Hatequest: Thread Prime

>>1192599
>A. Tactical Machete
always go melee

>>1192599
>>E. A Particularly Heavy Paperweight

>>1192599
>F. Tactical halberd

>E. A Particularly Heavy Paperweight

Let's be an office worker who goes postal!

>>1192599
E

>>1192599
>>E. A Particularly Heavy Paperweight

>>1192599
> C autist rifle
We gotta get on the news somehow, and scary black gun is a surefire way

>>1192599
>Tactical double sacrificial demonic daggers
For the maximum edge

>>1192599
>E. A Particularly Heavy Paperweight

>>1192613
>>1192614
>>1192608
>>1192611
>>1192627


Yes... yes, you have decided. The instrument of destruction you shall wield awaits you on the desk: the novelty paperweight that your mother bought you last Christmas, the one that looks like a clam but with googly eyes. It shall strike fear into the hearts of your foes. You know that the road ahead shall be long and hard, but you do not fear it, for you will be the one to walk forth from the blaze unharmed.

Picking up the paperweight, you contemplate on any other supplies you may need. Bullets are of course a waste of space. Medical supplies too... what's this? An old 12x zoom scope. Perfect for your deadly weapon. You stride towards the door, grabbing hold of your trenchcoat, and prepare yourself mentally for what is about to occur.

It begins. You walk out into...

CURRENT WORLD POPULATION: 7,584,161,164
KILLCOUNT: 0
INVENTORY: None

A. Your Apartment Building
B. Your Friendly Neighbourhood (No Spider-man)
C. The Driveway of the House You were Squatting In
D. The Main Area of the Bar You were Crashing In

>>1192641
>The Main Area of the Bar You were Crashing In

>>1192641
>C. The Driveway of the House You were Squatting In
CHEEKI BREEKI

>>1192641
>C. The driveway of the house you were squatting in.

>>1192641
C

>>1192641
C. The Driveway of the House You were Squatting In
Ay, cyka!

>>1192641
>C. The Driveway of the House You were Squatting In

>>1192641
> C
NOW THE MURDERHOBO BEGINS IN EARNEST

>>1192647
>>1192650
>>1192651
>>1192653
We Ivan Ivanov Ivanich 2: Slav Boogaloo now.

>>1192641
C

>>1192647
>>1192650
>>1192651
>>1192653
>>1192655
>>1192657
>>1192674

A mess of discarded capitalism and the shedded hair of nature's wooden giants clutter the cracked concrete that makes up the exterior of this rundown old house. Clutching your paperweight tight, you peer out into the gray perpetuated by the dawning night and the blackened clouds that roll overhead, ready for anything.

A dog barks somewhere nearby. There are few people out on the streets, especially in this neighbourhood, but there are likely to be some poor fools sleeping in whatever shaded hole they might have found.

CURRENT WORLD POPULATION: 7,584,172, 431
KILLCOUNT: 0
INVENTORY: 12x Zoom Paperweight Scope

A. Hunt Down the Dog
B. Murder Some Hobos, Like A Murderhobo
C. Stalk the Streets
D. Head Somewhere (Write-in)

>>1192676
B

>>1192676
>B. Murder Some Hobos, Like A Murderhobo

>>1192676
B. Murder Some Hobos, Like A Murderhobo
take the dirtiest overcoat you can find

>>1192676
Attach our scope to our paperweight.

Then find a rape help group.

>>1192683
>>1192682
Yeah also take a dirty trenchcoat

>>1192676
>A. Defeat the dog before he wakes up everyone with his barking.

>>1192676
>B
They won't stand a chance against our X12 scope.
Now that i think about it, we can even use it as a weapon and double-weild it with the paperweight

>>1192690
Scoped paperweights are super effective tho

>>1192676
> B
I wasn't fucking around, this is how we're fucking doing it

>>1192677
>>1192679
>>1192682
>>1192683
>>1192686
>>1192690

You realise that the easiest method to find your first kill is to simply follow the stench of booze and broken dreams, and you shall be lead to the very dregs of society, those that deserve the mercy of the first reaping. Walking along the sidewalk, you take the time to mount your scope on the paperweight, so that you are ready and able to strike when you must.

Ah. Here he is. Your first victim. Covered in tattered rags with a soup flecked beard longer than his remaining lifespan, he awaits your decision. It will be well worth it - spare clothing to wear shall see you further through your journey than anything else.

ROLL FOR YOUR CHOSEN EXECUTION METHOD - HIGHEST ROLLER WINS.

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>1192702
Smash him in the nuts using the paperweight, then smash his skull in using paperweight.

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>1192702
Bash him to death with the stapler, conserve ammo.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>1192702
Bully him to death.

Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>1192702
Get a peice of glass and cloth
Stuff his mouth with the cloth
Gut him
Hang him by his intestines

Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>1192702
Just be spooky. Give him a heart attack.

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>1192702
He is one of the few that deserve mercy. Cave in his temple with the might of our novelty clam.

>>1192708
>going ritualistic on our first murder
Good choice

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>1192702
Sit down next to him and talk for a moment, and then release him from the chains of life by cracking his head open with the paper weight.

>>1192721
Our paperweight deserves worthy opponents and dissidents of the law.

The common man deserves less pain

*psychotic chuckle*

>>1192708

An empty vodka bottle sits by his side as he sleeps away the last few moments of his life. Placing the paperweight in your pocket for the time being, you grab hold of the bottle and smash it hard across the back of his head. Despite his woollen hat absorbing some of the blow, he is startled awake, visibly pained by the impact.

You follow this up by tearing off a strip of his shredded blanket as he attempts to recover and stand, and forcefully jam it into his grimy maw, choking him somewhat. His teeth try to close on your hand, but he cannot seem to complete the task, and he is at your mercy.

Seizing one of the broken shards of the bottle, your palm bleeding lightly from your firm grip, you jam it point first through his shirt directly into his emaciated gut, dragging it across to gut the wretch like a slaughtered pig.

Reaching into the wound, you grasp his still warm entrails and bring them out into the world, the gore-child of this beautiful moment. Several nail stick awkwardly out of the crumbling brick nearby; you drape the intestines along them, giving the hobo a wreath of his own flesh, pulling him up somewhat as he slumps down, appearing almost at peace.

Wiping off your own trenchcoat, you eye up the corpse of the hobo. He has a trenchcoat of his own that seems to be in surprisingly good condition, albeit with a few nicks, cuts and stains strewn about. You strip it off him, pleased with yourself, as you decide your next course of action.

CURRENT WORLD POPULATION: 7,584,182,739
KILLCOUNT: 1
INVENTORY: 12x Zoom Paperweight Scope

>A. More Hobos!
>B. Stalk the Streets
>C. What is This Building, Anyways?
>D. I Want to go Back to the Dog.
>E. Bigger Fish - We Go Elsewhere (Write-in)

>>1192746
E

>>1192746
Make sure we clean up.

This crime is really fucked up so the cops will want to go after us en masse

>>1192746
>>B. Stalk the Streets
We do this like FUCKING DELANEY

>>1192749
We should go to the richest part of the neighborhood and kill a rich guy

File: _93276610_taboopryce.jpg (68KB, 976x549px) Image search: [Google]

68KB, 976x549px

>>1192752
forgot pic

>>1192746
>E. This is just a taste of what's to come. Let's try and enter a house now!

>>1192746
>A. More Hobos!

>>1192746
Wait, we need to industrialize this killing business, we've still got billions to go through.
E. Bring on the cult.

>>1192761
Careful. That's killing high.
>what is this building anyway
We need to get high school and college students. They scream the best. They also like to run and hide.

>>1192767
Most hobos are the product of society's filth, greed, and lack of selflessness. Leave them. Most are not sinners.

>>1192805
You gotta start from somewhere ya know? We are a merciful god of death, we kill those who are miserable forst,no?

Rolled 3 (1d3)

>>1192749
>>1192761
>>1192787

==Hit a slow patch, eh? Tiebreaker time.==

The rush of adrenaline flowing through your system clouds your mind momentarily, and you are unsure what you should do at this point in time. There are many who await your coming. The elite of society, who trod on their lessers. The average man, who is complacent with his lot in life, to drift and meander and wallow in his own shit as all decays around him. And the enlightened. The ones like you, The ones who will help you fulfil your destiny.

>>1192816
No, we need to aim for those that are happy and bring them into despair!

>>1192823

Yes, that's it. There is only so much that you will be able to do alone, and yet there are so many out there that you must see to. It cannot be done alone. You must go out, and you must bring others into the fold, to shepherd as you do. But how? Where?

Where would the disillusioned and fallen folk reside? Many hands make light work, and the more you can reach, the greater your success shall be. But you must also consider the danger to yourself. If you should fall, then there is no way that you can usher in the new era, and that is unacceptable. You weigh up your options carefully.

>A. A Coffee Shop
>B. Hot Topic
>C. Hijack A TV Station
>D. I Don't Know, A School?
>E. Elsewhere... (Write-in)

>>1192849
C

>>1192849
>E. Let's recruit at a speed dating event.
Having only girls in our cult will make things a lot funner.

>>1192849
>D. I Don't Know, A School?
Kids are gullible.
>>1192827
Nah, You see we free the people from despair. For we are a force of nature,unstopable and unyielding thus they can only lie down and accdpt their fate.

>>1192849
SCHOOOOL

>>1192856
Seconding. Women are crazier on average anyway, they'll be easier to manipulate

>>1192888
>>1192856
Agreed

>>1192888
Why not just recruit edgy teens who visit 4chan if you want to recruit

>>1192849
A. Might as well caffenate ourselves while we spell doom for the planet.

>>1192856
>>1192888
>>1192894

There are few more righteously angry souls than those who have bared the brunt of romantic rejection one too many times, and there is no better place to find these people... than a speed dating event. You slink through the backstreets and alleyways to head several blocks over in search of such a place, and as luck would have it, you find one. You flick the long, dark, greasy black lock of hair you call a fringe out of your face and walk in to find a kindred spirit.

CURRENT WORLD POPULATION: 7,584,182,739
KILLCOUNT: 1
INVENTORY: 12x Zoom Paperweight Scope

THREE 1d100 ROLLS FOR RECRUITMENT.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>1192945

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>1192945

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>1192945

>>1192945

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>1192945
Mem

>>1192947
>>1192954
>>1192956

==45 Average Roll==

You get some odd looks, but nobody calls you out on your dishevelled appearance or obvious off-putting personality. The first few women you sit down to talk to are stereotypically stuck up and young, clearly only looking for someone fine to take home for a night and sin with.

Two, however, draw your attention. Dyed with various chemicals, they seem to be sisters, drawn towards your inherent darkness. They both sit with you and talk about the loathing they hold for the human race, and you think you have found just who you are looking for. You stand and walk out, silently, and they follow closely, giggling softly to one another.

CURRENT WORLD POPULATION: 7,584,193,637
KILLCOUNT: 1
INVENTORY: 12x Zoom Paperweight Scope

>A. Lure them away, then take care of them.
>B. Give them their orders and be gone.
>C. Guide them through their first kill.
>D. Keep walking, allow them to observe.

>>1193072
>D. Let them observe. When they ask to join in they will be ready.
Go find some morose salaryman to liberate from this mortal coil.

>>1193072
>C. Guide them through their first kill.

>Now, my Nightingales, you shall drink deep from the dark well that is justice and mercy

>>1193072
>D. Lalala gonna kill sombody.

>>1193072
>C. Guide them through their first kill.

>>1193295
>>1193072
Change to C. Lalala, gonna assist a murder.

>C. Guide them through their first kill.

>>1193072
>>B. Give them their orders and be gone.