Ornstein's Day Off (a one-off)

take your allergy pills

>>112545
Go to the painted world to try and hit on priscilla

Take off your armour since you're a collection of cats

make comedy cat appear from the armor

>>112545
Eat a hotdog.

Now that I think about it, I dont really talk with gwynevere, even though i am defending her. I will go up and talk to her

Find Ornifex, she's fucking cute

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>>112548
Holy fuck, you take your allergy pills! Good shit, you'll be feeling great all day.
>>112562
You eat a motherfucking hotdog, that was a good fucking breakfast!
>>112551
You visit the Painted World of Ariamis and try to hit on Priscilla, but you can't fucking find her! Oh shit! You go home, feeling defeated as fuck...
>>112570
You don't know who this is.
>>112556
>>112561
You are not cats, you are Ornstein. Ornstein is a perfectly normal human.
>>112567
You go over and talk to Gwynevere, but can't stop staring at her chest! What shit do you want to talk to her about?

>>112666
Talk about her boobs
I mean covenant

>>112666
Leave and go find your bro the nameless king.

Smaugh texts you from work about how boring and slow it is. Don't get sucked into this bullshit

>>112666

Obviously ask her out like the ballsy knight you are.

>>112666
Ask her if she prefers Coke or Pepsi, you're having a barbecue later and she's invited

>>112666
Ask why she's so freaking huge

>>112545
.....love it keep it going op : D

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>>112748
>: D

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>>112689
Oh shit, you have a pleasant fucking conversation about her covenant without mentioning her tits! Good job!
>>112744
You ask her why she's so fucking big, she tells you that she had a huge fucking growth spurt!
>>112699
You ask her if she likes coke or pepsi and she asks you what those are! Then you tell her about your fucking barbecue and she tells you that she'll think about it!
>>112697
You ask that beautiful, giant fucking lady if she's DTF. She says that she can't love you for some shit reason like she's a hologram or something. WHATEVER, MAN!
>>112693
Texting doesn't exist in this world, but your nigga Smough yells at you from the other part of the cathedral telling you how fucking boring and slow it is!
>>112692
You can't find that nigga, fuck Gwyn for sending him away. You go back to the cathedral and loiter outside.

>>112793
Go ask gwyndolin where the nameless king is as its been too long and gwyns already burnt up so he cant say shit.

>>112793
OUTSIDE? Get back to them Titties, man

>>112793
Go visit Gwyn sissy fuccboi son.

>>112914
I second this

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>>112870
>>112813
You go back to Gwyndolin and ask her where the fuck the Nameless King is, she has no fucking clue! You shrug...one day, you'll honk them titties...one day...
>>112914
>>112939
Oh shit nigger, you visit your main man, Gwyn! He's just kinda fucking standing there!

>>113078
Ask Gwyn if he has a quest or some shit to do. We're bored. Also we fantasize about titty waifu desu.

>>113078
Ask him how he's been

>>113078
invite to barbecue

>>113078
Do you wanna punch some shit after we eat?

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>>113078
have a dance off

>>113078
Gwyn's theme plays in the background

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>>113179
Nah, man. You're good.
>>113236
Gwyn's fucking theme is playing in the background, it's a sick-ass beat!
>>113203
Gwyn refuses, he's fucking old and can't dance with his fatass old man legs!
>>113148
You ask the old man how the fuck he's been, he's ok!
>>113162
You invite the old piece of shit to your dank fucking barbecue, he says that he'd fucking love to!
>>113125
You ask Gwyn if he wants you to do some shit while fantasizing about his hot fucking daughter! He tells you to fuck off, this is your day off, bitch!

>>113078
Invite him to the BBQ so yall could could get baked.

>>113254
Time to visit that fat bastard Smough.

>>113271
I agree with this

>>113254
Tell him Smough is a girl's name
XDDDD

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>>113271
>>113275
You visit your nigga Smough, his fat ass has killed tons of people today!
>>113258
You invite Smough to the BBQ and he's like "aight"! Oh shit!!!
>>113307
You tell that fat fuck that Smough is a girl's name, he sheds a manly-ass tear!

>>113438
Now invite a dragon, or the barbecue just won't be cool enough

>>113438
Time to round up all of Gwyn's knights. Both roasted and unroasted.

>>113438
On the barbecue, treat everyone to peanuts so that they don't starve before the meat is ready

>>113470
Knowing Smough, that fucking fatass, he'll probably will eat all the meat and half of the guests.

>>113438
Use your lightning to make a sweet Day Glow House Party effect for the tasty jams you have set up. Also get some skilled undead musicians for tasty jams.

>>113488
That's why we'll put a cone on him until we're ready to eat

>>113438

Buy a complimentary dragon dildo for everyone that will be attending the BBQ

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>>113448
You invite a fucking dragon to your party, but you fucking kill it! Fuck, you have to stop doing that shit!
>>113457
You find your niggas Gough and Ciaran and invite them, but not Artorias! That guy's a fucking asshole!
>>113550
You make dragon dildos out of the fucking dragon that you killed! You offer them as badass party favors!
>>113488
>>113504
You put a fucking cone around Smough's fatass fucking face because he'd eat everyone!
>>113495
You make the party fucking cool as fuck! Everyone's going to like this dank fucking setup that you have!
>>113470
You make a peanut table because that's what people love to fucking snack on! Your party's ready as fuck to enjoy!

>>113649
No one shows up except smough.

>>113649
Now send out fliers, amber alerts, and even estus flask with a picture of nameless king in hopes of finding him.
If You Have Seen This Man Please Call This Toll Free Number:
1-800-ANOR-LONDO

>>113649
Smough ate everyone. He outgrew the cone.

>>113649
Challenge the first guest to a duel, whoever wins becomes king of the barbecue, and wins at least seven souls.

>>113676
What if Artorias shows just to laugh you and show off his fanclub of groupies.

>>113649

Make a toast to Gwyn for keeping the fire lit

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>>113685
You make a lap around the whole fucking region and send out fliers and shit about the Nameless King and your dank fucking party!
>>113689
You make a fucking challenge to the first gue - it's Artorias...you decide not to do that shit and just start the fucking party!
>>113733
You make a fucking toast to Gwyn's old ass! He's an all right guy!

>>113799
Get some bbq going, shishkebab it with your sick lightning spear and have the dragon flame it.

>>113799
Bitch you forgot the chips to this dank ass party.

>>113818
Dragon's dead, nigga!

>>113799

ask if anybody wants to start a Pathfinder campaign this saturday night

>>113799
Do you know what would be funny? If you sent Artorias on a fake mission to oolacile for no reason, make sure Artorias doesn't it's fake and to tell to go into a cave or some shit until you call for him back. Best prank ever.

>>113965
Then let us serve dragon meat!

>>113799
Finally explain to everyone that the flair at the top of your helmet is your luxurious hair and not a plume. Astound everyone.

>>114006
>make sure Artorias doesn't KNOW it's fake and to tell HIM to go into a cave

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>>113818
Oh shit nigger, you killed that fucking dragon!
>>113907
Smough's got you covered, senpai. His fatass brought some dank fucking chips and he isn't even eating them thanks to the cone!
>>114006
>>114043
Artorias isn't taking your shit, he flips your bitch ass off and starts hitting on Ciaran.
>>113991
Gough and Smough are down, looks like everybody else has shit to do!
>>114039
Everyone's astounded as fuck about this dank new reveal! You're one proud motherfucker!
>>114020
You serve some fucking dragon meat and hear a knock at the fucking door! You gonna answer that shit like a good fucking host?

>>114079
Ask them if they know the password, because you forgot it.

>>114079
Yes.

>>114079
kick the door down to let your guest in

>>114079
let the guest in and if it's a grill, charm them with your lightning skills

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>>114224
That door's too fucking tough to be kicked down!
>>114089
You don't get any fucking replies and shrug, maybe that was the password!
>>114093
>>114262
Oh shit nigger, some nerd impales you with a sword and then runs in to kill off your guests! You dead!

And that's the end, I might do another one of these in the future featuring the Old Dragonslayer. Thanks for playing!

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>>114296
Forgot his hair.

>>114296
Awesome thread OP, short and sweet.

short and sweet love it op
>>112545
One day hope for a return from you hopefully soon

>>114296
That was entertaining.

Hey fucking guys what's fucking going on fucking in this fucking thread fucking fuck fuck the fucking fuckedy fucks fuck man nnnnnaaaaaa mmmeeeaaannn. Sir you say fuck far too often it's very unbecoming.