The Epic Quest to Find TP

Do as the PooInTheLoos do and wipe with the non-dominant hand!

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>>1329787
Can we play as Don Cronholio

>>1329787
use sock

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You remember something amidst the flurry of thoughts as your bunghole becomes cold. Your name is DON CORNHOLIO and your hobbies include being a PROUD REDNECK, and TAKING SHITS.

You remember that the Indians use their hands to wipe themselves, and perhaps you're desperate enough to follow suit...
Nah, not without protection... You would equip a SOCK on your hand and proceed to wipe the excess shit off of your asshole, but you're a redneck and you're wearing SANDAL(S)!

Uh oh! You hear the sound of a TRUCK reversing! You're being sent somewhere via TRUCK!

>>1333449
Drink own urine for survival
If we're going on a quest we gotta stay hydrated

(Urine won't hydrate you but we're a redneck and we don't know that)

>>1333291
But you're wearing flip flops

find a small child and unload all over his face

>>1333449
Wipe with your sandal, kicking yourself in the ass

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>>1333449
Smash our body against the walls of the porto potty in attempt to get out. We need to get home to beat Lou Anne

take off your clothes, rip them into pieces and wipe your ass with them.

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You decide to wipe with one of your SANDAL(s). You remove the feces delicately, well actually you could have been a little more careful. Through and through, your asshole is sore, but somewhat cleaner. You don't reequip the sandal though. One problem solved! Now to fix the other!
You try OPENing the door, but there's something the way! You shake the shitter side to side but it's also obstructed on all the other sides adjacent! You scream for help!