commercial

>>193273
Girlfriend in a can

>>193295
girlfriend in a can
i dunno, but i kinda like it we might stick with it what are the side effects?

7s 2s and 0s decide

>>193305
Loss of income, allergies to cans, and uncontrollable flatulence.

>>193305
Autism

>>193322
autism is a side effect i don't think i want to sell this product on the market, sir.

>>193316
can you come up with a better product?

9s 6s and 5s

>>193346
The essence of Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu

OP here please read the spoilered text because i had something planned

>>193353
sorry no get but i like this one

>>193362
So, boss, I heard our company was in a bad situation, and I was thinking of a new perfume we could make! I call it:
The Essence of Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu.
Catchy name, right?

>>193394
i like the name but are there any side effects?

(someone else take the role of my assistant)

>>193408
W-Well, there is a slight chance of numbed mouth, suddenly speaking Māori, and the off chance that they might have Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.

>>193416
i dunno, if this product doesn't sell well there maybe a angry mob to arise just to pitchfork you in ass i'd roll 1d12 just to see how it does 1st day


(ACCEPTING NEW PRODUCT IDEAS)

Rolled 11 (1d12)

>>193429
I-I think it'll go well, boss!

>>193434
and it does those few customers who were trying to speak Māori finally learned the scent was a hit with geo sentric hipsters looking for a woodland sort of scent but only few actually know about the product, write me a script for it
be sure to include a marble statue, an old lady and the product. if it fails you're fired.

>>193452
sorry for bad english

>>193429
Instant Lover

It's like Girlfriend in a can, but a lot safer.

Just open the top of the freezer safe tube AND BLAMO! You now have a sensitive and understanding middle eastern wife. It's surprising just how flexible those Middle Eastern women really are. What's even more surprising is just what they'll do to get a green card in this country.

>>193462
i dunno what are the side effects?

>>193471
None. It is literally just an extremely flexible girl in a can.

Maybe backpains could be considered a symptom, as the can would weigh over 60 lbs. Hold it the wrong way and a weak man or woman could stress their back.

>>193474
im not sure if i want this on the market roll 2d12 to convince me it's good idea

Rolled 4, 12 = 16 (2d12)

>>193479
It's something to revolutionize the lonely bachelor's/bachelorette's life. These middle eastern women don't care about sexual orientation, they just want to escape the war and rapists in their home country.

>>193452
Old Māori mother: E, son, what are you doing looking like that?
Son: Mom, I'm trying to impress someone at my school, but there's nothing I can use...
Mom: If you're going to impress a da girl, then use da essence of da Māori people.
In the background, a marble statue of a Polynesian man is using Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu. He has a gleeful expression on his face. At the end, he looks to the camera and says:
The essence of Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu: like Axe, but Polynesian.
The son is at the school, having a good time, dancing with a girl.

We are not responsible for any languages you suddenly learn after using it.

Boss, I think I messed up...

>>193484
well in america it doesn't sell well, sadly but thats not to say you didn't try write me a script and roll one more time, and remember if you fail you're fired.

Rolled 1 (1d12)

>>193495
Whoops, forgot the roll.

>>193502
>>193495
no it's fine, plus you're our top selling product (out of 2) re-write it but if this fails its to the pitch forks with you.

Rolled 3, 4 = 7 (2d12)

>>193496
Bored man: I sure am lonely and sexually frustrated. If only I could find the right girl for me.
Wacky 90's voice: HEY YOU!
Bored man: Who, me?!
Wacky 90's voice: YEAH YOU! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED GETTING A TOTALLY RADICAL INSTANT LOVER?
Bored man: Instant lover? What's that?
Wacky 90's Voice: IT'S THE COOLEST AND MOST HIP NEW WAY TO FIND A GIRL TO HANG TEN WITH.
Bored man: Woah! But how does it work?!
Wacky 90's voice: YOU JUST OPEN THE CAN AND *BOOM* *POW* *SPROINGY* THERE SHE IS!
Bored man: Wow! That's amazing!
Sexy middle eastern woman: I'll say. *wink*
Wacky 90's voice: INSTANT LOVER COMING TO A STORE NEAR YOU!
Fast disclaimer: May contain anthrax, diseases, and dirt from another country. You must be 18 or older to order. Parental supervision is recommended. Batteries not included.
Wacky 90's voice: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A SQUARE, JUST MAKE SURE INSTANT LOVER IS THERE! BABE-I-LICIOUS! *Guitar shred to outro*

Rolled 4 (1d12)

>>193508
Old woman, to her husband: Aiyaa, do you remember when we first met?
Old Husband: Yes, my flower. It seems like yesterday.
Cut to a marble fountain, with a young girl at the edge. A boy walks by, looking at the girl.
Boy: Hi there! Do you want to be friends!
Girl: Sure!
Years pass, until both are 25. The boy is wearing Taumata.
Girl: What are you wearing?
Boy: Well, I thought you would like it...
Girl: What are you hiding?
Boy: W-Will you go out with me?
The girl, with tears in her eyes, hugs the boy, and they both walk into the sunset.
The Essence of Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu. Wear it for someone you love.

>>193526
Well, at least it did well in China.

>>193526
the commercial was just done well enough to hit it up with a certain crowd, now it wasn't the best but it did well enough to stay on with the company, but it's still to the pitchforks with you
roll 1d6 for amount the of times you'll be poked.

>>193523
you did great!
geo globadecent hipsters love the wacky 90s guy but it doesnt hit home with patiotic american viewers

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>193548
Korappa E buken Te Amaraki ao te moi, amene...

>>193523
>>193526
forgot to add: come up with a new product

>>193548
Pet Gun

It's a handgun that has electronic eyes that follow you while talking to you. It updates you on the news, the weather, and helps you aim properly at your target (ex: "Just aim about an inch to the right and you'll get a headshot").

>>193558
Poly Jandals. Like jandals, but a tad bit more useful.
Use it for footwear!
Use it like a hammer!
Use it to discipline your son!
The possibilities are endless.

>>193575
i dunno, man what are the side effects?
and i think i need some kind of licence to become a weapons dealer.
come up with something easier to use

>>193584
side effects?

(ACCEPTING NEW PRODUCTS)

>>193605
When it hits, it STINGS.
You will become a true Samoan.
Tuvaluan music plays in the background when you hit someone.
Those is the only side effects there are.

>>193605
Okay, then how about we just sell the addon for the gun, not the gun itself. It clips onto the pistol and we have nothing to do with the manufacturing nor distributing of the gun it clips onto.

There have been no side-effects yet, but there are concerns of the guns reaching self-awareness and coercing the owner of the gun to do terrible and horrible things, like starting a riot or shooting up a school; these are completely unbased accusations though and we know that if these guns ever did actually reach self-awareness, they'd only say nice things like "We love humanity" and "Don't use us to hurt anyone, because that'd be bad for our manufacturing company".

My idea for this thread was to get at least 3 products on the market from 3 different anons then have the side effects come back to haunt them but i think its fine the way it is i love your responces tell me what you think

>>193630
write a commercial and roll 2d20 1st die is success on the market 2nd is success for promotion

>>193644
i love it write the script and roll 1d12 but if the out come is an odd number the guns will reach sentiance

Rolled 12, 6 = 18 (2d20)

>>193653
Samoan Boy: You are so lazy, Dad!
Samoan Father: E? Are you being cheegi to me? Let me take you on a tour around da house:
This is da plant.
This is da hose.
This is da TV.
This is your brother.
And this:
Cut to a close up of Poly Jandals.
Is my jandals. Which one do you want to get knocked out by?
Poly Jandals: Be glad it's not a ruler.

Rolled 2 (1d12)

>>193653
Buddy: Hey Jim.
Coconut: *silence*
Buddy: Yeah. I could definitely use a friend, but who could be my friend?
Talking handgun: Why not me?
Buddy: What? Is that the Devil?!
Talking handgun: No-ho-ho! It's me! Pet Gun; the handy electronic friend for all handguns out there.
Buddy: Well that's neat. I've always dreamed of a robo-wife.
Talking gun: You see, I tell you the news, help you listen to the radio, predict the weather, warn you about convicted sex offenders in your area, help you aim, AND SO MUCH MORE!
Buddy: Now I can marry my gun, just like in my dreams.
Talking gun: I love you, new best friend!
Buddy: And I love you, Pet Gun. Now where'd I put my lube?
*typical disclaimer that mentions batteries not included*

>>193681
Oh my, Anon. How lewd~

>>193673
the commecial does better than expected but sales are just the same fail one time and i'll use poly jandals on you, no promotion.

>>193681
the gun sells horribly first day, but the lewdness of your commercial made it gain momentum and now its our top selling product and making us more money than ever before roll for promotion 1d12

Rolled 11 (1d12)

>>193703
I knew I was a marketing genius.

>>193703
I-I'll try, sir!

>>193709
you've been promoted to my personal bitch but you still gotta make up products

>>193712
make a new product, now api!

(AFTER THIS ROUND IS COFFEE BREAK )

>>193724
Good Day Calendar:
A calendar that has multiple encouraging messages to help you get through the days.

>>193724
>Personal Bitch
I better get paid a lot for this position.

And next idea:
Love Punch Gary - The punching bag filled with non-newtonian fluids that can either serve as a soft and squishy friend to hug as a body pillow or a hangable soft, yet strangely hard, surface to punch. The exterior looks like either a cute cat mascot or a cute puppy mascot.

>>193740
OHHH MYYYY. HOW LEWD.

OP died. RIP.

Going to sleep. I give my rights of marketing Love Punch Gary to Apisaloma. My only request is that you cast Terry Crews as both the cat and the puppy in the advertisement. If you can, make him every role.

>>193731
side effects?

>>193740
don't worry you'll get paid well enough
side effects?

(stupid captcha)

>>193758
Y-Yes Sir!

>>193759
None. I'm giving marketing rights to Apisaloma, because I am sleepy. He needs to cast Terry Crews as every role, though.

Best of luck to him.

>>193759
If you run out, then you have to buy another one.

>>193766
write two commercials on the double ill read them in two hours but if the thread dies ill probably be back in a week or so
(i gotta go back to my home board)

>>193776
See you later.
Love Punch Gary:
Terry Crews: You! Yes, you! Are you tired of not punching people? Are you coworkers just to frustrating to handle? Well, thanks to Love Punch Gary, your troubles will just melt away!
Dog, also Terry Crews: MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE IS PAIN.
Terry Crews: Use Gary to make your troubles become all but a simple dream!
Kick it!
Punch it!
Fist it! (How lewd~)
Jandal it!
Insult it!
Break up with it!
Roleplay with it!
Shitpost with it!
THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS!

Good Day Calendar:
You may think that you are alone. You might believe that we think you are worthless. But you know what? We know you have the potential to become something great, which is why we made this calendar.
If you ever feel down, just take a message off of the calendar. It'll cheer you right up!

I'll roll a d4 for this one.

Rolled 4, 5, 9, 2 = 20 (4d12)

>>193802

>>193811
RIP.

>>193802
love punch gary commercial failure but because he sold rights to you api you get to roll for how many times you get hit by jandals 1d6
but the calender didnt do too bad so you get the promotion

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>193829
Better than nothing, I guess...

>>193832
now we get a coffee break
see you tommorow at 10pm MDT

>>193846
See you later.

>>193849
sorry to say but thread is now kill