TINDER QUEST

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You can't stare at your phone all night, they might find someone else

Choose quickly!!

Girl C. While she is probably the absolute worst choice, I grew up 'murican and goddamnit she resonates with me.

>>1550360
>You choose girl C

"sure id love to meet tonight anon!"

Come pick me up around 7, I have to be back early since I have church tomorrow at 9 am.

>wow this is a real home grown 'merican chick!

You drive out to meet her

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On the way over to her apartment to see her you see a stray cat stuck in the middle of traffic.

There's a red light and a chance to grab it.


If left alone here it'll surely die, but what if she doesn't like cats???

>grab the cat quick!

>I can't jeopardize the date

>>1550414
>leave it and don't tell her anything
not like she'd ever know

>>1550414
Grab the fuck out of that cat.
Grab it by the pussy.

>>1550422
>Leaving a poor defenseless stray cat in the middle of the road to die.
What are you, a sociopath?

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>1550422
>>1550423
Rolling for the pussy.

1-10 leave 11-20 grab

>>1550424
Yes.
What if the murican chick hates cats and pokes a sawed-off in my face? Definitely a situation I don't wanna get into.

>>1550429
You snatch this little cat up, albeit reluctantly.

Its shedding all over your clean button up shirt and the inside of your car.

"This might go totally bad"

You pull over a onto an island and try to shoo the cat out but Girl C was waiting outside and notices you.

"Anon? Hey its me June!"

1/2

>>1550439
We can just keep the cat in the trunk if that's the case.
Plus, cats are extremely murican.

>>1550447
Alright, plan has shifted from "keep the cat away" to "point out that cats are natural predators".

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>>1550441
She's tall.

Taylor swift tall!

Very svelte and not much in the boob department. You notice she's wearing a full body dress - very formal. But wearing the damn MAGA hat...

"Anon...why'd you bring your cat along?"

>LIE and say it's your cat and it has separation anxiety
>Tell the truth EVEN THOUGH IT SOUNDS LIKE BS

>>1550462
Tell the truth but don't be stuck up about it.

>>1550462
I TOLD YOU
I TOLD YOU DAWG
>say "What cat?"
>when she points out the cat in your car say "Holy shit what the fuck" and throw it out the window
>bluff, say you must have left your door open and the cat must have snuck inside

>>1550471
*thinking about it...*
waiting on other posters

>>1550499
Dumbass, girls love heroic guys and the like. Telling her the truth would be like telling her we rescued a bunch of kids from a housefire. Kindness and generosity really makes pussies wet.

Rolled 1 (1d9)

Two out of three posters want to tell the truth

9 sided die. 1-3 lie 6-9 truth

>>1550518
What? There are only two of us here. So far at least.

>>1550518
*Totally gotta lie*

He's my cat June...he gets terrible separation anxiety and craps all over the house if left alone, so I had to take him.

"THATS SO CUTE!", she screams!

She grabs your shoulder and has a surprisingly strong grip...

Laughing subsides and she asks, "so where are we going?"

Respond:
>my place
>out to eat
>the mall

>>1550526
Maybe he's counting his opinion. Bad form but honestly can't blame him with only 2 people suggesting.

>my place
She'd hate the mall and she doesn't seem like the type for a fancy dinner.

>>1550541
>>1550535
Seconded.

>>1550541
im very stupid and accidentally counted my code

>>1550541
"Ok but no funny business mister!"

Her nose scrunches up when she says this. You being a weab anon want to shout kawaii but resist.

The cat hops in her lap, she loves it and makes a grab her by the pussy joke. Very endearing to hear her laugh.

The cat shows its butt when she begins to scratch its back.

"Anon I thought you said it was a boy? This cat is female"

WHAT DO
>say your cat identifies as male (milinneal brownie points maybe?)
>say you misspoke earlier

>>1550569
How about we say that we're fuckshit dumb with animal genders? No joke, everyone calls my cat a female even though it's a male, and used to do the same to my female dog. It's not that uncommon.

>>1550581
>she voted for trump, so evidently the other one will ruin it
>plus misspoke would be suspicious

>>1550588
>>1550581
I agree. The first option is the most retarded thing we could possibly say in this position.

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>>1550581
"Wow anon...", June says, "I didn't mean to upset you. I was just asking, its pretty cool you don't see genders like that, I know that might be hard to believe though"

She points to her hat

"I'm actually kind of glad"

You pull into your apartments assigned parking spot

>respond to her

>tell her lets go and enter apartment

>>1550602
Second option, but hold the door open for her. Show our gentlemanly side.

>>1550581
excellent write in choice anon

>>1550610
Fuck yeah.

>>1550610
>>1550618
You open the door. Luckily you have good enough sense to clean up and hide any latent jizz socks.

Perfect...

She comes in and quickly slips in past you folding her hands together and tilting her head down.

She sits on the couch gingerly and sets her hat on the side table. Needing to keep up appearances you bring the "gender neutral cat" in and put Zer in the bathroom.

When you come back she's already fired up your Netflix account on the smart tv.

*recently watched*
>all fucking anime

"Wow anon you love watching cartoons!"

Ohfuk.jpg

>"that's my roommates!!! (Lie)
>"its japanimation and its for big boys like me"
>yeah I like anime, no biggie
>write ins of course

>>1550647
"Yeah."
Make nothing of it. It's not a big deal, and she seems to be fine with it.

>>1550613
Thank you anon.
>>1550647
"Yeah, I like anime. No biggie." As casually as possible.

Rolled 2 (1d10)

>>1550663
>>1550664
Smoothness determined by roll x 10%

>>1550685
fUCK

>>1550685
fuck

>>1550685
Smoothness at 20%

"UuuuhHHHH yeAh!", you squeak out like you're hitting puberty, "I watch anime it's no big deal!"

She smiles at your nervousness.

"I loved watching black butler on Netflix. My favorite episode is when Ciel has to cross dress to go undercover..."

She winks

1/2

Relief washes over you as you find she has similar interests.

"Anon I wanted to ask you...did you read my profile about wanting to prevent white genocide and birth many children?"

"It's something near and dear to me...I have to know, who did you vote for?"

>I didn't vote
>hill dawg
>Bernie sanders
>Trump
>Johnson
>Stein

>Tall as fuck
>Watches anime
>Chestlet
>Strong grip.
>And now this subtle allusion to the black butler crossdressing episode.

I think she might be a trap or a tranny. Don't voice this but let's consider the possibility.

Also,

>>1550710
Trump.

>>1550710
I'm gonna leave this up to you, Anon #2
Don't fuck uuuuup.

>>1550714
accepting of non gendering of cat

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>>1550714
"God that's great! Bernie is such a KEK!"

"And I really don't want a member of (((the tribe))) running the country"

You're mystified how she got her voice to echo just now.

She leans in and slaps your leg while laughing. Slowly she calms and looks you in the eyes.

"I don't want to rush things but you seem pretty perfect. We should get to know each other better but I have to let you know up front...I desperately want to have children but I can't..."

"I'm barren. Is adoption something you'd be willing to do if it works out between us?"

*fuck anon she's about to cry*

Black butler is playing in the background. Panic sets in as time passes. You swear you hear Sebastian saying "you're one hell of an anon"

>yes its fine
>no I can't raise another mans children
>Id need time to think about something so big
>let's feel it out
>write ins of course

>>1550740
Think about it. I mean, there's no guarantee that you're in this relationship for life.

also
>can't have kids
more evidence for the evidence god

>>1550740
>>1550756
Tell her it's something that we'll have to discuss later, but not yet. But say we're not completely opposed to the idea.

>>1550756
have faith anon, kek provides

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>>1550766
She's relieved by the last part.

"That's pretty great, this is really hard on me...you're so nice and don't seem Jewish at all"

"But nevermind, there's time for words later..."

She gives you the look in the picture, she seems open for advancement, maybe now is your chance

>move in for a kiss
>pussy out and watch tv instead

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>>1550785
>don't seem jewish
kek (pic related)
Move in for the kiss. Hope your breath doesn't smell too much like Hot Pockets and sperghetti.

>>1550795
Seconded.

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Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>1550795
>>1550807
Rolling for success of kiss.

1-4 cold fish

4-8 she's turned on

9-10 definite sex

>>1550818
Fuck yeah.

>>1550818
*Damn she's turned on*

Things are getting heavy, she's pretty aggressive with you and leaning far towards you.

You notice she has one hand on the crotch of her lap being very still.

The other hand is pulling at your belt

*fuck yes!*

>keep it right here
>move her to the bedroom

>>1550831
Keep it on couch.

>>1550831
Keep it on the couch
>tfw you fuck to kill la kill or something

>>1550836
the left part of your brain is still deciding

Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>1550841
*kill la kill auto plays next*

She leans you back and pulls down your pants.

Luckily you remembered to wear clean underwear today.

She nervously but anxiously grabs your cock.

"It's been soooo long anon! I haven't ever been with a man!"

These two statements clash in your brain on how they aren't contradictory

"Kill la kill wow, people think this show is smutty fan service but it's honestly about body positivity and throwing away shame for courage. Revealing your true self despite the embarrassment...I feel I can relate"

You try to contemplate how this statement could apply to her. BUT SHES ALREADY STARTED SUCKING YOUR KNOB

*holy shit she's amazing!!*

*She is working your dick like a pro despite not ever being with a man, how would she know how to use one??* you think to yourself.

But the thought is cut off, you're about to nut fucking hard, do you have the will to stop her??

1-5 no will power
6-10 you regain control

>>1550864
You regain control!!!

Pushing her head away you slide your 6 inches out of her mouth.

"I'm so horny anon, I need you inside me! You won't even need a condom"

*she supposedly can't get pregnant, should I go for it?*

>fuck her raw, no condom hell yeah!
>no sex, what if she's sperm jacking me?!

>>1550864
>oh god it's happening

>(kill la kill was actually originally meant as an excuse to make cool fight scenes)
>THE MORE YOU KNOW

>>1550882
Fuck yeah. Fuck that boipussy.

>>1550882
i don't even care if she's a tranny
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN IT'S IN THE AAASSSSSSSS

>>1550886
>>1550892
"Yeah I want that too"

(You learned from b that general agreement statements work best when it's time to seal the deal)

"Turn off the light anon...I'm shy..."

1/2

>>1550919
>"I'm shy"
SECOND THOUGHTS SECOND THOUGHTS OH GOD

>>1550919
There is no way she's not a tranny at this point.

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>>1550919
Show coyly stares at you as you scramble to pull the light switches on the lamps and over head ceiling fan.

Its nearly entirely dark except for light under the bathroom door where you left the cat.

"All the lights anon"

You open the bathroom door and hit the lights as the cat bolts out.

You use your cellphone to light your way back to the couch...

>>1550932
You set the phone on the end table face up and tap the light off.

"Are you still hard?"

She leans over and sucks your cock again, its amazing, and when you're fully hard you hear her lean over the edge of the couch and you can sense she's putting her ass in the air

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Her ass looked like this last you remember from her walking into the apartment.

This is gonna be good. You slide up the dress all the way. In the dark you can hear it scraping over her heels as it's length is piled into her lower back

>>1550969
*How'd I get so lucky shit!!!*

You aren't too experienced with girls and your only girlfriend before only allowed missionary position and it was only once a monto.

So her pussy feels odd but it only seems like this might be a natural coincidence caused by fucking from this position

>>1550978
>pussy
yeah, right

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>>1550978
You're pounding it good, she's moaning deeply

*sounds odd*

The only thing you can see is the phone screen still facing up, the flashlight app is still on...

Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>1550986
The light is blocked by the silhouette of a cats paw

*i don't own a cat* you think.

"Oh fuck!" You exclaim as you put two and two together. Also cause you're about to nut! If that cat hits the damn light she might stop the whole show!!

Quick anon stop the cat!!
1-5 stop cat 6-10 cat success in fucking up

>>1550995
Total failure

Cat hits the light.

June rolls over and desperately attempts to get her dress down but it's pinned under her beautiful ass.

Even with only a dim light from the phone, you can tell her body is hot as shit, but faintly visible in the glow...she's got a rock hard 8 inches

*omg*

She begins to cry.

What do you do anon

>comfort her
>suck her cock lovingly (it ain't gay if she's a woman)
>tell her "face down ass up now"
>write in

>>1551019
Lovingly suck that cock.

>>1551019
>Comfort her
anyway it's 1:00 where I am I better sleep
bye

>>1551026
Lol, find the thread later to see how it ends

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Rolled 5 (1d10)

>>1551023
1-5 suck cock 6-10 comfort

>>1551051
You've never sucked a dick before but you paid money to buy Destiny and it's essentially the same thing

You lean in and pry her legs apart and begin amateurishly sucking her dick.

*her dick* you think to yourself

>>1551055
"Anon...I..."

Then she nuts in your mouth, amazingly it doesn't taste too bad, but still it's extremely gay

>spit out
>swallow it like a true fag

>>1551060
We've already come this far. Rev up that gay meter to the max.

>>1551066
"AH YOURE THE ONE!!" She shrieks as you do this.

You feel slightly ashamed but also happy that she expresses so much love towards you, something missing from years with your abusive ex.

She leans over the couch, "quick anon finish inside me"

You sink your shlong deep in her and nut almost instantly. Your balls retract, you're not sure if it's from cumming harder than you ever had in your life or if because they didn't want to touch her balls.

You pass out from the best sex you've ever had and fall into a deep sleep...

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>>1551074
You awaken. But you're not awake. You have no control of your body and your eyes stare into an endless expanse of swirling space and bright stars.

"Where am I? Am I dreaming?" You speak but your voice makes no sound.

A figure appears. A greenish frog humanoid. He stands before you smiling

>what do you say?

>>1551083
Praise kek. And hope for digits.

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>>1551092
"You know me child.

Of course you do. You're also reading this in my voice.

You've answered the pleas of my most loyal subject and destroyed her boipussy despite not being gay - no homo."

"You two will save western civilization, kek wills it, I have allowed your seed to take root in her ass womb, she shall birth a child."

"And you will name it COVFEFE"

"So it is written, so it is done"

"Oh and as a side effect you might grow titties for balls"

>>1551127
Whew. This entire thing has been fun. Thanks Narrator.

>>1551130
This was the stupidest thing I've ever written.

>>1551132
Kek.

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>>1551111
>FUCKING QUADS
Kek wills it indeed. Well done OP, well done.

this was beautiful

>>1551111
Quads to top it off.
Kek bless you, Narrator.

>>1551132
>This was the stupidest thing I've ever written.

Congratulations. You have discovered the true secret of QMing.

>>1571924
HE LIVES

HE POSTS

ALL IS LOST

>>1571924
Deme Pls

>>1571924

KEINE LEWDS WHEN, GREEK?

>>1571930
>>1571932
>>1571940
>attention whores

>>1571930
>>1571932
>>1571940
Shhhh, you'll spook him! Exposure therapy needs to be a gradual process!

>>1571924
SWQ when fap angel

>>1571924
FIXED FORTIFICATIONS WORK, YOU MONUMENTAL CUNT

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>>1571944

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>>1571924
Alice when?

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>>1571952
>>1571924
YNQ2 when?

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>>1571924
>>1571952
>>1571957
That abandoned Reisen smut on /at/ w h e n?

>>1571952
>>1571957
>>1571961
>>1571932
The biggest attention whores of them all.

>>1571965
Keep feeding 'em, that'll show 'em

>>1571924
>[X] THE GREAT SDM ESCAPE

>>1571966
The cat feeds herself on twitter, we're past the break-even point on their cancer

>>1571972
>we're past the break-even point on their cancer

And fucking *how.*

>>1571961
daldal a shit, queen best girl

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>>1571979
>daldal a shit, queen best girl
Queen is pretty damn great, I'll admit.

>>1571990
sequel when

>>1571924
SWQ when

>>1572015
Never