The Eminent Quest of Dr. Bones

>>10759
The fatty

>>10759
I am going to perform vaginal penetrative surgery on your mum, stand aside.

call me Dr BONE

What's the fatass being operated for?

Let's start with the fatty.

>whose surgery is being funded by a shitty crowdfunding platform.

write the full story

>>10786
This is what happens when I leave auto-refresh off my accident

You go and see the fat man, and his name is Dwayne Herbert Goldstein IV.

The operations he needs are a gastric banding procedure to try and lose weight, but however he is so fat the massive sores hiding under his rolls are a potential operative hazard. YOur anaeshtatist also has concerns keeping him alive because the fat shit hasn't been able to lie flat since '82.

Do you want to operate on Mr. Goldstein?

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>>10822

>>10822
Can we turn him into a skeleton?

>>10822
Yes, we'll have an accident during

>>10822
"Who the fuck are you, skinny man?", Goldstein asks. Your (ambiguously racist) racist assistant Ramon looks at you concernedly, but you ignore him for now.
"Bones, MD. Some call me the bonemaster."

This response seems to answer his question.

In your preoperative assessment, he's the surgeons worst nightmare- he's on his second donor heart (no doubt due to family connections or possibly a chinese political prisoner), plus the crushing weight of his blubber means you'll need custom surgical tools to even reach his bloated, diseased stomach, which thankfully you are familiar with using. You're not sure if his fever is due to some kind of horrible skin infection in his unwashed nether regions, or if the effort of actually moving his obese neck is the most exercise he's done in a decade. Either way, there's a pretty high chance he won't make this unless you're extremely careful. The bed creaks somewhat as he gets wheeled to theatre, and the anesthetist asks what your plans were for the surgery.

[given this quest is actually going places, from here on in I'll choose one of the first 2-3 replies to each prompt at random, unless there seems to be a broad consensus or a response is particularly hilarious)

>>10855
Regret the decission to opperate the fatty and do a quick nip on the druggie's leg

>>10857
You leave Goldstein in the anaesthetic bay and put his surgery on hold.

By the time you reach the drug addict he's already broken into his morphine drip going into his one good vein and he's hammering it like crazy.

You take a look at the leg; the majority of the tissue at this point has gone necrotic due to the massive infection and the addict's AIDS letting it take hold on an unprecendented scale, and you're glad that as a skeleton you don't have a nose.

This guy needs theater pretty bad,but you could probably just hack it off here if you wanted to and see how it goes...

>>10867
Hack it off, walk away, also give him an OD.

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>>10867
>the majority of the tissue at this point has gone necrotic due to the massive infection and the addict's AIDS letting it take hold on an unprecendented scale
no amount of surgery can heal AIDS, it's worse than calcium deficiency also his liver is gonna give up on life soon as well due to necrosis.
Tell the crowd-funding platform that he's unoperable and is highly likely to die during surgery.

>>11302
Sedate druggie, at least fat it has a shot.