wear HATS, it's easy for a HAT to give DEPRESSIVE thoughts to NPCs as a form of DEPRESSING MIND CONTROL.
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>>205078
Ask the hat where it came from.
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Get party hat to make him feel self conscious of his insecurities. Make him feel like he lacks comedy, anime, and the safety that a bombshelter provides
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Can we talk to the corpse now that it's inanimate.
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>>193616
>Fillthy frank
>Anime hunter
>Has cancer
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We ask HAT for his story in hopes of finding out why he suffers from chronic depression.
HAT begins his tale on the day of his birthday
(I don't know if hats can be born or are just made, I'll look up the dictionary definition of birth later to see if that word applies to hats).
Born in the MAGICAL GIRL COSPLAY SWEATSHOPS deep in the basement of the ANIME COMEDY CLUB, he seemed to be a very SPECIAL HAT.
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In comparison to other HATs, this HAT was different, no not as in like, it had autism or something. I mean maybe it has autism, but I'm pretty sure all HATS have autism, I've never seen a HAT look me straight in the eyes so it's a safe bet we're dealing with an autistic HAT.
Okay now getting back on track, this HAT contained an unusual non-autistic trait, the trait of BEING SHITTILY DRAWN. A SHITTILY DRAWN OBJECT, is much more real than a REAL LOOKING OBJECT THAT I COPY AND PASTED FROM GOOGLE AND THEN LOWERED THE SATURATION. REAL OBJECTS are much more valued because I don't fucking know why. The economy is fucked so I don't understand the pricing on stuff. The local economy is probably shit here anyways. There's only like 3 BUILDINGS in this goddamn TOWN so I'm guessing that the local economy has already gone to hell and back. Though in theory this place could be small enough to introduce communism, though maybe the citizens here are too greedy for that. GREED is often shown by HAT WEARERS along with their DEPRESSION.
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The creator originally intended to escape this SHITTY TOWN, only to be shot by a jealous individual looking for a HEAD COVER.
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The reason why most HEAD COVERERS are DEPRESSED, is due to the things they had to do in order to receive their cool HAT.
Thus, the HAT has been worn by the gun shop owner ever since that faithful day.
The HAT can still remember the sound of the BULLET. It keeps him up at night despite the fact that HATS don't sleep.
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We exit the past in order to go back to the present where the NPC Girl is still freaking out. You attempt to possess her CORPSE thinking that she died from being shot in the arm.
No that's not how GUN WOUNDS work.
She's very much alive but you probably don't intend for her to stay that way.
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HAT sends depressing THOUGHTS which makes the man behind the counter feel self-conscious of his INSECURITIES. Making him feel like he lacks COMEDY, ANIME, and the SAFETY that a BOMBSHELTER provides.
His INSECURITIES cause him to tear up, but this is impossible as he ran out of tears this morning.
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Back to outside the club with the A/C unit
Thread posts: 42
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Thread images: 20