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Anonymous
/qst/ Adventure Thing, part 8 2017-03-02 06:05:24 Post No. 1220914
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/qst/ Adventure Thing, part 8 2017-03-02 06:05:24 Post No. 1220914
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Oh shit nigger it's a /qst/ adventure thing. That I'm pretty sure I saw someone did before and I'm ripping them off but I can't remember the name so I can't credit them. Yea.
7 persons form an adventuring party in a nondescript generic fantasy land. Each with their own colour code for my convinience: Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Teal, Orange and Purple.
Each chacacter needs at least 1 player to be the voices in their head to tell them what to do n shit. And the party only needs 4 active members. The rest are part of the Backup Reserve Formation.
Just give yourself a name with the character's team color to identify which person you belong to. Ex: "Red Faggot"
The party's current quest is to slay a pirate captain.
On the way to the nearest port, the party made camp and appointed Clackie Chan the Orc Monk to keep watch. Now Clackie needs to keep the party safe until somebody switches shifts with him.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
>>1220914
it's not morning yet let's draw on on some ones face
>>
>>1220914
I'll be lurking here if you'll need me.
>>
>>1220933
But whose?
>>
>>1220947
let's roll for it!
>>
>>1220950
I bet drawing on greens face would be a rad prank
>>
>>1220950
Roll to draw on somebody's face
1: Somehow you drew on your own face
2: Armok
3: Gobbolina
4: Fib Smogee
5: Jet Ree
6: Master Betty
7: Chester
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1220971
watch me be cuuuurazzzzyyy clackie
>>
>>1220977
Now the dwarf gets it
>>
>could resist face drawing technically
nah, let the manlet get what he deserves.
>>
>>1220990
a vergina
with um..... a unicorn... fag.... lulz
>>
>>1220990
Have a dream about Orcina, the childhood friend/crush of Clackie and Jet
>>
>>1220995
teal potato take over for clackie I have to drive to work.
>>
>>1221012
Kay m8
>>
>>1220995
Wait, you don't know what a vergina looks like
>>1220998
Quality Orc Dreams
>>
Good evening gentlemen. This seems like a nice thread to partake in.
>>
>>1221015
Clackie draws a smiley face on Armoks helmet
>>
>>1221033
The REDs have had a smiley face drawn on their helmet
>>
Take of helmat and reveal glorious dwarf beard
>>
>>1221049
Oh shit, you're still asleep though
>>
>>1221051
Wake up and weep a tear cuz Orcina isnt our gf
>>
>>1221051
wake up.
Nobody drew anything on my helmet did they?
>>
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1221072
Can Jet wake up*
>>
>>1221072
Whoops forgot pic
>>
>>1221076
And the answer for Jet Ree was a resounding No
>>
>>1221085
Clackie goes over to Jet and shakes him awake!
>>
>>1221100
Add get Orcina as gf on to-do list
>>
>>1221109
And so Clackie put it on his to-do-list
>>
slow start todayif only someone with magnificent smile appeared
>>
>>1221113
Jet also put it on his list. Now go take a manly orc bath with Clackie and Jet
>>
>>1221119
You really like dick dont ya?
>>
>>1221113
back
>>
>>1221123
That sounds kinda gay bro
>>
Fall over
>>
>>1221131
I really liked Richard, yes
>>
>>1221143
to only in blood is this not gay bro. Now is kinda gay.
>>
>>1221136
>>1221143
The two latent homosexuals discuss their gay bath
>>1221142
Meanwhile Armok managed to fall over due to his terrible sleeping posture
>>
>>1221157
awww tuck in the little guy.
>>
use willpower to roll around on the ground while retaining sleep
>>
>>
>>
>>1221170
>>1221175
And so the homo orcs, the homorcs, remember the gay old time they had together while Clackie tries to tuck in Armok.
>>1221169
NOw if only the little bastard would stay still
>>
roll off into the sunset.
Let the stories of the eternaly rolling dwarf begin
>>
>>1221178
Its not gay if you dont make it gay you homos
>>
>>1221184
Yes....wait no don't roll over there. That's the river. You'll sink with your heavy armor!
>>
>>1221196
wake up, idiot
>>
Have a dream about the exact situation he is currently in. Homo orc argument included
>>
>>1221212
AND SO ARMOK WOKE UP
OH SHIT, MOMENTUM
>>
>>1221220
catch him before he fall in
>>
>>1221220
Blast Armok to his side with Chi blast to steer him away from the river
>>
>>1221224
DIVE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
>>
Activate armor radio. 'I believe I can fly'
If we cant fly, swan dive in the shallow end
>>
>>
>>1221222
CLACKIE JUMPS IN TO CATCH THE MIDGET >>1221223 But then Jet Rees Chi Blast knocks him away at the same time, how unfortunate.
>>1221227
Radios aren't invented yet
>>1221229
The Chi Blast has been used on Clackie instead
>>
>>1221229
>nigga you ain't red
I just commentating
>>
>>1221236
Grab onto Clackie's leg to slingshot our way across
>>
grab clackies foot and toss him back to land.
>>
>>1221236
Oh shit, jump in the river to save Armok and Clackie
>>
>>1221236
oh jeez this was a poorly executed rescue.
>>
>>1221262
land on other side
>>
>>1221262
will he make it?!
>>
blast us with that palm strike again. we goin all the way
>>
>>1221264
Roll 1d6 to see if you land on the other side
6: You land on the other side
5: You land on the other side on your head
3-4: You don't land on the other side
2: Suddenly lake monster
1: You land on the other side
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1221280
>>
>>1221262
Gobblina awakes in a sweat.
"He killed my crew, guys!"
We need to find that pirate
>>
>>1221285
While that happens, armok has been accidentally sent ot the other side >>1221282
The Underworld.
>>
>>1221303
dun dun duuuuuuuuun
>>
>>1221303
aw shit nigga
gotta get back
back to the surface
>>
>>1221303
>Dick appears
Oh, hi, neighbor
howdy
was lonely here
>>
>>1221303
Good thing Armok isnt a demon so death wont molest him
>>
>>1221316
or a barbarian.
>>
>>1221311
>>1221312
>>1221316
"What is a bearded midget doing here? It is not yet your time" said Death.
>>
>>1221325
oh you mind sending him back here death? kinda tumbled out of control.
>>
>>1221325
oh, we landed here on mistake
offer Death some CAPTAIN HAPPY
>>
>>1221325
Armok ask Death to give us Richard
>>
>>1221325
I took a wrong turn in albuquerque
>>
>>1221330
But you don't have any. Gobbolina's the one who bought a case of it. You just drink from her stash.
>>
>>1221344
hmm
offer him the ale in your backpack then
>>
>>1221344
Genuflect through dimensions to reach the other side as well
>>
>>1221344
drill a temporal portal and pull Armok through it
>>
>>1221344
I pour out some Capp'n for the dwarf to smell his way home.
>>
>>1221348
"Ale? You think some Ale would convince a supernatural entity representing the concept of Death to let you go?"
>>1221350
>>1221359
>>1221366
Roll 1d6 to attempt these
1-6: No
7: Yes
>>
Rolled 3 (1d7)
>>1221370
>>
>>1221370
of course
our Ale is the best
>>
>>1221370
you did say it's not yet his time
>>
Rolled 6 (1d7)
>>1221370
>>
Rolled 3 (1d7)
>>1221370
>>
>>1221380
How about you stop craving for Dick!
>>
>>1221373
>>1221371
>>1221376
>>1221378
As punishment for cheating. Everyone has all their stats reduced to 1 by Death.
>>
>>1221384
how about party wide debuff
>>
>>1221385
still, take a swig of the ale, Death
it's some GOOD ALCOHOL
>>
>>1221385
we were just trying to piss off dick. Not you death.
>>
>>1221385
Complain about Death to god
>>
>>1221385
Oh come on death, I didn't even roll. Don't be that way!
>>
>>1221391
"I already did. Dwarven ale tastes like piss. But, it is not your time yet so I'll send you back....Then again, who am I to deny the underworld another free soul?...."
>>1221394
Orc Monk God sez: "Ey. don't whine to me, those were the rules"
>>
>>1221403
oh, thanks, Death
we owe you one once we die
>>
>>1221403
construct a pirate raft.
>>
>>1221403
Yea but how this adventure gonna continue with stats of 1? Nigga dats bullshiet and u know it God
>>
>>1221385
I didn't cheat I just read it wrong. Orcs have bad reading skillz
>>
>>1221406
"You already owe me"
>>1221414
"Don't make me smite the whole lot of you"
>>1221409
Meanwhile Gobbolina attempts to craft a raft.
Roll 1d6 to find materials
4-6: Found some
1-3:Got nothing
>>
>>1221424
We're back, team
celebrate being alive by drinking more captain happy
>>
>>1221424
it's amazing how we make things so much harder then they need to be...
>>
>>1221424
Renounce faith in god and start following Satan and change class to acolyte
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1221424
>>
>>1221428
you may have some Capp'n Happy.
>>
>>1221428
YOu drank some
>>1221436
Jet Ree has been smote. Teal team is out of the game.
>>1221439
Got enough random wood and other crud to make a raft
>>
>>1221445
jet ..ree?....
>>
>>1221445
Help Blue make a raft so we can cross the river
>>
>>1221445
Well I'll make a pirate raft using my pirate skills.
>>
>>1221445
Greet Satan now that you're in hell
>>
>>1221452
lets hope we don't accidentally mae a bridge.
>>
>>1221449
Is now a pile of ash. Congratufuckinglations
>>1221452
>>1221455
Roll 1d6
1-2: Failure
3-6: Success
>>
>>1221463
<screams>
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1221463
>>
>>1221466
>>1221467
In other news a raft was built
>>
File: 1487842320867.png (10KB, 500x500px) Image search:
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another one bites the dust
>>
>>1221467
oh cool.
>>
>>1221474
now sob in orcich
>>
>>1221463
I'm sorry god, something came over me. Could you give our soul another chance, like the orc monk faith teaches? Jet's soul asks God
>>
>>1221474
Use spare materials to build Jet Ree's ashes an urn
>>
>>1221474
Lets pirate the raft across the river.
>>
>>1221445
wait a sec, is this Orcus Christ's dad?
>>
>>1221475
Put the ashes in a cup of water and drink it to absorb jet rees powers
>>
>>1221482
"Are you gonna stop being a fag?"
>>1221483
Roll 1d6
1-4: Failure
5-6: Success
>>1221488
Yes, naturally
>>1221479
>>
>>1221497
put up camp on the other side of the river.
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1221497
>>
>>1221497
Yes, even if it means giving up bath time with Clackie
>>
>>1221502
Waell that's a failure. Now everyone get on the raft so the goblin can do this >>1221501
>>1221504
"For reeeeeeaaaaaalssss?"
>>
>>1221511
Get on the raft
>>
>>1221511
For reals, I swear on my mother's, bless her, name
>>
>>1221511
get raft crying with ashes
>>
>>1221511
alright, we pirate across and put up camp inclding a little shrine to Orcus Christ in Teal's honour (and to appease the vengeful God)
>>
>>1221513
>>1221521
>>1221526
Crossing da river to eventually do that stuff BLUEs said
>>1221520
Then roll 1d6 to see how you get to be revived
1: Turn into some sort of orc-elf abomination
2-6: An orc with the word FAG magically etched onto his head. Can never be removed
7: Normal, nothing bad happens
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1221537
Thanks god. But if you want me to stop being a fag why would you put a fag on my forehead?
>>
>>1221542
don't question god
>>
>>1221542
"To remind you of your sins. You are branded a fag but you must not act like a fag. Or else"
>>
>>1221550
Fair point
>>
>>1221558
good thing I lost my reading glasses
>>
>>1221559
hah. Fag.
I'm straight though.
>>
>everything goes to hell cause newbies
this is great, need more popcorn
>>
>>1221558
Any way I could clear my sins and erase these markings?
>>
>>1221564
>says the guy that illed Dick in the most obvious way possible.
>>
>>1221568
"Praise my name every single day, don't break any laws, don't sin. And don't be a fag. Eventually they'll go away."
>>
>>1221577
only to be brought back to be analy ravaged!
>>
>>1221579
Thank you god. Yell out GOD BE PRAISED and kneel down in prayer
>>
>>1221579
so sayeth Orc Monk God.
Anyway, the others better get to building that shrine so Jet Ree have something to come out of
>>
>>1221591
Drink more captain happy
>>
>>1221591
build shrine on raft, say orcish mumbo jumbo to help.
>>
>>1221596
could you fucking wait
>>
>>1221595
>>1221596
Building a shrine on a raft is probably a bad idea. Especially if it's gonna be used to pop out another person. Wait til the raft gets to other side first. Unless you want everybody to drown.
>>
>>1221603
tell Clackie that's a bad idea
>>
>>1221603
ok guys, I just want my friend back, but we can wait, forgive me.
>>
Now who amongst you consider yourself to be the luckiest?
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1221613
I am.
check my 6
>>
>>1221607
Thank you Clackie
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1221613
I am
check my 1
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1221613
I am.
Check MY 6
>>
>>1221619
I choosee red dwarf
>>
>>1221619
red dwarf is.
>>
>>1221619
Roll 1d6 for river crossing encounter
6: Nothing happens
4-5: The raft gets unbalanced due to the rapid water movements and the party must roll to stay on it
2-3: River Monster
1: river Monster with the express goal to buttrape you, specifically you. In the butt.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1221645
>>
>>1221645
I'm beginning to think you have some kind of anal brutalization effect op
>>
>>1221647
you're a good one.
I pirated well.
>>
>>1221647
Good, nothing happens and the party crossed the river
>>
>>1221653
look at the map again
>>
>>1221653
I do the things I said I'd do
>>
>>1221653
OR DOES IT
DUN DUN DUNNNNN
>>
>>1221653
now build shrine to bring back Jet Ree.
>>
>>1221655
>>1221656
>>1221662
The shrine to Orc Monk God was built. Now why does a goblin ahve such knowledge, is another question
>>
>>1221672
I'll get something to drink while the Orc does his ORc stuff
>>
>>1221672
use mumbo jumbo and orc ashes to bring back Jet Ree
>>
>>1221674
Yes, you go do that
>>1221678
Roll 1d6 to see if your Zen Mumbo Jumbo has any effect
1: Jet Ree can never get a gf
2-5: Nothing bad happens
6: Jet Ree somehow respawned with hair
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1221684
>>
>>1221694
Oh rook it's Jet Ree
>>
>>1221700
what happened to our budget, OP?
>>
>>1221700
Thank you for bringing me back everyone. Give Clackie a firm handshake and smile
>>
>>1221709
easy with that smile and no eye contact dude, you want to be smote again?
>>
>>1221709
>>1221702
I did not spend it all on Fried Chicken if that's what you're implying.
>>
>>1221710
Making eyecontact during a handshake is common courtesy
>>
>>1221714
ok so head toward the next location that is close to port. THE HOLE.
>>
>>1221714
I arrange a pile of eighty five small triangles, all with different angles.
>>
>>1221716
that's not what dad taught me
>>
>>1221722
Donate 5 shekels to OP to increase budget
>>
>>1221722
I'll catch up with thtem
>>
>>1221722
increase budget to game
>>
>>1221725
>>1221726
>>1221727
Oh look a giant hole. Now don't you go kicking any team members down there
>>
>>1221734
ignore giant hole and continue to port town
>>
>>1221734
is that a souvenir stand?
>>
>>1221734
I'll stay furthest away from the whole, party-structure wise
>>
>>1221737
The dwarf ignores the hole
>>1221738
Indeed it is
>>1221740
And so you did
>>
>>1221742
Is that Dick's brother?
>>
>>1221742
do you carry feminine mustaches?
>>
>>1221742
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SMILE
>>
>>1221745
"Greetings adventurers and Hole tourists! My name is Ric...ardo. Owner of this fine Hole souvenir stand!"
>>1221748
"No, tiny lesbian! But we have a fine selection of Hole memorabilia: shirts, shorts, models, bags, pictures and even snacks!"
>>1221751
"Well if you're going into the hole then there's the Beast of a thousand mouths, the corpse stealer, the Abyssal Eye, the eater of souls, the flesh golem, the gnawing wall and the Shadow Ripper. If you're going around the hole then there's some wild animals like chimeras and griffins prowling the grounds"
>>
>>1221762
Do you happen to have a relative called Richard also known as Dick?
>>
>>1221762
is there any special hole alcohol?
>>
>>1221762
we might go around then
>>
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>>1221762
Not checkered costume enough
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUawtbNDOoE
>>
>>1221762
we will take one shirt for our silent snek friend and be off.
Walk around the hole.
>>
>>1221770
that is nice, lets buy snek a shirt
>>
>>1221765
"Oh him. Yes. I do have a cousin called Richard, also known as Dick. The family prefers to not talk about him."
>>1221767
"Yes. For 1 gold per bottle"
>>1221770
"Only 1 gold for a shirt, valued customers"
>>
>>1221775
See what the alcohol looks like first before we buy it
>>
>>1221775
Well Richard died a while back. Thought I'd let you know
>>
>>1221775
We'll get a shirt for snek because that's wholesome.
>>
>>1221776
>>1221780
"Ah, such a shame....Tell me, is his death...anal related?"
>>1221781
Party now has 6 Gold left
>>
>>1221783
Buy one bottle of alco"hole" to add to our collection
>>
>>1221783
He died by getting cleaved in half
>>
>>1221783
well he go cleaved in half but came to life just to get anal raped.
Move on around the hole.
>>
>>1221786
5 Gold left. AlcoHole aquired
>>1221787
"Oh good. At least he died withouth anything stuck up his ass. Like the family has always feared. It was why we had to kick him out into the forest ya know"
>>1221788
[ba dum tish in the distance]
>>
>>1221791
Take a swig to taste the alco"hole"
>>
>>1221791
You seem like a pretty capable guy Ricardo. Why don't you join us in adventuring?
>>
>>1221791
alright, we'll be off to the port town.
But do know that I'm totally sexually ttracted to you due to your gender.
>>
>>1221792
Tastes pretty good
>>1221793
"Nah, my lot in life is being this stall owner. And I'm okay with that. Adventuring lead to Richards death and homosexuality, so I'm content with not experiencing that....Poor Richard, always going on about being on adventures and sticking things up his ass. He even dressed up like an elf once. That made his father furious. Ultimately we had to kick him out into the forest so he can be a gay elf as much as he wants"
>>1221795
"Yeah sure you do"
>>
>>1221803
I totes am
>>
>>1221803
ok well see yah.
Let's get around that hole.
>>
>>1221803
Maybe I should give Gobbolina a good tumble to clear her dykeness and Jets fagginess
>>
brb, someobody at the door
>>
>>1221808
watch out!
>>
>>
>>1221810
no the door could hit him
>>
>>1221810
Suuuure
>>
>>1221811
oh right, the door looked like an anal rapist specialized in Orcs
>>
>>1221816
sounds like the lesbo wants to be butt ravaged by an orc
>>
>>1221817
a male one!!
Anyways, I'll be fff for a bit
>>
Alright I'm back. What's going on?
>>
>>1221822
we are walking around the hole.
>>
>>1221825
>>1221826
You reach a sign after you went around the hole. You're almost at your destination. only half a day of travelling left.
>>
>>1221828
keep Rollin Rollin rollin
>>
>>1221828
Start jogging to reach the port faster
>>
>>1221828
Run so we can get there faster
>>
>>1221829
>>1221831
>>1221833
Half a day.
12 Hours
6+6 hours.
First like before. Choose your luckiest and roll 1d6 to see what happens during the first 6 hours
1: Attacked by a group of griffins and chimeras
2-3: attacked by a griffin and a chimera
4: Attacked by a griffin
5: Attacked by a chimera
6: nothing.
>>
>>1221834
you are up dwarf
>>
>>1221834
I vote for red dorf
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1221834
>>
>>1221840
cool, this journey was close to being very boring.
>>
>>1221840
The party is attacked by a griffin!
But befre we battle. ROLL CALL, WHO'S IN HERE.
>>
>>
>>1221844
aw shit nigga
>>
>>1221844
passing salesman person in checkered suit reports in
>>
>>
>>1221845
>>1221846
>>1221849
And so only 3 gets tofight, hurr
>>1221847
Don't make shit up nigger
Anywya, I gotta go answer the door again, brb
>>
>>1221844
oh man we are missing a lot of our party!
>>
>>1221852
Is it the cookie girl scouts
>>
>>1221862
some one is at the door and op could be attacked by Asian wolves
>>
>>1221852
>Don't make shit up nigger
just gotta believe
>>
It's cool. It's just some delivery. So the party formation is here yes
>>
>>1221869
We battle
>>
>>1221869
yarp
>>
>>1221870
Very well, the turn order is so:
Gobbolina->Griffin->Clackie->Jet Ree-> Armok
Now gobbolina can do something
>>
>>1221873
But it seems the lesbian midget is missing
>>
>>1221873
Throw rum
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1221880
Roll 1d6
>>
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1221881
Fekken phone capitalicimg stuff
>>
Rolled 1 (1d5)
>>1221884
Success! The griffin is now drunk.
Now it's gonna attack:
1- Gobbolina
2- Jet Ree
3- Clackie
4- Armok
5- Itself
>>
>>1221886
I playwed myself. Didnt think it would have back row as an option
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1221886
The griffin drunkeny flies up into the air and swoops down at the gobllin!
Gobbolina roll 1d6 to defend
Griffin has +6 DEX bonus
Gobblonia has +5 DEX bonus
>>1221887
Well the thing can fly. So it can target anybody.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1221888
Rolling
>>
Rolled 2, 5 = 7 (2d6)
>>1221891
The Goblin Pirate lesbian is KO'd!
>>1221892
Roll 2d6
Roll 2d6. Your first roll against my firstroll
+5 Griffin
+6 You
If attack hits, your second roll is against my second roll for stun chance
Note that stun chance doesn't get bonuses
>>
Rolled 4, 5 = 9 (2d6)
>>1221893
>>
>>1221894
A hit! But it didn't stun!
At least you reduced it to 4 HP!
Now it's Jet Rees turn!
>>
>>1221896
Dim Mak
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1221898
Roll 2d6 To use Dim Mak
First roll is hit chance.
Second roll is to see if it kills the thing or not (Need >=5)
>>
Rolled 6, 6 = 12 (2d6)
>>1221901
Nothing personal, grif
>>
>>1221902
OH SHIT NIGGER
>>
>>1221902
woo!
>>
>>1221902
op is drawing some sick ass shit to this.
>>
>>1221902
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
>>
>>1221913
Oh lawd
Jet ree you are the man
>>
>>1221913
gather any loot and pick up Gobblin maybe we can get to port to revive her
>>
>>1221913
Smells like... Victory
>>
>>1221913
Looks like god got rid of your fag tattoo huh.
>>
>>1221913
get the loot
>>
>>1221918
Oh shit, I hope it did
>>
>>1221918
Maybe it's magical
Only if he does awesome stuff it disappears
It returns later though, or if he does faggy stuff
>>
>>1221923
need you to choose a color here bro.
>>
After the looting, this is what the party stash is.
Now for the remaining 6 hours of travel.
Choose your luckiest and roll 1d6 to see what happens during the next 6 hours
1: Trip and fall into a ditch, breaking all your legs
2: Somebody gets sick
3: Meet a stranger
4: Find some stuff
5: Meet a healer
6: God Bless ye
>>1221918
The Fag tattoo disapears temporarily in extreme moments of unfagness. But reappears soon after. Only a lifetime of redemption will cause it to be gone forever
>>
>>1221925
also yellow hitler do you have a twitter?
>>
>>1221915
I've got a revival kit on me
>>
>>1221929
hold off on that maybe we can revive you and save that kit
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1221927
>>
Start
>>
>>1221934
oh shit we got Snek for once
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1221934
Oh look. Chester the snekman duelist woke up.
Just in time to see who got sick >>1221933
1- Gobbolina
2- Jet Ree
3- Armok
4- Clackie
5- Chester
>>
>>1221936
aw shit, I drank too much
>>
>>1221936
carry Armok if he can't walk.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1221936
>>
>>1221937
ARMOK GOT SICK!
ARMOK ALSO OWES DEATH. ARMOK IS AFFECTED BY SECRET STATUS: TOLL OF THE REAPER.
ARMOK NOW GETS THE SICKNESS:
1: Deathrot
2: Bonespikes
REDs roll 1d2
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)
>>1221943
I'M DYING HERE
>>
>>
>>1221943
what does death rot do?
>>
>>1221942
Yo, I'm KO, but I bought you a shirt as a present
>>
>>1221947
it was my odea
>>
>>1221950
This weeb has the nippon logo as a t shirt
>>
>>1221950
nothing bUT make sure to keep every one alive.
>>
>>1221944
Armok is affected by DEATHROT.
The dwarf has been infected with necromatic energies. His flesh will slowly rot away until he is nothing but a skeleton, with a beard.
The process is agonizing, Armok will be in constant pain until the skeletonization is complete. Which will take like weeks. During this time, in every battle Armok will have his HP go down every turn. After a battle, his HP will be refilled, so he can suffer again.
On a positive note, if he can survive the ordeal, Armok will become an undead, and enjoy the benefits that will bring.
>>
>>1221956
shit, I don't think the greatest of dwarf ales can heal this, lads
>>
>>1221956
is there any cure?
>>
>>1221959
>>1221958
" 'course not" - Death
"Unless you find some paladins or something" - God
"Dude, not cool"
>>
>>1221962
shit
let's get a move on into the port town already
>>
>>1221962
Speak out some orc monk blessings to cure Armok
>>
>>1221962
well Armok, this is up to you, you wanna be a skelly dwarf or do you wanna be healed by some paladins?
>>
>>1221962
also hurry to port as well
>>
>>1221968
well I don't know about that, I would have to ask a skeleton to find out.
>>
>>1221967
Also sorry I was a bit occupied.
No I dont have an account on a normie website that actively censors people.
The only (((media))) platform I have is steam and my email.
>>
>>1221965
Welp, that didn't wotk
>>1221968
Exactly. All the ale you could ever want, and you still won't taste anything.
Oh and since you're in constant pain. With every picture that ahs Armok in it, know that he is constantly screaming
>>
>>1221975
good to know, let's head to port and revive Our pirate and find a paladin.
>>
>>1221975
give the dwarf a bunch of Rum to dull the pain.
>>
>>1221978
Voting for this
>>
>>1221975
Use orc telepathy to search for orc paladins
>>
>>1221975
DRINK UNTIL WE CAN'T FEEL PAIN
OH GOD
>>
>>1221979
You can't do that, you're KO'd
>>
>>1221984
I forgot
>>
>>1221984
while we walk to port.
Wise orc once said,
"to do nothing is to truly rot away, or be an elf and you should rot away or be killed."
>>
>>1221983
Armok puts his Armors Ale Pumps into Overdrive. He keeps drinking in hopes to dull the pain. But it wont stop. The pain, the terrible agonizing pain. It just doesn't stop.
Basically this is the soundtrack to your life now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K956y2om92I
>>
>>1221988
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SAVE ME
>>
>>1221988
rush to port for christsakes
>>
>>1221989
>>1221991
[continued dwarf screaming]
>>
>>1221992
[CONTINUED DWARF SCREAMING]
>>
>>1221992
are we there yet?
>>
>>1221994
>>1221997
Yes
[continued dwarf screaming]
>>
>>1221998
oh
head into town now
look for a paladin
>>
>>1221998
Jet take Armok to find a paladin.
I'll go heal up our gobbo
>>
>>1221999
>>1222000
"sorry, we don't have any paladins around these parts"
[continued dwarf screaming]
>>
>>1222002
Heal our blue Gobbo
>>
>>1222002
Well where do you have paladins?
>>
>>1222002
WHERE?
>>
>>1222005
>>1222006
"Well, paladins usually appear in places that have churches. And the nearest church from here is in Port Town #9"
>>1222003
"Yarrr, what can Ol' Healingbeard do for ye?"
>>
>>1222007
look on our map to see where port town #9 is
>>
>>1222007
heal the gobbo pleae
>>
>>1222011
well team
we need to catch a ride by boat to get to port #9 as quickly as possible
>>
>>1222016
"It'll be 2 gold to heal the midget lesbian"
>>
>>1222020
fuck fine here!
>>
>>1222020
wait, isn't that more expensive than a kit?
>>
>>1222021
>>1222022
"WHOOPS TOO LATE NO TAKEBACKS, BYE"
>>
>>1222024
maybe? sell the gryphon loot and two shitty daggers
>>
>>1222024
I'M A BLUE GOBBO AND THAT GUY KILLED MY CREW
>>
>>1222025
"Oh, so you want to sell these boss bandit knives that when wielded together, gives +1 to attack and defend rolls? wel it'll be---OH YOU MEAN THESE SHITTY BANDIT KNIVES THAT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING? YES, 1 GOLD"
>>1222026
Meanwhile Gobbolina woke up screaming
>>
>>1222028
waaaaaiiiit a minute, we will hold on to those daggers then. how bout theSE gryphon parts.
>>
>>1222028
Guys, this guy has all the signs of a jew.
Also claim and wear the Sombrero
>>
>>1222028
you're gonna jew us
hold onto the daggers for now
>>
>>1222028
Yarr mateys me crew be wantin to sell ye sum of our plunder. Them griffin parts be worth lots to ye
>>
>>1222033
YARR
>>
>>1222029
>>1222030
>>1222032
>>1222033
"Fiiiiine. Doubting the words of O'l Jewbeard. How could ye. Now lemme look at those griffin parts"
In other news, Master Betty the HalfDragonWereWolfman woke up and then equipped the sombrero
>>
>>1222036
got them off a gryphon that took 2 hits to kill.
>>
>>1222036
Hol up do we still have that poncho. I want to wear that to if we still have it.
>>
>>1222036
Guys we really shouldn't be wasting time with this Jew
>>
>>1222040
we need money to get on a boat to help Armok.
>>
>>1222040
(Whoops)
>>
>>1222039
The Goblin Druid took the poncho
>>
>>
>>1222038
"ah, then you'll get 3 gold in total"
>>
>>1222047
I'll check out goodchristianbeard instead.
>>
>>
>>1222050
"Greetings"I gotta leave for like 45 minutes, maybe an hour. If people are still here when I get back then we'll continue. While I'm gone feel free to discuss useless things. Like how wide Richard's anus must be
>>
>>1222055
how much would you give me for 5 griffin parts?
>>
>>1222058
can we even steal a ship if we can't afford it?
>>
>>1222063
If OP's games have taught me one thing, then never to do anything illegal. we could get hired as crew or get cheap seats. But stealing is will get us into conflict with.... THEM
>>
>>1222067
that's what I was thinking.
>>
Alright I'm back who's still in here?
>>
>>1222078
cha
>>
>>1222078
here
>>
>>1222080
Wow so only the gobbo is left, whodathunk
>>
>>
>>1222083
we need a ship, our dwarf is dying and we need to get to port 9
>>
>>1222083
who want some hats
>>
>>1222083
I'll buy a bigger hat.
>>
>>1222083
I'll take a hat with my hole shirt
>>
>>1222091
a hole hat.
>>
>>1222089
>>1222093
"Yes. I also sell hats. What are you looking for?"
>>
>>1222094
oh boy here we go.
Ok the rest of us will find a ship.
>>
>>1222094
the same as I have right now, but bigger.
>>
>>1222101
let's find out how much, I need to get away from Armok's pain cries.
>>
>>1222101
working on it might work. or doing a quest for a captain.
Or killing black beard (HE KILLED MY CREW) and taking his ship.
Then becoming a band o pirates
>>
>>1222099
"How big?"
>>1222097
>>
>>1222104
My moral code prevents me from pirating
>>
>>1222105
cheap ships 4 rent
>>
>>1222105
How big you got?
>>
>>1222105
cheap ships
>>
>>1222106
well the last part isn't necessary, but taking the ship of the dude we killed might be good
>>
>>1222109
"House-sized"
>>1222107
"Try it one first, to see if you like it"
>>1222108
>>1222110
"Hello! You want to rent a ship? For cheap?"
>>
>>1222112
how much
if it costs more than 5 gold, then I'll show him my scary face
>>
>>1222112
Yeah how much
>>
>>1222112
Hmmm I look like a mailbox
How does the second one look?
>>
>>1222112
I am not looking for house sized. Just give me one that looks ridicolously big on me but doesn't hinder my fighting.
>>
>>1222112
Do you happen to have a relative called Richard, also known as Dick?
>>
>>
>>1222120
that one's good.
>>
>>1222120
show us the 5 gold one first
>>
>>1222120
Makes me look like a bad dude
I'll take it!
>>
>>1222120
Richard's dead, he got sliced in half. He did not die of anal invasion.
>>
>>1222125
Althoguh anal invasion did happen.
>>
>>
>>1222128
No he got sliced in half
>>
>>1222130
take a closer look at the ship personally
this thing might not be reliable
>>
>>1222130
I like it
>>
>>
>>1222130
check money amount
>>
>>1222132
[Inquisitive dwarven screaming in agony]
>>1222136
3. The party has 3 Gold left.
>>
>>1222137
see if the sails work
>>
>>1222137
Find anything
>>
>>
>>1222137
How about giving us a 2 gold discout, sir? For the memory of Dick, whatever that's worth
>>
>>1222141
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>
>>1222144
BUT LOOK HOW CUTE I LOOK!
LET ME DO THIIIIIIIIIS!
>>
>>1222145
First vote then maybe hat
>>
>>1222146
ask the guy if we can take it on a test drive
>>
>>
>>1222150
H [OOOOW?
>>
>>1222151
WE COULD TRY AND GO OUT TO KILL ANOTHER GRIFFIIIIIN! OR WE COULD SEE IF SOMEONE NEEDS THEIR BABY SAT! OR FIGHT IN THE PIT FIGHTS!
>>
>>1222149
"HAHA, No. You know what happened to the last guy that asked for a test drive?"
[continued dwarf screaming]
>>
>>1222152
NOOOOOOOOOOO
>>
>>1222153
Check the job board in this town
>>
>>1222155
WELL I CAN'T TAKE PART IN A FELONY, I'M MAGICALLY TAGGED!
ALSO, YOU ARE STANDING IN THE WAY OF CUTENESS. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
>>
>>1222156
Jet Ree checks the Job Board.
Yep, that's a board.
>>
>>1222158
SELL THE GRIFFIN PARTS
>>
>>1222159
What jobs are available?
>>
>>1222159
Armok shall rest, since getting into battles for us is practically suicide
>>
>>1222163
-"HARD WORKER NEEDED. STRONGMAN REQUIRED. LOADING FISH CRATES. WIL PAY"
-"CAPTAIN LOOKING FOR CREW TO EXACT VENGEANCE. CONTACT STABBYBEARD"
-"ROOF FIXER NEEDED. MY ROOF BLEW UP"
-"HUGS 4 RENT"
-"TRAVELLING WARRIOR, NEED OPPONENT TO TEST SKILLS"
-"ALE DRINKING CONTEST"
>>1222162
"1 Gold for each part"
>>1222165
[Dwarven screaming to sleep]
>>
>>1222168
DO IT AND YOU CAN HAVE YOUR HAT
>>
>>1222168
I'LL SELL YOU THE PARTS AND I'M GETTING THE HAT
ALSO, STABBYBEARD SEEMS NICE.
>>
>>1222168
First go to the ale drinking contest, impossible for Jet to lose. After that go meet the warrior
>>
>>1222172
Jet might be crippled by his illness though
>>
>>1222171
WHAT EVER JUST GET THE MONEY OVER HERE SO WE CAN RENT A BOAT
>>
>>1222175
THE MONEY IS SOMEHOW ALWAYS IN EVERYBODY'S POCKET, WEIRDLY.
>>
>>1222173
I'm not ill
>>
>>1222171
Sold griffin parts for 5 Gold. party now has 8 Gold.
Bought hats for Gobbolina and Chester. Party now has 6 Gold.
>>1222172
Now Jet Ree must compete against a dwarf in an ale drinking constest. Does he accept the challenge? Even though he's drunk already?
>>
>>1222177
oh right! I thought you were talking about the dwarf. well you're at a handicap anyway considering you're no dwarf.
>>
>>1222178
Spectate the spectacle of the drinking contest.
>>
>>1222176
It's a magical party-wide bag system
>>
>>1222183
I'll never get used to that new age technical gadgetry
>>
>>1222178
Yeah sure. Even if I were to lose I'd still have a good time
>>
AND NOW. EACH CONSTESTANT WILL NEED TO DRINK 25 PINTS OF ALE.
WHOEVER DRANK MORE IS THE WINNER. ARE YOU READY?
>>
>>1222178
how long can we rent that boat?
>>
>>1222187
Of course. Shake the dwarf's hand and say may the best orc or dwarf win
>>
>>1222187
communicate with Jet Ree by SCREAMING and telling him that we trained him for this
>>
>>1222187
Shout words of encouragement.
>>
>>1222187
Consider your leg
>>
>>1222178
excellent
>>
Rolled 5, 5, 3, 1, 3, 6, 6, 3, 3, 6, 1, 2, 4, 6, 6, 3, 5, 2, 6, 3, 3, 4, 2, 3, 5 = 96 (25d6)
>>1222190
AND NOW START DRINKING.
ROLL 25D6
EVERY >=3 IS A SUCCESSFULLY EMPTIED PINT
>>1222193
Yep, that's a leg
>>1222194
"Well depends. For 5 Gold you get it for a day. Every extra day is another gold"
>>
Rolled 4, 2, 1, 3, 6, 2, 5, 6, 6, 3, 4, 3, 6, 3, 5, 1, 5, 5, 2, 1, 6, 3, 1, 2, 5 = 90 (25d6)
>>1222198
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222198
Massage Jet Ree's back to help.
>>
>>1222198
by boat how long does it take to get to port 9 from here?
>>
>>1222198
>>1222200
OH NO! THE DWARF FINISHED OF 20 OUT OF 25 DRINKS!
JET REE ONLY MANAGED 18!
LOOKS LIKE IT'S OVER FOR JET REE FOLKS!
>>1222202
"2 days"
>>
>>1222204
MY BLOOD IS ONE WITH THE ALCOHOL! Activate alcohol dependency ultra mode
>>
Rolled 5, 6, 1, 6, 4, 2, 6, 1, 1, 6, 6, 2, 6, 6, 1, 6, 1, 2, 1, 5, 3, 4, 2, 5, 4 = 92 (25d6)
>>1222204
orcs are weaksauce
>>
>>1222204
and by foot?
>>
>>1222204
Stick a giant funnel in teal's mouth and pour the rest of his alcohol in.
>>
Rolled 5, 4, 5, 2, 2, 1, 3, 1, 3, 1, 4, 5, 6, 4, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6, 1, 1, 1, 5, 5, 3 = 82 (25d6)
>>1222206
NEXT BATCH OF ALLE COMES! ROLL 25D6!
EVERY >=3 IS A SUCCESSFULLY EMPTIED PINT!
THE TOTAL OF EMPTIED PINTS FROM BOTH ROUNDS WILL BE THE FINAL RESULT!
>>
Rolled 6, 5, 1, 2, 1, 5, 1, 5, 3, 2, 3, 1, 1, 1, 6, 5, 4, 6, 6, 2, 3, 1, 1, 1, 2 = 74 (25d6)
>>1222210
4
>>
Rolled 5, 1, 6, 6, 3, 6, 2, 5, 1, 1, 5, 1, 2, 6, 2, 3, 5, 2, 2, 2, 4, 2, 5, 4, 3 = 84 (25d6)
>>1222216
>>
>>
>>1222216
>>1222220
IN THE NEXT ROUND THE DWARF FINISHED OFF 15 PINTS. WHILE JET REE 14!
THE TOTAL IS
DWARF: 35
JET REE: 32
DAAMMN
>>
>>1222226
Say well drank sir dwarf and let out a massive burp
>>
>>1222226
well let's rent the boat for 2 days
>>
>>1222229
"Mm I could drink like that, if I felt it"
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1222229
"Yer not so bad yerself, lad" and the dwarf also let out a massive burp
The combined sonic waves killed at least [my number] birds
>>
>>1222239
Pat the dwarf on the back and take your leave towards the warrior
>>
>>1222242
>>1222244
As Jet Ree walks away to the wandering warrior. He also waves at Master Betty while burping.
Teal And Orange roll 1d100. If teal gets higher Orange is blown away into a tree.
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1222246
Woah I didn't want to blow Master Betty into a tree
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1222246
Nya!
>>
>>1222246
go find everyone else.
>>
>>1222249
>>1222251
It's all good in da hood.
Now party regroup and go find that wandering warrior?
>>
>>1222256
ok since we are going to rent later
>>
>>1222256
sure
>>
>>1222256
Ok. Get together so we find that pirate.
>>
>>1222257
>>1222258
>>1222260
RIGHT. Now ROLL CALL/ VOTE.
FIGHT WARRIOR FOR CASH OR GO STRAIGHT TO PIRATE HUNTING?
>>
>>1222265
I thought this was 1 on 1
>>
>>1222266
It was. But the warrior also accepts Group fights. If you want.
>>
>>1222265
go to wanderer we need to heal Armok
>>
>>1222268
I ask for his stats.
>>
>>1222265
I will fight the warrior.
>>
>>1222271
fine what ever as long as we get paid
>>
>>1222270
Special powers/ equipment:
- Wandering Sword: hit 3 enemies in front row per regular attack
- Cleave: Hit 3 enemies in a row
- Great Cleave: Hit 3 enemies in a row, has chance to OHKO each one
-
>>
>>1222280
you ready to fight him?
>>
>>1222280
I'm down.
>>
>>1222280
you're strong, mistah!
what would you pay for a tussle?
>>
>>1222280
let's do this
>>
>>1222280
Aight, we don't need to win though do we
>>
>>1222283
>>1222287
>>1222290
"Ah! You adventurers must have seen my ad! Come! Let us fight and test eachother abilities. Win or lose, should be a good learning experie-->>1222285 pardon?"
>>
>>1222291
we get paid for this right?
>>
>>1222291
Don't mind her, she's a lesbian. Let's get this show on the road.
>>
>>1222291
you won't pay us, got it.
>>
>>1222293
"Of course. No matter the outcome. Ultimately I'm trying to test my skills. So win or lose works for me"
>>1222294
>>1222297
>>1222295
"Oh a lesbian, got it"
Now, what is your formation?
>>
>>1222299
Lesbian in the back, me and Clackie up front.
>>
>>1222299
no killing then, I'll be in front with jet Betty and chesterfield id he is awake
>>
>>1222299
dude I will SUCK your fucking dick.
That said, I'm way in the back for the fight.
>>
>>1222299
Everyone except dyke is front
>>
So this be the party formation. Is everyone present?
>>
>>1222312
starting to fall asleep here
>>
>>1222312
THE SCREAMING DWARF VOLUNTEERS
>>
>>1222312
Yeh
>>
>>1222312
I'm ready. Make sure to play my theme song.
>>
>>1222315
toy might actually die
>>
>>1222312
Yes
>>
>>
Rolled 2 (1d3)
>>1222315
>>1222314
>>1222316
>>1222318
>>1222320
>>1222322
Very well. The battle starts. TURN ORDER:
Warrior -> Gobbolina -> Chester -> Master Betty -> Clackie Chan -> Jet Ree -> Armok
And so th warrior goes first. And with a swing of his bigass sword, he hits:
1: Clackie, jet Ree, Chester
2: Jet Ree, Chester, Master Betty
3: Chester, Master Betty, Armok
>>1222325
Nobody will die, this counts as a training battle
>>
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222331
TEAL, PURPLE, ORANGE. ROLL 1D6
Warrior has +10 STR BONUS
Jet Ree has +5
Chester has +2
Master Betty has +4
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222335
Oh nice if I roll a 6 I counter
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222335
Nyeh
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222335
>>
>>1222337
>>1222338
>>1222340
ALL 3 GOT HIT!
Jet Ree has 3 HP left!
Master Betty has 3 HP left!
Chester has 1 HP left!
Now it's Gobbolinas turn!
>>
>>1222344
Throw Capp'n at Chester!
>>
>>1222344
Oh fuck
>>
>>1222344
What were Master Betty's moves again? Fire breath?
>>
>>1222344
teal if I don't answer take over for me.
>>
>>1222347
>>1222348
Take it Chester!
Blue and Purple roll 1d6 to see what benefits does Chester get
1- INT +1
2- STR +1
3- END +1 (Note: END is your MAX HEALTH, not your CURRENT HEALTH)
4- CHA +1
5- Heal 1 HP
6- DEX +1
After both have rolled. Decide which roll is more beneficial to Chester, then go with that.
>>1222349
-Fire Breath: ranged attack, use STR as bonus, if hit may burn target for 2 turns
-Wings: Allow you to fly, in combat if used you get 1 free dodge
-Bite: Your basic attack, use STR as bonus
-Claw Swipe: Quickly swipe 2 enemies standing next to each other, uses DEX as bonus
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222355
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222355
>>
>>1222357
mine seems more beneficial, right?
>>
>>1222369
Compared to that, yes.
>>
>>1222371
so we take it.
>>
>>1222373
Agreed
>>
>>1222374
jet take over for me, do mumbo jumbo then palm thrust the flying kick and rotate between play and kick
>>
>>1222377
Aight but wheres hitler
>>
>>1222374
Very well, now it's your turn.
Your current STR is 3, buffed by the rum
Your attacks:
- Double Stab: Quicklly thrust both rapiers into your opponent - (Uses the combined total of your DEX and STR for bonus. Opponent uses their DEX bonus)
- Feint: Decieve your opponent with one Rapier then suddenly thrust with the other - Roll 2 dices, pick the higher result (Uses DEX for bonus)
- Venom Spit: Spit venom at an opponent, if it hits, they are poisoned for 2 rounds. (Uses DEX for bonus)
>>
It seems the snek has fallen into a coma
>>
>>1222381
I will choose for purple, by aiming his open mouth at the warrior and using his venom.
>>
>>1222392
wouldn't double stab be better?
>>
>>1222381
AHA
TAKE MY VENOM SPIT SWINE
>>
>>1222396
Nevermind he's conscious again.
>>
>>1222395
long con blue...long con
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1222396
Roll 1d6
+4 You
+6 Warrior
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222400
>>
>>1222402
MISSED! It's now Master Betty's turn. Which means suddenly this music replaces the BGM:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R044sleOW6I
>>
>>1222408
Roast the warrior with fire breath
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222409
Roll 1d6
Roll 1d6
+4 You
+10 Warrior
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222414
>>
>>1222417
The flames failed. Now it's Clackie's turn
>>
>>1222419
Mumble some mumbo jumbo
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222421
CLACKIE CHAN starts to spout some zen mumbo jumbo
"Wise Orc once said, a good elf...."
roll 2d5
First roll is to see if it actually works, second is to see which stat is it that gets buffed
1 - Int
2 - Cha
3 - DEX
4 - STR
5 - END
>>
Rolled 2, 4 = 6 (2d5)
>>1222427
>>
Rolled 2, 3 = 5 (2d5)
>>1222427
>>
>>1222430
ok now I sleep
>>
Hello nigs, Fib is alive, what is happening?
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222431
Because life is unfair.
>>
>>1222430
I thought you left business orc
>>
>>1222433
Party is currently fighting a wandering warrior. He'll pay money after the battle's done.
DO YOU WAKE UP AND JOIN THE BATTLE? Chester could use a heal
>>
>>1222438
YEAH!
Butinthebacklinestho
>>
>>1222433
practice battle
top priority is getting Armok to port town #9 to see a Paladin because of his death rot
if we don't get there in time, Armok turns into a skeleton or dies if he stays in a battle too long
we're in a lot of pain, so we're trying to do this as quick as possible
>>
>>1222428
>>1222430
"A good elf is a...is a.....durrrr"
Welp he lost his train of thought.
>>1222440
But hey! Fib joins the fight!
Now the order of turns are
Warrior -> Gobbolina -> Chester -> Master Betty -> Fib -> Clackie Chan -> Jet Ree -> Armok
So now Fib, do something.
>>
>>1222443
>Turns into a skeleton
I see nothing wrong with that. Why wouldn't you want to be a skele?
>>
>>1222447
Skellies cant drink ale
>>
>>1222445
Use regular heal on Chester.
>>
>>1222451
Thanks doc. Chester is now back to 2 HP.
Now it's Jet Rees turn.
>>
>>1222453
Punch
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222457
Roll 1d6
Warrior has +10 STR BONUS
Jet Ree has +5
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222462
>>
>>1222462
Don't fuck this up Jet Ree.
>>
>>1222464
Even if I rolled a 6 I still wouldn't hit him ya know
>>
>>1222463
Blocked. Now it's Armok's turn!
THE DEATHROT GIVES ARMOKS AGONIZING PAIN! -1 HP! ARMOK HAS 5 HP LEFT!
>>
>>1222472
By the way, could i use my advanced heal to heal 2 people for 1 HP instead of only 1 guy for 2 HP?
>>
>>1222472
DEFEND ALL
you're not hurting my party
>>
Rolled 3 (1d3)
>>1222477
DEFEND ALL ACTIVATED. Now anybody who gets hit can have Armok take the damage instead
NOW IT'S THE WANDERING WARRIORs TURN! NOW HE WILL SWING AT:
1: Clackie, jet Ree, Chester
2: Jet Ree, Chester, Master Betty
3: Chester, Master Betty, Armok
>>1222474
I'll allow it
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222486
PURPLE, ORANGE, RED, Roll 1d6
Warrior has +10 STR BONUS
Chester has +2
Master Betty has +4
Armok has +3
Note that with DEFEND ALL, you can choose to have Armok take all 3 hits
>>
>>1222486
Can we have several players say what they want to do ahead of time to save time?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1222492
Armok take the hit for me.
>>
>>1222492
TAKE ALL THREE HITS
REEEEEEEEEE
>>
>>1222493
Yeah sure
>>
>>1222498
ARMOK TOOK ALL 3 HITS! Now he has 2 HP left.
Now it's Gobbolinas turn.
To save time, everybody also tell me what they want to do when it gets to their turn too. So we'll get straight to the rolling.
>>
>>1222502
DRINK ALE
GET MAX DRUNK
>>
>>1222502
TAKE FLIGHT WITH WINGS
>>
>>1222502
What the fuck Armok, you suicidal piece of shit.
I'm tempted to just let you die, but that would waste us a revival kit.
I use advanced heal on Armok.
>>
>>1222502
Clackie does palm thrust and Jet punches
>>
>>1222502
I will shoot the fucka
>>
>>1222505
its fine we are sparring for cash, not real fight
>>
>>1222502
VENOM SPIT
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222507
Roll 1d6
+5 You
+6 The Fucka
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222515
boom! New hat! I thought it was bigger though!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222517
Modelling bug. It'll grow back next time.
NOW PURPLE
Roll 1d6
+4 You
+6 Warrior
To spit at him
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1222522
>>
Rolled 6, 3 = 9 (2d6)
>>1222524
Missed.
MASTER BETTY FLEW INTO THE SKY, THE WARRIOR WON'T BE ABLE TO HIT HIM UNTIL HE COMES DOWN. Which is Master Bettys next turn, it's automatic, can't have you flying up there forever now can't we. Game balancing kills.
NOW CLACKIE WILL ATTEMPT A PALM STRIKE
Roll 2d6. Your first roll against my firstroll
+10 Him
+6 Clackie
If attack hits, your second roll is against my second roll for stun chance
>>
Rolled 2, 6 = 8 (2d6)
>>1222530
Heres my rolls for clackie palm and jet punch
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222530
Oh right palm takes 2 rolls, this roll for punch then
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1222533
Blocked!
>>1222535
Warrior has +10 STR BONUS
Jet Ree has +5
>>
>>1222537
Jet Ree's punch is also blocked!
Fib heals Armok for 2 HP! Now Armok has 4 HP!
Now it's Armok's turn!
THE DEATHROT GIVES ARMOKS AGONIZING PAIN! -1 HP! ARMOK HAS 3 HP LEFT!
ARMOKs ARMOR PUMPS ALE INTO HIS MOUTH!
Roll 1d5 to see what happens:
1- CHA +1
2- INT +1
3- DEX +1
4- STR +1
5- Heal 1 HP
>>
Rolled 3 (1d5)
>>1222543
>>
>>1222543
Hey sir warrior, have you had enough yet? Gotta get some rest soon before embarking on our long journey
>>
>>1222548
WUSS
U S
S U
SSUW
>>
>>1222552
We been here for 13h now, just sayin
>>
Rolled 7, 4 = 11 (2d8)
>>1222546
YOU GOT: +1 DEX. woohoo
NOW HE'S GONNA USE CLEAVE! 2 WILL BE HIT IN A LINE!
AND IT'S GONNA BE:
1-Chester and Fib
2-Chester and Gobbolina
3-Clackie and Fib
4-Clackie and Gobbolina
5-Jet Ree and Fib
6-Jet Ree and Gobbolina
7-Armok and Fib
8-Armok and Gobbolina
>>1222548
Refer to my second roll on how many turns left until he stops
>>
>>1222557
For my next move, I dive down from the sky and use bite.
>>
>>1222557
I GOTCHA BUDDY
DEFEND ALL
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222557
REDs AND GREENs, roll 1d6
Warrior has +10 STR BONUS
Armok has +3
Fib has +1
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222562
take both hits, obviously
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222562
Ye, thanks dorfman
>>
>>1222563
[Anguish screaming, in Dwarven]
Armok now has 2 HP left
Everyone else, gimme your actions this turn, already got Bettys
>>
>>1222567
how much more ale until we get max drunk, OP?
I saw the last time we were at drunkenness, we were close
DRINK MORE ALE
>>
>>1222567
Clackie uses flying kick and Jet punches
>>
>>1222570
NO DON'T DO IT, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS
>>
>>1222567
I will shoot the guy again
>>
>>1222573
Shooting has a 1 turn reload cooldown remember.
BUt you do have bombs.
And more rum to throw
>>
>>1222572
WE DO, OP
WE DO IT
>>
Gundamn it, what's Gobbolina's action?
>>
>>1222567
Fib tries to ensnare that nigga with vines.
Maybe we'll menage to hit something, then. Or make him waste a turn.
>>
I mean, if the blue gobbo doesn;t respond soon I'll have to skip it. Chester's recap is also missing
>>
>>1222584
I dunno but I'm back
>>
>>1222584
Oh right, reload, sorry, throw rum at the guy
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
Shite. No sign of Blue and Purple. Ley's move straight to orange with the swooping bite, if there's anybody left in here that is.
Roll 1d6, Orange
+10 Him
+4 You
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222589
of course I'll roll for throwing rum
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222588
>>1222589
Oh great jsut as I post this >>1222589
Roll 1d6
+6 Him
+5 You
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222593
>>
Rolled 6, 5 = 11 (2d6)
>>1222530
>>
>>1222592
>>1222594
I'll pick the higher roll due to confusion. Still missed though.
Now where is that snek and halfdrragonwerewolf
>>1222596
Hey you, waht's your action this turn?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1222598
>>
>>1222598
VENOM SPIT
>>
Rolled 1, 6 = 7 (2d6)
>>1222600
>>1222602
Purple roll 1d6
Warrior has +10 against Master Betty
Warrior has +6 against Chester
Chester has +4
Master Betty has +4
Against Chester is my first roll, Against Betty is my second roll
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222605
>>
>>1222605
Fuck's sake, really Purple?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222609
>>1222611
I mean really? Poisoning a man like that? Shame on you.
Oh and Green roll 1d6
+3 Him
+4 Greens
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222613
VIIIIIIINE SNAAAARE!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222614
Well that's a failure.
Clackie does a flying kick now
Yellow roll 1d6
+6 Him
+3 You. Flying kick gives an additional +2. So +5 You
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222619
kyyyyaaaaahhh
>>
>>1222613
Oh yeah it's a sparring session....
Oh well!
>>
>>1222619
Is the warrior gonna give up now?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1222622
Well that's a miss.
Now Jet Ree will attempt punching
Roll 1d6
Warrior has +10 STR BONUS
Jet Ree has +5
>>1222625
The 4 turns til stopping is 4 of HIS turns. Not 4 actions in general
>>1222623It was to save face because I posted >>1222611 right after you roll, no harm done
>>
>>1222630
Well that's a dud anyway, no matter what Teal gets.
Now Armok.....GETS another HP shaved off due to deathrot pain. 1 HP left
Attempting to drink more ale
Roll 1d5 to see what happens:
1- CHA +1
2- INT +1
3- DEX +1
4- STR +1
5- Heal 1 HP
>>
Rolled 5 (1d5)
>>1222639
MAX DRUNK
>>
>>1222639
Do we get exp from this spar.
>>
>>1222642
it's training, of course we get experience.
>>
>>1222641
Armok now has 2 HP
Oh and one more drink and he'll be Max drunk. A bad thing will happen.
>>1222642
Yes. You'll get the same EXP if you end it in any of these 3 ways:
- Defeat him somehow
- Drag it on for 2 more of his turns (excluding this one) so he'lls top it himself
- Surrender
>>
>>1222647
>A bad thing will happen.
WE CANNOT SURRENDER
WE SHALL KEEP GOING
>>
I wonder who 3rd RED character will be
>>
>>1222652
he won't die when he goes to 0
>>
>>1222647
two more turns! my next move is chi blast
>>
>>1222647
my next turn will be shooting him
>>
I WANNA BE BROWN TEAM
>>
>>1222655
I wouldn't be so sure
>>
>>1222660
I believe
>>
Can I Full Nelson the warrior?
>>
>>1222647
as in, we drink once more, OP
>>
Rolled 1 (1d8)
Very well. He loses 1 HP, Dropping to 7, due to the poison.
Now he will use GREAT CLEAVE! IT WILL HIT TWO IN A LINE AND HAS A CHANCE TO INSTAKILL ANYBODY IT HITS!
AND HE'S TARGETTING:
1-Chester and Fib
2-Chester and Gobbolina
3-Clackie and Fib
4-Clackie and Gobbolina
5-Jet Ree and Fib
6-Jet Ree and Gobbolina
7-Armok and Fib
8-Armok and Gobbolina
>>1222659
There's no Brown Team
>>1222662
You don't ahve that skill
>>
>>1222663
I am completely sure.
>>
>>1222670
good luck then, you'll need it
>>
>>1222669
That is no bueno. But don't worry guys, i can tank ONE hit now!
>>
>>1222669
MAKE ONE
>>
>>1222673
Absolutely no luck required.
>>
>>1222674
Not unless you get instagibbed.
>>
Rolled 4, 2 = 6 (2d6)
>>1222669
GREEN AND PURPLE, ROLL 1D6
+10 Him
+3 Purp
+1 Green
Unless Red wants to take the hit for one of them, or both. Eh.
Oh and the second roll is the OHKO chance, needs to be >=5
Also, what's the other teams' actions this turn again?
>>1222678
Nah
>>
>>1222687
Please?
>>
>>1222687
we don't take the hit, cause we'll be fucking dead
>>
>>1222687
Breathe fire again.
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222687
I laugh at the knight for not being able to one-hit-KO a gobbo.
Then immediately say sorry because he's been really nice so far.
>>
Rolled 5, 3 = 8 (2d6)
>>1222690
Nah, there's enough teams as is already
>>
>>1222701
his cha is really low by the way.
and you have a cha based attack.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222687
>>
>>1222709
I was going to do that next turn
>>
>>1222716
good gobbo
>>
Rolled 2 (1d6)
>>1222687>>1222715>>1222701
Thwack. Chester and Fib has 1 HP left, each.
Now Gobbolina attempts to shoot again, BLUE roll 1d6
+5 You
+6 Him
>>
>>1222722
You can do it lesbian. I believe in you.
>>
>>1222731
never toss a bomb
>>
>>1222731
Apparently not.
>>
>>1222731
now that's just statistically unlikely.
>>
>>1222731
Under that helmet is a look of immense pity
Oh and what were Purple doing again?
>>
>>1222739
Yes, I too pity the small lesbian.
>>
>>1222751
he double stabs
>>
>>1222751
double stab
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222756
Roll 1d6
+6 Warrior
+7 Chester
>>
>>1222758
Don't fuck this up snek.
>>
>>1222756
roll you monster
>>
>>1222758
Also I want to claw swipe next turn.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222758
>>
>>1222769
AHA
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1222769
6 HP left.
>>1222767
Next turn, while this turn you breathe fiyah rite?
So roll 1d6
+4 You
+10 Warrior
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222778
Nah just claw him this turn.
>>
>>1222782
If claw then the bonuses are different
+4 You
+6 Him
Welp. Still a miss.
What's the Green Goblin doing again?
>>
>>1222789
Me? I Pass the Blunt, homeboy!
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222800
Roll 1d6
+1 Him
+2 You
If succesful. Roll another 1d6 if you want to attempt THE BONUS ROUND
IF YOU ATTEMPT IT, That roll's results will be so:
1: He gets high, but doesn't affect his perfomance
2: He gets high, but doesn't affect his perfomance. But he also stops targetting you
3-4: He gets high, gets his stats reduced by 1
5-6: He chills the fuck out and ends the battle
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222812
Rolling to take the blunt for myself.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1222812
Shiii, i'm lookin' at some ugly dice, duuuude.
Let's hope the powah of weed compels me an' all that shit, ya dig?
>>
>>1222818
yaaaaaah!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222818
OH FUCK YEAH, SUCCESS!
I'll attempt the bonus round!
>>
>>1222822
awwwww
>>
>>1222822
Ah, fuck.
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1222818
>>1222822
Welp. That didnt do much. Except getting him high. Yeah.
Anyway. Clackie does a Chi Blast
+10 Him
+6 Clackie
Roll 1d6, Clackie, maaaaaan
>>
File: 1461672742961.jpg (61KB, 308x212px) Image search:
[Google]
61KB, 308x212px
>>1222822
>>
>>1222825
it's ok bruh, I though your weed was great
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1222826
missssss
>>
>>1222826
Can i do it again next turn, or does it have a cooldown?
>>
Rolled 2 (1d2)
>>1222829
So what's Jet Ree's doing?
>>1222830
Refer to my roll
2: Yes
1: No
>>
>>1222833
Get sober, increase stats by 2x from base for one attack, use dim mak, get stat bonus removed and base stats cut down to half until consumption of more alcohol
>>
>>1222833
So i can do it again, cool
>>
>>1222835
Sorry m8. Drinking all those pints of ale in the contest prevented you from getting sobered any time soon.
>>
>>1222840
Genuflect
>>
>>1222842
>skipping your turn
what are you doing
>>
>>1222849
It's his turn, let him do what he wants.
>>
>>1222849
Jet's skills are counter, dim mak and sobering, I can't hit Dim Mak with these current stats if not comboing with Fib's snares or Clackies palm fist
>>
>>1222849
he can't do anything, his stats aren't high enough to beat that plus 10
>>
>>1222842
JET REE GENUFLECTED
THAT COUNTS AS A SIGN OF SURRENDER. THE BATTLE ENDS WITH THE PARTY SURRENDERING.
>>
>>1222857
waaaaaaaaaaaa?
>>
>>1222857
Ask the warrior if he can share that blunt.
>>
>>1222857
can we get paid now?
>>
>>1222857
If this were a real battle this would be a great shame on the orc monks
>>
>>1222862
you earned that tatoo
>>
>>1222860
"Wuh, wut? Ah yeah sure duude. here, smoke this"
>>1222861
"Heew you go my man, a bag of gold. Don't spend it all in one place, hurr hurr"
>>
>>1222868
inspect bag of gold give Betty the blunt
>>
>>1222865
Come now Clackie, atleast we got out of that fight
>>
>>1222868
How many moneys we got from that?
>>
Rolled 209 (1d420)
>>1222868
Smoke the blunt.
>>
>>1222871
he was on his 2nd to last turn brorc. no big deal though looks like we got a lot of money
>>
>>1222876
We saved some time on the cost of my dignity! I took one for the team
>>
Rolled 276 (1d420)
>>1222875
hmm hmm
>>
>>1222868
I still am offering to suck your dick, me being hetero.
>>
>>1222857
DAMN
Well did we get any cash?
>>
>>1222878
no stop it.
Slap Betty because we can't slap op.
>>
Rolled 382 (1d420)
Rolling 420 at 4:20 for maximum dank.
>>
>>1222875
>>1222878
OH SHIT, MASTER BETTY MISTOOK THE BAG OF GOLD FOR A BLUNT TOO AND ACCIDENTALLY BURNED IT WITH HIS DRAGONFIRE. NOW ALL THE COINS ARE MELTED. DARN< THERE WERE 20 OF THOSE IN THERE TOO
>>
>>1222881
I'm trying to find out
>>
>>1222885
Yo that shit aint funny!
>>
>>1222885
well that sure was funny huh guys. Let's get to the boat and rent one for 2 days.
>>
>>1222885
[SCREAMING INTENSIFIES]
>>
>>1222885
I request this not to be the case.
>>
>>
>>1222885
Can we do something with melted gold?
>>
>>1222895
I AM FUCKING DYING
>>
>>1222895
Fish out the molten gold from Betty's mouth
>>
>>1222895
ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT
I AS RED, DECIDE TO DRINK ONE MORE FUCKING ALE
MAXIMUM DRUNK ACTIVATE
>>
>>1222895
>It's an OP intentionally fucks us over episode
kek
"You don't want her to suck your dick, she's a cancer patient"
>>
>>1222896
>>1222900
Well this could be worth something
>>1222897
>>1222898
To be fair I...wait the sec I'm not fair. Sorry never mind.
>>
>>1222905
get a boat for this lump of gold. Now! NOW!
>>
>>1222905
Armok use your dwarven wiles and hammer this into a gold bar
>>
>>1222909
I agree with this.
>>
>>1222907
ARMOK HAS REACHED MAXIMUM DRUNKENESS!!!!
And has passed out. Now he can scream in pain and agony, in his sleep.
>>
>>1222903
>it's an OP is his usual self
yea
>>
>>1222916
This isn't meant to be salty by the way, I am absolutely aware of what I got myself into and accept the asswhooping that comes with it.
>>
>>1222925
Fuck that, we can buy tons of shit with 20 gold
>>
>>1222909
THE LUMP OF GOLD DOESN'T NEED A BOAT, WE DO!
I say we SELL it, and then get a boat for US
>>
>>1222925
for one boat of our own. yeah
>>
>>1222921
"Weeeeelp. You dudes are going huh? Well goodbye then, you put up a pretty good fight. Also showed me that I aint strong enuff yet. Welp, back to wandering and training until I'm able to defeat my evil brother so I can save the princess or whatever. See ya"
>>
>>1222936
oh no he didn't agree to my blowjob offer guess I can't do it now but I conclusively showed that I'm hetero so it's fine good bye too bad so sad.
>>
>>1222936
sure dude, we will get stronger as well to beat you next time.
>>
>>1222937
Who will buy our lump of gold?
Dorf goldminers or blacksmiths, obviously.
>>
>>1222940
"And Goodbye to you too, Midget Lesbian cancer patient"
>>
>>1222946
Take lump of gold to local goldsmith
>>
>>1222946
I decide to go look around the port.
>>
>>1222946
K bye.
Let's go to the local goldsmith. His name is Shalom, but his "friends" call him The Shekel.
How do i know this?
Well... Being a gobbo has its perks.
>>
>>1222946
Midget Lesbian is used more like a name than a descriptor at this point.
>>
>>1222947
>>1222951
"Greetings. I am the local Goldsmith, Shalom Goldsteinberg"
>>
>>1222952
to be honest i don't even remember what midget lesbian's actual name is anymore.
>>
>>1222954
Honk his nose as a form of greetins
>>
>>1222954
THIS IS STILL NOT CARICATURIZED ENOUGH FOR ME
>>
>>1222954
We knock 4 times on his desk and do a small jump, then tap the ground with our feet.
That's the secret to unlock his "special merchandise"
>>
>>1222964
We'd like to trade this gold nugget into gold coins
>>
>>1222954
mmm
This guy doesn't look sleezy at all
Do you sell anything on the side good sir?
>>
>>1222967
>>1222968
"A collection of cosmetics DLCs"
>>
>>1222972
Gobbo, let's just get the money and go.
>>
>>1222972
Yeah, the special HD nose pack.
Anyway, ask him what he can give us for our gold lump.
And, whispering, ask if he's still got that goldweed he owes us for that one job.
>>
>>1222974
"But surely your goblin friend would like this oversized hat"
>>1222975
"You must have mistaken me with my brother Shalomstein Goldsteinberg"
>>
>>1222978
nope she lives with the hat she has now.
>>
>>1222978
Don't tempt them. We just want the money for this pile of gold.
>>
>>1222978
HOW OVERSIZED ARE WE TALKING
>>
>>1222984
>>1222986
"REaaaaallllyyy?"
>>
>>1222992
hold her quiet don't listen to the lesbo.
>>
>>1222978
Mr Goldensteinberg, only gold coins for the nugget please.
>>
>>1222993
OH MY GOD GIVE ME THAT TO SCALE TO MY OLD HAT
>>
>>1222993
YEEEEESSSSS REALLLLYYYY, she doesn't need more.
>>
>>1222978
But you guys are in the same business, yeah?
Ya don't fool me, my informant Shlalem Platinumsberg never lies. They don't call him "The nose" for nothing. He smells all the info
>>
>>1222993
Positive. Now make it snappy, or we'll take our lump of gold elsewhere.
>>
>>
>>1223005
Oh man, how much for the middle one?
>>
>>1223005
Don't change the subject, Shekel. I know you're in the business. Now open up your special merchandise, i don't wanna hear your lies.
>>
>>1223005
she ain't a lady. ignore this little moron. a hat I already aloud her to get.
>>
>>1223010
"A moderate price of 5 gold"
>>1223011
AH yes, sure. The "Special Merchandise"
The SPecial Merchandise is shown.
They're the exact same as the normal merchandise, except more expensie
>>
>>1223016
Grab nugget and head to the dwarven goldsmith across the street
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1223016
Rolling to tie up the lesbian and making sure she stays outside away from the hats.
>>
>>1223016
So you got in the illegal disguise market lately? I see how it is... Well, how much for the nose mask?
>>
>>1223019
you are pushing my buttons little Gob lady
>>
>>1223019
"Ah but I'll also thrown in a special tag that magically inpsires people to only call you by your actual name. And not "Midget Lesbian"
>>1223027
"10 Gold"
>>1223026
Midget Lesbian roll 1d6 against this
>>
>>1223035
yeah, that won't work.
And I bet you're not even a jew.
>Midget Lesbian roll 1d6 against this
But I'm not even resisting, this is hot, on account of how hetero I am. Oh yes, oh, moan, etc.
>>
>>1223035
Damn Shekel, you upped your prices lately. Too much for a humble forest hobo like me. I'll follow Jet to the dwarven goldsmith across the street.
>>
>>1223037
"Greetings. I am the local dwarven Goldsmith"
>>
>>1223043
oh no you dont.
Shake him Shake the lies out of him!
>>
>>1223043
How many gold coins for this gold nugget? No DLC, no hats, no costumes, just coins
>>
>>1223043
Eat the sign that says "a dwarf"
>>
>>1223043
Well at least his nose is smaller. He's a bit too tall for a dwarf, though...?
Is he a giant dwarf or something?
>>
>>1223049
"Well I can give ya a whole ship for that. Can get from here to Port Town #9 in 5 minutes that one"
>>
>>1223054
Let us inspect the ship
>>
>>1223054
...... let me see this ship
>>
>>1223054
Throw in some armor and you've got a deal.
>>
>>1223058
>>1223059
"Sure go ahead."
>>
>>1223054
lying bastard
>>
>>1223069
that's not a ship in a bottle is it? or a model ship, this is a real ship that will take us to port 9?
>>
>>1223069
oh shit that's good
>>
>>1223069
Inspect ship througly
>>
>>1223074
>>1223077
Yep, it's a real ship alright.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1223069
I will talk to the fish in the sea under the ship and ask them if it is real.
>>
>>1223078
is this a ship we can keep for real or just for rent?
>>
>>1223078
Allright, you've got a deal then, if everyone agrees?
>>
>>1223078
ok we will take it
>>
>>1223081
sure, lets see waht the twist is.
>>
>>1223082
>>1223081
"Very good. Thank you for your patronage. Enjoy your new ship"
Party lost: CLump of Gold
>>
Hmmm I don't trust Shekelstein over here
>>1223043
>>
>>1223085
grab Armok and party and head to port 9
>>
>>1223085
Alright let's head to port #9 to get red healed.
>>
>>1223085
Let's appoint Midget Lesbian as captain
>>
>>1223085
[SCREAMING SNORES]
>>
>>
>>1223091
Untying me would be a good first step.
>>
>>1223094
sonova! go go go go! CAST OFF FOR ORC CHRIST SAKES!
>>
>>1223094
[SCREAMING SNORES INTENSIFY]
>>
>>1223094
If this is a stolen ship I swear to orc monk god...
>>
>>1223094
FUCK, THE SHIP IS ILLEGAL, WE GOT NO DOCUMENTS!
I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH! FISH! HELP US ESCAPE!
>>
>>1223094
Wait for me goys!
>>
>>1223094
Fly up in the air watching from a distance.
>>
>>
>>1223110
sail off for all that is holy move move move!
>>
>>1223110
Hold off the guards to give the party time to sail away
>>
>>1223110
yo, we were sold this by some jew, not knowing it was contraband
>BUT EVERYONE KNOWS JEWS SELL STOLEN GOODS IN THIS WORLD
"Oh shit, we didn't know"
>HERE'S A WAY OUT BUT AN OBSCURE REASON WHY IT MAKES IT WORSE
"Curses!"
Anyways, hi guards, how are you doing?
>>
>>1223110
WE WAKE UP, TAKE OFF OUR HELMET TO SCARE THE GUARDS AWAY
>>
>>1223114
don't be a hero you penis move!
>>
>>1223110
Grab the two orcs and fly away from the ship.
Gobo you should probably transform or something.
>>
>>1223114
The success rate of talking to guards is infinitely higher than that of fighting them.
>>
>>1223120
we got the ship just sail op sail!
>>
>>1223110
You got fish friends, right? Get them, and help us push the ship so we'll go faster!
Also
WEED-SMOKESCREEN!
>>
YES! SAIL! SAIL AWAY!!!!!
Oh wait all the sails are rekt
>>
>>1223127
no, your destiny is to remove that fag mark. you can't do it dead!
>>
>>1223124
Nigga you couldn't even talk a guard into accepting a handy from you let alone this
>>
>>1223128
oh boy, wouldn't expect that from a royal navy ship now would you.
>>
>>1223128
ffffuuuuuuccccck Fib get those fish moving we need to move!
>>
>>1223128
WAKE UP
WE'VE GOTTA WAKE UP AND SCREAM
>>
>>1223132
I talked a guard out of killing me for being a pirate. Better than what Dick got.
>>
>>1223128
Use Master Betty as a thruster by shooting dragonflame
>>
>>1223128
FUCK!
GET A MOVE ON, FISH FRIENDS!
I use some vines to try and push the ship away!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1223134
"YOU CRIMINALS DARE TO DAMAGE TTHE SAILS OF OUR SHIP?!"
"THAT'S AN EXTRA LIFETIME IN JAIL"
>>1223137
"GET THAT DRAGON...WOLF...MAN...THING!"
"DEPLOYING NET"
Roll 1d6
Guards get a +3
You get a +0
>>1223138
Sssssh. No waking. Only painful dreams now.
>>1223142
"This shit is pretty heavy m8"
>>
>>1223146
yeah dang we didn't do it what's going on
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1223146
Can I breathe fire and burn the net?
>>
>>1223146
Use Chi blast to knock Master Betty away from the net trajectory
>>
>>1223146
take off Armok's helmet and show them the horror we are trying to fix!
>>
>>1223146
I promise i'll get you the best wetweed i can find, JUST PUSH THE FUCKING SHIP!
>>
>>1223150
"Don't play dumb"
"You're clearly part of Captain Murderbeard's crew."
"The criminal swine who lead you to steal this ship in the first place"
>>1223151
"YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WHEN I SHOVE THIS ROCK INTO YER MOUTH. NOW GET DOWN HERE"
>>1223152
WHoops too late
>>
>>1223161
We're adventurers trying to kill captain Murderbeard though..
>>
>>1223161
>"You're clearly part of Captain Murderbeard's crew."
>"The criminal swine who lead you to steal this ship in the first place"
Ah, good, that's where we might meet: I've been employed to kill just this man by the guards of town just right over the hole, the river and then the plains.
I can verify that too.
>>
>>1223161
Ayo what the fuck.
FISHBROS, PLEASE HELP! I'LL PAY YOU IN WETWEED!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1223161
We're actually on a quest to kill murderbeard.
Also, attempt to use claws on net.
>>
>>1223164
>>1223166
>>1223167
>>1223170
"All of you has this on your backs though"
"Save your excuses. Now come quietly or your crimes will increase"
>>
>>1223161
Why can't things just go right ever?
>>
>>1223177
Guys, there's only one thing left to do.
GENUFLECT
>>
>>1223177
You really think notorious criminals would wear a note that says they're criminals on their backs? Really niggas?
>>
>>1223177
what's your guys' stats again?
>>
>>1223177
Psshh, with all the weed i'm carrying i'll get an instant life-sentence, so FUCK THAT, I SMOKE A BLUNT AND CREATE A SMOKESCREEN!
>>
>>1223177
You know I'm starting to think the OP fairy has been sabotaging us
>>
>>1223177
I should have known that jew would screw us over. We aren't criminals, we are trying to heal this fucking dwarf.
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1223184
"HE'S RESISTING ARREST"
"BEAT EM DOWN"
#orcslivematter
>>1223186
8 STR
5 DEX
5 END
2 INT
2 CHA
For every guard
>>1223187
Roll 1d6 to attempt smokescreen
>>1223192
The "dwarven" Goldsmith laughs at you from the shadows
>>
>>1223198
yeah I have to go to bed, as inopportune a moment as this is.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1223198
FUCK, THEY GOT JET.
EVERYONE, RUN!
>>
>>1223198
there are too many, there has to be a compromise guys. We didn't really steal a ship. We just got here.
>>
>>1223198
May orc monk god forgive me but you are dumbasses
>>
Rolled 6 (1d6)
>>1223198
I tell the guards a joke.
Rolling for effectiveness.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1223200
"Yeah okay, here you go"
>>1223202
FAILED. Your weed has gotten damp! You failed to light them.
>>1223207
Guards listening to Master Betty's joke
>>
>>1223209
pray to orc monk god.
"please orc monk god, we only to move forward with our mission, please send us a miracal"
>>
>>1223209
Guards wait
Before you arrest us allow me to some magic for you!
I'm a licensed magician you know
>>
>>1223209
"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?....MY ASS" said Master Betty
The guards are amused
>>
>>1223219
quick everyone run for it while they laugh!
>>
>>1223219
Shit.
Oh, wait, i just remembered...
"BY THE HIGHER POWERS OF THE FOREST DRUIDS, I DEMAND THAT YOU PRESENT A WARRANT OF ARREST STAMPED BY AT LEAST 3 DIFFERENT DRUID-CERTIFIED AUTHORITIES!"
Imperial bureaucracy should confuse them
>>
>>1223219
ENOUGH!
Then I convince the guards to let us go so we can hunt down murderbeard.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1223220
NOte: That'll make you actual criminals. And not "framed innocents"
>>1223226
Roll 1d6 for convincing
CHArisma bonus:
+2 fer guards
+1 fer you
>>1223222
"Okay here they are"
>>
>>1223236
shit, what do we have to do to convince you guys we ate the good guys?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1223236
What a shame.
>>
>>1223236
Could you get your hands off me now? I won't resist arrest or whatever.
>>
>>1223241
"Ate the good guys?"
"HOLY SHIT CANNIBALS!"
>>
>>1223250
are the good guys
pray again for a miracle
please Orc Monk God
>>
>>1223250
So surprised the picture got lost
>>
>>1223236
And how do i know those papers are not just stamped by any of your local authorities? I'll have you know the only druid-certified stamps are in the possession of the highest forest druids, which can only be found in the finest wee-uhm, i mean... Natural gardens.
>>
MEANWHILE
"Alright, strange big-nosed man with a sign on his face. Thanks for alerting us to these criminals"
"It was no problem, officer"
>>
Potatoes
>>
>>1223260
he's the one who sold us the boat! officers please listen to reason!
>>
>>1223261
"Yes, there are indeed potatoes in prison"
>>
>>1223260
Allright guys, these guards are Murderbeards lackeys and the man with the nose and beard is Murderbeard. We're justified in killing them
>>
>>1223265
What about rats?
>>
You know, i would actally like getting jailed and having a whole prison arc where we have to survive without our equipment in prison, maybe stage a revolt, or somehow break out.
But that'd be out of character, since Fib dosen't want to lose his weed, so no.
>>
>>1223269
"Plenty"
>>
>>1223274
officers is there a paladin among you, I will go quietly if you just heal my friend Armok. Please he doesn't want to be come a skelly for some lich.
>>
>>1223274
Are the beds comfy?
>>
>>1223274
I shrug
"Well I tried"
>>
>>1223284
Roll 1d6 to see if a paladin JUST HAPPENS to pass by to help
1-3: Nah
4-5: Nah, but somebody else appears to help
6: Yes
>>1223289
"Oh yes. For a prison"
>>
Rolled 4 (1d6)
>>1223294
>>
>>1223294
Officers, y'all want some weed? It's legal, for medical purposes. I swear. I got documents.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1223294
Allright orcus let's just go to prison so we can atleast advance some sort of plot
>>
>>1223297
>>1223302
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, LADS. THESE PEOPLE ARE INNOCENT!"
"Say wut"
>>
>>1223308
Genuflect in the background.
>>
>>1223308
gasp
>>
>>1223294
Guess you can say there's
notapaladin
In this town.
>>
>>1223294
If I gave you my hoodie you would you let us go?
>>
>>1223308
[SURPRISED SCREAMING]
>>
>>1223308
Well fuck that man is saying the truth.
Holy shit, really didn't expect this.
>>
>>1223313
WAIT HOL UP
This anon gets a special hat
Now let's ignore this ever happened
>>
>>1223308
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! GUARD CAPTAIN?! THESE CRIMINALS ARE CLEARLY THE CULPRIT"
"LISTEN TO ME GUARD CAPTAIN, THEY ARE MERELY VICTIMS OF THE TRUE CRIMINAL SCUM!"
"NOW HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT, GUARD CAPTAIN?"
"SIMPLE, GUARD CAPTAIN. I HAVE A MAGICAL TAG ON THAT LESBIAN MIDGET. I SAW EVERYTHING!"
"GASP"
>>
>>1223342
well what do you know
>>
>>1223342
GUARD CAPTAIN WAS ACTUALLY THE DUDE WE WERE SPARRING WITH?
>>
>>1223342
Pray to orc monk god and thank him for a miracle
>>
>>1223342
Well shit the tag actually saved us.
Cool.
Did you get the real culprit?
>>
>>1223342
Scratch myself while waiting
>>
>>1223350
"No that was some other guy. I just observed the gobbo through the magical tag we gave her...And through it I saw THAT THIS ASSHOLE IS THE CULPRIT. CLEARLY HE IS MURDERBEARD IN DISGUISE"
"Oy vey"
>>
>>1223342
WAIT A MINUTE
Chester remembers the merchant saying the tag would force people to call her by her real name, so if you just called her lesbian midget athen how the heck did you track her with the tag?
>>
>>1223365
OH SHIT
UNMASK HIM
>>
>>1223365
Proceed to bite the "a dwarf" sign off the bearded figure
>>
>>1223367
The name tag was a different tag. The tag the guard is talking about was put on Gobbolina in the last thread.
>>
>>1223369
>>1223370
OH SHIT IT'S MURDERBEARD
"Well fug". I've been discovered. Guess there's only one thing to do now...give up and be arrested so I can pay for my crimes"
>>
>>1223377
Chester is intrigued by this
>>
>>1223385
Chester was asleep for the entirety of the last thread. Not big surprise.
>>
>>1223383
BEAT HIM UP
SHOW HIM OUR DEATHROT FACE
>>
>>1223383
"OR I COULD JUST JUMP INTO THE SEA. SEE YA SUCKERS"
>>
>>1223394
save game
>>
>>1223394
I don't think I can do shit in the water. Gobo want to team up and have me throw you into the water after him?
>>
>>1223399
OH SHIT.
FISH FRIENDS, GET HIM!
>>
>>1223396
>>1223399
Murderbeard laughs as he is carried off into the sunset by his Sea Monster
>>
>>1223417
Grab Gobo, then fly as fast as I can toward the murderbeard, then throw Gobo at him.
>>
>>1223422
What the fuck did i just do.
Anyway, i gotta go to bed, so last thing i'm gonna do is communicate with the sea monster, tell him murderbeard actually wants to kill and eat him and that he should stop getting rided around like that.
>>
>>1223422
"Don't do it fishes"
"ok"
Since he can control a sea monster, these fishes are nothing
>>1223429
Oh and do the gobbo agree to this?
>>1223430
The Sea Monster ignores you
>>
>>1223437
Do it fishes.
>>
>>1223437
No time to agree. Do it anyways.
>>
>>1223444
You know i'll be KOed if you throw me, right?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d6)
>>1223444
And so Master Betty launches Fib at Murderbeard. Yes, throwing a goblin into the sea is a great idea
Roll 1d6
You get a +4
Murderbeard gets a +9
>>1223443
Sorry. Fishes can't hear you when you're flying at that speed
>>
>>1223456
Gobo, transform into something big and heavy.
>>
>>1223456
I'll turn into a fish on the way there and socialize with my fish friends
>>
>>1223464
>>1223464
You don't know how to turn into a fish. You haven't gotten that skill yet.
But hey. Murderbeard is going to punch you into the ocean now. Or let the sea monster eat you, killing Fib and eliminating him from the game. Depends.
>>
>>1223482
RIP
I wonder what the others are doing.
>>
>>1223482
Woah shit, can i turn into a bird and fly away?
>>
>>1223505
Roll for it. Get >=5
>>
Rolled 3 (1d6)
>>1223511
Pls no
>>
>>1223517
Well that's a failure.
Now who amongst you that's left in this thread that consider yourself the luckiest? You would get a chance to help Fib not die.
>>
>>1223525
I'll do it since I got him into that situation.
>>
>>1223525
Well there's only me and orange guy i think.
>>
>>1223529
Very well. Roll 1d3
1- Fib gets eaten and die
2- Fib gets punched into the ocean and gets KO'd
3- Fib gets captured
>>
Rolled 1 (1d3)
>>1223539
Rolling for 2.
>>
>>1223543
Fuck.
RIP Fib Smogee, died as he lived, LEAVING A BLAZING TRAIL IN HIS WAKE!
And probably while being very high.
We'll reroll next thread.
>>
>>1223543
AND SO ENDS THE LIFE OF FIB SMOGEE. HE DIED AS HE LIVED, BEING BULLIED BY TALLER PEOPLE
And so this episode ends. With the death of a loved one. Let us all take a moment to rememebr all the good times we shared with Fib....welp that's done.
Updates:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
See ya
>>
>>1223554
We're gonna need a new weed supplier. Guess we'll do that next time.
>>
>>1223560
Oh yeah, forgot to mention. Right after a death, the same class and race can't be selected. So Goblin and Druid are disabled next character creation. Ya know, to avoid clones
>>
>>1223554
In other news, i already got an idea for the next green character.
Also, fuck Oranges, you're worse than the (former) Purples.
>>
>>1223566
Shit happens.
>>
>>1223566
In other news Fib joins the club
>>
>>1223581
I'll never forget you bingie.
>>
>>1223564
Aw, so i can't male a gobbo skeleton named Seaweed, in memory of Fib?
That makes me sad.
>>
>>1223606
You gonna take one or two days off now?
>>
>>1224149
Yes, as usual
>>
>>1223581
Shit that goes our cool manlet...
I wondering if he can come back as cyborg manlet with special class like Manlet Rider...
>>
>>1223581
clackie is the only original left.
He weeps now.
>>
>>1225140
just don't make an elf
>>
>>1225506
>implying it's up to you to decide
>>
>>1225520
well I do imply that you are an elf loving faggot if you do
>>
>>1220914
god fucking damnit I missed it and apparently something bad happened to one of the manlets.
>>
>>1220914
also what the fuck I just realized there's a thousand posts. This must be insane. How many rolls did you guys fail?
>>
>>1225506
What about half-goblin-elf?
>>
>>1225695
Just the ones that mattered.
>>
>>1225693
Well he died. THat's pretty bad I guess.
>>
Here is some suggestion for our new green character when created new one.
Elf/Berserker
Dwarf/Ranger
Dwarf/Skeleton
Dwarf/Thief
Bug/Paladin
Golem/Ninja
Golem/Vampire
If we can unlock secret classes/races...
Barbarian/Necromancer
Barbarian/Bard (Aka Bardbarian)
Elf/Smiling One
Lich?
Kobold/Mage
Imp/Manlet Rider
>>
>>1228790
Barbarian/Prostitute
>>
ok I finally caught up with all of these
is there room for one more in this crew
>>
>>1233784
Join Green or something
Thread posts: 1026
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