Titled

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>>1404348
My only purpose in life is not being fulfilled, if I'm going to die I'll do it in style motherfuckers

>>1404375
Do it

>>1404375
Do it bitch this is my fetish.

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safsddsaf

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>You woke up from weird nightmare after a 20 year coma, you're attached to a life support system

>>1404407
Rip that shit off my good man and FLEX YER MUSCLES! HNNNG!!!!

>You grab the cable that's keeping you alive, and something's on your mind...

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>>1404414

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>You have to go to the bathroom inmediatly, you use the cable to help you get up, it's been 20 years since you went to the bathroom, so it's the best shit you've taken in a while

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>>1404416
After such a good shit you come to the conclussion that nothing in life will compare to it, so you rip off the cable that keeps you alive

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>>1404418
>You wake up, you drank too much last night and had some kind of nightmare, you have to go to work in a few hours and you feel like shit

>>1404428
Might just make some cornflakes

>>1404428
Walk to the balcony and reflect on your life choices

>>1404428
>and you feel like shit
Well, there's only one answer: take a shit.

>>1404428
COORNFLAAAKES

Wake up.

qm died

>>1404842
WAKE ME UP INSIDE

>>1404842
CANT WAKE UP

>>1408259
WAKE ME UP INSIDE

>>1404428
Is this gonna be a thing where every time we die we don't actually but it is just a nightmare? Is this GER

>>1408286
No, this is Killer Queen: Bite the Dust

>>1408328
So if we live long enough we die for real?

>>1404546
Seconding cornflakes

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>>1412120
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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>>1412121
...AAAAH.
Okay.
We're shaky but alive.
It seems you solved the time paradox. Somehow. But now you don't know where you are or what to do now.

>Find out the date and location
>Hijack something else
>Wait, what happened to my son?

>>1412121
Continue to help son reverse the time paradox caused by him becoming his own father.
He didn't pussy out, this should be a proud moment for us.

>>1412124
>>1412126
Curses, the proud time paradox father moment is short-lived.

Check time stream.

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>>1412126
Holy shit, you've never seen a knot like that.
The timestream is super tangled. You're going to have to do some serious untying to restore the timestream.
Roll 1d100.

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>1412132
>1d100
The timey-wimey knot of hijacked timestreams is a conundrum indeed.

>>1412137
FUCK.
It does nothing.
You need some scissors. Where can you find some scissors?
>The bank
>A restaurant
>A gas station
>A library
>A school

>>1412142
>The bank

>>1412142
The house we already hijacked.

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>>1412145
The lady at the bank looks at you, frowns, and then hands you some money. Maybe you can use it to buy scissors with.

>Take the money.
>No, lady, I want some scissors.
>Try somewhere else.

>>1412161
>>Take the money.
Go to an office store to buy scissors.

>>1412162
>Take the money
Go to the shop beside us.

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>>1412162
Yup. There it is. Office Ripoff. The most legitimate chain office store in the world.

What kind of scissors do you want to buy?
>baby scissors $0.5
>man scissors $1.00
>woman scissors $0.70
>he-man scissors $10,000, with $800 upfront
>dark scissors $6.66 + eternal soul

>>1412167
>>dark scissors $6.66 + eternal soul
Ask for a discount on dark scissors to not include our eternal soul.

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>>1412169
You successfully negotiate the manager down to virtualoptim's soul instead, and feel satisfied knowing nothing of value was lost.

>Test the scissors out first
>Fix the timestream
>Hijack something

>>1412174
>>Test the scissors out first
Let's see what these babies can do!

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>>1412175
Oh wow, these seem to be able to cut out the very fabric of reality! Imagine what you could do with something like this!

>Let's get back on track.
>Let's see how far we can push this!

>>1412178
>>Let's get back on track.
Fix the timestream because time paradox.

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>>1412179
OH SHIT THE POLICE
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO

Roll 1d100.
>You'll never take me alive!
>Behold the scissors!
>Flee like a bitch
>Hijack them... Somehow!

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>1412184
Tell them they've got the wrong guy.

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>>1412187
You tell them the guy they're looking for is white and black, not black and white.
"Oh."

>Back on track
>Hijack a cop hat

>>1412190
>>Back on track
Because timestream knot.

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>>1412191
You approach the timestream knot.
Do you dare to cut it?

>Yes, stop holding out on me you fucking tease.
>No, I choose to live

>>1412194
Use scissors to untie knot first.

>>1412194
Fucking do it

>>1412197
Shifting support

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>>1412197
WHOOPS YOUR THUMB SLIPPED HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN SERIOUSLY
>>1412201
Your accidental cutting of the knot while you were trying to untie it created a rift in reality. As you are sucked into it, you find yourself gritting your teeth and holding your breath as you feel the warp between times overtaking you. How and where you'll find yourself will be revealed the next time I fucking decide to make a thread because I'm a lazy asshole.
>>1412205
TOO LATE

>>1412206
Lol. Thanks for the Hijacked session, QM.

>>1412205
Thanks for the attempt.

>>1412206
Restart!