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Anonymous
Orc Bouncer Adventure #2 2017-01-20 04:54:47 Post No. 1066033
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Orc Bouncer Adventure #2 2017-01-20 04:54:47 Post No. 1066033
[Report] Image search: [Google]
Oh shit nigger you're an Orc. You're a bouncer for a shady-ish Orcish dive bar in the slighty-crime-ridden part of town.
But currently you're skipping work to go get some food for your cousin with your room mate Mark, what do you do?
Oh and you call yourself Orc-san because you're a fucking weeaboo.
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1066033
Grow some weeaboo hair
it's only fitting
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1066033
punch self in face
>>
>>1066037
Sadly you're one of those orcs that can never grow hair, it's a genetics thing.
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1066042
ask Mark if you can borrow his hair
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1066042
Listen to some Pantera
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1066042
Orc chan would be dissapointed
>>
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066049
order a mcguffin meal for yourself, you like the little toy
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1066049
take that 'no' bubble and hit mark with it, then while he's knocked out, take his hair
>>
>>1066051
And so you did
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>1066064
he's my favorite
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1066064
Add it to your collection
>>
>>1066073
"So what's your cousin having?" asked Mark
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>1066083
two numbers nines, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two number 45s, one with cheese and a large soda
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1066083
big meal meal, the dick enlarger
>>
>>1066094
"YOu sure your tiny manlet of a cousin can eat that much?"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066104
dude is a killer, he ate a whole Arby's sandwich once with out throwing up
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1066104
he's tougher than even me
and I'm pretty tough
>>
>>1066112
"Hmm, that does sound pretty tough"
>>
>>1066116
then once he saw a dead body and he poked it with a stick
>>
>>1066123
"A stick? And not with his foot like a real man?"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1066134
stick meaning his dick
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1066134
No, that was after he pushed it off a cliff, too lazy to dig a grave.
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1066134
obviously he didn't wanna get his foot dirty
>>
>>1066140
"Why did he push a corpse off a cliff?"
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1066147
because he killed him
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1066147
He had far to much time on his hands.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1066147
Ancient Orc traditions, find a corpse toss it off a cliff
>>
>>1066153
"Yes, I remember the time when I push things off cliffs due to boredom too...anyway, since we're buying for your cousin, you're paying."
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1066164
check your wallet
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1066164
Ask Orc God if he can deliver a bountiful blessing of $9.99 to one of his own faithful from his endless orc treasury.
>>
>>1066170
You got like 15 bucks left
The Dick Enlarger costs 9.99
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1066183
it's totally worth. get it.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1066183
Challenge the cashier to honorable rock, paper, scissors to take off 5 bucks if we win and add 2 if they win.
>>
>>1066193
The cashier stares at you with mild contempt
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1066206
do it fagit
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1066206
what are you, a pussy?
come on fag
>>
>>1066213
The contempt for orc-kind within this cashier rises
"S...ir. If you're not gonna pay, then you can leave"
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1066223
just hand him then the 9.99
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1066223
Ask to speak to his manager and complain that they hired a pussy.
>>
>>1066226
"Here you go"
And so you the Dick Enlarger combo
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1066237
time to bring it back to the manlet
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1066237
take it to manlet with a musical number, driftin through the 90s
>>
>>1066240
"You can hear a faint "wuss" as you drift away from the McDragon"
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1066243
sorry can't seem to care when drifter through the 90s
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066264
>Cops chasing for illegal Drifting outside the track
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1066264
OH SHIT WATCH OUT FOR THAT DRAGON
>>
>>1066268
"Ah shit! Hold on, Imma try to lose them"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1066276
>Start firing out the window with our Goblin gun.
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1066276
Pour orc saliva on the road to make it slippery for cops
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1066280
Roll 2d100 to spill saliva, first numbe ris pickings, second number is result
>>
Rolled 43, 48 = 91 (2d100)
>>1066287
SPLAT
>>
Rolled 47, 72 = 119 (2d100)
>>1066287
>>
Rolled 76, 75 = 151 (2d100)
>>1066287
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1066276
Lose them in 90s aesthetic
>>
Rolled 88, 19 = 107 (2d100)
>>1066287
>>
>>1066294
Well that didn't do shit
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1066299
Close your eyes and pretend they're not real
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1066299
Mark activate deployable wings
>>
>>1066304
And so Mark...took the fried wings from your McGuffin meal and threw them at the cops, surprising them and causing some to crash
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1066311
I meant the wings on the car Mark
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1066311
pretend wings are still there
>>
>>1066313
"what wings"
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1066320
pretend wings are there, with your boy like dreams and child like wonderment
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1066320
>Spread you're own wings and take flight with the car
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1066320
You work as a night vigiliante together with Mark, of course your car has some cool gadgets
>>
>>1066322
"Are you, on drugs, or something?"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1066327
Yes.
Consume 1 maryquanas and get a speed bonus
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1066327
Fuck it, activate demonic mind powers and erase cops from existance
>>
>>1066329
"Yea okay. Just hold on, I'll evade the cops"
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1066333
Pass the blunt man, you cant leave Mark hanging
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1066333
oh shit umm use umm ifrit! I dunno I'm high!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)
>>1066333
Now that things are dank, they are also damp, therefore the police will slip off the road in 3...2...1
>>
>>1066335
"wuh oh"
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1066343
This enhances Mark's driving skill and allows him to get away from the cops
>>
>>1066345
Like, woooooooooah, duuude
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1066349
oh shit we are here
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1066351
Mark smoothly dodges the goblin and parks the car.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1066351
Flip the car over your cousin and while up in the air over your cousin pass him the blunt AND the happy m- I mean dick enlarger
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1066359
Give him his large meal and ask for entry inside stripclub
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1066359
like a glove
>>
>>1066363
"I KNOW RIGHT?! HAH!"
Note: mark kept these gloves inside his car just so he could do this whenever somebody says "like a glove"
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1066372
Get a call from your little sister
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1066372
Give the manlet his meal and enter the strip club you would like a saloon in the old west.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1066372
Ask if those are fingerless gloves or if the fingers are colored differently from the rest of the glove
>>
>>1066375
"Ey! I think your cousin's out cold, man"
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1066382
Slap him on the back, he's fine
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1066382
Looks like you need to take over his bouncer duties for now
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066382
Give 'im a firm shake. That always used to work back then
>>
>>1066388
"How firm are we talking here?"
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1066393
Vertical three times, horizontal once, and then counterclockwise twice. Worked when he was little.
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1066393
Firmer than my ass cheeks
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1066393
Like when i tried to make sesame sauce that time the blender was busted
>>
Rolled 173 (1d300)
>>1066394
AND NOW, you are rolling for Zippo, Orc-san's cousin
Roll 2d100. Beat Mark's roll to stay alive
>>
Rolled 49, 9 = 58 (2d100)
>>1066405
F
>>
>>1066405
But op u rolled d300
>>
>>
Rolled 54, 68 = 122 (2d100)
>>1066405
>>
Rolled 77, 57 = 134 (2d100)
>>1066405
>>
>>
Rolled 86, 70 = 156 (2d100)
>>1066405
C'mon zippo, there's plenty of fuel left in ye.
>>
>>1066413
*shake shake shake*
*crack*
"....fuck"
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1066419
better go inside before the cops show up
>>
>>1066419
"Dude. Did you just kill my cousin?"
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1066419
is he ok?
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
Need a puff?
>>
>>1066420
"Why YES! Of course! Wouldn't want the cops to catch us...for...SPEEDING AND DRIFTING!, YES!"
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1066425
Carry the body with you and act like he's passed out, this should hide the crime
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1066425
Don't worry, you secretly learned the noble art of necromancing from your ancestors, animate the dead body
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1066425
camoflage the car and drive normally out of there
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1066425
Oh my bad, gave you the wrong combination of shakes.
>>
>>1066432
"Yes, maybe. Now go on in first, I'll be right after you"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1066437
>Bring the Manlet, He seems drunk. I'll help you carry him
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1066437
Notice the smell of death
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1066437
Alright, time to go into the club
>>
>>1066442
ayy
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1066448
Wield the club as your weapon too
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1066448
Is that the invisible man holding a club... And hes naked?!
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1066448
you need to go BETWEEN clubs tho
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066453
Just bite your way through
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1066453
Now let's go inside the strip club like some dude who goes into strip clubs...
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1066453
DUAL WIELD!
>>
>>1066454
Chomp
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>1066458
I know, swagger your way in to the clubs hearts
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1066458
Grab the clubs so you can dual wield them
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1066458
Allright now go inside the stripclub as in the building
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>1066467
excellent now chain them together and make some Club Chucks
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1066467
get back to the actual story
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1066467
Contemplate suicide
>>
>>1066471
Well okay, once upon a time, there was this...wait, hold up, your phone's ringing.
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1066473
Answer your phone, Orc-san
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1066473
Punch your own face.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1066473
wait this story just got good! I was about to see what was there!
alright answer the phone....
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1066473
answer your phone and wave a cop to the scene.
Your cousin died. It's time for due process
>>
>>1066477
AND NOW, ROLL 2d10 to see which plot thread are we getting into
1 - Your sister has been kidnapped
2 - Your ex is being abused by her new elf bf
3 - Mark has been kidnapped by the Goblin mafia
4 - The Barbs are attacking your bar
5 - A gang war is brewing in your side of town so your bar is caught in the crossfire
6 - The place you and Mark were staying at burned down
7 - Love-Love Orc-Chan is coming to town
8 - Some guy called your waifu, Love-Love Orc-Chan, a shit
9 - Your brother has been kidnapped
10 - Your boss back at the bar has been murdered, who's gonna pay you now?!
>>
Rolled 5, 1 = 6 (2d10)
>>1066482
wheeeee
>>
Rolled 3, 10 = 13 (2d10)
>>1066482
Rollan rollan rollan wheeeee
>>
>>1066483
WORST storyline.
>>
>>1066489
then vote stupid
>>
>>1066490
worst suggestion
>>
Rolled 9, 3 = 12 (2d10)
>>1066482
>>
>>1066494
"Hello Mr. Orc-san, we have your friend"
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1066498
aw shit
we've gotta save Mark
ask them what we need to do to get him back
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1066498
"You pendejo! You killed my cousin! How dare you!"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1066498
Could you do me a favour?
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1066498
Scream angrily at the phone.
>>
>>1066503
"Indeed he did, Orc-san. Which is why he must be punished for his crime against goblin-kind. I'm sure you'll understand, being a fellow green-skin"
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>1066507
I do understand, but you have to understand that I have to call the police.
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1066507
well shit
goodbye mark, he did kill our family after all
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1066507
aw common does he really have to die? you know mark was only fooling
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1066507
Bargain for Mark's release using advantage of the goblins jewness
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1066507
Oh hi Mark.
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)
>>1066507
No can do, he owes me $3.50
>>
>>1066509
"Oh yeah, sorry man, he said goodbye. Something about you killing his cousin"
"Whaaat, it was an accident"
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1066515
Orcus Christ, call the police!
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1066515
What a dick
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1066515
It was all a ruse allowing you to sneak behind goblins
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1066515
waaaaay don't do it
>>
>>1066515
Rescue Mark anyways because that guy owe you $3.50
>>
>>1066517
"This is the police, what's the emergency?"
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1066525
"my friend has been kidnapped by the goblin mafia."
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1066525
nyergh
My friend who owe me $3.50 got kidnapped by the goblin mafia, now how am I gonna pay the Loch Ness monster?
>>
>>1066527
"Have you tried finding a job"
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1066530
ok this isn't working, time to go see the goblin mafia
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1066530
Send me an officer at least! He can help!
>>
>>1066531
"EY! WE'RE AT THE ABANDONED WAREHOUSE DOWN AT THE DOCKS!"
"Uh no, we're not, don't pay attention to him, bye"
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1066534
go there, post haste
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1066534
Even tho Mark is a dick, go and save him
At least that would be a good excuse for boss about why you are skipping on your job today.
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1066534
>tell the Orc-cops elves are causing problems at the Abadoned warehouse at the docks using Golbins.
>>
>>1066535
Ah good, let's take Mark's car that they conveniently left behind.
But...you don't know how to drive, which was why mark had to drive you everywhere
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1066546
well it's time to learn by doing!
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1066546
Ride it as skateboard.
>>
>>1066550
Hmm, doesn;t seem to be working
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>1066554
ask for passerby to give you a pushfrom the hill
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1066554
Read a small booklet on driving and then drive
>>
>>1066557
Good thing Mark keeps this in his car. In fact, Mark keeps alot of random crap in his car for some reason
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1066560
Start up your engines!
Reeeeeeeeeeeady? seeeeeeeeeet? GO!
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1066560
Put on eurobeat and drive off
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066560
it's a Flintstones book, of course! You know what to do op...
>>
>>1066565
Hopefully saving his life means Mark won't make you pay for repairs
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1066568
turns out warehouse was basically next down the street building
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1066568
50 minutes later
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1066568
Get pulled over by elven police for what they say is "illegal flintstoning"
>>
>>1066570
DUN DUN
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1066577
Knock politely on the door
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1066577
oh shit how do you we STOOOOPPP?!
>>
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Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1066577
RAM IT
OH YEAH
>>
>>1066581
"THE FUCK?!"
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1066584
BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1066584
Mfmmfmfmffmmmffmf!
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1066584
I am orctimus prime
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1066584
"YOU'VE BEEN NAUGHTY"
>>
>>1066586
"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!"
"GET THE GUNS!"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066594
use car on guns
>>
>>1066594
turn on the radio, listen to Kenny g to calm your nerves or to make it worse , you decide.
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1066595
"SHOOT HIM!"
Roll 2d100
You have a +30 car bonus
>>
Rolled 14, 66 = 80 (2d100)
>>1066600
guns are for pussies
>>
Rolled 34, 74 = 108 (2d100)
>>1066600
"I AM YOUR LEADER NOW!"
>>
>>1066601
[More goblin murder]
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1066608
Go free Mark once you mop up all the gobbos
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1066608
equip guns on car
use car with guns on goblinsas club
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1066608
driftaru
>>
>>1066612
"OH FUCK!"
"I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW US GOBLINS COULD BLEED THAT MUCH"
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1066617
Bathe in their blood and offer it as sacrifice to the almighty
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1066617
any goblins left?
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1066617
Suddenly a shoe salesman passes by.
>>
>>1066621
"Don't mind me, I have nothing to do with anything"
And so the shoe salesman disappeared into the void of irrelevant characters
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1066624
we will remember you, shoe salesman.
Become the leader of the remaingin goblin mafia
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1066624
>void
of course
it's not like he got confused for goblin anyway
That's what we tell to police - "in the void"
>>
>>1066630
Nigga what da hell are you talking about
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1066632
TRANSFORM
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1066632
mostly about hatred to irreveland characters
anyway - check the Mark status
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1066632
Shoe Salesman is actually an unknown ally of yours. (aka a stalker)
>>
>>1066635
YOu crash into the shady back room to check on Mark. Roll 2d100 for his status
1-10: very terrible
11-20: terrible
31-69: okay
70-89: pretty good
90-100: Great
>>
Rolled 97, 95 = 192 (2d100)
>>1066641
>>
Rolled 21, 70 = 91 (2d100)
>>1066641
>>
Rolled 40, 91 = 131 (2d100)
>>1066641
well it's MARK we are talking about
even if he is on fire, he is probably fine
still a dick tho
>>
>>1066643
wow, Mark must be just peachy. Maybe he worked out?
>>
>>1066651
probably set this up as a joke and oh how it back fired
>>
>>1066643
"Oh hey, wassup"
Mark has managed to seduce a bunch of high ranking goblin females. He is now the patriarch of the goblins
>>
>>1066652
>joke
that'd be
>1 - so dead he become a skeleton
>2- 99 terrible
>100 - great
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1066653
too bad you are still on autopilot of smashing goblins
F stands for Females
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1066653
cool. Mark's fine. And he's a goblin patriarch.
Ask Mark for money.
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1066653
I killed ur henchmen
>>
>>1066655
It does?! You always thought F stood for Fish
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1066660
you had PEGI version of Alphabet
loser
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1066660
Ask Mark to share
>>
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Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1066660
Introduce yourself to the goblin ladies as a gentleman.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1066660
Tell Mark you have to go to work
>>
>>1066662
Yeah you're a fucking loser!
Why are you calling yourself a loser
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1066669
Take Marks car and go back to your workplace
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1066669
grab mark and give him the most disapproving look you can give him. You know what Roll for that look.
>>
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1066669
because Mark is a dick
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1066670
only sane person.
>>
>>1066670
"See ya, Orc-san! And clean it when you're done, asshole!" Mark yells as you leave the warehouse so you can get back to work
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1066677
Mark always was such a dick
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1066677
Your jealousy of Mark is compromising your friendship with him
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1066677
we also should make an apointment with a psychologist. We've killed a lot of people.
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1066677
Smash the car into the local bar.
>>
>>1066679
"I know right? And now these goblin females are gonna feel how much of a dick I am too! Ifyaknowwhatimsayin.......What I'm saying is I'm going to stick my huge human shlong into them, in case you were wondering"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1066687
Allright THATS IT TURN IT AROUND AND RAM MARK
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1066687
so much for the strip club I guess... eh let's try one more time. Go to the strip club.
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1066687
I hope you'll end up in eternal flame
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1066687
I don't know what you're saying actually. How about you find some females to demonstrate.
>>
>>1066690
How do you turn in this thing
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1066694
Just get to work man.
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1066694
The same way flintstones turn
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1066694
The car transforms into mecha Mark.
>>
>>1066696
With wipe transitions?
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1066700
and time skips
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1066700
With ur dik
>>
>>1066703
You don't remember that in the Flintstones
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1066707
That was the +18 version you found in the trashcan of your local sex store
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1066707
oh shit we gotta pick up our pay check
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1066707
is it okay to not look at the road?
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1066707
Have Flintstones childhood flashbacks
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1066716
or what left of it
cause you skipped the work
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1066716
Skip forward until you're infront of your boss
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1066716
better talk to boss about a raise, I mean after call that goblin slaying we must have leveled up.
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1066716
Your boss is a talking chihuahua.
>>
>>1066718
"Hrrphm, it's that time of the month again isn't it"
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1066725
On your period again boss?
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1066725
wait, is our boss a devil?
Also ask him if he's on his period.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1066725
"Hey boss. Fuck you man."
>>
>>1066726
"Yeah. The exclamation mark was getting uncomfortable"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1066733
Try to form a friendship with your boss since you lost your only friend Mark
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1066733
ask boss does he knows Mark?
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>1066733
Well my roomie killed my cuz.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1066733
well I just experienced a great tragedy and I feel emotionally unstable right now. I could really use a hug
>>
>>1066738
"Hmm hmm, tough. I remember when my cousin died too. Took me like half an hour."
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1066740
Ask if your boss could arrange a blind date for you
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1066740
complain about Mark
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1066744
oh please do this
>>
>>1066743
"You wanna date a blind girl?"
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1066752
blind girls are the cutest, boss
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>1066752
Why not, if you have a girl in mind
>>
>>1066755
"Why yes, of course, now let's see he-coughcough-thiscountsasapaymentsoidonthavetogiveyouyourmonthlysalaraynow-cough"
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1066752
Preferably a thicc one
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1066757
hey, we need to pay rent, finding a date for us won't give us money
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1066757
Boss picks one with huge muscles.
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1066757
Howabout you pay me for the month like usual and I'll set you up with Mark's hot mum in return
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1066757
I dont care about race, other than elves
>>
>>1066762
"Ah, this makes it even easier"
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1066765
Real girls please, I'm feeling down and I aint got time for jokes boss
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>1066765
do you realize that we're grieving? this is very insensitive
>>
>>1066768
"And why is that?"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1066772
because love love Orc chan needs money and I needs mah check!
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1066772
Cuz...
You know what? Know any assassin girls? I wanna get Mark back. With death.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1066772
Cause my roommate went hos before bros
>>
>>1066773
"Right right, forget the date, then. Gotta fund your Love-love Orc-chan memorabilia collection, aint that right."
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1066777
Zippo suddenly haunts your boss to deliver a most important quest... and makes sure your boss pays you.
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1066777
Cancel that, give date plz and lock in answer
>>
>>1066778
"OOOOooooohhhhh, yoouuuu muuust aaaveeeengeeee meeee, huuumaaannnn. And also pay my cousin"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1066784
well, how much money do we get?
>>
>>1066787
Roll 2d15000
>>
Rolled 12744, 8647 = 21391 (2d15000)
>>1066790
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1066784
I'll work overtime if you pay me and arrange a date for me. Also you will be avenged eventually Zippo
>>
Rolled 11893, 13150 = 25043 (2d15000)
>>1066790
inb4 nat 1
>>
Rolled 12023, 8861 = 20884 (2d15000)
>>1066790
>>
>>1066791
"Here, deducting your recent...shenanigans leave you with 8647$ this month"
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1066800
what should I do next boss?
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1066800
Shoe Salesman knocks on the window with the intent of aggressively selling his shoes.
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1066800
Go to a gun shop
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1066800
time to spend it on a NEW CAR
>>
>>1066806
"Now get back to work"
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1066812
looks like we're bouncing inside
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1066812
that's fucking stupid. You can't drive for shit. Invest it in the new dimension hopping technology so you can finally enter the dimension of waifus and shiet.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1066812
Scan the crowd for some elf manlet to plant drugs on and then rough up
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1066812
Your cuz takes 10%
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1066812
yeah, get back to work and start thinking about funeral costs.
>>
>>1066817
However you're gonna spend it doesn't matter right now. Since you still have work to do.
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1066826
Be on an aggressive look out for that Elf who stole your girl
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1066826
Did they clean the barb blood off the pavement yet?
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1066826
Look for blind girls to date
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1066826
Use our mystical Ork senses to detect any potential trouble makers
>>
>>1066828
But then again, after how you acted last time they were here, it's unlikely they'll be back
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1066826
work diligently and earnestly.
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1066832
Help a blind girl cross the street
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1066832
Woop! Who's than, someone's approaching the bar!
>>
Start eye fucking the nearest qt and hope she responds
>>
>>1066834
OH NO! A BLIND GIRL IS CROSSING THE STREET!
Roll 2d5 to see what race she is
1- Elf
2- Goblin
3- Dragon
4- Orc
5- Human
>>
Rolled 3, 4 = 7 (2d6)
>>1066839
>>
Rolled 1 (1d6)
>>1066839
WILDCARD
>>
Rolled 2, 3 = 5 (2d5)
>>1066839
>>
Rolled 5, 1 = 6 (2d5)
>>1066839
>>
Rolled 2, 2 = 4 (2d5)
>>1066839
Forgive me OP for I am Retard
>>
>>1066843
Ah yes, a blind elf girl
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1066845
Why did the blind elf girl cross the street?
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1066845
Help her cross the street
>>
>>1066846
"TO CLIMB ONTO MAH DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKKKKKKbut seriously though she probably just trying to go somewhere on the other side"
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1066852
Mark Im trying to get laid here
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1066852
hatch a plot to seduce blind elf girl and getting back to that elf who stole your girl by cucking him with his own race. This somehow all works in your mind.
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1066852
wait, did you just ram that elf chick with your car, mark?
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1066852
Help her out
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1066852
fuck off Mark
that's why I''m your only friend
>>
>>1066855
"If "my car" is a metaphor for "my penis" then YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIbut seriously though, no. I didn't even have my car, you took it and haven't give it back, remember? I had to walk all the way here. You still owe me repair money"
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1066860
Kill Mark.
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1066860
Didn't I save your sorry ass. That makes us even on the car thing.
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1066860
oh, just give him the amount of money it'll take to repair his car, we got money from the paycheck after all
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1066860
Not giving you any, fuck off
ask for money your new gobbo girfriends
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1066862
You crazy? we need someone to drive us around
>>
>>1066862
"Whoah hey, why the sudden hostility?"
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1066860
you killed my cousin!
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1066868
Stop hitting on my future gf u faggot
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1066868
turn that fist into a bird
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1066868
I risked my life for you and that's what I get?
>>
>>1066874
What?
>>
>>1066868
YOU KILLED MY COUSIN
>>
>>1066874
"Chill, brah"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1066880
Will you help me get it on with that blind elf chick then? I need it to get back from that elf
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1066880
alright, it's time to ask that elf girl on a 'blind' date
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1066880
I know what you did to my cousin
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1066880
Tell Mark to fuck off and talk to qt elf
>>
>>1066883
"Ba dum tish"
*ba dum tish*
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1066880
you killed my cousin
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1066888
go deal with blind elf gurl
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1066888
put on your most seductive face for this, even though she can't see you
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1066888
Ok now seriously talk to blind elf
>>
>>1066888
talk to elf
>>
>>1066891
"W-who's there?"
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1066901
You need help crossing the street cutie?
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1066901
ok watch this guy's I'm a smooth talker of the extreme.
"Sup girl, what you do to go so blind?"
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1066901
d-do you need someone to help you cross the street?
>>
>>1066903
"Oh, thanks, Mister. But I can cross it myself"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1066907
Do it anywaysand hold her hand
>>
>>1066907
remove her glasses, see her eyes
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1066907
Allright. You wanna go for a cup of tea later?
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)
>>1066907
Wanna go out?
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1066907
Would you be interested in dinner tonight?
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1066907
Throw Mark at a car to protect her
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1066907
Fuck off mark, you killed our cousin
>>
>>1066912
"Uh, no? Why would I? I don't even know you, mister"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1066919
lie and tell her "but it's me, the guy from class! Didn't you recognize my voice?"
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1066919
bluff your way into a date
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1066919
not yet, but I can tell about myself at the dinner
>>
>>1066919
ask where is she going
>>
>>1066925
"Yeah okay, you sound like a nice guy and all but I gotta get going, see ya"
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1066919
"I am very good."
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1066927
"Seriously though, I'm great"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1066927
Sorry, I'm new at this hitting on very hot girls thing.
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>1066927
Use your orc strength to grab her
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1066927
ask where is she going
>>
>>1066930
"Uh-huh, sure, well, g--"
"AYO, ELF BITCH! WHATCHU DOING IN A NEIGHBORHOOD LIKE DIS HUH?!"
"w-what?"
"YOU HEARD ME, KNIFE EARS. WE DON'T WELCOME NO ELF ROUND DESE HERE PARTS, YA HEARD?!"
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1066935
DON'T WORRY FAIR MAIDEN I'LL PROTECT YOU!
Get into a big pretend fight with Mark with tons of shouts of pain and violence
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1066935
punch mark
>>
>>1066936
dice god = cupid or just fucks around
turn in 10 more posts when hewill fuck everything
>>
>>1066936
"WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU STAND UP FOR THIS POOR DEFENSELESS DAMSEL LIKE SOME SORT OF HERO?! I DISAPPROVE OF THIS! HAVE AT THEE!"
*sounds of violence*
"GAH! YOU'RE STRONG! PERHAPS STRONG ENOUGH TO PROTECT THIS MAIDEN! BUT NO! THIS INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIP WILL NOT STAND, YOU HEAR ME?! I WILL FUCK THEE THE FUCK UP!"
*more violence sounds*
"AAAARRRGH! NO! YOU'RE TOO STRONG, BRAVE AND NOBLE HERO! I, A VILE SCOUNDREL IS NO MATCH FOR YOUR AMAZING AWESOMENESS!"
>>
>>1066941
Grab the elf girl and say "OH NO! HIS ARMY OF GOONS HAVE CAME AND STARTED TO SURROUND US! WE NEED TO ESCAPE. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE"
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1066941
10/10, too much Mark
Ignorant Theatrical Reviews
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1066941
Are you allright miss?
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1066941
says "nah we're just fucking with you, where are you going?"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1066941
mark's a good friend.
>>
>>1066944
"I-I..."
Roll 2d100 to see if it worked or not
90-100: Yes
60-89: Kinda
11-59: No
1-10: Fuck No
>>
Rolled 21, 31 = 52 (2d100)
>>1066950
>>
Rolled 41, 67 = 108 (2d100)
>>1066950
dice god, be cupid
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1066950
DICE GOOOOD LETS GOOOOO
>>
Rolled 45, 26 = 71 (2d100)
>>1066950
>>
>>1066955
you needa roll 2 1d100s
>>
>>1066957
Dice God looks at this roll in silent smugness
>>
Rolled 31, 90 = 121 (2d100)
>>1066950
>>
So we aint rerolling huh
>>
>>1066957
I feel quite silly
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1066963
no please. We are
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1066963
Dice god
still a dick
>>
>>1066963
yes re roll
>>
>>1066962
That second number pretty gud. But sadly that first one though
>>
Alright, so the reroll was made. BUtttt. Dice God prevails yet again.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1066969
common dice god, we killed goblins for this
>>
Rolled 28, 41 = 69 (2d100)
>>1066969
dice god pls
>>
Rolled 95, 99 = 194 (2d100)
>>1066969
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1066969
don't you wanna be a cupid dice godyou can always destroy their happiness afterwards
>>
>>1066975
that was the wrong roll muh bad
>>
>>1066978
awww but I never got to actually roll for dis. I was driving!
>>
>>1066957
"I.....CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD RESORT TO SUCH VIOLENCE, YOU RUFFIAN!"
"Wait what"
"THIS MAN WAS CLEARLY ONLY EXPRESSING HIS OPINION THROUGH VERBAL MEANS, YET YOU WENT STRAIGHT FOR A PHYSICAL CONFRONTATION, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF"
"What are you doing"
"ARE YOU ALRIGHT, MISTER DID THIS BRUTE HURT YOU TOO MUCH? CAN YOU WALK?!"
"Stop"
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1066985
what a tweest! lesson learn kids, never white Knight or even white orc.
>>
Rolled 12, 3 = 15 (2d100)
>>1066985
OH BOY IF YOU NOW GET WITH MARK I WOULDN'T CONSIDER THIS AN ACCEPTIBLE SECOND BEST AT ALL!
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1066988
normal rolls
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1066985
>Cockblocked by best friend once again
Oh well, at least 2D doesn't betray
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1066985
go to plan b. Pretend to be a new person by slightly changing your voice and claiming you're the guy that got beat up.
>>
>>1066992
Yes, yes, of course, 2D will never be-
"Sorry my loyal fans, but Love-Love Orc-Chan has a new human boyfriend now!"
Best not to think about that
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1066997
fuck all this
become a monk
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1066997
best not
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1066997
reveal love-love orc-chan secret lover silhouette
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1066997
walk away, now mark and our heart has betrayed us
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1067005
reroll
>>
>>1066999
Indeed
(in a different, more gravelly voice)"AH UH, YOU MUST HAVE MISTAKEN, THEN,UH, FAIR MAIDEN! FOR I AM THE ONE WHO USED VIOLENCE, YOU MUST HAVE MISTAKEN ME FOR THE WOUNDED ORC OVER THERE! GO! GO TO HIM!"
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1067017
no it doesn't feel right anymore.
Time for bouncing.
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1067017
clench butthole
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1067017
Play along with his plan
>>
>>1067024
Oh no, pain and agony
"SEE! I UH MEAN...HEAR?! THE ORC IS CLEARLY IN PAIN, QUICKLY NOW! GO TO HIM!"
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1067029
your drama club back at highschool would be proud of you
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1067029
we're pathetic
>>
>>1067030
AND NOW A FLASHBACK TO THE ACCLAIMED HIGHSCHOOL PLAY: DEATH OF AN ORC
"Oh no, I am slain"
THE END
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1067037
you were best at it
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1067037
soooo.. do we get laid?
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1067037
things are getting wierd. What sucks also you got a degree in theater.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1067037
no one as good as you
>>
>>1067039
AND NOW A FLASHBACK TO THE ACCLAIMED HIGHSCHOOL PLAY: DEFEAT OF A WRESTLER
"Bah gawd, I am defeated"
THE END
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1067048
The best in the entire world, actually
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1067048
you even got a gold trophy for that one
>>
>>1067048
college was full of dick heads
>>
>>1067051
Indeed, now, BACK IN NON-FLASHBACK LAND
"DAMNIT WOMAN! I'M THE BAD GUY! HE'S THE GOOD GUY, SO GO OVER THERE TO HAVE A TENDER MOMENT WITH HIM ALREADY"
"Mister please,you don't need to touch me with your big strong hands like that"
"YOU KNOW I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE HERO/VILLAIN CONFLICT, DO YOU JUST HAVE A HUMAN FETISH?"
Roll 2d100
1-59: yes
60-100: no
>>
Rolled 61, 87 = 148 (2d100)
>>1067057
>>
Rolled 54, 49 = 103 (2d100)
>>1067057
You know that would explain a lotHell maybe she's not even blind and just wearing sunglasses and carrying a cane.
>>
Rolled 24, 33 = 57 (2d100)
>>1067057
>>
>>1067059
"Uh, no"
"Oh good.....Waitaminute, then do you jsut hate orcs?"
Roll 2d100
1-59: yes
60-100: no
>>
Rolled 18, 84 = 102 (2d100)
>>1067067
>>
Rolled 25, 6 = 31 (2d100)
>>1067067
Feel a bad to be cucked
>>
Rolled 37, 63 = 100 (2d100)
>>1067067
>>
Rolled 14, 22 = 36 (2d100)
>>1067067
of course
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1067057
can we just go BACK TO WORK?
>>
Rolled 100, 39 = 139 (2d100)
>>1067067
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1067074
dice god why?
>>
>>1067075
can you blame dice god when anon just shouldn't have rolled?
>>
>>1067079
Yes, we should always blame things out of our contorl for our shortcomings
>>
>>1067074
"Yes, I hate those green skinned, pig faced brutes. I need a real human man in my life"
Dice God laughs at you
>>
>>1067079
>having blind elf gf
I'm pretty happy with roll
>>
>>1067074
Mark discovers that it is a male elf
>>
>>1067085
I see
>>
>>1067089
Dice God laughed so hard he forgot the pic too
>>
>>1067090
oh my bad then
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1067094
Mark discovers that it is a male elf from the boner rubbing on him
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1067094
one last time: go to work.
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1067094
fuck it, it was probably a male elf anyway.
>>
>>1067098
And so you did. You went back to your door, and continued to stand guard. While anger is brewing inside you.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1067105
Stare angry into the sunset
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1067105
Mark's a fucking tool.
He doesn't borrow us his hair.
He doesn't lend us money.
He killed our cousin (still not over that)
He stole our girl
and he's constantly a dick.
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1067105
then you decide to become a vigilante...
ORC-MAN! HE NEEDS NO ONE!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1067105
you continue standing guard.
>>
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1067112
Shit
>>
>>1067112
oh yeah, destroy our perfect rationalization of anger. Let us just have nobody to blame but us.
Are you mad? It's clearly Mark's fault.
>>
>>1067114
Ah yes, a dwarf
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)
>>1067105
Relieve anger by gaining ridiculously busty cowgirl waifu
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1067118
Arm Wrestle per custom before letting him in.
>>
>>
>>
>>1067125
doesnt matter, it's what makes op creative.
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1067124
FUCK
>>
>>1067126
sure, lets wait for him to give you the pun
>>
>>1067132
would be nice
>>
>>1067134
His power is having shitty luck.
He also forgot his costume at home.
The end.
>>
>>1067120
...WHO TELLS YOU TO BECOME ORC-MAN, HALF ORC, HALF MAN, WITH THE LOOKS OF AN ORC AND THE POWERS OF A MAN, WHICH IS...DOING ACCOUNTING WORK.
But that's dumb so you opted to squint your eyes to study the dwarf closely instead >>1067128
>>
>>1067136
Be here next time True Believersď
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1067137
are you trying to tell me something Op?
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1067137
but I'm bad with computers
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1067137
He's fine.
His company however seems shifty... *camera moves over, revealing who he is bringing*
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1067137
How good is his attire? We can't let any badly dresses randy just barge in.
He seems to be drunk already, he won't drink as much inside
>>
>>1067137
>fall in love
>>
>>1067146
Ah yes, the Dwarf named Shifty. wanted in 50 countries of illegal booze smuggling and public urination
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1067152
well the guy's wanted. Tell the first dwarf to come in and ask Shifty to step aside with you while you call the cops.
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1067152
shifty is the chosen one
>>
>>1067152
Give shifty the boot and call the police on them
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1067158
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>
>>1067157
let's play his game next
the adventures of shifty
>>
>>1067157
"Indeed, so now I must go, my people need me"
Note: Shifty died on the way back to his home planet
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1067166
become a monk
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1067166
Don't we all die, though?
Realize that death is eternal and seek immortal life through necromancy.
Conveniently, Mark must have some ancient Necro-tome in his car.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1067166
Check nearby streets for blind girls
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1067166
well let the dwarf in.
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1067166
ocular pat down
>>
>>1067173
The dwarf thanks you
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1067179
SLAP HIS FINE ASS
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1067179
an ogre drag-queen comes by.
They're a regular.
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1067179
Wonder if you should branch out to blind trap girls
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1067179
keep observing street
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1067179
dragon walks up
>>
>>1067187
"Wasssup, Orc-boy?"
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1067191
Ask if he knows and single blind girls and/or cute boys
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1067191
aw fuck no, he ain't getting in with those shoes.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1067191
not letting underages in, shoo kid
>>
>>1067193
"Come again? What does that have to do with anything? Besides, no dragon would want to hang with an orc, lmao"
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1067191
lets see some ID
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1067200
Yea idc my best friend just killed my cousin and cucked me, so give me blind girls or fuck off faggot
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1067203
WE SAY AS A JOKE
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>1067200
I won't let you in unless you hook me up with any cute waifus.
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1067207
>wanting to just go to work
why anon?
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1067200
>Giving backtalk to a bouncer
It's like you don't want to be left in
>>
>>1067211
dunno, it's kinda comfy. Kinda like playing farm simulator.
>>
>>1067203
The dragon laughs at you
"HAHAHAHA, first time I met an orc who admitted to being cucked, ahahaha, how did that happen? Hehehe?"
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1067216
She hated orcs, now do u got blind girls or not faget?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1067216
you're not getting in, yungon.
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>1067216
grab his tongue
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1067216
we pretended to have a big ass fight with sound effects then apparently the elf girl was intolerant against Orcs. You gonna help me out or what lizard?
>>
>>1067224
"PAHAHAHA, that's hilarious. And the fact that you're so desperate that you resorted to asking random strangers on the street if they knew any blind girls. Well, hehe, I do know some. And ya know what, Imma call them to meet cha. Mostly so I can observe you fail in person, lol"
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1067237
Thanks man. You're the kindest person to cross our path in a while
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1067237
go back to 8kun imageboards, fug
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1067237
Now we wait for our soon to be waifu
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1067237
"yeah, I feel very pathetic doing these things. Probably gonna try and stop them."
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1067237
thats my fetish
>>
>>1067248
and then you punch him in the dick.
>>
>>1067248
"Yeah sure fag, now lemme call one..."
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)
>>1067253
Also I'm an unconvicted murderer so if you end up pulling my leg I'll smash you to pulp and grind my wheels against it.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1067253
and we punch him in the dick.
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>1067253
tear his horns off
>>
>>1067258
"Yeah sure, and I'm the son of a crime boss and if you do that you will dragged by your balls down the street until you bleed to death. But enough bullshitting, she's picking up....Ey! Yeah, it's me. Why donchu come down the shady-ish Orcish dive bar in the slighty-crime-ridden part of town. Got this guy I wantchu to meet, yeah"
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1067268
Just friendly bantz m8
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1067268
reap his tongue off
he talks too much
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1067268
Shank him
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1067268
Wait patiently
>>
>>1067279
"Uh, thanks, I guess"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1067286
Mark of the Ninja him.
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1067286
>PC physical games
whoo, rarity
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1067286
So who's the girl u called over?
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1067286
ask dragon if our waifu is a pure qt
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1067286
Spit in his mouth when he laughs again
>>
>>1067268
>I'm the son of a crime boss
Is this shadowrun?
>>
>>1067292
We interrupt this adventure to take a moment to reminisce about dem good ol' days when PC games still get a physical release
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1067303
and now remember...STARFORCE COPY PROTECTION
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1067303
Now wait until the girl gets here
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1067303
I got a physical copy for a game as late as the original bindong of isaac. that was the time...
get styled up in a way we think dragons like it. Without dressing up as a dragon, that is.
>>
>>1067307
BUt then again, Orcs lived in an area where everything was a bootleg, even the physical discs. But hey, more waxing of nostalgia, like this old looking install screen.
This has been another trip down nostalgia lane with Orc-san
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1067318
Use some deodorant, you smell like an orc
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1067318
nostalgia trips are more fun than this dragon fag
keep going down
remember more
>>
>>1067323
Oh man, remember the LAN parties, those were the best. You and all your friends together, playing rounds after rounds of quake and doom, with some starcraft sprinkled in betweeen. Oh maaaaan, those were the days....Now everybody's got job and shit so nobody has time for stuff like that anymore.....I mean, you can still play online but that doesn't have that magical feeling of being in a sweaty room full of nerds
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1067346
Holy shit WAKE UP QUICK
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1067346
oh man, remember when WoW was fun? keep membering
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1067346
Who cursed Mark with the blind chick magnet?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1067346
keep going
>>
>>1067353
OH WELL DONE MISTER, GREAT ROLLING FOR MARK'S BLINDCHICKMAGNETNESS.
>>
>>1067357
IT'S A MYSTERY DAMN IT!
MYSTERIES NEED TO BE SOLVED!
>>
>>1067359
OH WELL DONE SOLVING IT THEN, YOU SOLVED IT BY GIVING MARK A CASANOVA CURSE RELATED EXACTLY TO THE GIRLS WE LIKE
>>
>>1067357
ur the one who cockblocked us in the first place
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1067364
Hey is that a monkey behind you?
>>
>>1067353
FLASHBACK, TO Mark's DARK AND TROUBLED PAST
"I CURSE YOU WITH THE ABILITY TO ATTRACT BLIND GIRLS MARK!"
"But why? That's an oddly specific type-a curse"
"Dunno, I thought it'd be funny"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1067369
we need a different kink. I propose girls with okay noses.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1067369
Waddle up to Mark and the girls and as wassup
>>
>>1067374
"IN FACT, I WILL CURSE YOU WITH THE POWER TO ATTRACT ANY KIND OF FEMALE YOUR FUTURE ROOM MATE MIGHT BE ATTRACTED TO"
"....why? How do you know I'll get a room mate?"
"Dunno, just a guess. Plus It's gonna be hilarious down the line, trust me"
"For whom?"
"Me, mostly"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1067385
WHO IS THIS GHOSTLY FIGURE
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1067385
Return to reality
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1067385
damnit, Mark I'm sorry to tell you this but we're no longer room mates. Get out.
>>
>>1067391
"Okay, lady, the bar's over there across the street, you can go now"
"Yeah, the guy I told you about is the bouncer over there"
"Eh, I like this one more. I prefer his rugged countenance"
"EYO WHO SAID THAT"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1067406
Our quest is clear, we need to beat the shit out of the guy who cursed Mark. After we finish our shift
>>
>>1067408
damnit dice god. This is like the 5th low roll I had?
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1067406
Fuck, we only have one option left. Find the barbs and ask if they have a blind barb chick
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1067406
A hen do of halflings, already half drunk trys to get into the club.
>>
>>1067410
Dice God dislikes you in particular for no reason
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1067413
was it because I rolled a 100 earlier?
>>
>>1067412
"Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Orc-dude, Orc-man, Orc-guy, Orc-arino, my man da Orc, El Green Skin, how bout chu lemme me and my friend here into ya fine eshtablishelementetetenetetnent...ent? eh?"
"Yeeeeeeah man, we be halflings, ya heard? Woop!"
"We're like the manlets!"
"Except better looking and hairier!"
"so infact, we're nothing like them, lol"
>>1067414
Very possibly
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1067426
I'll let u in if u gimme a blind girls phone number
>>
>>1067426
it's a stag do instead apparently. Well that's less conflicting. They're just not getting in.
>>
>>1067438
Just dont let any girls meet Mark and its k
>>
>>1067436
No that's still a hen do. Halfling women are just as hairy as the men.
>>
>>1067441
Oh right. I change my vote to flirting reluctantly.
>>
>>1067433
"Heehee, whatchu want a blind girl's number fo?"
"Yeah, what do blind girls got that we don? HMMMMM?"
"Plus how would she even dial back? Lol?"
"I dunno, maybe she can use braille"
"They have phones with braille?"
"Bitch I dunno, I aint blind"
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1067453
they're not extremely hairy for one thing. And they can ignore my physical features and see my innate goodness of being. Now you gonna help me get laid or what?
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1067453
yeah no, you'll do.
>>
>>1067456
oh thank Dice God. I was beginning to doubt you.
>>
>>1067460
No, don't fall for his tricks, he's jsut trying to get you into bed with him
>>
>>1067456
"LAID?!"
"WHAT ARE YOU?...A CHICKEN?!"
[annoying high-pitched laughter]
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1067474
Okay, you can't get into the club since noone's gonna buy you any drinks.
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1067474
I've had a rough day and I'm not in the mood for jokes. So gimme a blind girls number or get outta here.
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>1067474
refuse to let them in for being too drunk and mean.
>>
>>1067486
"Wellllllllllllllll toooo badddd. We don't know any"
"Guess we're leaving then, thirsty orc-dude"
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1067495
as they go, more and more annoying halflings stream in.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1067495
Call your buddies and JET STREAM ATTACK those bastards!!!
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1067495
oh man I passed out there
>>
>>1067497
"Hey look! It's that thirsty orc!"
"Is he the same as that other orc who got cucked?"
"They're the same person, lol"
"Still can't get a date eh big guy?"
"Don't say that, it's extremely painful"
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1067511
use taser on short patrons.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)
>>1067511
for you
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1067511
Time for our snack time! It is a bucket of baked beans! We hope that hallfings don't mind our farting...
>>
>>1067521
"lmao look, he's trying to scare us away with farts"
"what kinda manchild tactic is that, lol"
"probably why he got cucked so much, hahaha"
"still smells like shit though, let's scram"
"yeah, my nostrils are bleeding"
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1067525
bounce halfings back into their rathole
via your powerful kick
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1067525
End your shift, go home and look for some blind girls profiles on fakbook
>>
>>1067527
[annoying high-pitched screams]
>>
>>1067525
fuck those halflings are perceptive. they immediately understood our intent.
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1067535
"Perfect workout for stress release!"
Duke Nukem
>>
>>1067535
look to see mark being buried in blind chicks. It looks like he's suffocating.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1067535
Keep bouncering until you meet a qt blind girl
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1067535
more and more halflings stream in.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1067535
You kicking them TWICE!!!
>>
>>1067542
And so you stand guard, hoping that a qt blind girl will come across, eventually.
AAaaaand that was a fun 14-ish hours. See you next time, whenever that is.
Updates: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
>>1067550
Ty op
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1067550
thanks for the bread, you glorious bastards
>still no Mark on fire
till the next time I guess
>>
>>1067550
was awesome
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1067550
seduce OP for moar quest
>>
>>1067632
You can't seduce OP
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