/4tress Quest/

>>141809
Pussy out

ask healslut to heal your dick back

>Ask some more questions

>>141809
>Ask Healslut to heal your dick back

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>>142094
You ask Healslut to heal your dick back to its original spot.

"Nigga, do I look like a surgeon?" he replies.

Life isn't that easy.

>>142120
>>Do some boring-ass side missions (just like in your unfinished Chinese military simulation video games the fifth)

Apparently he either have sword mastery or pretty high critical rate given how he beheaded heretics easily, but a high caliber boss like that jackal god robot thingy would kill him, so go grind some levels and skills and make healslut honor his name and heal and slut

>>142120
>Do some boring-ass side missions (just like in your unfinished Chinese military simulation video games the fifth)

>>142120
ask healslut to heal us despite being at full health

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>>142480

"Hey, Nisa. I'll have a look at that unimportant- filler-quests catalog you have over there, yeah that one behind the boxes of condoms."

Nisa reaches behind the boxes and pulls out a large, dusty codex bound by cobwebs and dried semen.

"Yeah, I'll do that one," you say as you point to the third one in the 45th column of the 54th page.

You and Healslut are then dropped off in the middle of the Sinai Peninsula, and you fight off some Jewish tanks to get materials or some shit. Whatever way you put it, this is a great warm up for the big story mission coming up next. But now you're bored to death of fighting kikebots. In your pocket, you have a Kodax Kommunication Klient, a set of keys, and hold on...... what the fuck? Nisa's rotten corpse?!

What do?

>>142750
Ascertain flavor of Nisa's rotten corpse.

>>142750
Call Nisa and ask what the is a dead corpse of her doing in your pockets.

>>142750
Either finish our Nisa-meal or have healslut try to fix it

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>>142991
You call Nisa up and ask her how she's doing and why the fuck there's her corpse in your pocket. The KKK rings many times, but there's no answer.

"Hello?"

No answer.

Suddenly, someone picks up.

"Oh hey!" the cheerful voice says. "It's you, John! Do you want to get back to the base?"

"Listen.."you mutter in a worried tone. "Can I get Nisa Markdawn on?"

"Oh! Nisa Markdawn. I wonder why you called. She's been dead for at least 3 years now. Why do you want her?"

"WHAT."

"Well," says the voice,"Since she died, I've been using her number! I'm my own original character Octagon, one of the party members you didn't pick. I'm the technology expert, and head of this mission. So, what do you want from me?"

>Ask to be picked up
>Ask for the events surrounding Nisa's demise
>Ask if installing Linux on the KKK is a sound decision
>Ask if she's the one making all those goddamn shill threads on /v/
>Ask for a handjob

>>143151
paz'ssidequest.jpeg
>Ask for the events surrounding Nisa's demise

>>143151
>Ask if she's the one making all those goddamn shill threads on /v/
Also a handjob

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>>143163
You are picked up by a helicopter and you fly back to the base.

At the base, you search for Octagon, but a janitor informs you that she's out running an errand or something. You demand answers, so you hit her up on the KKK, but there's no response.

"I didn't know you'd get back so quickly", Nisa Markdawn says.

WHAT.

What do?

>Succumb to your rage and confusion, pull your pants down, and spray liquid shit all over the walls
>Ask Nisa about Octagon
> Question your grasp on reality
> Forget all of this and move on with the story- that Colossus won't slay itself

>>143151
Ask if we can continue to not pick her.

>>143213
>Ask Nisa about Octagon

>>143213
> Question your grasp on reality
Can't do a mission if you're hallucinating around it.

>>143213
btw gotta go to sleep- keep pushing on, ill be back in the morning

>>142120
slap him for being a useless slut and then demand to trade up for aardvark man.
if we can't get it back we must live for revenge, and for that we will need all the sister-beating expertise we can get.

>>143213
>Forget all of this and move on with the story- that Colossus won't slay itself
at this point we give up trying to make sense of life cause it's not going to give us back our dick

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>>145569
You decide to forget all this shit and move on. Maybe you'll get some justification later.

Also, do you want a different partner?

>>145614
We're going to fight a colossus so we need someone that fought giant robots that a railguns attach to them, sneak snake it is.

>>145614
Voting for sneak snake.

>>145614
SNAKE
Make Misa jellous

>>145614
aardvark man you fools this is now a revenge quest

>>146148
+1

>>145629
>>145639
>>145807

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>>145639
>>145807
>>145629

The helicopter flies into a sea of ruined buildings. Sneaky Snake rests besides you as Nisa gives you the mission briefing.

"Your goal, John, is to eliminate or neutralize the threat that the Colossus poses in any way shape or form. This means that culling it is wholly unnecessary, and that capturing or crippling the machine is preferred, for research on our enemies."

You are dropped into the vast maze filled with towering metal buildings. You hear a metallic 'ching', and a towering beast casts its vast shadow over you and your stealthy partner. A colossal metal titan stands over you, its foul canine head scowling at your small and insignificant frame.

What do you do?

>Slice off its railgun and attach that shit to your crotch as your awesome new dick
>Cripple it by slicing off its foot
>Slash at the nape of its neck just like in your shitty Chinese Spiderman cartoons and die horribly while attempting it
>Tell Sneaky Snake to sneak up behind your opponent and trip him
>Attempt to build a snare trap out of a shoelace and a dead sapling and snare it
>Call up Octagon and get the specs on that thing
>Call an airstrike
>Slit your own throat with your Scimitar- you aren't gonna beat this thing
>Throw a Pokeball at that shit- its a goddamn shiny legendary did you know how many times i soft reset to get that shit

>>146725
i think we should get the specs

railgun dick would be metal af, but we should probably know what we're dealing with

>>146725
Rail gun dick, we need to replace ours.

>>146725
>Call up Octagon and get the specs on that thing
>5 killstreak call an airstrike

>>146725
>Slice off its railgun and attach that shit to your crotch as your awesome new dick

>>146725
pokeball

>>146725
>Slice off its railgun and attach that shit to your crotch as your awesome new dick
>Slit your own throat with your Scimitar- you aren't gonna beat this thing
Hard pick.

Gonna go with dicksteal.

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>>146969
>>147323
You slice the beast's railgun with one precise swipe of your scimitar. The iron blade glistened through the darkness of the city as it came in contact with the titan's metal flesh. All time stood still on that day. A million stars exploded halfway across the galaxy, sending rays of light into the atmosphere.

And then your sword shattered into a million useless shards of metal.

The titan, seizing his opportunity, quickly blasts you with his giant pelvic cannon. Welp, there goes your arm. As if you needed it anyway.

What next, faggots?

>Succumb to the pain of having lost both an arm AND a dick.
>Stick a shard of shrapnel in your eye and forehead and call yourself Venom "Punished" John.
>Call up Octagon- What the hell is that thing made out of?!
>Call a goddamn airstrike.
>Tell Sneaky Snake to trip the enemy.
>Construct a Cage Trap and catch it. Those things pretty much snare anything.

>>150863
>Call up Octagon- What the hell is that thing made out of?!
>Call a goddamn airstrike.

>>150863
>Contruct a cage trap

>>150863
>Tell Sneaky Snake to trip the enemy.
We need time to think of something. I'm sure he's too sneaky to die anyway.

>>150863
pokeball that metallic nigger

>>150863
>>Call a goddamn airstrike.
>>Tell Sneaky Snake to trip the enemy.
Keep that fucker in one spot.

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>>150873
You dial up Octagon.

"Hey hey hey!" she says. "Its you!"

"You should really pick me as your partner. I'm sure it'll be fun!"

"Not right now, Octagon." you reply, holding back your pain. "I'm in a bit of a bind here-"

"Yeah, that thing isn't going to lose body parts from any attack from you. It's made of Israelium, a super-heavy and dense alloy made up of smelted Shekels, carbon-fiber, steel, and foreskins. My best bet is to use that thing's weight against itself. Try tripping it. We could also send in an airstrike, but it would take far too long for us to send all of the jets, plus you'll probably be bombed to cinders from all those missiles." Octagon cuts in.

"But how do I fight back?" you ask her.

"Well, since there's a helicopter nearby, we could always send in explosives, like grenade belts and chest bombs."

What do?
>Obtain 72 virgins by suicide-bombing the hell out of the titan with the explosives
>Send in an airstrike
>Wait on Sneaky Snake
> Lie down on the ground and cry

>>151392
>Lie down on the ground and cry
>Obtain 72 virgins
In that order.

>>151392
They'll stay virgins if we don't get our dick back.
Wait for Sneaky Snake to trip the Colossus, and hope its railgun/dick breaks off

>>151417
>>151898
You try to call up Octagon for those explosives, but too much blood has drained from your stump arm, and you feel yourself growing faint.

The Colossus delivers a swift end to your pathetic life.

You have died.

The End

cont.?

>>161769
I don't wanna do this anymore. It was boring and had no players.
Go to generic fantasy quest. It's basically a spiritual successor to this.

>>162191
b-but it was fun, even made me lol for a bit.
did you completely give up on quests?

>>162214
I'm doing Generic Fantasy Quest. It's basically this but with a greater emphasis on "basic enemies can fuck you up and you must be more tactical in combat".

I'll be doing a webcomic with these characters eventually. Check back in 8-10 years, as soon as my drawfagging ability improves.

>>162191
I kind of got that impression, but it was a fun play.

Thank you for your time OP.