Chaos Quest 2.5: More shit

Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>158927
Challenge him to a game of wits.

>>158943

You merely sit down "How about a game of wits? You're a trickster, so why don't you try and trick me?" He smiles at you and sits down as well "Alright then, what is it that while good, kind-hearted, and a true hope for the future. Can be monstrous, evil, and terrible beyond measure"

Answer!

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>158958
You

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>158958
The Inquisition clearly

>>158975
>>158962
Laughter, it's too obvious.

>>158991
soo, happy inquisitors laughing.

>>158975

You smile to yourself "The Inquisition seems to fit the bill perfectly what with all they do" this causes Cegorach to laugh "Oh I'll give you that one child, good one. Now the next one: What is a man? But is less than one?"

Answer?

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>159081
a cripple?

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>159081
A warp spawn.

>>159081
A daemon? They have the desires of man, yet they are slaves to these desires, unlike man.

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>159229
Forgot to roll

>>159081
Wo-man trollololo

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>159081
All (S)laughter aside, the answer is, an Imperial gaurdsman.

>>159091

You think for a little bit and a wheelchair comes into mind "A cripple perhaps? Or an imperial guardsmen." you say, Cegorach shakes his head "No, that would be a daemon. Close enough though"

"Next riddle, how can you escape chaos? While being on the side of it?"

Answer

>>159457
By being a grey knight.

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>159478

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>159483
I'm not even mad, That made me giggle.

>>159457
Be Abaddon the armless

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>159457
Exactly what you've always done.

>>159457
Purity seals. Purity seals everywhere. Also >>159478

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>159521
Forgot to roll again.

>>159527
Your purity seals explode. You don't have any? Too bad! They explode anyways.

>>159554
No! Muh seals!

>>159478

"By being a grey knight" you say with full confidence, Cegorach smiles at you and pats your head "Well done servant of Chaos, I must say I enjoy this time together. You didn't kill me nor did I kill you."

You smile at the god "Now, you may do as you like. I will just stay here ta-ta!" you then return back to the black library where the phoenix lords are trapped in a barrier being held up by Ahirman "There you are my master!" Axion and Lydris say simultaneously "Yeah....great to see you Belal! Help me make sure these assholes are in this barrier!" Ahriman says strained

What now lord?

>>159554
I can only imagine a chaos lord with purity seals on burning his skin. Then one day they explode like grenades

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>159904
Leave before more eldar show up

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>159904
Help our people out. We got the power of the chaos marks on our side. Plus the prince in our hand.

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>160109
Dis

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>159904
Use our mad psy-skills to help keep them in the barrier.

Give them the finger (while spinning DoomDunk on said finger) one they're appropriately constrained. Then head elsewhere with all the shit we've stolen.

Also see if we can find a wep for our Dark Angel student. Show him the rewards of Chaos. I feel like an oversized sword or greataxe would suit him.

Rolled 5 (1d100)

Changing my vote from >>160177
to >>160191
And pick up an eldar waifu for him along the way.

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>>160216
>tfw your own rolls begin to suck

So it has come to this, dice gods...

>>160191


You start helping out Ahriman by causing the barrier to be indefinitely around the Phoenix Lords. You then give these so called 'great warriors' one giant finger from your Sindri-hand while spinning DoomDunk and Sindri is whistling the Harlem Globetrotters tune before abruotly stopping"My lord, you know we could probably take the whole library with us if we want" Sindri suggests as Ahriman screams in glee "PLEASE LET US TAKE THE LIBRARY WITH US"

"Calm down Ahriman, let the master think" Axion says keeping a chainsword ready for the harlequins that may show up at any moment. You head over to your student and give him a reward for his service: A daemonic sword three times his size and thick as a rhino is wide "My apprentice I give you a reward for your continued service, a sword."

He takes the sword and gives it a test swing over Ahriman "Hey!" He says before Axion swings again "Ok edgy mcedgefuck" Ahriman mutters

Do you take the library back to the materium?

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>160274
We try.

Please dont fuck up, rolls.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>160274
Snatch and run!

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>160286
What a roll...
I guess our ship is becoming a mobile Black Library!

>>160304
Get ready galaxy. cause we be takin over!

>>160286

Summoning all the strength you have, combined with the help of Ahriman, Sindri and your waifus. You teleport the Black Library to the materium! Though it has merged with the Scourge, and has now been possesed by daemons that were being held within the library "Ahhhh, relatively new freedom. So I guess I have you to thank for it? My name Kalix, and I will help run this ship" a voice says as the interior of the ship becomes more daemonic and crystalline as well

"Boss? Boss! There you are man where were you?" Kharn says on a vox "Care to tell me where in Khornes great brass balls you went to?!"

What now lord?

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>160343
We had some books to read.

Now we build up our army with the knowledge gained. Then head off to kill some people for chaos.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>160343
Tell Kharn what happened. If he wants a fistbump, give it to him. Ask for a report in our forces, and do >>160348

Check on the Old ones, see what knowledge they can give.

Also, start charting out the path of our black crusade.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>160363
Rolling for this

>>160363

"Kharn I went to the Library, the Black Library. Along the way I got some Old Ones, new shit, beat Cegorach in a battle of wits, and caught the Phoenix Lords" you say in one breath before taking one long inhale "fist bump man?"

"Yes!" He says as you rip open a warp portal on your side and one on Kharns as you fist bump in the warp "Alright Kharn, I gotta go for a moment call you later" "You got it man" he says as the vox channel is cut you then head over to the Old Ones

"So what can you do" "We can make different species, make different kinds of tech, and give all sorts of knowledge" the Snake Old One says as you nod before taking a drawing board

Alright lord, what to daw up for this black crusade?

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>160363
Yup.

>>160406
Can you upgrade this?*Shows Doomdunk*

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>160452

>>160452

You toss DoomDunk over to the Old Ones "Mind upgrading that for me?" The Old Ones salute before going to a lab to upgrade DoomDunk

Back to the drawing board for the black crusade now

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>160472
We need a planet destroyer or some Black hole device? Maybe a more stable warp drive ?

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>160488
Rolling for both of these

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>160488
>>160508
Let's hope we can make a save right here.

>>160546
AYYYY, Praise be Malice.

>>160488

You chalk up your first goal as to make a planet destroyer of your ship, maybe something that causes black holes. And even a stable warp drives you don't get mindraped

What else?

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>160573
These are the old OLD ones right? What about how to mass produce or make Webways? Or too effectively breech them? Maybe Weapons that we can use to more easily kill Nercons or something?

sorry first time in the quest.

>>160573
Start keeping notes on the manpower on the planets in the surrounding sectors. We should find the weakest planet and then build a strategy of how to move our armies around. Also, see if our hereteks can build a stable warp drive as well as some weaponry using the knowledge from the black library.

Also, >>160581

Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>160573
Make a list of important imperial planets to conquer.

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>160594
Forgot to roll again....

>>160581

It's all good anon, just chill and keep giving good ideas. No such thing as a bad idea here.

>>160594

You start to note some of the manpower of the near by sectors, there are a cluster of minor space marine chapters that are in the area but not many to be a threat.

You then call up your hereteks and tell them to see if they can build a more stable warp drive, and make some new weapons for use "Well my lord can we have any different resources?" the main one asks, you tell them that they may use what ever is available in the Black Library

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>160626
Begin marking the most important targets to conquer

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>160626
I'll vote this >>160632

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>160632
Supporting.

Also, check on the old ones and see what they have.

And I suggest that, before we go on a black crusade, we spend time with our waifus.

>>160632

You begin marking down important targets of the sectors. Forge worlds, a chapter's homeworld, and several other misc. targets of importance

>>160713

You then head to the lab and see what the Old Ones have. Seems the Old Ones have managed to turn DoomDunk into a pure ball of warp energy "Perfect timing lord! We have managed to turn the ball into pure warp energy" says the frog Old One who hands you the ball.

You nod before heading to your private quarters where Macha and Taldeer are "Yes my love? What is it?" They say in unison

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>160783
Take them to pound town then set course for the marine homeworld

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>160783
Do >>160794 then get some of dat cuddling action going before going back to work.

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>160783
is that the Taldeer I know?

Also, Set course for marine homeworld. We gonna loot boyz. Also what is our numbers and stuff?

>>160936

Yep, love can bloom. Also a certain vindicare will show up later. You have near millions numbers of marines, almost limitless cultists, unlimited access to daemons, and all sorts of shit.

You head the the bridge of the ship and set a course for the marine world. One warp jump later you are in a bullet hell of space marine fire

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>160977
Begin evasive maneuvers and start the attack! And get me some boarding terminators on those battle cruisers!

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>160977
Harness the energy's of the warp and form a protective shield over us.

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>160977
Toss doomdunk at the biggest enemy ship and see what happens

>>161009
>>161017

You toss DoomDunk at an emperor class battleship. It hits: and then the ship warps into a black hole of chaos energy that starts sucking in all the ships and crushing them into nothingness

You start pulling evasive maneuvers and firing cannons at the remaining ships, you order terminators to teleport onto those ships!

What now lord?

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>161053
We must stop them from sending out messages, Warp storm son.

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>161053
Attempt to find the chapter master of the marines here.

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>161069
>>161077
Save roll time.

>>161077

You see a big and flashy ship that is trying to ram you. You assume this is the chapter master's ship.

You should do something before it hits you ramming

Heading to bed now anons, keep on rolling

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>161302
RAM IT

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>161302
Night, OP.

>>161347
Supporting.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>161347
>>161357
Thirding

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>161347
Supporting, but warn our sentient ship of our plan first.

>>161555
Nice trips.

>>161347
>>161357
>>161555
>>162337

You war Kalix that you're about to ram the other ship. "Alright, you got it" you order all engines to go max power as you speed towards the ship

You ram into the front of the ship, splitting it right down the middle painting the ship red with the ichor of the imperium's finest.

What now lord?

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>162652
We got to keep going son, We gonna gut the enemy fleet without mercy.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>162652
Look for more bloody meat filled space cans to split or blast

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>162652
Destroy them all!

>>162815
Wait, we forgot about the terminators!

>>162659
>>162661

You keep up the pace by ramming into any other near by ships while firing cannons at any others. Space Marines filling up the void of space along with the ruins of ships

"All enemies in the area are dead, should we make planetfall now?" Kalix asks

What now lord

Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>162845
No first open up with orbital bombardment for 24 hours, then deploy.

>>162830

No worries anon, they made it aboard before we started attacking

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>162848
yess yess, ORBITAL BOMBARRRDMENT

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>162873
>>162848
This!

>>162873

You order orbital bombardment of the planet bellow you. You enter position and begin firing cannons on the planet bellow

You see more ships enter the area joining in the bombardment "Hey boss! We're here to help you out" Kharn says as his ship starts firing on the planet along with Huron, Typhus, and Lucius

"So....how long are we doing this bombardment?" Huron asks "We're doing this for 24 hours, then we make planet fall bellow and assault"

Roll to see how fucked up this chapter is

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>162907
MALICE LEND ME YOUR ROLLS TO DESTORY ALL!

>>162912
HOLY FUCK NUGGETS THAT*S EXTRA LARGE CHAOS

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>162912
>99
Yep, theyre dead as fuck. Maybe the chapter master is the only one left?

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>162915
rolling for a side of khrone fries

>>162922
>>162915
>>162919

Brah, do you even Chaos in Chaos?

>>162928
..With a side of Chaos?

>>162930
I can tell you hear the voices too.

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>>162912

After 24 hours the planet bellow is a burning vortex of destruction and death. You land on the planet bellow to see the damage.

Apparently the chaos and change managed to summon daemons of Tzeentch to the area who are currently killing off marines.

You are knocked back by a hard blow to the back by a thunder hammer. You see the chapter master and a company of terminators with thunder hammers

"Heretical scum" is the only thing the chaoter master says before swinging a power sword at you. You cross counter with your daemonic sword

What now lord?

Rolled 7 + 8 (1d10 + 8)

>>162952
HERETICAL AMEN AND ATTACK!

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>162952
chop off the chapter masters head and summon a daemonic basketballgoal to slamdunk the head through, thus making all your followers stare in awe at that Top star chaos play skill

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>162960
Oh sorry, miss roll.

>>162962
THE VOICES ARE SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

>>162962
THE GODS ARE WITH US THIS DAY!

>>162962

Seems Tzeentch likes you today!

You knock the power sword out of the chapter master's hands and decapitate him. You grab the head mid-flight as a daemonic basketball goal emerges from the corpse of the chapter master

You take a spinning leap into the air and slam-dunk the head into the goal post. Which in turn sends out a shockwave that turns all the other remaining marines of this chapter into chaos spawn.

What now lord?

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>>163002

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>163002
Dedicate this planet to tezeentch.

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>163002
The planet is ours! Now we plunder whatever we can get of their armory, and take the chapter master's weapon and armor as a trophy.

Also >>163018 but lets not forget we are chaos undivided.

>>163002
Dedicate the planet to Malice

because he is the one who brought first the first roll of 99's!

Fuck you, His canon to me ;-;

>>163023
You forgot to roll ya git.

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>163023
FUCK I FORGOT

>>163021
Didn't we already give a planet to khorne, slaneesh, and nurgle? It makes sebse to get good with tezeentch next.

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>163023
Lemme try to help you fellow voice hearer

>>163038
The voices they scream with joy, The dice are as Malice never sitting with one always shifting but still returning.

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>163023
Definitely supporting establishing the odd world dedicated to Malice... Even though they'll probably just periodically fuck up our other worlds. For that is true Chaos undivided.

>>163023

You decide for whatever reason to dedicate this planet to Malice. You slam DoomDunk to the ground before roaring out

"HEAR ME MALICE!! I DEDICATE THIS PLANET IN YOUR NAME, CLAIM IT AND DO AS YOU WILL ITH IT!!!!"

The planet then begins to turn into a world of grey crags and gigantic black trees. The Tzeenchian daemons then seem to turn into daemons dedicated to Malice.

Your daemon sword then begins to twist and contort into something new. The sword is now twice your size, and made of pure warp energy: blood red, sickly green, lustful purple, hopeful blue, and edgy grey all merge together to form a new weapon that despite it's size is lighter than the air itself

"I HAVE FINALLY AWOKEN!!!" A voice from the sword says "I AM BORN, I AM LUCIFUGE. GREATER DAEMON DEDICATED TO ALL THE GODS OF CHAOS, INCLUDING MALICE. I AM READY TO SERVE YOU MY LORD AND MASTER"

What now lord?

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>163288
Next target on the list we shall conquer

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>163293
I guess that next target being a nearby planet in the system?

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>163288
>Generate a warp storm to cut off reinforcements to this entire sector?

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>163288
Command that this world be established as a warship manufacturing stronghold. All ships produced should immediately set out in a random direction and sow chaos and destruction.

This is not a strategic stronghold, nor a keystone of our military might, but a bastion of pure Chaos.

>>163337

You order that this planet be a warship manufacturing stronghold. Some hereteks set out to make the buildings necessary for ships to be made. Once that's done you tell that all ships produced must immediately set our in a random direction

As ships are being produced daemons on the planet possess them and set out to sow chaos on other worlds.

What now lord?

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>163429
Search for more Marines to convert in nearby systems

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>163429
Try and think of a way to achieve daemon princehood then make preparations to attack your next target.

>>163444
nice trips

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>163429
Round up our motley crew, and try and find a bunch of titans to add to our horde...

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>163429
i'll roll for this >>163444

>>163443

You check for any near by space marines to convert to chaos. You find a small strike force of one chapter seems that it's not very large at all.

"Kalix check on what chapter they're from. I want to know what I'll be dealing with"

Roll for what chapter it's from

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>165636
>Grey knights, cause why the fuck not?

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>165636
Where are your wolves!

>>166198
You Milk sloop!

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>165636
Exorcists, maybe?

>>166463

You zoom in on the ship of the strike force. "Looks like the Exorcists have come to play" Kalix says as you order your group to come back inside

You head off to the location of the force. Seems you weren't caught by them!

What now lord?

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>168049
Set course to destroy them

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>168049
Blast em all with heavy bolters

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>>168334
The voices tell of great deeds and joy!
Celebrate with me brothers, for the Gods have lent us their dice.

>>168334

You open fire on the Exorcists with heavy bolter fire. Using your SINDRIIIIIII-arm to lay down your own fire of bolts, the ship doesn't appear to be bothered by any of it.

"Exorcists are on the ship sir! Along with a grey knight" Kalix says, you rush down to see your warriors fighting well against the Exorcists. But are getting demolished by the grey knight:

Kaldor Draigo, "I HAVE TINY MEN IN MY BEARD, PLEASE. KILL THEM ALL!!!"

What now lord?

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>168423
Distract Draigo with Warp dust, while your minions storm the greei knights

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>168423
Kill all the tiny men in Draigo's beard. Using warp fire.

>>168770
BEARD MEN BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

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>>168770

You are happy to oblige killing the tiny men in Draigo's beard. You summon a spark of warp fire, which hit's Draigo's beard and sends it into an inferno badly burning his face

You could say he now has a 'Skull Face' if you will. "WHAT IS THIS?! WHO KILLED THE TINY MEN?! WAS IT YOU?!!!" The Grand Master asks pointing at you

What now lord beard burner?

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>168978
Doom dunk him with the power of the chaos gods behind you.

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>168978
"Yes."
>Take out doomdunk
"Wanna dance, 'Grand' Master? Or is that title just a gesture to your pompous ego?"

Challenge him to a game of doomball.

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>169022
>>169023
a good classical game of Doomdunk it is

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>168978
I agree, challenge him to shoot some hoops.

>If anyone could explain to me about the tiny beard men, I would be much obliged. I just can't work it out. :^(

>>169148

You pull out DoomDunk and toss the ball to Kaldor who clumsily catches the ball. "One v one, you and me" you say as two basketball hoops appear right out of two Exorcist apothecaries

"I WILL DO THIS" Draigo says tossing the ball back to you, you then proceed to dunk the ball 6 times in a minute before Draigo could get anything in

Fee minutes later you win "FIDDLEINGSTICKSINGS!!!" Kaldor says pulling out his sword

Watch Emperor-text-to-speech anon, then you'll understand

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>169257
Hey, pulling out a weapon during doomdunk is against the rules! Should have done that before we started! Back to the warp with you, cheater!

>>169280

Kaldor charges and tries to swing his sword down on you, but before he manages to even cut you: you banish him back to the warp. This time out of power armor and without his shield and sword

MEANWHILE, IN THE WARP!

Kaldor lands flat on his ass, in a circle surrounded by the daemon primarchs popping their joints. Mortarion picks him up and smiles at the Grand Master. "You came to the wrong neighborhood imperial" he says.

And thus began a beat down that cannot be described.

"Well, that was rude of him. Couldn't even wait for the game to be finished" Sindri says with you nodding in agreement

What now lord?

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>169352
See if your good enough with the chaos gods to get daemonprince hood

>>169366
Are you sure? If we do become daemon princes, we could lose our ability to walk around freely.

>>170048
Yeah I'm with this guy, no daemon princehood until we've run out of other ways to get more powerful...

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>169352
We continue the black bizarre warpdust crusade,
find more systems to raid!

Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>171154
Ah man we need a JoJo guy to be in on our slamming adventure.

>>169366

You make a quick contact with the gods to ask them something "Am I ready to become a daemon prince yet?" you ask "No" the gods say "Why? I want to be one though!" "Yeah, but you still have plenty of things to do in the materium right now" Tzeentch says "Just keep up the work and then you may become one" Nurgle says

>>171154

You shrug and decide to check for more systems to raid. Seems the only sector you can find right now is the Ultramarines little empire.

>>171322

And through the powers of the warp a rift opens in your ship. And out comes a blonde man in yellow clothes, "Ummm, Belal? I think someone's here." Kalix says as the blonde person enters the room your in

What now lord?

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>172941
Ask the blonde man if he can help us attain new powers for our Glorious field trip in space.

>>172941
Well met traveler in yellow and welcome to chaos. The name is Belal and these people are mates who follow me into battle.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>173622

Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>172941
Meet this person and find out who the hell they are, and what they want. See if they want to tell us over a game of bball.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>173622
>>173632
>>173612
Supporting.

Should also note that we are at day limit, so thread is now going into perma sage mode.

>>173622

"Pleased to meet you, I am Belal. Welcome to chaos!" you tell the man in yellow who nods as he checks around the ship

"The people you met on the way up here are those who follow me into battle. Care to tell me your name?" you ask as the traveler smiles "I am DIO Brando"

>>175029
No worries anon, I'll fix up a new thread to keep this going

>>175793

Here you all go