Keanu Reeves' Epic of Awesome Mythos

>>1571870

Find the fuckers who killed our dog and destroy everything they care about

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>>1571870
I, Keanu Reeves, look at my reflection in the water. Amazed by my dashing looks and my throbbing cock, I skip flamboyantly towards the smoke

>>1571870
>I also have a few drawfriends I can force with my iron will and supple body.
Huh.

I/Keanu Reeves go to the fire

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>>1571912
>>1571916
You/the Reever make your way towards the smoke, which coincidently enough is also directly upstream. After about 20 minutes you start smelling something sour. Soon, you come across what looks to be a small village. There's a lot of furs and leathers hanging about, probably the source of the smell. The 15 or so buildings are small huts of woven grass, mud/clay, and sticks I guess, I'm not a civil engineer. The people you see look poor and dirty, but no one seems to react to your arrival. A few key places catch your eye- a hut made of hardened clay with the thick smoke plume coming from a sort of chimney, an area with a few structures that look like market stalls, and a hut with a sign of a crude mug. Or maybe a harpoon gun. It's pretty crude. What do?

>>1571870
Sit on a bench, AND EAT MY SANDWICH!!!

>>1571931
If it is late in the day
I go to the inn and spin boisterous but eventually tragic tales in return for food supper and a bed, even if it is in the barn.

Otherwise to the bar and look for quest givers or enquire about any nearby ongoing or upcoming battles.

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>>1572237
Rolled a 17. It is late in the day, good call! You, uh, congratulate yourself. The labelled hut turns out to be a dark and quiet tavern. With no money, you start weaving a yarn of yonder immediately. You are a skald, and your words come from the heart. The peasants were depressed to begin with, but your words lift them up in hope and awe before your ranting and gesticulating brings them down for a tragic and impactful climax. A few peasants wipe grimy tears away, and throw you some coins. 17 coins acquired! The man in charge of the hut establishment asks you to stay and keep barding for the rest of the evening in return for a potato meal from his potato-face wife and a bed. The bed is a potato sack. Great. You accept and flow seamlessly through the evening and night, awakening the next morning full and bright. Now close friends with the hutkeeper, you ask if he knows of any battles. He doesn't. Nice potato wife, idiot. He does give you instructions to the nearest village though, so that's cool. You step out of the hut and find yourself back in the smelly village. What do?

>>1573847
Vikings didnt have potatos faggot.

>>1573847
> check inventory
If we are supposed to fight in battles presumably we can actually fight. If we have a weapon we can put a challenge to the bed fighter in this village before we head out. Just for some practice. If we don't have a weapon, well put that on the to-do list.

>>1575844
"I once saw him kill three men in a bar, with a pencil" - from John Wick
Assuming the "Reever" Keanu has fighting abilities as a warrior poet, how fearsome of a warrior are we?

>>1576792
We, Keanu Reeves, know kungfu

>>1576792
Even so, I'm sure we would be much more effective with some sort of weapon though we should start with a pencil to gain reputation.