my life.

File: Klingon.png (21KB, 162x200px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 162x200px

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>129305
Teach your child to speak Klingon.

File: IMG_20160514_160620943.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

>>129439
After 10 minutes of trying to teach my child Klingon, he got grumpy and had to be put down for a nap.
He fell asleep successfully.
Chili is cooking in the kitchen
Barnyard is still playing

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>129461
Put one of the pacifiers in your mouth

>>129305
scream in its ear

File: IMG_20160514_161225677.jpg (4MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5248x2952px

I have to clean this binky now.
After cleaning it I'm going to go plant my habaneros
My garden also needs to be watered.
Chili is still cooking
My son is blissfully asleep. And I'm keeping it that way.

File: IMG_20160514_161735238.jpg (6MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

6MB, 5248x2952px

Shitting dick nipples I forgot that there isn't any more room in my garden for the habaneros.
I can't remove any plants. I like these motherfuckers.
Should I plant them outside my garden in the soil?
Or in a pot?

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>129544
Unless your home is in an arid sub-tropical state, your habanero seeds are best started inside and then transplanted outside after soils warm. Move seedlings outside when they have at least six mature leaves. Plant them 18 inches apart and cut holes in black plastic mulch to fit around the plants.

File: IMG_20160514_162323797.jpg (8MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

8MB, 2952x5248px

>>129554
The package said to transplant them outside once they had spouted. I live in Arkansas and this is the perfect time of year to plant these little ASSHOLES
They spent the last month inside being mollycoddled into existence, and my neighbor the landscaper said the time to plant them is now.
But I can wait on it if thats what you guys decide.

File: IMG_20160514_163119472.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

You guys took to long. I watered the plants and now I'm back in the living room watching barnyard. This movie sucks.

File: IMG_20160514_163321126.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

Shit.. That little bastard forgot to finish his milk because he got full on bananas.
Well I need to check on the chili anyway.
To the fridge!

File: IMG_20160514_163612650.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

Baby food is in the fridge and the chili looks fine

You guys can jump in at any time

>>129674
Eat the chili

File: IMG_20160514_164721526.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

It's nice and spicy but it still needs to cook down a bit. I just put it all together about two hours ago

>>129739
I don't understand why that hasn't been more popular, but then again I can't think of a damn thing that wouldn't ruin your life. This board has ruined me! Can you post a few options at the end of your next post? I'll try to think of something reasonable too. Who else is in the house?

File: IMG_20160514_165750045.jpg (4MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5248x2952px

>>129788
I'm still watching this piece of shit film since you guys haven't told me to change it
The only other person in my house is my son. Who is still sleeping
I could plant the goddamn habaneros
I could play with my pug, she is asleep but would wake up to play.
Pretty much any option is viable, as long as it doesn't ruin my life. Which is why I think this thread hasnt taken off.

>>129809
Turn off the movie and play with your pugger.

start reciting Shakespeare into his ears quietly

>>129739
cum into the chili

File: IMG_20160514_170542276.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

>>129817
This bitch is about to get played with.

File: IMG_20160514_170703358.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

Critical success!
This bitch loves to play.

File: IMG_20160514_170726731.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

Her name is Bmo and she has a flat face. So I just put my palm on her face if I don't want her to bite me.

File: IMG_20160514_170720373.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

She's trying to escape now. I think she is done.
And I think the baby woke up because I played too loud.
Fuck you guys.

>>129850
>5MB picture
goddamnt OP

File: IMG_20160514_171315867.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

Another short nap. Now this guy will want to play. Thanks again. I'm taking him to the next room to watch family guy with me now.

>>129894
My phone does what it pleases.

Also this motherfucker needs a diaper change.

File: IMG_20160514_171703893.jpg (4MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5248x2952px

Post her battlestations

File: IMG_20160514_172133757.jpg (4MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5248x2952px

The dog is avoiding me now
My son is happy, he apparently likes family guy.
I can't plant the habaneros anymore you dicks. Now that my son is up I'm stuck inside.
Unless I get the harness out.
I may also need to do the dishes.

File: IMG_20160514_173549615.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

He's in love with that giraffe or something

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>130027
Confuse your baby with magic tricks.
It may sound cruel, but there good evidence to show that babies that see magic tricks attempt to play with object and see how it works and will learn basic physics from the trick.

I just want to see him looking baffled.

Rolled 38 (1d100)

Combine baby and pugger for baby and pugger fun. We are two out of three pieces to a puppy monkey baby.

File: IMG_20160514_192136188.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

>>130770
I know no magic tricks

>>130834
Also, I'm not sure what you want me to do.

We are watching alien resurrection with the directors commentary on. My son likes hearing the French accents.

>>130865
Put the dog next to the baby.

And don't play such a violent movie for a baby.

>>130875
>>130875
Fine then. Bobs burgers. That's not violent.
Let me wake up the pug again

File: IMG_20160514_192436998.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

I forgot the pic

File: IMG_20160514_192726964.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

She doesn't trust me after last time. I don't think she wants to play with the baby. The baby tries to eat her face.

Rolled 51 (1d100)

Look out the window and scope out the scene.

File: IMG_20160514_193014947.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

None of us were comfortable with this.

The chili is doing awesome
I'm losing light, I still have time for the habaneros
My wife comes home in an hour and a half
I still need to do dishes

My son is watching bobs burgers, the pug has retreated back to the couch

File: IMG_20160514_193243993.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

>>130973
I need to bring that shelf back onto the porch
And that cat is being a cunt and won't come in
It's a beautiful day out.

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>131003
Throw food at cat

File: IMG_20160514_193711457.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

>>131017
>>131017
She wasn't very impressed
She is eating the food now.

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>131003
Partake in majesty of idol

File: IMG_20160514_193854204.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

>>131046
The food distracted her long enough to let me grab her and bring her in! Success! I've brought all the animals in the house, I finally completed one fucking chore
My wife is going to be pissed if I don't do at least two others.

File: IMG_20160514_194311835.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

>>131072
The idol is pleased with my offering of incense
The area around my house smells nice now

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>131081
Call son "Fondule" instead of his name for the rest of the day. Do not explain to wife.

Do the dishes, take out trash, etc. Be responsible.

File: IMG_20160514_195014426.jpg (961KB, 1080x1920px) Image search: [Google]

961KB, 1080x1920px

Fondule it is then
He was a wuss about being hungry.

File: IMG_20160514_195827682.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

Fondule is tired again
If I can get him down I can go do dishes

File: IMG_20160514_200506657.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

Fondule asks the binky what the meaning of life is. The binkie remains silent.

The wife called. Said she would understand if I didn't do too many chores
Fuck yeah!
Fondule fell asleep
The chili is ready for the wife when she gets home in 40 minutes
I didn't plant my habaneros and its night now. Dicks
Bobs burgers is on

What should I do?

Eat a habanero seed

>>131429
Do some chores anyway, you perfect husband, you

File: IMG_20160514_210114873.jpg (5MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 5248x2952px

>>131656
All right the wife will be home any minute so let's put away these dishes.

File: IMG_20160514_210525873.jpg (4MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5248x2952px

Two chores done when the wife was expecting none! Fuck yeah!
Couldn't find the sugar jar. That's the top that's left. Fuck that thing
God my chili tastes like Jesus's pussy

File: IMG_20160514_210801902.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

Time to move this asshole. I was spray painting primer on it since it was scratched to shit bur I ran out of primer. I can't leave it out or I'll look like a lazy asshole to our neighbors
Then three chores will be done.

this is actually quite a clever motivator to do shit
i may try this sometime

>>131768
Good work. The wife sex meter is raising by leaps and bounds.

File: IMG_20160514_211222746.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

>>131773
Yeah it's been a fun way to make my day just a tad less boring.

Well success!! I'll finish painting this either tonight or tomorrow. For now it'll hang out on the porch and try not to look trashy.

My wife is hopefully on the way home. She needs to run by Wal Mart for spray paint.
Fondule woke up. He's watching bobs burgers again. His bedtime is in one hour

Once my wife arrives I'm unsure how often I will be able to post. She doesn't understand how 4chan works and would frankly probably find this whole thread creepy. It's already going to be hard to explain why I'm calling my son Fondule.

>>131819
Just say you got bored, so your internet friends told you to do the dishes.

File: IMG_20160514_212853623.jpg (4MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 5248x2952px

>>131883
I will do my best to continue posting and use this excuse. Since Anon demands it.
Still waiting for the wife.
Should I dress up the baby and wait on the patio for her?
Or I could do some more chores.
Or just watch Bobs burgers
I'm in mah room, getting baby clothes

>>131927
Dress the baby up as fancily as possible and then read a book to him, plan it so your wife walks on on you reading the book to fondule.

File: IMG_20160514_213113816.jpg (6MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

6MB, 5248x2952px

Oh shit son I really need to wash some of Fondule's clothes tonight
What should he wear?

File: IMG_20160514_213313069.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

A new challenger appears!

>>131945
Let's go with the thing on the right.

File: IMG_20160514_213904922.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

Sorry guys made a decision. I want him to be ready for her arrival

Fondule is in an excellent mood

File: IMG_20160514_214110108.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

>>131996
"Cuz girls go crazy for a sharp dressed man"

God I'm glad I don't have your life. I'd be miserable

File: IMG_20160514_214340881.jpg (5MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 2952x5248px

I will devour your face weird fuzzy thing

>>131819
>It's already going to be hard to explain why I'm calling my son Fondule.
I specifically said not to explain to her

File: IMG_20160514_214731197.jpg (5MB, 5248x2952px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 5248x2952px

>>132033
I love being a stay at home dad. I have enough time to let 4chan dictate my life for a day and I have a garden. It's pretty neat.
Ok, which book should I read this guy?
He's six months old he doesn't give a shit

>>132070
read pooh plans a party!

File: IMG_20160514_215047877.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

This little mothafucka loves Pooh
Ok I'm starting, but right now he's much more interested in his walker

File: IMG_20160514_215304557.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

He loves storytime. He's gonna be in a great mood for the wife

File: IMG_20160514_220128497.jpg (6MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

6MB, 2952x5248px

The wife is home and brought me pretzel bites. She was happy to see me reading to Fondule!

She also liked how cutely dressed he was
And she likes the chili!
Critical success!

File: IMG_20160514_220940132.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

Success!
You guys probably got me laid.

>>132182
Bravo!

>>132182
Your welcome good sir. I suggest making room for those habaneros tomorrow.

>>132205
I'm going to go ahead and call the thread. I may do this again on my next day off.
If I knock up my wife tonight and have another child I'll make its middle name "Fondule"

We did it, guys! We made responsible decisions!

>>132182
Can we do a QTE for that?

File: IMG_20160514_230541022.jpg (4MB, 2952x5248px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 2952x5248px

>>132541
Nope lol
And sex happened.
Post-coital chili
Thanks again guys

>>132575
True love is sittin' around naked, eatin' chili. Clearly you're a lucky man.

this is adorable.

>convert to Christianity.

What would happen if you were to drink a grace champagne COLA through a twizzelator straw then punch a white boy in the face

>>132716
Just. Kidding. I did a 10 year bid and a m basically institutionalized. I'll shash you goof