Lego Quest Presents: HELLFINDER

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In 1152, an alchemist named Abdul Abdulavichskison was said to have cut off his own hand and traded it to the world beyond. In exchange, he was given the power within his other hand to enscribe, in a tome bound in the flesh of infants which he called the Necrobibliograph, the names of the thousand horrors that waited beyond our paltry understanding of reality. When he was finished, the book would act as a doorway and the nightmares spilling out would mean the end of the human race.

Of course, that didn't matter to Abdulavichskison, who had gone bloody stark-raving loonie by that point.

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Luckily for me and you and everybody else, his work was interrupted by a passing Crusader who had heard about what he was up to.

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The Crusader put an end to Abdulavichskison's literary career, but rather than do the sensible thing and destroy the Necrobibliograph right there, he took it with him.

Nobody knows what became of the original, but before it buggered off, six copies were known to have been made.

Three copies were destroyed - one of which I personally destroyed two years ago in Madrid. Another two of the copies were said to be lost in the Great Fire of 1666.

The last copy was mine.

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Until my mate Tommy nicked my copy from from my flat like it was a bloody lending library and gave it to a literal she-demon for safekeeping.

"Oi!"

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"You're getting a right bollocking if Nancy's done anything with my book, Tommy my boy."

"Better her than the Council, eh?"

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"Leave the meter running, mate. Won't be but a minute."

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"The Council isn't finished with me yet, or you. This little side business of yours got their knees up proper, and the roosting spirit is throwing a paddy over it as well. I was bloody near pecked to death outside my flat because of you."

"Let's not compare heroics, then!"

"Now come on, I'm going to get my copy of the Necrobibliograph back from Nancy. Then we're going to see about sorting out all these bloody demons you invited up to the mortal realm."

In the days of yore, demons that manifested fully made their dwellings in caves, forests, dangerous places where only the mad would venture. That was when there were fewer humans around and anonymity was harder to come by, since knowing your neighbor was a demon tended to rouse the pitchforks whenever word got out. These days, things are a bit different, especially in a city the size of London.

On the books, Nancy's apartment is condemned, listed as in immediate need of renovation, and off-limits to plumbers and electricians alike. The whole floor is warded to keep one's attention away from her door.

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"Backs to the wall, lads! It's Batty Boy and Knobby!"

Which makes the presence of these two bell-ends highly suspect.

>Fight
>Bluff
>Magic

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 7 (1d12)

>>1153984
>Bluff
>Magic
Some kind of bluff magic.

Rolled 10 (1d12)

>>1153984
>bluff

Huh, LEGO. Interesting concept that I haven't seen before

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Drum and Razor are obviously the dogsbodies for someone along the line, but neither one of them knows a lick about the spirit world.

I speak, or rather project, one word in a language that can't be pronounced with a human mouth.

"IX͠H̨́Y͠N̡̕"

>>1153984
really digging the color variation on the wall (it's all white, isn't it)

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"What was that?"

"Just a simple trick to make them unable to perceive us for the next few minutes. It would have worked on you as well if you didn't have a little bit of magical talent, but I know from experience that these two wankers don't-"

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"Afraid you'll find we've been raised in standing a bit, Zeebub."

"Is that the way it's going to be, then?"

"It is."

"In that case..."

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 11 (1d12)

>>1154129
how about some kind of fight magic?

these guys look flammable enough.

Rolled 8 (1d12)

>>1154129
Tongue kiss mister knifeman, As he's distracted by fondling his balls, use your free hand to take his knife.

>>1153912
Shit. Is there a qst archive somewhere, cuz I haven't seen the first one.

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"Give us a kiss, love."

"What the f-"

"Look out, you ponce, he's-"

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*FROOOSH*

"AAAAH! My face! My fuckin' face!"

"C'mere, Zeebub. You've got this coming from this morning."

"What if I told you that the first step toward finding gainful employment-"

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"-was not looking like you took a time machine from the 100 Club?"

*FWOOOM*

"GYAAAAAH!"

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"My hair!"

"It's all right, mate, it'll all be over in a jiffy-"

"What are you-"

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*KLONG*

"Uuungh-"

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"Right, then-"

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"-what was that about you two being raised in standing?"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

>>1154262
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=lego%20quest

Bottom of the page

>>1154405
Hot damn. I just assumed that suptg wouldn;'t have /qst/'s stuff.

Rolled 5 (1d12)

>>1154379
Go inside after tying those two to a pipe or something.

Rolled 5 (1d12)

>>1154379
Bash Drum and Razor in the genitals with a pipe for a few seconds, then have a talk with Tommy.

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Drum has enough belts to tie them both to the steampipe. Not much, but as long as they're both conked out it'll keep them from rolling down the stairwell.

"The karmic debt from this row keeps adding up, mate. When this is sorted out you and I are going to have a nice long chat about the concept of personal property."

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"Surprised Nancy didn't poke her head out to see what the row was about. Nancy? You about, love? It's Bill and Tommy. I've come to collect my book."

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"Bill! In here!"

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"Holy mother of Christ, Bill-"

"Have a care, what's this... Bloody Christ-"

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"...B...Bill?"

"Nancy... Christ. What-"

No power on Earth could have done this to a demon of Nancy's calibre. And then it hits me. Razor and Drum were left here to tarry us, but whatever savaged Nancy came for the Necrobibliograph.

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"What the fuck did you summon, you bloody half-wit? Don't tell me-"

"I thought I could keep it under wraps, like just a quick pop-in and Bob's your uncle-"

"Tell me, goddammit, tell me that you didn't."

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"Say it, you tosser."

"Caeth'caethlen."

Tommy says the name and I shudder.

Caeth'caethlen. An ancient demigod of murder and wrath. The last time he walked on Earth, he slaughtered thousands in an orgy that almost destroyed the fledgling human species.

We're not on the best of terms.

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"Bill..."

A human woman would never have survived what she just went through. Part of me wants to gloat as comeuppance for the naff shagging she gave me, but then I see the absolute misery in her dark eyes and remind myself that demons can't help their nature.

>Treat her like she deserves
>Treat her like a lady
>Something else

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 1 (1d12)

>>1154963
>Treat her like a lady
Goddamn chivalry...

Rolled 11 (1d12)

>>1154963
>Treat her like a lady

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"Come on, love."

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"There's a phone box outside across the street. See if you can't ring Farouk. And see if that cab is still there."

"Right, uh, sure, Bill. Back in a flash, right?"

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"Bill, you don't have to do this..."

"What can I say, love? St. Catherine's raised me up right."

"Before Caeth'caethlen... before he..."

"Hush, pet."

"He used the Necrobibliograph. He manifested three other demons."

"Aye, and I think I know which ones. Lay still, now. Tommy will be back in a flash and we'll all go to Farouk's flat and figure the whole sixes and sevens."

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"There's just one more thing I need to do."

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"Come on, I haven't got all evening."

"YO̢U̢Ŗ ̵̸W͘O̧͟͟R͞D͟͟͝S̢̡͡ ̢B̵̨E͜͞L̴I̢̛E͢ ͘Y͟͞͞O̴̧̧Ų̢Ŗ͠ ̢̛̀F̨̨È͢ÀR̷,̡ ͟͢L̨̡I̷T̨TL̵E ͟M̸͜A̷̢N̨.̛"

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>This title card is provided by Octan Title Card Company(TM).

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"Bloody Christ!"

"Í FI͝N̕D ͘IT G̕IVE̶S ̢A ̸P͘IQ̢U͢ĄNC̢Y ͜ TO̡ TH̕E͜ FL̴E̕S͝H̵.͝"

Ayazaz. One of Caeth'caethlen's lickspittles, drawn to the scent of blood.

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

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Rolled 10 (1d12)

>>1155221
Quick! We must extract blood from those whom we have tied up. And maybe even become buddies with the Ayazaz?

Rolled 4 (1d12)

>>1155221
Remember the one weakness that Ayazaz has.
Something silly like kittens.

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"Look, mate, Caeth'caethlen may have given Nancy a once-over, but you'll find I'm not quite as harmless. Now we can burn this bloody flat to the street and you can endure a lot of pain in the process..."

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"...so might I suggest an easier method?"

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That's it for now, but I have all day free tomorrow so I'll be back in about eight or ten hours and we can keep going!

Making up Lego demons is fun.

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We love you.

>>1154362
>that charred stub of a mohawk

That is fucking genius.

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"Absolutely not Kindly remove that harridan from my doorstep!"

"Be a sport, Farouk! She's had a rough go of it-"

"I forbid it! Bad enough you drag that Tompkins layabout here, but this is just too much!"

"Toss off with the protocol, mate. There are bigger stakes in play than your sanctity."

"She's got you ridden! That's what a harridan does! Away from here, all of you!"

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"Caeth'caethlen is loose on Earth."

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"Come in, lad, I'll get us all some tea."

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"And that's about the size of it."

"What of Ayazaz?"

"Still loose, I suppose. Razor and Drum like as not finally ended up together, so he'll be fat as a tick and sleeping it off on Caeth'caethlen's pox-ridded lap for the time being."

"Balls, Bill! Didn't I warn you not to invite this blighter into the mysteries of the world beyond?"

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"Say, now! This is no time to be assigning blame! We've got to stick together, like!"

"Bollocks! He should have never been foolish enough to trade the Sword of Zaldimar to the Council for your spaccy hide!"

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"Tommy's right, Farouk. Like it or not, we're in this until we get it sorted. Do you have anything like the Sword that we could use if things go tits-up and we actually have to confront Caeth'caethlen directly?"

"My boy, I'm far too old for slaying demons-"

*RIIIIIING*

*RIIIIIING*

"Bloody thing, I don't know why I ever let myself be talked into getting one of those-"

"Where is it-"

"Look under there-"

*RIIIIIING*

*RIIIIIING*

"It sounds like it's over here-"

"Did you look under there-"

*RIIIIIING*

*RIIIIIING*

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"Yes?"

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"It's Fiona! The Council wants to know why you haven't used your copy of the Necrobibliograph to take care of this Caeth'caethlen business!"

About time they took an interest in this. They might be the only ones who can help me stop Caeth'caethlen.

But if word gets out that the bloody book's no longer in my hands, every treasure hunter and charlatan in Europe will be trying to get hold of it. Including the Council. The Necrobibliograph is too useful to me to have it wind up with them. It's the only thing that's keeping me on this side of the great divide.

>Let me talk to her
>Hang up
>Something else

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Sometimes I get writer's block, which doesn't help when I'm just making things up as we go.

Rolled 2 (1d12)

>>1156015
>Let me talk to her

Im getting a very british John Dies at the End vibe here

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"Give it here, mate."

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"Fiona, love! What a pleasure to hear back from you. How's my sword? Say, I wondered if I could borrow it back for a bit. Just need to put this Caeth'caethlen affair to right. What's that, the Necrobibliograph? Oh, you know I hate to crack that open unless I don't have a choice-"

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"Yes, that's actually the reason for me calling, Bill. There have been some rumors about manifestations that seem to have occurred after your friend Tommy was released. But that would mean that either you're still letting him get away with that foolish behaviour, or that you're somehow responsible yourself, or that someone else is using the book. You do still have the Necrobibliograph, don't you, Bill?"

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"Bloody Christ, Fiona, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? My copy of the Necrobibliograph is tucked away safe and sound at my flat-"

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"Yes, you see, that's the problem, Bill. We're here at your place and there's no sign of the book. We even checked that clever little closet of yours."

>>1156279
not the only one

>>1156374
I love the tweed suit wizard.

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"That's an invasion of bloody privacy!"

"Obviously we've let you stray out on your own too long. You've upset too many balances. We'll recover the Necrobibliograph and keep it safe like we should have done in the beginning."

"You're taking the piss if you think I'm going to give it up without a fight! I earned the right to hold it!"

"Take care, Bill."

*CLICK*

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"Bad news, then?"

"That dodgy little tart from Essex is off her trolley if thinks she's getting her nails in my bloody book!"

>>1155948
Are they drinking sake?

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They'll be searching London for Caeth'caethlen's lair by now, even if they don't know who they're heading for. None of the Council has my ability to sniff demons out, but eventually they'll come across it by sheer bloody luck. Then either they'll have my copy of the Necrobibliograph, or Caeth'caethlen will use their blood to write the final name in the book and unleash the apocalypse.

My brain is hashing out plan after worthless plan when Tommy pipes up.

"You know, if they're out looking for the Necrobibliograph, the White Room would be unoccupied, like."

Tommy's suggestion sounds idiotic on the surface, but it strikes me with a sheer mad brilliance. Storm the White Room while the Council isn't looking, recover the Sword of Zaldimar, and use it to strike down the demigod of slaughter before the Council finds their own arseholes. Assuming we aren't nicked in the process.

"Much too risky, lad. You'd hardly be able to get in, much less out. I might be a bit of an old sod, but I have a few girdings that I could lend."

The thought of arming ourselves in the weapons of the ancients and storming Caeth'caethlen's lair like a band of Crusaders appeals to my boyhood sensibilities, but only a bloody fool puts his full trust in enchantments, especially when getting into a row with something like this.

"I might be able to get close enough to Caeth'caethlen, long enough to grab the Necrobibliograph, anyway. I don't think he could conceive of a demon working against him."

I start to protest that she's already been seen enough of him, but then I realize that it's the enchanting nature of the harridan to make one feel unhappy - in this case unhappy at the thought of her being put in more danger. Bloody Christ, I hope that's all it is.

>Join forces with the Council
>Recover the Sword of Zaldimar
>Storm the lair of Caeth'caethlen
>Use Nancy as a decoy
>Something else

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 6 (1d12)

>>1156550
>Recover the Sword of Zaldimar

Rolled 9 (1d12)

>>1156550
>Recover the Sword of Zaldimar

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"Tommy, that's bloody brilliant!"

"What, really?"

"It's mad, but it might just be what we need to queer their pitch."

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"I thought I was gutted for sure!"

"Nah, you're aces. Come on, let's go-"

"Wait, Bill-"

"What's that?"

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"I'm going with you."

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"Like hell!"

"You're just a mortal. Even one as cocksure as you is still going to have trouble. Besides, I need to make sure you're still fit to use the Necrobibliograph like you promised me."

"I don't recall ever agreeing to assist you with that matter, but I might have been distracted by the bloody rope burns-"

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"Here, lad. Before you go, take this."

"What is it?"

Roll a d12 and link to this post, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 10 (1d12)

>>1156689

Rolled 5 (1d12)

>>1156689
The Keyhole of Peeking?

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"It's a magic bottle, lad. Take this in case that harridan needs to be brought under control."

"I can hear you!"

"Here, take it!"

"Aw, Nancy's a right bird, but I'll take it anyway. Might be a useful lever. Cheers, Farouk."

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"Good luck, lad. And hurry, or else the whole world is going to be bent as a nine-pounder."

"Right. Let's be off, then."

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"Yes... good luck."

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"Yes, that's right. No, I'm afraid not."

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"He's headed for the White Room now, with that numpty Tompkins and the harridan."

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"I think I liked you better as my ex."

"There's nothing wrong with this glamour."

"Except it's exactly the thing I don't like having behind me."

"You wouldn't want me to be noticed, would you?"

Always the thing you want the least.

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"YOU AGAIN. I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO SOD OFF."

"As I recall, our last dialogue ended with me deciding not to mail your head to Manchester United on behalf of Fiona. Is she about, then?"

"SHE'S NOT HERE. SOD OFF, ZEEBUB."

"Ah, see, I was hoping to pop in and grab something quick. Step aside, please."

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"LOOKS LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE THAT SWORD ANYMORE. GIVE ME ONE REASON I SHOULDN'T END YOUR LIFE."

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"Did... I... mention...*gak*... I brought... a magic bottle?"

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"YOU STILL HAVE TO PUT ME IN IT."

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field! And roll another d12 for whatever Tommy or Nancy does as well!

Rolled 1 (1d12)

>>1157027
Why aren't Nancy and Tommy doing anything?

Rolled 5 (1d10)

>>1157027

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"For Christ's sake, Tommy, help a bloke-"

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"-out?"

"Hello, Billy."

Bloody Christ. Theodore Sedgewick. De facto head of London's wizard council.

And a right proper arsehole.

"I had a feeling you'd be by. And look at this little entourage."

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"Aren't you supposed to be part of the search party for my book?"

"The Council's book by now, I'm sure."

"I don't think they've found it yet. They're not back here, are they? You know, I could find it easily enough. I was just about to retrieve my sword and go take care of the whole bloody affair-"

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"You've been a pain in my side for too long, Zeebub. The Council has until now had to put up with you because you toe the line so well, and we've not yet done away with that archaic prohibition about killing fellow magicians. But this! Trying to break into the White Room, attempting to steal a valuable relic - Dogammi is perfectly within his right to throttle you to death right here, unless one of the Council cares to tell him otherwise. No objections? Noted."

"You're barking mad, Sedgewick! You... *gak* ... need my help! You... *gak* don't know what it is that was summoned! It was C- *gak*"

"Wishful thinking. Be seeing you, Billy."

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"As for this little millie, I'm going to enjoy turning you into a proper servant-"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 1 (1d12)

>>1157247
Nancy turns into his mother and makes him cry.

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"Teddy, this is unacceptable- aaah!"

"You're a nebby little nilly, aren't you? Prying around in my aura like this..."

Rolled 2 (1d12)

>>1157247
The kebab Theo ate starts acting up, forcing him to rush to the loo.

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"Here, how about a more pleasant form-"

"Let her... *gak*... let her go, you malicious cunt! The Council will never let this pass-"

"Or maybe I should let Billy watch. He seems fond of you, as daft as that sounds!"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever someone does, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 2 (1d12)

>>1157410
Tommy sets the Harry Potter reject on fire through a convoluted set of circumstances.

Rolled 10 (1d12)

>>1157410
Open the magic bottle and jam it into the ghost dude's ghost eye.

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"Your apprentice isn't even worth the time to kill. I'll just give his mind a quick once-over and he'll never even remember you."

"

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"Belt up, you overdressed tosser!"

*PLOK*

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"NOOOOOOO-!"

"Oof-!"

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"ZEEBUB, YOU SODDING C-"

"That's enough from you!"

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"You have Dogammi, but it's not as if the Council won't have you killed for this anyway."

"I still don't see any of them around besides you."

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"Besides, if I let Dogammi back out, he won't be able to hurt me... but you're a twonk if you think he won't have a go at you. I'm sure he's plenty of reasons. Think you can take us both at once?"

>Fight
>Bluff
>Magic
>Something else

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field!

Rolled 5 (1d12)

>>1157749
>Magic

Rolled 7 (1d12)

>>1157749
>Magic

Rolled 12 (1d12)

>>1157749
>Fight
Have Tommy distract him by waking up so we can bash him in the nadgers.

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"A wizard duel, then? Or are you just planning on flapping your chops-"

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"You, duel with me? Don't be daft, Zeebub."

"Christ!"

"You're nowhere near my league, you naffer."

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"Still have that nesting spirit in your pocket, Zeebub? How high up do you suppose we can get you before I finish shagging this-"

"Oi!"

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"You shirty prat, if you think we're not taking the Sword of Zaldimar back, you're taking the fuckin' mickey!"

"What did you call me, you dirty little Jimmy?"

"Hey, then-"

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"Nobody takes the mickey with Tommy but me."

"My wand!"

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*WHUD*

"AAAUUGH-!"

I've wanted to do that for twelve years.

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"You all right, mate?"

"Just a bit fagged, like. Sleeping spell, right."

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"Knees up, then. It's been a blinding success so far so let's keep from going arse about face."

>>1158100
>"What did you call me, you dirty little Jimmy?"

that is actually a pretty good question

Man, English is weird.

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As soon as we step through the door, the material world disappears, replaced by the self-contained universe known as the White Room.

"This nettie again-"

"Keep your pecker up, Tommy. No chore for a jammy bastard like me."

"How are we supposed to find it?"

"Easy, love-"

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"In this place, it's easy to find what you're looking for."

"That's the sword?"

"Warts and all."

"Seems too easy."

"Oh, aye."

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"It's easy to find, but the Council left a bloody watchdog."

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A yiggiri, something of a celestial scavenger. It feeds on the raw chaos of magic, destroying it in the process.

And it's feeding on my bloody sword.

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"What now?"

"Well-"

Roll a d12 and link to this post for whatever you do, please! To roll, put dice+1d12 in the Options field! And roll another d12 for whatever Nancy or Tommy does as well!

Rolled 10 (1d12)

>>1158371
>feeds on the raw chaos of magic

Nancy should make a decent distraction/bait/sacrifice then

Rolled 4 (1d12)

>>1158371
Push it over.

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"-the yiggiri feeds on magic, right?"

"So?"

"So-"

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"-you should be able to keep it occupied for a bit!"

"Aaaah- Bill, you bloody-"

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"This is for Kris's place!"

"Bill, you absolute-"

"Keep it up, pet, almost there!"

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*SHUUUUNK*

"Just like bloody King Arthur!"

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"Now then-"

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"-you didn't really think I'd let you eat a sweet bird like this, did you?"

*SKLUNK*

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"Come on, love, we've got what we came for."

"I can't believe you threw me to that thing!"

"We're even now."

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"Besides, you never would have agreed to it."

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>>1158559

That's it for this episode, but I should be back next weekend and we should be able to finish this story up! Thank you players for sticking with this - I sometimes get ideas for things that don't translate well to the quest format, but I've got to chase them down anyway. I know this has been pretty slow and dialogue-heavy, but there will be plenty of action coming up in future games.

>>1158573
aw

Thanks for running, LQ!

>>1158573
Thanks for running LQ.

>>1153912
Holy fuck..

How have I not seen this quest yet

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>>1159301
For the last seven years it was running on /tg/

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=lego%20quest

I'm pretty rusty, because I forgot to put in my usual plug:

If you want to see more Lego Quest, the past seven-ish years are all archived on suptg right here >>1160574

The official Lego Quest wiki has all kinds of stuff, including Bill and his friends in the near future:
http://legoquest.wikia.com/wiki/Lego_Quest_Wiki

And if you follow me on Twitter, you'll get a tweet whenever an episode starts or resumes:
@EndmanOfFuturon

Thanks again for playing!

>>1162500
are we going to see a space theme and Cassiopeia again? just curious!

>>1162506
Absolutely.

I've got big plans for both Cassie and the original crew. Also some more minor miner episodes.

HELLFINDER is really brutal because I spend ten or fifteen minutes frantically checking three or four tabs worth of online British slang dictionaries before every post, so it takes forever to write. Really, really looking forward to running games in my native language again.

>>1162538

Awesome! not to disparage Hellfinder, really.

>online British slang dictionaries

me, I wouldn't have been surprised if you said you'd been making that up all along. English english is all kinds of fucked up and weird, I tell you what

Reminder to lurk in the Lego General thread for lots of fun from lots of cool anons:

>>>/toy/6181230

>>1162925
I'd consider it if it wasn't full of bootleg loving faglords.

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>>1163169
But bootlegs are hilarious

>>1158573
Still on track for this weekend?

How long as Lego Quest been a thing?