Thread replies: 868
Thread images: 173
Thread images: 173
File: 1.png (7KB, 500x500px)
7KB, 500x500px
Oh shit nigger you're an Orc. You're a bouncer for a shady-ish Orcish dive bar in the slighty-crime-ridden part of town.
Currently you're in the middle of another shift, what do you do?
Oh and you call yourself Orc-san because you're a fucking weeaboo. And you're also hoping some random blind qt would appear and become your gf, because...reasons. I guess.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1083443
Is Dice God finished with his childish giggles?
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1083443
look at your skill list, I guess
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1083443
time to do our rounds I guess
>>
>>1083457
You take a look at your skills
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1083479
make a mental note to try out orc wall at next opportunity. can't let those skills get rusty.
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1083479
Test orc foo on next troublesome patron
>>
File: 1.png (29KB, 500x500px)
29KB, 500x500px
>>1083490
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1083521
okay time to scan the room for ruffians
>>
>>1083532
Well you're not exactly in a room, you're guarding the outside door
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1083552
check inventory first
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1083552
I think the guy with the "Not a ruffian" sign is probably a ruffian. stop and frisk him.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1083552
glare at Mark
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1083575
attach pin on your t-shirt
proudly
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1083575
Your brother Orc-kun is at the door
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1083575
put all of these into your shirt pocket like an idiot
>>
>>1083589
Your t-shirt doesn't have any pockets
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1083613
it does if you hold the bottom of the shirt up, then you can put stuff in it like a pouch.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1083613
check if some asshole is using an fake ID or something
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1083613
make one
>>
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1083642
badmouth rocks to check if that ID is true
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1083642
Time to roll for them perception checks
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1083642
pat him down
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1083642
Hes obviously not a blind girl, let him in.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1083642
Beat on the brat
>>
>>1083658
"Haha! Thanks, green skin ret--ahem, I mean, Mr Bouncer"
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1083677
Why does a racist want to enter an orc bar anyway? Fuckin retard
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1083677
go tell the bartender to keep an eye on him
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1083677
waaaait right there, gram him by the collar
>>
>>1083686
"Racist? There's no racist here! You must have obviously misheard with your tiny dirty orc ears"
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1083704
do we allow racists in the bar though?
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1083704
check the next person in line
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1083704
loom over him and intimidate
>>
>>1083712
"I dunno, I aint your owner. But I can assure you, I am not a racist, like one of those incredibly handsome Barbs. So you have nothing to worry about"
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1083704
I'll have you know that I clean my ears daily. See!
Show him how clean your ears are.
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
orc wall the racist
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1083724
check inside bar for any minors using fake IDs
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1083724
check the handy list of who you are supposed to let in which is right at the entrance
>>
>>1083742
Checking..
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1083759
aren't you hot in that jacket, mister
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1083759
The coat room is this way sir
>>
>>1083771
"Uh, no"
>>
>>1083790
I'm sorry, but this bar has a no film-noir-looking hats policy.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1083800
fug
>>
>>1083808
"What's a film noir"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1083817
It's orcish for "dark film" and everyone wears hats like yours, okay?
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1083817
UNDERAGE GET OUT REEEEE
>>
>>1083835
"Okay?"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1083859
snatch the hat off his head
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1083859
Leave the clearly normal man alone and go back outside
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>1083868
Roll 2d100 to snatch hat off his head
>>
Rolled 52, 18 = 70 (2d100)
>>1083880
get it
>>
Rolled 27, 30 = 57 (2d100)
>>1083880
>>
>>1083883
You failed to snatch the hat
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1083897
try harder
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1083897
use orc fu to knock the hat off his head
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1083899
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 71, 91 = 162 (2d100)
>>1083912
>>
Rolled 27, 18 = 45 (2d100)
>>1083912
>>
>>1083915
AND NOW, roll 2d100 to see what it revealed
1-19: An alien here to murder everyone
20-29: An alien here to steal your alcohol
30-59: A regular dude
60-79:A kid standing on top of another gukid
80-99: Your long-lost brother Orc-kun
100: Love-Love Orc-Chan
>>
Rolled 96, 35 = 131 (2d100)
>>1083942
I thought it would be a lanky cyclops
>>
Rolled 73, 19 = 92 (2d100)
>>1083942
love love orc chan go
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>1083942
what the fuck's a gukid
>>
>>1083956
a typo
>>
>>1083959
I want to see one now
>>
>>1083948
"HOW DARE YOU, SIR?! I WAS TRYING TO KEEP TO MYSELF WHILE HIDING MY BALDING HEAD! HOW DARE YOU HARASS YOUR CUSTOMER IN SUCH A WAY! I'M BRINGING THIS UP TO YOUR MANAGER!"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1083969
Snitches get stiches
>>
>>1083969
Look for the gukid
>>
>>1083973
"And people who harass patrons get pay cuts, Mr Orc-san" said the bar owner
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1083988
Its because of my crippling depression
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1083988
Haha! It was... but a joke. Regular Patron Man, do you like free drinks?
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1083988
offer him your limited pin as way to say sorry
>>
>>1083998
"What depression?" asked your boss and coworkers
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1084017
Yep, still no blind gf
>>
>>1084023
"Why? And why a blind gf specifically?"
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1084017
call your psychiatrist on speakerphone to prove it
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1084043
Explain that you like to play rad pranks on the blind and also you are ugly so this is why blind gf is preferred.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1084043
Blind girls will see past my hideous face and love me for who I truly am inside
>>
>>1084051
"Sounds like it's more a problem on your side if you like to play pranks on the blind"
"Yeah, you horrible person"
"Indeed, just terrible"
Now the entire bar joins in
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1084071
cry in the corner
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1084071
Use stealth to sneak behind them and also point and laugh at whoever they're mocking, idiots.
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1084071
Just kidding
>>
>>1084074
"Oh great now he's crying"
"Great job, guys"
"Now WE'RE the terrible people"
"This is why we can't be therapists"
"Explains why we're hanging around a dive bar though"
"I'd want to be a therapist.....with a space between after the "the" "
"You're sick, you know that"
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1084093
lift the pain away
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1084093
get yourself together
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1084099
Roll 2d100 to fight depression
>>
Rolled 83, 84 = 167 (2d100)
>>1084113
>>
Rolled 56, 69 = 125 (2d100)
>>1084113
fight dem inner demons
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1084135
Great, now you have the courage to find a blind gf
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1084135
Oh hey look a cute blind girl
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1084135
your mom would be proud of ya
>>
>>1084141
The whole bar then claps
"Yeah!"
"Go get em!"
"You terrible fucking person!"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084162
Tell everyone that fetish is something to be proud of.
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1084162
Also renounce your waifu
>>
>>1084166
"YEAH!"
"YEAH!"
"WE SHOULD BE ALL PROUD OF OUR FETISHES!"
"I LIKE COMICALLY HUGE BUTTS"
"I CAN'T GET OFF UNLESS I HAVE MY SHARONA PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AT HALF SPEED"
"I WANT TO GET TIED UP AND BEATEN"
"I LOVE THE HORSE PUSSY"
"I WANNA FUCK A ROBOT IN THE ASS"
"I like holding hands"
"ayo hol up"
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1084188
who the fuck said they liked holding hands
kick them out of the bar
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1084188
>"I WANNA FUCK A ROBOT IN THE ASS"
this one seems like alright guy in my book
buy him a beer
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1084188
WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1084188
That handholding guy is truly a degenerate
>>
>>1084204
"THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES! IMMA HOLD ALL DA HANDS! I'LL HOLD YOUR HANDS! I'LL HOLD YOURS! AND YOURS! AND YOURS! AND ESPECIALLY YOURS!"
"OH NOES!"
Just another night in the shady-ish Orcish dive bar in the slighty-crime-ridden part of town.
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1084224
GRAB THAT DISGUISE WEARING BARB
I KNEW HE WAS GONNA BE A BAD GUY
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1084224
I never liked that guy, he smells like trouble
>>
>>1084233
"OH YEAH?! COME CLOSER, I WANNA HOLD YOUR HANDS BIATCH"
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1084240
kick him out
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1084240
SHIT OUR HANDS
USE YOUR FEET AND LEGLOCK HIM INSTEAD
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1084254
BITE HIS FINGERS OFF SO HE CAN'T HAND HOLD YOU
>>
>>1084254
now while walking on hands bring him out of bar and then kick out
>>
>>1084258
[screams]
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1084264
now kick this pervert out
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084264
USE THE ORC WALL NOW!
>>
>>1084268
Ah yes, the Orc Wall technique. Where you become as hard and immovable was a wall.
Then you fall on him.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1084281
Kick this degenerate out of the bar now
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1084281
nice and flat
flat is justice
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1084298
Now throw this flattie out of our bar
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1084281
NOW GET UP AND APOLOGIZE! THIS CLEARLY WENT OUT OF...control
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1084298
show comically flattened dude
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1084318
go back to work.
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1084318
Put him in the trash now
>>
>>1084324
Another sastisfied customer
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1084345
we can't let perverts like that freely run around anyway
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1084345
Go back to doing your job
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1084345
lets bounce
>>
>>1084353
Indeed. Anyway, today's work is done. THe bar is closed and everybody's going home.
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1084365
Time to watch our favorite anime, love love orc-chan
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1084365
ah, home sweet home
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1084365
Lets go play MTG with the bartender
>>
>>1084368
It also means it's time for Mark, your room mate, to drive you home
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1084397
Mark, we can't be room mates anymore.
It's not you, it's that you're cursed to attract every girl we like.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084397
you are still mad at him tho
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1084397
>Realize you ARE mark.
>>
>>1084405
my prediction: we're going to be shown to be a wrestling mark.
>>
>>1084410
I vote for "should_be_on_fire" Mark
>>
>>1084405
YEah, what this guy >>1084410 said.
Yous till believe wrestling is totes reals
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1084420
do we get a promo of Love-Love Orc-Chan?
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1084420
wrestling is also actually your second job
even your roommate is unaware of that
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1084420
>try to understand that with you're Orkish mind, realize its hopeless and stare out the window to really depressing music.
>>
>>1084425
No it isn't
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1084428
whatever, let's head home to watch new episode of Love-Love Orc-Chan
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1084428
>Having forgotten about you're secondary job.
What are we Barbs?
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1084428
so you keeping it secret from yourself too?
But when you asleep, your subconciousness takes over and you become THE MARK ON FIRE, THE BEST LUCHADOR IN THE GALAXY
You are werewrestler
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1084428
Anyways. Mark, you're cursed. We can't live together.
>>
>>1084431
AND NOW, AWKWARD DRIVE HOME ON AN INCREDIBLY LOW BUDGET
"So....How was work?"
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1084439
resentfully: "How were the blind girls?"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1084439
How was my dead cousin?
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1084439
>Resentful: This one feels depression, I require Blind sex slaves.
>>
>>1084439
I didn't get to see a blind waifu
>>
>>1084442
"Their flesh were delicious....BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY A SERIAL KILLER USING MY CHARMS TO LURE WOMEN TO THEIR DOOM!!!!..........Jokes aside they were nice but I told them that a relationship based on first-glance-infatuation rarely works, so I sent them home and told them we could stay as friends unless a proper relationship can be developed"
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1084463
DUDE YOU'RE CURSED
THIS PRESENTS A CLEAR PROBLEM
also you seem to be bad at picking up social cues.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1084463
holy fuck, Mark is a curse.
You need to kill him RIGHT NOW
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1084473
TAKE HOLD OF THE WHEEL AND STEER TOWARDS THE NEAREST WALL!
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1084473
stab him in the eyes with your thumbs.
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1084473
decide differently and kill him metaphorically. With words. By ending our friendship. Because of the curse.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1084473
Mark pls move away so ur curse doesnt affect us anymore
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1084474
Roll 2d100 to grab wheel
Mark gets a +50 bonus due to unexplained reasons
>>
Rolled 41, 89 = 130 (2d100)
>>1084482
HE'S A FUCKING CURSE
UNEXPLAINED REASONS?
SATAN IS HELPING HIM
>>
Rolled 21, 28 = 49 (2d100)
>>1084482
HE IS CURSED, MARK WHY?
>>
>>1084484
MEANWHILE, IN HELL
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1084490
oh, doesn't look like Satan is helping Mark after all
Mark is just a dick
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1084490
YO BIG S. SOME NIGGAH STEPPIN ON YOUR TURF.
>>
>>1084491
"Maybe I just don't want you to mess with the steering while I'm driving as that'd kill us both"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1084500
he got us there
let's try again another day so he doesn't get suspicious
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1084500
fiiiiiiiiiine, just look at scenery in a window
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1084500
>call up satan again, his your friend right?
>>
>>1084505
Man, anything'll get a movie these days
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1084510
Civ the Movie is a classic though
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1084510
hey, it's your bro as main orc actor on the poster
>>
>>1084513
"I heard his performance got some pretty good reviews"
>>
>>1084512
the prequel was better, but it really ruined the mystery and badassery of the villian
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1084519
he always was getting special treatment since he was a kid, that's why I moved out
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1084519
The girl who plays all the girls in the movie is a cutie too
>>
>>1084522
"Yeah ....But what was up with that anyway? I mean, in the TV series they did that because apparently they were on a shoestring budget, but they did that in the movie version too? Guess it's tradition"
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1084525
It wouldn't be the same, otherwise people would complain about them changing voice actors
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1084525
civ thing overall had only one girl for whole story, not only that it was more of an addition as epilogue.
so civ thing the movie actually stays true to it's roots
>>
>>1084525
Man, if we can't kill him, can we at least slap him?
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1084525
Punch your face.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1084519
>get depressed again you'll never be like your bro
>>
>>1084533
"What's wrong?"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1084536
tell him via flashbacks how you and your brother auditioned for wan-pan role
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1084536
Think of your waifu
it'll be okay
>>
>>1084539
Ah yes, at least Love-Love Orc-Chan will never leave you
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1084543
>mark killing her like je killed the rest of your loved ones
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1084543
Arrive at home so you can watch her
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1084543
until new season which will have her love interest which is voiced by your bro
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1084543
"Mark, I think I have to move flat."
>>
>>1084548
"Flat?....I didn't know you were British"
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1084550
RULE BRITANNIA
LOOOONG LIVE THE QUEEEN
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1084550
I say, you're avoiding the subject, what what.
You're cursed and you know it.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1084556
oh howdy, neighbour?
>>
>>1084558
AND YOUR NEIGHBOR IS
Roll 2d5 for answer
1- Dragon
2- Goblin
3- Elf
4- Orc
5- Human
>>
Rolled 4, 1 = 5 (2d5)
>>1084562
>no QUEEN OF BRITANNIA option
come on op
>>
Rolled 5, 3 = 8 (2d5)
>>1084562
>2d5
>1 is dragon
How?
>>
>>1084565
It's the reverse order of civ thing turns
>>
>>1084565
"Hiya neighbor"
>>
>>1084562
The elf who stole ur ex is your neighbor?
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1084567
Just fucking rip his face off. We had a shitty day
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1084567
Hullo
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1084567
Sup, wanna come and smoke some weed with Mark and me?
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1084567
Greet new neighbor with a "firm" handshake
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1084575
Ask him if he knows any blind girls
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1084575
now back to your room
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1084575
Inquire about the well being of his family
>>
>>1084577
Ah yes of course
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1084581
Cook up some grub and flick the tv on
>>
Please still be active when I finally get to the bottom.
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1084581
nothing beats relaxing at home
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084581
Admire your accomplishments.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1084581
Talk to Mark in his room while Releasing an immense amount of farts
>>
>>1084582
Well your choices are:
- Cup noodles
- Salt sandwich
- A carrot you found under your desk
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1084589
fry it all
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1084589
Put all of them in a blender and drink it
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1084589
Eat the noodles along with its cup.
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1084589
Pan fry Salt sandwich, then dip it in cup noodles
>>
>>1084593
Well that didn't satisfy you at all. If you want a proper meal ya gotta head into the shared kitchen. But that's where Mark is at the moment.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1084596
Spy on whatever Mark's doing. We need to learn the secret of his innate ability to attract blind waifus.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1084596
Superman your way to the shared kitchen.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1084596
Tell Mark he should move to another apartment
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1084596
Steal Marks leftover Pizza from the fridge when he looks aways
>>
>>1084597
He's making dinner
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084601
oh, wait for dinner then
Mark is still a pretty cool dude if he makes dinner for us
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1084601
brief flashback to how you and mark first met
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1084601
Remember the times Mark's cooking has made you barf
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1084601
Loom over Mark while he cooks
>>
>>1084606
"Hmm, s a bit more spice"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1084607
Start breathing heavily
take a good whiff
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1084607
*whisper*
>*I know your secret now*
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1084607
His hair smells nice
>>
>>1084608
Oh lawdy that smells good.
The food that is.
Not his hair.
Cuz that'd be gay.
And you aint no homo
But his hair smells pretty nice too....
Ah no, no, don't think about it
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1084611
okay, back off now and wait for dinner like a good boy
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1084611
Absent-mindedly chew on Marks hair while he cooks
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1084611
Open the fridge and make a double cheese and ham combo sammich
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1084616
act natural
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1084616
Go shitpost on orchan
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1084616
Breath heavily
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1084621
WHY IS THE HAM BLEEDING? MARK YOU MONSTER.
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1084621
What's for dinner?
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1084621
Speculate about dinner, then realize Mark is only cooking enough for himself
>>
>>1084623
"AYO ORC-SAN, DINNE--Oh hey there you are. Dinner's ready. We're having fried eggs and ham."
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1084625
Add salt and hot sauce then eat
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1084625
Eat dinner and pout
>>
>>1084627
And so you both sit on the couch and ate
Damn this is good
"So, you wanna watch some TV or something?"
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1084629
Yeah sure Love Love Orc-Chan is on anyway
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1084629
I want a blind gf
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1084629
Begrudgingly agree to watch tv
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1084629
The ass was fat.
>>
>>1084632
"Well I'm sure you'll get one some day, buddy....Or are you talking about that new game show which has the premise of setting up...less than desirable looking men with blind women?"
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1084635
We should audition for that show
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1084635
Mark, I know what I'm doing tomorrow.
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1084635
Mark, about that flashback where you were cursed.
My question: What the fuck?
>>
>>1084639
"Go to work?"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084642
"Go apartment hunting."
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1084642
no you numbskull. I'm gonna get in this show and win me a blind gf.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1084642
No, dumbass!! The show, it's going to be my chance to score a blind chick
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1084642
Its friday dumbo, tomorrow we'll get drunk af and binge watch Love-Love Orc-chan
>>
>>1084646
"Ah, okay"
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1084647
Also write an application letter to the gameshow
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1084647
Orcus Christ.
we'll never get a cute girl whiles taying with mark.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1084647
and of course you're gonna help me get on that gameshow.
>>
>>1084649
OR WOULD YOU?
So sayeth the lord
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1084647
Mark buddy, You make dinner and you drive me places and you're not racist like the other humans. I just want to say thank you for being my friend even if you're cursed to steal all my girl and I might have to kill you for it someday.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084652
Pray to Orcus for a blind gf
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1084652
Eat marks dinner while he is distracted
>>
File: 1.png (19KB, 500x500px)
19KB, 500x500px
Rolled 5618 (1d10000)
>>1084655
Now roll 2d10000I'll ahve to go for a few hours. Will continue when I get back.Check here for updates https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
Rolled 5738, 2700 = 8438 (2d10000)
>>1084657
Please Orcus Christ I beg of you
>>
Rolled 7386, 8778 = 16164 (2d10000)
>>1084657
>>
Rolled 9587, 7481 = 17068 (2d10000)
>>1084657
>>
Rolled 1485, 4398 = 5883 (2d10000)
>>1084657
Bye
>>
>>1084660
good thing I didnt fuck it up
>>
>>1084660
no longer roll, we've got it!
>>
Alright, I'm back who's here
>>
>>1084725
dice god
>>
>>1084725
Here
>>
>>1084725
*tips hat*
>>
>>1084660
"I have heard your prayers, my son. A blind gf will meet you soon"
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1084729
Mark, stop cosplaying and put down desk lamp
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1084729
Thank you Orcus christ
>>
>>1084731
"No problemo, mah son. It's all good in da hood"
Thus said the lord
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1084732
We gotta start going to church every sunday if we this cute blind gf shows up
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1084732
thank you random neighbor hobo
what are you doing in my room tho
>>
>>1084736
"Bitch I aint no hobo, I' m Orcus Christ"
>>
>>1084739
Give Orcus a kiss
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1084739
Are you staying for dinner?
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1084739
show proof
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
take a pic of orcus
>>
>>1084743
"No, my son. I must return to Heaven. Orcus Christ, awaaaayyyyyyy!!"
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>1084748
say hi to my grandparents
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1084748
Ask Mark if he can see Orcus even though he's a human
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
> go to bed, tomorrow is another day
>>
>>1084750
"I CAN SEE EVERYTHING.......But seriously though, all I saw was a beam of light"
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1084753
Why can we see Jesus but Mark can't see Orcus?
>>
>>1084757
What's a Jesus
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1084759
That one criminal responsible for car accidents
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1084759
Jewish version of Orcus, humans love him dearly
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1084759
Punch Mark as a joke like
>>
>>1084761
Oh okay
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>1084763
Go take a shower in preparation for your meeting with ur new gf
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1084763
grow a pompadour with your willpower
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
while rubbing your body you feel a strange thing under your fingers
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1084768
For some reason Mark decided to take a shower too
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1084771
It's a goblin
>>
>>1084772
Good thing you had two showers
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1084774
Peek at him.
But say no homo before.
You're not gay.
>>
>>1084775
"Bruh"
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1084781
Oh shit I'm sorry
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1084781
Turns out Mark peeks at the same time. He's totally not a homo barb tho.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1084781
Mark become a blind girl thanks to Orcus magic
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
Mark slit his wrists with a razor blade
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1084787
Wanna hit the gym when Im back from my date?
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1084787
wassup
>>
>>1084788
"Sure....But you got a date?"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1084790
Yup. She'll be texting me her address aaaannnnyyyy minute
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1084790
Orcus gave me one.
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1084790
Yea my man Orcus Christ got me a gf
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1084790
not telling
(what if he'll try to tag along)
>>
>>1084794
"Cool. Good luck, then"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1084797
just don't follow me
>>
>>1084798
"Why would I follow you?"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1084799
unintentionally. you're cursed, remember?
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1084799
I feel like you would
your eyes told me that
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1084797
Teach him the art of orc throwing so he doesnt need to drive you
>>
>>1084801
"No they don't"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1084807
Then what about that wierd bump in your curtain that may or may not be phallic, Mark?
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1084807
Go wait in the living room for your date
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1084807
okay then, sorry to doubt you bro
>>
>>1084810
"What? You mean this?"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1084816
That's not one of your goblin women from your harem in there with you is it?
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1084816
just leave shower already
>>
>>1084817
"No"
"Yeah, no"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1084820
So it's the neighbour elf? Didn't know you were such a homo.
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1084820
ok good, because I gotta go, orcus christ will send my new gf any moment now
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1084820
Is it gay?
>>
>>1084823
"Alright, see ya, bud"
"Bye"
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1084825
suddenly blond gf
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1084825
Wait in the living room while hearing suspicious noises from the bathroom
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1084825
ding dong
>>
>>1084826
"Hi, I'm your new gf and will never leave you for Mar--"
Waitaminute, she's blond, not blind. Let's remove this girl from the premises
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1084831
Can't she be blond and blind?
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1084831
ORC CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN
GIVE HER BACK YOU WEIRD ROUND CREATURE
>>
>>1084834
WHAT'S THAT? KRSSH KRSSSH WHOOPS SORRY KRSSH KRSSSSSHHHHSS CANT HEAR YOU OVER THIS INCREDIBLY REAL STATIC KRRSSSH KRSSSH
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1084831
no she was perfect nooooooo
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1084837
Well she doesn't have to be blonde. As long as she's blind and a qt everything is ok
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1084837
We must reach through the static.
Through the fold of a chinese basketweaving imageboard.
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1084837
stop messing with the antenna op, we don't have cable.
>>
>>1084839
Indeed, and now as the wrong girl has been gotten rid off, let us continue.
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1084844
YOU
MONSTER
WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1084844
shake the image the an etchersketch.
>>
>>1084848
shake shake shake
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1084851
Suddenly, doorbell rings
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1084851
it's not working op!
you aren't fucking with the tv again are you?
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1084851
hit it
>>
>>1084853
[DING DONG]
"Ooh, I'll get it" yelled Mark
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1084857
run faster
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1084857
FUCK
Just fuck it. Let him have her
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1084857
Freak out.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1084857
tackle mark
[canned laughter in the background]
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1084857
Tackle Mark before he can reach the door
>>
>>1084866
This may be a good time to tell you that you have neglected to put on any clothes after your shower
>>
>>1084869
[canned laughter] This episode of My Orc Roommate is brought to you by ....
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1084869
Let me guess, the girl wasn't attracted to Mark, the door opens, she sees us naked ontop of Mark and leaves. You really gonna do this OP? Really?
>>
>>1084877
THIS EPISODE OF MY ORC ROOM MATE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY SLURP DE LURP! THE TRUTH MUST FLOOOOW!
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1084888
what low prices op!
Mean while we get our pants on and show off our orc abs!
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1084888
door opens while you both are still on a floor after tackle
>>
>>1084889
"Ah....uh....I just...want to ask for some....sugar......Now I just realized how...wrong...that sounds in this current circumstance..."
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1084906
pour some sugar meeeeeee
in the name of love!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1084906
Give sugar
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1084906
Sugar? sure
anything to help neighbor in trouble
seen any girls around?
>>
>>1084909
"Uh...thanks...."
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1084914
elf sweeps the sugar off of orcs hand and into his cup of coffee
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1084914
continue posing
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1084914
what's with your look? don't you have pants off days yourself? It's FREEDOM
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1084914
Is Mark alive?
>>
>>1084919
THe elf went back into his home with the borrowed sugar before you could drag this on any longer
>>
>>1084923
Go to gamestop
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1084923
don't go to game stop
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1084923
close the door. it's getting chilly
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1084923
dress yourself and get ready to look good for your new gf
>>
>>1084925
Okay
Well that was easy
>>
>>1084925
Damn you
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1084930
success
lvl up
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1084930
Put some clothes on already
We don't want to blind everyone for life.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1084930
Look for the cute girl in the hallway
>>
>>1084931
sorry it had be done.
Dice god demanded it.
>>
>>1084930
GameStop
>>
>>1084934
Looking
WILL SHE APPEAR?
Roll 1d100 to find out
1-99: no
100: yes
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1084937
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1084937
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1084937
She's probably at gamestop
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1084937
I thought Orcus promised us a gf
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1084937
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1084937
Put some damn pants on before we don't find her
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1084943
so close but we have pants on just not a shirt
>>
>>1084943
>>1084941
Yes.
.
.
.
But he didn't say when, just "soon"
>>
>>1084944
clothes*
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1084945
She's at GameStop I guarantee it
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1084945
blond one was your only chance
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1084945
did we just equip double pants?
>>
>>1084949
No you don't. It's all over your face.
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1084952
play monopoly with Mark and his goblins
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1084952
But the new orc san game just came out too
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1084952
everyone point at the lair!
>>
>>1084954
No it didn't you dreadful deceiving dickhead
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1084957
look at schedule
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1084957
Then where would she be?
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1084963
Cool, GameStop should be open.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1084963
pose at random locations but the gamestop, Orcus will provide
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1084963
Put note: go to library
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1084963
go for a walk to nearby orc church
>>
>>1084967
Conveniently located opposite to a gamestop
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1084972
you are regular here, say hi to pops
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1084972
pray quickly to Orcus Christ and give him finger guns and a wink
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1084972
check inside
Orc Church Girls are the purest of pure almost close to love love Orc chan.
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1084972
GO TO THE GOD DAMNED GAMESTOP
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
Convert to paganism
>>
>>1084974
Then suddenly an explosion happens and now the church is on fire
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1084983
Get in there, your dad works there as a priest
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1084983
use orc strength to rip open a fire hydrant and deflect the water to the fire!
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1084983
call 911!
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>1084983
Go to gamestop, it's fire proof.
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1084983
oh shit
>>
>>1084991
You are now in gamestop
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1084999
goddamn it back to the church!
be fucking hero like!
>>
>>1084999
Search for Blind Qt
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1084999
in hopes of scoring some store credit, return some games no longer interesting to play
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1084999
Oh hey it's church saving simulator 2000, and in SALE
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1085001
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1084999
everyone knows that pc games do not burn
equip them as armor and dive into church
>>
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1085010
equip now save the church
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1085010
Fuck yeah, now that's a good deal
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1085010
Look at the back of the box to see what critics say
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1085010
meanwhile in a burning church
>>
>>1085018
"Hmph, fucking green skins"
"Boss! The blind girl's over here!"
"Oh good"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1085025
Disregard burning cnurch, look at back of the box
>>
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1085025
Orc senses start tingling...
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1085025
your hate for barbs sense is tingling
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1085025
Rescue her
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1085025
rescue blindie
>>
>>1085029
Indeed, as you are occupied with viewing video games, the church was burned down and the blind girl lost. As such, Orcus has decided to remove his favor from you and you will never get another chance for a gf, blind or not, ever again.
But damn, look at those prices
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1085037
after seeing those prices everyone will become atheist anyway
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1085037
Rewind time to the moment b4 the church exploded
>>
>>1085043
Now how would you go about doing that? It's impossible, impossible I tells ya. Don't think about it anymore. Don't do it, I say. Don't.
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1085047
do it
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1085047
Do it anyway
>>
Rolled 793 (1d999)
>>1085047
BITE ZA DUSTO
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1085047
that anon rolled 100, give him a breakdice god will find a way to fuck us again anyway
>>
>>1085050
You're just mad that you can't have such incredible games at low low prices
>>
>>1085050
Do what
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1085058
charge up the Flux capacitor! Time to go back in time!
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1085058
Dice god turns time back, his blessing was with us on that roll
>>
>>1085057
I am, but I'll be happier once you burn for your lies!
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1085058
Look at wallet
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1085058
date ashes
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
try to pocket game without anyone noticing
>>
>>1085070
Hmm....hm... yes. These ashes are about 5 years old.
>>
>>1085072
Orcus is messing with us
>>
>>1085072
In fact, they're so old the pic turned to dust the first time
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1085072
Go back to gamestop
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1085072
So the church burned down 5 years ago? How long have you been standing there?
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1085074
save ashes for later, maybe scientist friend can make a clone for us
>>
>>1085082
How should I know, I aint a Gamestop manager, nigga, shieeet.
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1085084
hey look clues!
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1085084
Beg Orcus for another chance
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>1085084
Check the price tag
Continue to ignore burning church
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1085084
Ask for job application so you can be a manager
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1085084
sniff ashes
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1085094
Video
Games
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1085094
use this to find blind qt, maybe we can find out who burned the church down!
>>
>>1085094
we now
/tg/
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1085094
steal video games and go back home
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1085094
Go outside and look around burnt church
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1085099
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1085101
Roll 2d100 to fufill criminal aspirations
You get a -20 bonus due to being a big clumsy orc
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1085106
Do not steal, they're already so low were already practically robbing them
>>
Rolled 39, 4 = 43 (2d100)
>>1085106
>>
Rolled 19, 63 = 82 (2d100)
>>1085106
>>
Rolled 43, 74 = 117 (2d100)
>>1085106
stealing is bad
>>
Rolled 25, 73 = 98 (2d100)
>>1085106
>>
Rolled 26, 85 = 111 (2d100)
>>1085106
we wuz gobbos n shieet
>>
>>1085109
"YEah, you should be ashamed of yourself, you terrible fucking green skinned cockmuncher"
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085121
Ask him if he's console or PC
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1085121
Return our gf to us you disgusting barb
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1085121
we are now banned from gamestop
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1085121
that filthy theif! hes stealing our games that WE were going to steal! ORC WALL
>>
>>1085125
"What stolen games"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1085130
we are both banned from game stop
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1085130
those ones in the sack on yer back!
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1085130
Apologize for the misunderstanding
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1085130
cross gifted and write stolen again to prove out point
>>
>>1085137
"HEY! You can't do that! This is my property! I'm reporting you to the police!"
You were later arrested
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1085138
Escape from jail
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1085138
Joke's on him, we also reported him for being a thief. Also, there's no laws against writing on the thief bag of douchebags
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1085138
cops clearly biased towards orcs
#orcslivesmatter
>>
>>1085138
Again?
Racist police.
IT'S JUST BECAUSE I'M GREEN, ISN'T IT?
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1085138
well shit witness further kidnapping of blind qt from cell
>>
Rolled 191 (1d200)
>>1085140
Roll 2d100 to attempt an escape
You get a -20 due to anti-orc defenses
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1085145
Fug
>>
Rolled 6, 79, 32 = 117 (3d100)
>>1085147
fuck that fight DAH powa!
>>
Rolled 78, 76 = 154 (2d100)
>>1085147
Well that's fair
>>
>>1085149
fuck.....
>>
Rolled 77, 69 = 146 (2d100)
>>1085147
blame barbs
>>
Rolled 26, 34 = 60 (2d100)
>>1085147
Go to GameStop after
>>
Rolled 72, 89 = 161 (2d100)
>>1085147
Theyve kidnapped and extorted me for money! Im sorry but I thought this was America!
FREEDOM!!!
>>
>>1085150
Such is life
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1085159
ORC WALL GO
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1085159
blame elves
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1085159
use your one phone call to call Mark
pray to Orcus Christ and ask for redemption after being forsaken in his eyes
>>
>>1085163
"Pffft, elves didn't do anything" said the elf who is currently fucking your ex-gf
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1085167
why he fucks her in prison?
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1085167
time to spend another night in jail cause we're a dumbass
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
Insert Elf
>>
>>1085170
He said it from outside the prison, what are you, a fucking idiot?
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1085174
how he heard you then?
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>1085174
Request a phonecall to a friend.
We need a lawyer to get outta here.
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1085174
maybe
we got us banned from gamestop
who knows what we are capable of!?
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>1085174
ALRIGHT
HERE'S THE PLAN
GET A RUNNING START AND USE ORC WALL TO BREAK THROUGH YOUR CELL
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1085174
Pull Elf inside
>>
>>1085184
"Y'ello, who's this?"
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1085195
Hello...
it's me....
Adell
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1085195
It's GameStop
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1085195
Got in prison.
Again.
Call my lawyer.
His number's behind the love love orc-chan poster
>>
>>1085197
"Who?"
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1085202
GameStop
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>1085195
Wake up tucked in your bed. You knocked your head against the wall when you tackled Mark
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1085202
no, it's me, Orc-san
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1085202
it's me, Im in the can, help me get out of here
>>
>>1085207
"Orc-san? But you're not in the toilet?"
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1085209
GameStop
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1085209
Nope.
Jail.
Shit sucks, bro, but you know who to call.
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085209
no, I'm in the slammer! call my lawyer or help me break out or bail me out, buddy
>>
>>1085211
"What about it?"
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1085218
We got caught trying to steal videogames and now we're in jail
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1085218
you're going to help me burn it down after you help me get out of here
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1085218
I'm there. Go there.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1085218
dick bags every where
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1085218
I'm fucked Mark. there are so many obstacles between me and sex, most of them supernatura
>>
>>1085221
"Ah I see. Makes sense"
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1085227
bail us out please
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1085227
Mark get arrested so we can escape together
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1085227
get your car and ram into my cell wall and let's go burn down the gamestop
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1085227
yeah and some terrible thoughts keep telling to do things. Like go to Gamestop. They don't stop, the voices!
>>
>>1085229
"Why can't I just plan an escape from outside?"
>>
>>1085233
Mark.. we're bros, right?
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1085233
I miss you
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1085233
Because...
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1085233
Mark we got abandoned by Orcus, now we will never get a gf, help
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1085234
>>
>>1085237
"And all of this because you went to Gamestop?"
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1085233
do your magic mark
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1085239
No we didn't go to gamestop soon enough.
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1085239
yes
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1085239
Some assholes burnt down an orc church nearby and I couldn't help in time
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1085239
and a no good thief framed us, we tried to steal some games but he stole em first and made me look like a bad guy
>>
>>1085239
Mark, You're cursed, we're cursed, both of the curses are to the detriment of my love life. this is the darkest timeline.
>>
>>1085241
"We? Somebody's with you?"
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1085247
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1085250
Orcus and I
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1085250
Yeah
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1085250
the voices!
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1085250
just make an escape plan so you can get us out, Mark
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1085250
Yes, but he couldn't come with us yet because he had some personality issues.
*a dog growls into phone*
>>
>>1085254
"So who's the other guy?"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1085260
You, of course
you're talking to us right now
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1085260
Yes
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1085260
Orcus Christ. My Lord and savior, of course. But I need you to save me right now.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1085260
Yeah
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1085260
it's a girl
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1085260
you, you are in jail now and didn't realize it.
>>
>>1085264
wowsies
>>
>>1085264
"Yeah okay. Sit tight and try not to get fucked in the ass!"
Then he hangs up.
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1085271
Proceed to get fucked in the ass
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1085271
AND NOW
Roll 2d100 to try not to get fucked in the ass
>>
Rolled 42, 93 = 135 (2d100)
>>1085275
MY ASS
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1085271
While we're waiting, ask a guard if they have a GameStop here
>>
Rolled 79, 88 = 167 (2d100)
>>1085275
Hang self if get fucked in the ass
>>
Rolled 55, 76 = 131 (2d100)
>>1085275
no ficki ficki
>>
Rolled 23, 36 = 59 (2d100)
>>1085275
DIOS MIO
>>
>>1085276
>tfw people keep rolling after one of the only possible winning rolls
>>
Rolled 13, 36 = 49 (2d100)
>>1085275
SAVING ROLL
>>
>>1085283
We'll never get a gf, sudoku is the only viable option
>>
>>1085289
http://www.websudoku.com/
>>
>>1085278
MUCH LATER
*BANG BOOM CRASH*
"ALRIGHT ORC-SAN IT'S TIME TO----Oh dude, really?"
After being visited by Bubba in the night, you hanged yourself out of shame. Ending your life of humiliation and non-gf
The End
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1085308
time for a new quest
put up that strawpoll, OP
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1085308
Noooooo, Orc-San!!!
Orcus Christ, do something! Have Mercy!
>>
>>1085308
I now regret going to gamestop.
>>
>>1085308
Well after this quest I know what being Sysiphos feels like. I don't imagine him happy.
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1085308
Or you can wake up from getting knocked out from tackling Mark earlier
>>
>>1085311
BUT BEFORE THAT, THE EPILOGUE
There was a funeral for you
Nobody attended it but Mark. In fact the priest who's there to say some prayers quit half-way to go for a drink, so did the paulbearers.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1085323
oh Orcus Christ, now I feel so bad for Mark
please forgive us and give us another chance
>>
>>1085323
I just got here too.
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1085323
revive as a fucking rad orc zombie vampire
>>
>>1085331
fuck off, respect OP's decision
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1085323
it was all a dream
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1085323
After credits roll...
on the big silver screen, with Orc-Sans tombstone in the background, the words in all caps fade into the screen:
"THE END"
as Orc-Sans zombie hand breaks through the top of the fresh dirt!
A question mark also fades onto the screen:
"THE END?"
dun dun dun....
>>
>>1085329
Too bad. The dream is dead. Now there is only the strawpoll
>>
>>1085335
fuck you nigga
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1085335
how about u succ my dick fuccboi
>>
>>1085340
well that was a short adventure, OP
>>
thank you, op
these are always great threads
take care
till next time!
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1085340
twas a dream op
orcs an wakes up in bed
>>
>>1085345
Like a a gorilla's penis
>>
>>1085351
are we ready to do Civ Thing 2? this adventure had a lot of hinting towards it
>>
>>1085353
shush you
>>
>>1085353
how about gunsmith quest? RIP
>>
>>1085354
Can we play as a pterodactyl or something?
>>
>>1085360
No because I hate its silent P
>>
>>1085350
Cmon mate friendly bantz
>>
And now, pollhttp://www.strawpoll.me/12189068
Updates n shit:
https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Officially, this adventure has ended
Unofficially: download DLC?
>>
>>1085368
Yes
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>1085368
OH SHIT
YES
DOWNLOAD DLC
>>
Also, official ending theme
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbNg5_Jtd8k
>>
>>1085368
HEY
EVERYONE VOTE FOR ADVENTURE THING
IT'S LIKE CIV THING BUT SMALLER SCALE
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1085368
Yes, download the Mark's adventure DLC
>>
>>1085363
sorry, didn't want to step over the line.
>>
>>1085381
Makes sense, that is the cheapest one
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1085388
hold on, what are the other options?
>>
>>1085388
Get both.
Also the super-secret Slurpy-Loop sponsored DLC that adds one extra scene detailing the slow, delicious creation of every Elf's favourite drink.
>>
>>1085391
Oh these? Pfft, nobody cares about these
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>1085394
is there a necromancer option in mark DLC?
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1085394
Zombie-san is pretty useless anyways
Buy Mark's adventure cause it's cheap
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1085394
Zombie-san sounds pretty rad actually, buy it
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1085394
No Slurpy-Loop DLC?
Shitty game.
>>
>>1085395
this
>>
Wait, before we continue, I just realized because I used an old template, I accidentally kept Wacky Races in the poll. Better make a new one to correct.
As compensation, roll 1d100. Whoever gets the highest gets his suggestion be the replacement
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1085404
death camp architect simulator
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1085404
Orc-San!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1085404
Civ Thing 2
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1085404
MC Herbalist: the rise to glory
>>
>>1085404
Landsknecht thing, but you're also a secret cultist.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1085404
Play as God adventure
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1085411
>>
>>1085409
OH SHIT
>>
>>1085409
Dice God wills it, nigga.
>>
>>1085404
hey op what about that dwarf that flew to home planet and died? Can we have that as a choice of his early years?!
>>
New poll, yes
http://www.strawpoll.me/12189251
Now where were we
>>
File: 1474369608861.png (5KB, 500x500px) Image search:
[Google]
5KB, 500x500px
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1085424
AW SHIT NIGGAS
CIV THING 2 IS ON THERE
VOTE FOR IT
>>
>>1085422
Too bad you were too late
AND DIDN'T ROLL, YOU HAD ONE JOB
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1085424
Don't be a dick
>>
>>1085427
NO it isn't, it clearly states that it is a fake choice, do no fall for its charms
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1085424
We were about to buy Zombie-san DLC pretty sure
>>
>>1085434
But that price tho
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1085442
SLURPY-LOOP!
IT'S THERE MUFUGGA!
GEDDIT!
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1085442
But we gotta support the developers
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1085442
Zombie-san, lock-on
>>
>>1085446
But you should really save your money ya know
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>1085456
FUCK LIFE!
SLURP THE TRUTH!
SLUUUUUUUUURP!
BUY IIIIIIIIIT!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085456
Fuck dat, too much money. Pick Zombie-san and confirm purchase
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1085456
Zombie san
locking in
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1085456
What is our balance anyway
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1085456
obviously slurp, 60 bucks is a bargain
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1085478
Zombie-san lock and loading screen
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1085478
get zombie-san then
>>
>>1085478
FUCK IIIIIT
ROB A BANK,
STEAL SOMEONE'S WALLET,
DO SOMETHING TO GET THAT SLUUUUURP!
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1085481
FUUUUUUUCK
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1085478
Save your money and don't buy any DLC.
>>
>>1085480
No backsies
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1085484
don't wory, anon
i'm rolling for the police
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1085486
Confirm
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1085486
ok buy
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1085486
yes, lock in and buy
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1085486
NOOOOOO
THE TRUTH MUST FLOOOOOOW
GET THE SLUUUUURP
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1085486
Buy the sandwich instead.
>>
>>1085490
5 YEARS AFTER ORC-SANs DEATH
HIS GRAVE SUDDENLY BURSTS OPEN, AND FROM IT EMERGED...ZOMBIE ORC-SAN!
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WHAT DOES HE WANTS? THIS IS THE MYSTERY OF...ZOMBIE-SAN
>>
>>1085502
It all started when someone spilled their Slurpy-Loop on his grave...
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1085502
He wants a qt blind zombie gf of course. And revenge on Bubba.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1085505
Fuck me, i always forget the dice.
>>
>>1085506
And brain juices
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1085502
He'll join the local undead goth club.
This isn't a very unusual occurance.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1085502
go super saiyan
>>
>>1085506
STAY TUNED! FOR ZOMBIE VENGEANCE!
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1085519
we should've bought Mark's adventure instead
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1085519
But most of all...
He craves his waifu
>>
>>1085522
we'll never let go from this thing, no matter how much resistance OP puts up, will we?
>>
>>1085521
We could still recruit Mike again and adventure with him right?
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1085519
this is brought to you by...
>>
>>1085525
Let go of what?
Love-Love Orc-Chan?
Hell no.
>>
>>1085522
SUDDENLY,
MARK'S ORC-SAN SENSING SENSES TINGLES
WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?!
>>
>>1085530
not love-love, but trying to get our own real world waifu. we know we're cursed for that not to happen
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1085532
he's about to get cucked lmao
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1085532
TIME TO BE A DICK
LET'S BE MARK SO WE CAN RUIN ORC-SAN'S DAY
>>
>>1085532
mark pushes his blind gf out of the way to go investigate
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1085532
His curse reactivates, what could it mean?!
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1085532
The last time this happened... I got two blind chicks hitting on me!
>>
>>1085535
oh no
i am getting phantom blood / stardust crusaders vibes
mark new jojo?
>>
>>1085535
You are now Mark
You have a strange feeling inside you, a feeling you can't explain.
COULD IT BE THAT ORC-SAN HAS SOMEHOW RETURNED TO LIFE?!
Or may it was that taco you ate yesterday
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1085545
let's go to the toilet just to be sure
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1085545
check stomach contents
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1085545
When did we become a hobo?
>>
>>1085548
ONE POOP LATER
Okay so it isn't the taco.
THIS MUST MEAN ORC-SAN HAS COME BACK TO LIFE SOMEHOW, THIS IS CLEARLY THE ONLY EXPLAINATION
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1085545
FEEL YOUR STAND POWERS ACTIVATING
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085555
check the cemtary
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1085555
Go check his grave
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1085555
GO BACK TO HIS GRAVE TO FIND OUT
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1085555
Wash your hair.
>>
>>1085563
IT'S EMPTY!
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1085573
GO BACK TO YOUR APARTMENT, HIS OLD ROOM! HE HAS TO BE THERE
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1085573
Get a copy of "empty grave - what do? 101 reasons for missing corpses" by Reginald Glutenboy!
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1085573
Piss in his grave, even though he's not there.
>>
>>1085579
! WHO DIS
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1085603
ORC-SAN? BUT HE'S DEAD? WE SAW IT OURSELVES
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1085603
Grab a torch to see what's in the dark.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1085603
No.. It can't be!
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1085603
Is it...
HIM?
>>
>>1085610
"BRRRAAAAINNNSSSS"
[Translation: Yes! IT IS I! ORC-SAN! I HAVE COME BACK FROM THE DEAD! AND TOOK MY CELLMATE BUBBA'S BODY! AS REVENGE FOR HIM FUCKING ME IN THE ASS!]
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1085622
hi orc san.
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1085622
oh cool dude
welcome back
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1085622
Cool.
>>
>>1085625
"brrraaainnnsss"
[Translation: Oh hi Mark]
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1085622
show off our sutando
and flex seducatively
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085629
Ask about his sex life.
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1085629
Switch back to Orc-san
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1085629
Give him a high five.
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1085629
Oh hey Orc san what's up
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1085629
Pray to Orcus Christ to make Orc-san whole again or at least fuckable
>>
>>1085630
You show of____Platinum
"brrraaainsss"
[Translation: Anyway, how's your sex life?]
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1085651
All fine man, although its hard to have so many unwanted children.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1085651
Meh, all my girlfriends are the same basically.
Not that i don't like goblins, it just... Gets stale after a while.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1085651
Oh you know, still banging my goblins. Surprisingly blind girls stopped liking me after your death
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1085651
Mark shows off his own stand.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1085651
S'all cool, so are you fine with being a zombie or you wanna go on a quest or something so you can not look like a zombie
>>
>>1085656
FLASHBACK
TO JUST THIS MORNING
"DADDY I WANT A NEW TOY"
"DADDY IM HUNGRY"
"I WANNA GO TO DISNEY LAND"
"FUND MY MUSIC CARERR, DADDY!"
"DADDY THIS BITCH AINT SHARING HER TOYS"
"THAT WHORE IS LYING DADDY, SHE'S TRYING TO STEAL MY TOY!"
"I WANT THE NEW CIV THING"
"WHEN'S GAMESTOP"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1085675
>>
>>1085678
yep...do you want to adopt the blind one?
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1085678
holy shit, Mark is living an even more awful life than Orc-san did
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1085678
Stop time with ur stand and sneak outta there
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085683
adoption roll go
>>
>>1085684
"brrraaaainsss"
[Translation: Woah man, that sucks. Sorry, dude]
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1085698
Wait this isn't mark's quest.
The jews are onto us swap back swap back
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1085698
So how do we restore you to normal orcishness?
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1085698
Go to a bar together.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1085698
well enough about me are we going on a quest to make you normal or what
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1085698
Pour holy water on zombie-san.
>>
>>1085702
"braaainss"
[Translation: i dunno"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1085710
Take control of Orc-san
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1085710
let's ask Orcus Christ!!!
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1085710
Try punching him, that always works
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1085710
Smoke some dank weed together.
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1085710
deus vult?
>>
>>1085710
Let go to the hospital and steal the organs and bloods. So that we can make Zombie-san become good old Orc-san again.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1085725
Forgot to roll...
>>
>>1085717
"brainnsss"
[Translation: Dude, you're not even an Orctian"
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1085728
I converted, due to my third wife
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1085728
it's the thought that counts you dumb zombie
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1085728
Go to orc church together and get baptized as an orc.
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1085728
Maybe we should turn to black magic instead since Orcus forsake u
>>
>>1085736
Ah yes, the good ol' Orc baptism:
Kill a beast and immerse oneself in its blood
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1085751
Pet it.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1085751
Ram your car into it
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1085751
Sounds good, let's do it.
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1085751
Cuddle with the beast
>>
>>1085756
I second this choice
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1085771
We're an Orc now
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1085771
Shower in its blood.
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1085771
You brutal killed! TWICE!!!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1085771
Drink it's blood to show off to the orcs
>>
>>1085786
"By the power vested in me, you are now an Orctian. Your Orctian name will be Markus BloodDrinker, you savage animal"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1085789
Now ask Orkus Christ to bring Orc-san back to normal.
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1085789
Thanks pops. Any idea how we could restore Orc-san's body?
>>
>>1085789
soo orcus christ, how do I get normal Orc-san back?
>>
>>1085789
Celebrate by throwing a party. However you forget to invite Orc-san.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1085798
Fuck forgot my roll.
>>
>>1085792
"I'm sorry, my son. Orc-san has forsaken me and the way of he Orctian. Therefore he is cursed to never become normal again. Or have a gf"
"braaaainsss"
[Translation: awww man]
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1085804
Offer yourself in sacrifice so Orc-san can have a normal life again
it's our destiny in life as a bro
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1085804
NO I REFUSE THIS I SHALL GO ON A QUEST TO MAKE YOU NORMAL AGAIN MY DUDE
>>
>>1085807
That's right, it is the ultimate Bro sacrifice. A Brocrifice, if you will. An old man dies, so that an orc may liv--
"You sure this is not just because you want to escape dealing with your kids?"
shit
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1085813
hell no
we're doing this for orc-san
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1085813
bros before hoes, and children so no this is all for orc-san
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1085813
No, of course not. Bros before hoes (and kids) my man.
>>
>>1085818
we have cucked him to many times we have to pay him back
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1085813
Orc-san is our bro. But it would be better if you could just give him another chance, Orcus
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1085813
"No... Ok you got me! But at lest you can give Orc-san a second chance? Or giving him a holy mission that let him return back to normal?"
>>
>>1085830
I think he screwed us
>>
>>1085827
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm"
Roll 1d100 to see if Orcus agrees
80-100 :Yes
60-79: No
1-59: Hell no
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1085839
hell yes
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1085839
Be gentle.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1085839
I am ready, FOR ORC-SAN
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1085839
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1085839
>>
Jesus christ, guys.
>>
>>1085839
well looks like we going on a quest
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1085847
don't you mean orcus christ
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1085839
Since everyone is being fucked.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1085839
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1085839
you know what ORC ME BABY
>>
>>1085854
Amazing, simply amazing
Now, is that within the 3 minute time limit
>>
>>1085854
Our savior
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1085859
>Roll for "is that within the 3 minute time limit"
>80-100 :Yes
>60-79: No
>1-59: Hell no
y-yes
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1085859
Op plz
>>
>>1085867
Yeah, do that. Roll 1d100 to see if this roll can be taken.
Because we just loooooove our dices
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1085871
yes, obviously
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>1085871
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1085871
>>
>>1085875
Nice
>>
>>1085875
This doesn't count because you already rolled :^)
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1085871
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1085871
please daddy
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1085871
>>
File: 1.png (10KB, 500x500px)
10KB, 500x500px
Well since nobody won, Orc-san is smote by the heavens and turned to ash. His soul returning to hell :^)
the end
>>
>>1085903
oh well
it looks like adventure thing is going to win, OP
who will be our main characters for that?
>>
>>1085903
Aww noo
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1085903
Pee on his ashes.
>>
>>1085907
I mean, you know, I could not be a dick and choose the 99 roll and have Orcus declare that the two bros must now walk the earth, becoming vigilantes, righting the wrongs and defeating evil to atone for their sins so that their ultimate reward of making Orc-san normal could be gained. And have that be a future strawpoll option.
But since when am I not a dick.
>>
>>1085918
Op is never a dick, he's a pretty cool guy!
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1085918Smite them both
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1085918
since this roll
CHECK EM
>>
>>1085925
Just for that, Orc-san eats a laser beam to the face
To save orc san, roll 1d100 and get dubs
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1085918
good ol rolled
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1085934
poor orc san
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1085934
nothappenin
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1085934
Orc-san deserved better! He's an true hero!
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1085934
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1085934
Check em
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1085934
this just aint right
>>
And since nobody got dubs. All the failures are banished to the pit of shame.
Also known as the pit of gay now that you nerds are down there.
The End
>>
>>1085965
Well fuck me with a rusty nail and call me Orc-chan.
>>
>>1085965
Well, rolling the same number twice is better than dubs I say!
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1085965
oy you forgot to include me
i guess since i'm not in the pit, i'll put on a frog mask and piss into the pit
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1085965
Rolling to crawl out of the pit.
>>
>>1085976
No you're in the pit of ULTRA SHAME.
Which is under the pit of shame.
Good night everybody.
Updates are here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Bbye
n shit
>>
>>1085986
Night op, thanks for thread
Orc-san will rise again
>>
>>1085990
Orc-san's spirit will rise from the grave again, and the world will know he was right
>>
>>1085990
Rise again to fail again
>>
>>1086018
The natural cycle.
>>
thanks for the breadorcs deserved that
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