Totally Ass-Random Quest: Fucking shit up edition

Everything? Time to start up a new quest in /qst/ then

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>>1704765
Oh yes, you gotta start a new quest! You are about to do just that, but there is a message saying you have hit your thread limit!?

>>1704785
grow a beard and go to the store

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>>1704828
Growing a beard might be a good alternative...
HECK YEAH! You have an awesome beard now!!! Time to buy some manly beverages!
The store is small and only sells chips and beer, also the shopkeeper is kinda weird, but whatever - beer is beer, but which one to chose...

>>1704851
Beer? I wanted Pepsi. But okay, we'll take cheapest bear possible and crab flavored chips. Say goodbye to the shopkeep and go find some magical fox girls to drink with.

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>>1704876
"You ain't got no Pepsi?" You ask the weird shopkeeper.
"Ain't no Bebsi in there, only beer, I has Bebsi flavored beer thought" He replies, so you buy the beer and get some crab flavored chips as a gift, what a kind person.
As you walk out of the store a search for the SEXIEST MAGICAL FOX GIRL TO DRINK WITH BEGINS!
Yeah... so... uhh..... There are no fox girls in this city, but you find a magical gay fox boy hobo and he's very friendly...

>>1704916
punch him

>>1704997
And then lick the side of his face!

OP don't die pls.

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>>1704997
>>1705017
You unleash a MIGHTY PUNCH on his cute innocent face and it's so pleasant that you punch him once more (or twice, or... a lot of times).
Once you are done with making minced meat out of his face you get hungry from all that effort, so it's obvious that you decide to answer the question that scientists can't solve to this day - What does the fox taste like!?
Lick, then another, then another, you go lickitylickitylickitylick all over his face ignoring his weak protests, now that you know the answer you can share it with the world (tastes like chicken).
The hobo lies on the floor, breathing heavy, then he asks you a question "Will you, kind lord, give me some of your booze to appease my great pain?"...
The hobo is kinda socially awkward, don't ask why he speaks that way
>>1705101
Don't worry about that, I'm an invincible pile of cup noodle floating through space, the reason I wasn't responding is that it's kinda late here.

>>1705226
Aw man, poor hobo. Give him some of the booze and adopt him. You'll teach him how to be less socially awkward

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>>1705293
"Hey, sorry I beat you up and all that, have some booze"
As he sips the miraculous Pepsi beer you get a brilliant idea!
"Hey man, maybe I could adopt you? I mean, you will get a house and all that." It sounded way worse than what you thought it would...
"I will? Oh yes, thank you, my Lord, I sincerely thank you!" He doesn't seem to bother...
***
IN YOUR HOUSE:
The hobo is laying on your couch in new classy clothes (That emptied your wallet), he seems very happy just lazying around you, but it's time to teach him how to be popular!
"Hey, hobo" You still don't know his name!
"Hmm?" Before you say anything he suddenly asks YOU a question.
"Are you gay too? That beard looks gay."

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Rolled 2 (1d3)

>>1707738
This question enrages us enough to gain our new stand.
>1 ZA WARUDO
>2 Punch
>3 Something else???

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>>1707762
"AM I GAY?! IS BEING MANLY GAY???" You cry in outrage, the floor crackling under your multiplying muscle weight and streams of energy escaping your body.
"I WILL PROVE YOU THAT I'M NOT GAY BY BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU!"
The hobo isn't scared even as the most powerful of all stands appears, the almighty PUNCH made out of PUNCH and wrecks his ass (not literally, that's gay)
He's now laying on the couch, though now it's rather from his wounds and not his choice...
(Enjoy my shitty attempt at mimicking Jojo artwork)

>>1707786
And stop eating the soap! Everybody knows its hella expensive since the soap-people rebelled

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>>1707921
"AND STOPE EATING THE DAMNED SOAP! EVERYBODY KNOWS IT'S HELLA EXPENSIVE SINCE THE WHOLE REBELLION... STUFF!" You yell as you unload another barrage of high-pressure punch punches using your Punch stand.
"NEVER! I shall never give up a family tradition passed through generations just for your request!" The soap started floating "Now you shall witness the rage of MY ANCESTORS!"
A bright aura appeared around it and then it started spinning, behaving AGGRESSIVELY!!!

>>1708623
Call momma soap and tell her soapkun isn't behaving

i use my super mega punch to destroy the quest and complete the quest immediately

next quest plase

PUNCH THE SOAP, PUNCH IT NOW

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ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA

Rolled 3 (1d4)

Rollan for the action

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>>1711658
You PUNCH the soap using your stand PUNCH made out of PUNCH, but unfortunately, the soap starts bubbling and dissolves, leaving behind PUNCH flavored soapsuds.
"Heck that's awkward, not what I intended to do..." You mutter
"Yeah, can we just forget the whole thing happene- HE DIED OF SHEER HEART ATTACK" You rush to save the gay hobo dying of SHEER HEART ATTACK, but it has no weaknesses and his soul leaves his body.
"What might be the reason for his early demise?" You think and then a terrifying realization comes to your mind - His stand was destroyed and he died, but so were yours and now you're gonna die!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpaT28qMfis
YOU DIED.
***
It's warm and comfy there.
"Is this it? Am I really... dead?"
You open your eyes and see that you're surrounded by clouds. Yep, that's it.
Looking at the good side you didn't end up in hell, but looking at the BAD side you don't see anyone around...

>>1711733
Start a fistfight with jesus