The Terrible Quest

I cast Magic Missile™

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>>1399782
"Ap, bup bup!"says the king.

"Before you can cast magic missile, WHAT, is your name?"

>>1399787
judah

>>1399787
Jeon Pinécloat

>>1399815
"I dub thee, Judah Ben Hibbeus. You may carry on with your magacks missiles."

Roll 1d100

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"I forgot my FACE when talking with thee."

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>1399833

>>1399863
Haha, nice

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>>1399863
"WHY did you aim it at my castle!??!"

>>1399878
Whoops, sorry about that king senpai

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>>1399888
"Nevermind, no matter. You beautiful little maniac. Let me see.. You've shown yourself a worthy warrior, so I think I should let you have a face. Tell me. Are you a boy or a goyl?"

>>1399878
I'm sorry your highness, I didn't see your castle there!

>>1399901
I'm no boy, I am a MAN

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>1399901
1=boy
2=girl

>>1399901
Por que no los dos?

>>1399906
>>1399913
"MMm, it seems we have a tie here. How should I chooose?"

"I know! How about a roll off. You both roll a 1D100 against each other."

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>>1399922
"Sorry, citizen, I don't speak chinese."

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>1399926
ROLL

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>1399926
come on baby, judah needs a new pair of balls

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>>1399934
>>1399935

"No balls for you!"

>>1399951
well the king got any work for us?

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>>1399957
"In fact, I doth hath workth forth yeeee!"

"Pick thine settlment. (read: Theme)"

(Suggestions are Arabian Nights, Futuristic, and Elves and Shtuff, or Write in)

>>1399977
have to go Arabian Nights

>>1399977
Giant fucking monster hunter

or Arabian Nights, that sounds great

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>>1399988
>>1400003

"My job for ye, fair, and handsome anon, is to shave thy neckbeard, get on thy steed, and ride for the profiteer's palace.

He hath been stealing my gold! And I need that to run my beach resort of the cost of scandinavia."

Dost thou accept this quest?

(Also you are a monster hunter.)

>>1399977
allahu akbar

>>1400012
let's go gas that kike

>>1400012
lets get it, we'll rough him up real good

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>>1400013
My favorite snack.

>>1400021
>>1400024
"Very well! Quest accepted. First you must find a place to rent a camel and cross the desert, to reach the Profiteers Palace. Good luck!"

(Feel free to do things.)

>>1400012
Third for accepting this

Bring the Magic Missile™ with us

>>1400047
gear up with some supplies (Magic Missle™ included) and lets head on out.

>>1400047
look for the nearest "resort" motel and ask people there where they got their camels from

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>>1400067
>>1400088

When you step outside, it is raining cats.

Also, you make your way to a 'resort' motel to gear up with some supplies.

>>1400110
try and catch one. Everyone knows if you catch a cat it becomes yours.

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>>1400121
You now own a cat. Name it!

"Well Hello there, what was it you'd be needing then?"

>>1400110
>>1400121
supporting this
can't wait for our cute little cat friend

>>1400133
Can you tell us wh-

>Rub Me

RUB THE LAMP

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>>1400136

>>1400149
i want to name him Puffers.
>>1400146
definitely this

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>>1400146
THIS lamp?

>>1400161
R U B
U U
B U R

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>>1400156
>>1400146

You walk up to the lamp and vigorously rub one out. And by one, I mean a djinn!.

She swirls up into the air next to the hotel staff and says, "I am Jenny of the Lamp. You may ask me to buy, ANYTHING you can wish for, but know that the price shall reflect he request."

>>1400200
a camel. hope you dont price gouge

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>>1400205
"Very well."

>>1400231
We've been duped

>>1400231
This djinn is a hack. I refuse to purchase

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>>1400249
>>1400260
"That's too bad, it flies and can cross the desert. And for only a hundred bucks, I thought I was giving you a deal! I guess I'll eat a sandwhich inside my lamp."

>>1400281
oh well, better we do it right, now lets go find a camel.

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"So it's a camel stable you want? Well sure, we have one out back. But you can only rent, not buy. I hope that's all right with you."

>>1400304
sure whatever, were gonna be making this quick anyways.

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>>1400314
You walk around back to the camel stable.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>1400304
Renting is fine I guess

Rolling for a good camel

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>1400333
Well lets hop to it, gotta keep some receipts so the king can reimburse us when we're done.
>>1400343
lets double up on the rolls

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>>1400343
>>1400351

Searching through the stables for the best camel you can find, you come upon an old man squatting in one of the stalls.

"Travellers, travellers! I see you're trying to cross ze DESERT! Mm?..."

>>1400370
yeah man, you got any tips and tricks

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>>1400389
"I doooo! But first you must let me fart on your cat."

>>1400418
Gotta pass on that, Cat rights and all.

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>>1400437
"Very well then. To cross the desert you need more than just a camel, you also need to be able to see where you're going or you could end up chasing a mirage.

Of course, I know how you could do that... if... mmmhmm, mmm, hah, hah.. hahahah, HAH HAH. HAAAA! HAAAA!!"

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>>1400437

>>1400437
*just one, he meant to say

>>1400477
nah gotta pass, what would my new cat think of me.

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>>1400496
"You did the right thing son."

You decide this old man is not worth your trouble and hop on to the best camel you could find.

It cost you $200 dollars and you have it for a week. This one also flies.

You have 100 gold left in your old timey purse.

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"And by son I meant daughter. Now fly you fools!"

And so you rode the camel across the desert in search of the palace of the profiteer.

>>1400511
Look for monsters and that profiteer palace

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>>1400535

Off in the distance you can see something quivering in the desert heat it looks like a tall domed palace with blue spires.

The heat is exceedingly great.

Below you there appear to be some small black hashasheen tumblers, a weaker monster, but mean.

>>1400566
ask them for directions

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>>1400580
You dismount your camel near one of the small black hashasheen's.

"Excuse me, fine little ball of tar. But would you mind, telling me how to get, how to get to sesam.. er, to the Profiteers Palace?"

"You no get past miraj!" it says adorably before threatening to cut your throat open because you're not wearing a ghost costume.

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>>1400580
"Pwipare for battow man with womb or wombman if you will!"

It then shouts, "Alulululululul!"

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>1400663
alright lets Magic Missile™ blast this sucker

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>>1400674
"Alulululllaaaaaaaaaaah!"

The little ball of tar goes flying into the sky as it's voice trails into the distance.

(Sorry for the late reply my modem had to update or something so it reset itself)

>>1400722
well lets go check out those pyramid things.
(probably be departing soon)

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>>1400737
The other little tarballs converse after the explosion.

Off in the distance you can see the pyramids, you reckon you could fly to one in little time.

And so ignoring the other hashasheens you hop on your camel and scoop up your cat and make way for the pyramids.

(All right thanks for playing Anon - Modem keeps going off and on so I might as well call it a day.)

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When you reach the pyramids the ground starts to shake. Small loose rocks tumble from the ancient structure, the tremor lasts for approximately a minute.

What do you?

>>1402170
Land near the base and see if we can spot the problem

>>1402170
seems like a hassle, lets keep movin

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>1402170
Instantly shit our pants

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>1402170
Its hot. Go topless

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>1403726
This is a blue board, so you gotta put nipple tassels on. They fit in with the theme at least.

>>1404027
I miss when this board was new. And everyone posted tits

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>>1402975
>>1403523
>>1403693
>>1403726
>>1404027

You've taken off your top, pooped your pants, and Puffers has put on a pair of nipple tassels, but unfortunately you haven't been able decide on whether or not you should land, or keep moving.

The tremor that lasted for a minute has stopped.

>>1405531
We should totally land dude

And put our top back on

>>1404034
I personally feel that there's too much porn on 4chan nowadays and that it sort of undermines what it used to be

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>>1402975
>>1405933
As you land near the base shielding your eyes from the sun you notice that there are small robots unscrewing the pyramid.

>>1406071
Toss our shit filled trousers at them and wait for a reaction

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>>1406273
Your turd loaded trousers prove to be the last straw for the structurally compromised pyramid and it begins to collapse.

>>1406499
(Sorry folks, it's once again late here so I'll have to leave it here for tonight.)

>>1406508

Well, I enjoyed reading it. The King reminds me of cerebus...

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"How to deal with a collapsing pyramid."

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Any Anons want to play?

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Very well, I will do what any self-respecting (read lonely) 4 Chan user would do. I will play by myself.

>Escape that tumbling pyramid! Try to find the palace.

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"I think I see it, off in the distance.."

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" It sure looks wiggly I hope it's not a mirage. "

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"Oh no it's not just any miage! it's Nicki Miraj."

>>1408610
*Mirage

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Name your attack and roll 1d100.

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>1408629
Magic Missile™!

I'm usually on in the middle hours of the night, sorry for missing you earlier

>>1409286
Why are all of my rolls so good?

>>1409297
Magic Missiles, man.

>>1408629
Hey, why doesn't our cat try using Magic Missile™?
Rolling for effectivity

>>1409815
Oops

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>1409818
There you go, sorry it's been a while

>>1409824
Cat is war veteran confirmed

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>>1409286
>>1409824

Judah fires two well aimed magic missiles completely destroying two out of four of Miraj's power beacons.

MIraj regroups.

(Please wait for next post to see her move)

>>1409297
You're both rolling good.

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Nicki blasts you with her mirage mirror! Roll 2d6 dodge!

Rolled 4, 1 = 5 (2d6)

Dogde chance!

>>1410623
>>1412777
Do we get a bonus for those trips?

>>1412777
>>1413509

Your reply is in the new thread. >>1414705