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Anonymous
Orc Bouncer Adventure 2017-01-11 05:50:34 Post No. 1031413
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Orc Bouncer Adventure 2017-01-11 05:50:34 Post No. 1031413
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Oh shit nigger you're an Orc. You're a bouncer for a shady-ish Orcish dive bar in the slighty-crime-ridden part of town.
An elf for some reason wants to enter the bar, what do you do?
Previous threads:
http://pastebin.com/sR3G3F2A
https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ici3zlnn9ytyy/ADVENTURES
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1031413
Charge him double to get in
>>
Politely ask what the fuck is an elf doing in this part of town
>>
>>1031413
"You know you're entering an orc bar right kid"?
>>
>>1031419
Nevermind I want this
>>
>>1031419
"There's an entry fee? To a bar?" the elf asked
Oh yeah forgot to mention, roll 1d100 whenever you do anything, the highest number gets picked
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1031431
Let him go in for free
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1031431
obviously there's an entry fee. elf n00b's never been to an orc bar before.
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1031431
"Only for you fucking amorphic pansy ass looking mother fucker you tree humper, you hippie little shit nugget. You're lucky I'm letting you in for the first place for your kind of people you knife eared piece of horseshit."
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1031431
Charge him triple for his elvish insolence:
>>
>>1031438
"Hah! Noob!" Yelled a human gang member from accross the street
>>
>>1031451
See told ya
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1031451
Punch ourselves in the face
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1031451
not cool. we're the only one who gets to neg our patrons. strike an intimidating pose.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1031451
Offer to waive the fee for a special favor
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1031451
Charge him triple or tell him to fug off
>>
>>1031468
"Triple of what?"
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1031477
Nothing
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1031477
The total is 3 sincere compliments, ignorant elf scum.
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1031477
Gold. 300 gold or get the fug out
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1031477
The wall just got 10 feet taller
>>
>>1031480
"Wait, gold?"
"LMAO HE DOESN'T USE PAPER MONEY, FUCKING ORCS STILL STUCK IN THE DARK AGES" the gang member offered his humble opinion
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1031490
Beat the shit out of that human gang memeber
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1031482
invite gang member in for free
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1031490
Tell the Elf he needs to fight the gang member if he wants to get in
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1031490
Alright, gotta pay the troll toll now.
>Point him to the back ally with a hung troll who can let anyone in if that give him that boys hole of theirs.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1031490
Insult the human's outdated fashion sense.
>>
>>1031497
"Are you serious? Just to get into a shitty Orc bar?"
"YEAH COME ON FAG, I'LL FUCK YOU UP"
>>
>>1031507
Just kidding man. Come in and enjoy some hot orc ladies.
>>
>>
>>1031507
Help the elf beat up the racist and homophobic gangster, then let the elf in for free.
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1031511
rollan
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1031519
This
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1031519
Rolling
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1031507
Yeah seriously
>>
>>1031524
"Thanks. I was gonna do that in the first place"
"LMAO, ELF LOVER. YOU SUCK, ORC."
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1031538
Activate hidden trap infront of the entrance to kill the elf.
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1031538
provoke the human to walk across the street. maybe we'll get lucky and he'll get hit by a bus.
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1031538
Getting real tired of this guy's shit. Walk over, take off his stupid little hat, put it on, and mock him by mimicking his voice.
>>
>>1031545
"OOGA BOOGA ME STUPID GANG MEMBER, OOGA BOOGA ME RACIST TO HIDE ME OWN CRIPPLING INSECURITIES" you yelled
"HEY! I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT!"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1031554
Offer him a free beer at the bar if he joins up with you and becomes a bouncer.
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1031554
Stuff him in a trashcan and keep the hat. Also, tell him you're his new stepdad.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1031554
Tell him to get lost and keep the actually pretty cool hat.
>>
>>1031559
This
>>
>>1031557
"Well, depends. Is there a good dental plan you green skinned shit sucker?"
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1031571
Display your shiny tusks at him for proof.
>>
>>1031569
Why can't I figure out how to roll
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1031571
Tell him it's really good and the pay is high (it's not).
>>
>>1031581
dice+1d100 in options field
>>
>>1031581
put dice+1d100 in the options box, friend
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1031581
dice+1d100 in the Options field
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1031573
Attempting to stuff him into a trash can and claim to be his new stepdad
Roll 2d100. The first number is the pickings number. The second number needs to be higher then mine to win, should be simple enough
>>
Rolled 87, 40 = 127 (2d100)
>>1031593
>>
>>1031593
Whoops, captcha ate my pic
>>
Rolled 81, 41 = 122 (2d100)
>>1031593
get rekt son
>>
Ok
>>
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>>1031601
>>
>>1031607
Caps? Try all lowercase
>>
Rolled 8, 67 = 75 (2d100)
>>1031593
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1031607
nigga wat
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1031607
>>
>>1031597
"FUCK OFF" he yelled as he punched you in retaliation
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1031627
Call for backup
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1031627
okay our new dipshit son can't treat us this way. time to power up and kick his ass.
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1031627
Slam his face against your knee
>>
>>1031633
You can have it if we win
>>
>>1031638
Thanks, friend.
>>
>>1031632
Attempting to call the indoor bouncer
>>
>>1031648
Whoops forgot pic
>>
>>1031648
Yeah he's busy
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1031648
Fuck that, don't be a pussy and fight him 1v1
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)
>>1031652
Calm the situation by complimenting the comforting fit of his hat.
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1031671
we're so much bigger than this little shit. just pound him into the ground already.
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1031677
Roll 2d100
You get a +4 big guy bonus
>>
Rolled 27, 89 = 116 (2d100)
>>1031690
Geez this guy's tough
>>
Rolled 46, 91 = 137 (2d100)
>>1031690
>>
Rolled 33, 41 = 74 (2d100)
>>1031690
yee
>>
>>1031696
Ker-slam
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1031711
Go for a 200 hit combo
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1031711
Welp, back to business as usual. Call someone to clean the mess up and hope we didn't start a gang war.
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1031714
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 48, 6 = 54 (2d100)
>>1031734
CHAIN COMBO
>>
Rolled 25, 80 = 105 (2d100)
>>1031734
>>
Rolled 47, 69 = 116 (2d100)
>>1031734
time to dish out some fatherly discipline
>>
Rolled 62, 7 = 69 (2d100)
>>1031734
Still big guy bonus right?
>>
>>1031741
Yes.But that didn't help this time as he kicked you in the gut, interrupting your sick 200 hit combo
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1031748
Open his stat window and explain to him why taking on a higher level enemy is a bad move.
>>
>>1031748
>>1031749
Damnnit, that's way too many picture mistakes today.
Anyway you tell him that you're way outta his league
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1031757
call his mom, your wife, for backup
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1031757
Tell him you'll let him go if he stops being a faggot
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1031757
Check my own class and affiliation
(I'm leaving after this)
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1031757
what are our stats?
>>
>>1031768
"How about I let YOU go if you stop being a green skinned elf loving cuck?"
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1031781
The bar is only a trap to get fresh elf meat for the orcs.
>>
>>1031788
You have a wife? I thought you were living alone in a shitty apartment
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1031794
You don't have a wife but you have a waifu
>>
>>1031798
AH yes of course. Love-love Orc-chan from the series of the same name.
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1031812
Discuss waifus with the barb to establish common ground
>>
>>1031819
Immediately it devolves into arguing over who is best girl: Love-love Orc-chan or Love-Love Barb-chan
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1031829
They're both good waifus.
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1031829
Is your shift over? maybe you can take this argument inside the bar and continue it over a beer.
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1031829
>>Your waifu a shit
Go John Cena on his ass
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>1031833
This
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1031836
Roll 2d100 to give him an attitude ajustment
You both get a +50 fighting for waifus honor bonus
>>
Rolled 76, 2 = 78 (2d100)
>>1031859
>>
Rolled 12, 27 = 39 (2d100)
>>1031859
FUCK YOU
LOVE-LOVE ORC-CHAN IS SUPERIOR
>>
Rolled 49, 22 = 71 (2d100)
>>1031859
let's do it for Love Love Orc-chan!
>>
Rolled 47, 79 = 126 (2d100)
>>1031859
>>
>>1031861
>>1031863
>>1031867
Your waifu looks at you disapprovingly
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1031886
Stop this shit and go back to being a bouncer before you're fired
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1031886
There's no choice then
We have to use our secret move
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>1031886
jesus christ. let's just skulk away to the bar and have a drink already. this is legit shameful.
>>
>>1031889
No! Not the secret Orc Punch!
>>
Rolled 544 (1d1000)
>>1031895
DO IT
OUR REPUTATION IS ON THE LINE HERE
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1031895
Activate orc berserk and use orc punch
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1031895
do a dazzling pose to get psyched and intimidate
>>
>>1031903
Ah yes, the dangerous forbidden technique Orc Punch has been unleashed.
You twist your body, angrily yell out ORC PUNCH, and thenkicked him in the dick
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1031926
We've had enough of this guy, tear his head off
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1031926
Glorious orc weeb tactics at work
your grandpa - one punch orc would be proud
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1031926
Tattoo "Herbert" on his forehead while he's out!
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1031946
Now you can go back to bouncering
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1031946
yep, bouncing time again.
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1031946
leave him in a trashcan and go check on the elf inside. that knife-ear might be causing trouble.
>>
>>1031952
that IS part of bouncering.
>>
>>1031955
okay, yes, this is true.
>>
>>1031952
"Huh? Oh hey, is it time to switch shifts already?" asked the indoor bouncer as you enter
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1031958
Bluff your way inside and say yes
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1031958
what year is it
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1031958
"just checking up on a knife ear"
>>
>>1031969
nvm we're not racist, forgot
>>
>>1031982
It's not racist. Elves aren't really people.
>>
>>1032083
this
>>
OP is ded
Everyone start a shitstorm of salt contained in this thread to revive him
>>
>>1032427
I'm annoyed
>>
>>1031413
lol are you a Nomic player?
The art style is familiar
>>
>>1032427
>REEEEEEEEEEEE
>DRAGONS ARE UNDERPOWERED
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>
>>1032427
>hurr hurr, i'm a barbarian, i'm better than everybody.
>>
>>1032427
Elves are the only reasonable batch in this thing. Also all Barbarians deserve a trip to Siberian winter camps.
>>
>>1032427
Orcs are da greatest
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
Number is my hatred of barbarians on a 1-100 scale. 1 is acceptance, 100 is genocidal urges.
>>
>>1032753
Your in with the rest of us.
>>
>>1032753
I understand you too well, brother.
>>
>>1031958
Start a conversation about elf slaves with the other orc bouncer.
>>
>>
>>1032753
praise kek
>>
OP is kill?
>>
>>1035003
OP's internet is kill
>>
>>1031958
Take 5 and see what's going on in da club
>>
http://tuoitrenews.vn/society/39036/vietnams-internet-to-remain-slow-until-february-7-carriers
FUCK. ONE MONTH UNTIL OP COMES BACK? Move out of Viet Nam NaP
>>
>>1041945
#slowinternetvietnamesepatriotism
>>
>>1041945
OP was in 'Nam?
>>
>>1042142
Yes
>>
Well there's a new quest.
Fix the underwater cable sub adventure to unfuck Vietnam's internet.
>>
>>1042751
Have they tried unplugging it and plugging it back in?
>>
>>1042751
OR
Kidnap OP and bring him into another country
>>
File: 1455343423769.jpg (247KB, 757x720px) Image search:
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test
>>
Right, where were we again?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1051784
Tell him that it's time to switch shifts.
>>
>>1051792
"Alright then, keep an eye out for overtly rowdy patrons"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)
>>1051805
Look for that elf faggot so we can beat him up
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1051805
Commit sudoku
>>
>>1051816
Man, you have no idea what you're doing here
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1051836
explain the rules to us
>>
>>1051841
You asked one of the nearby patrons to explain the rules to you. He responds with a definitive "What?"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)
>>1051871
Force the elf to solve it. He doesnt even belong here
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1051871
Ask this guy's name
he might be important later
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)
>>1051871
Our boss should know
Ask him when the work day is over
>>
>>1051880
"Grogmar Jones"
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1051912
Thanks
Enjoy your drink
now, look for that elf
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1051912
Nope. Not important
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1051912
buy him a drink
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1051943
buy all of them a drink
>>
>>1051952
And so you did. You felt pretty good about your random act of generosity.
Your wallet less so.
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1051978
get back to the main objective, finding that elf
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1051978
Drink with them till morning and become best friends ever
>>
>>1051988
Bartender be like "Don't you have a job to do?"
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1052025
Better get back to work before the manager gets mad at us
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1052025
What job?
>>
>>1052032
"Ya know, being a bouncer (also known as a doorman, door supervisor or cooler), a type of security guard, employed at venues such as bars, nightclubs, stripclubs or concerts. A bouncer's duties are to provide security, check legal age, to refuse entry for intoxicated persons, and to deal with aggressive behavior or non-compliance with statutory or establishment rules."
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1052052
Ask him if he has seen an Elf
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1052052
But I'm an artist in soul, I need a breather, man
>>
>>1052056
"You mean that one over there?"
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1052101
yeah. slipped thru my almost perfect guard while I was beating a crap out of more unsavory types
Is he making any trouble here? Got here to check on him
>>
>>1052114
"Eh, not really."
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1052135
Beat up the Elf anyway
He's hitting on your girl
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)
>>1052114
Was that manlet chatting up your little sister just now?
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1052135
You sure? I mean it's knife ears we talking about?
Also isn't that your daughter he hits on?
>>
>>1052149
Waitaminute, he is hitting on your girl! Your ...
Roll 2d5
1 - wife
2 - girlfriend
3 - ex-girlfriend
4 - sister
5 - daughter
>>
Rolled 3, 3 = 6 (2d5)
>>1052197
*imaginary
>>
>>1052192
fuck me
>>
Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d5)
>>1052197
WAIFU?
>>
>>1052206
Anon pls, we barely know eachother. You're moving this relationship way too fast
>>
Rolled 2, 2 = 4 (2d5)
>>1052197
>>
Rolled 3, 6 = 9 (2d6)
>>1052197
>>
>>1052205
Oh no. The elf is hitting on your ex
But uh, since she's your ex you must have gotten over her by now. Right?
>>
>>1052217
It was only a one night stand
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1052242
he still has my college jersey
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1052242No
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1052242
Yes. You're an adult orc and you have Love-Love Orc-chan now
>>
>>1052261
she*
>>
>>1052262
Well shit, you're angry now.
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1052287
This is why she left you.
It is also why she dated you.
Women are complicated.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1052287
Release an autistic screech to hopefully scare the elf away
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1052287
throw his drunk in his face
>>
>>1052300
Dice god never lies
>>
>>1052300
But what is she doing with an elf is another question
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)
>>1052321
Pulverize this bitch ass nigga Elf
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1052321
Shes trying to get fresh elf meat to eat, duh
>>
>>1052331
"Indeed she is. Only the freshest "elf meat" for my lady. Ifyaknowwhatimsayin, eyyyy"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1052346
Sucker punch him
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)
>>1052346
yeah, sure
>implying I don't know eating habits of my Ex
>>
>>1052358
"Yeah! And what she eats is SEMEN!"
Yelled the trash can from outside
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1052369
ORC PUNCH THIS ELF
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1052369
add one elf to the trash can
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1052369
Bring elf to kitchen and turn his vegan ass into a salad
>>
>>1052379
"Wooooah, calm down pal. She left you already. We've been dating for weeks now, okay. So how about you cool down, take a chill pill and all that jazz"
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1052412
Grab him by the throat
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)
>>1052412
take this trash in trashcan where it belongs
YOU ARE
YOU ARE MAD ABOUT ELVES
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1052428
attempting to grab elf
Roll 2d100
You get a +10 bonus
>>
Rolled 48, 47 = 95 (2d100)
>>1052458
THAT'S MY EX-GIRLFRIEND YOU TWINK
>>
Rolled 89, 32 = 121 (2d100)
>>1052458
>>
Rolled 1, 22 = 23 (2d100)
>>1052458
NP and his op rolls
>>
>>1052467
"Stop that"
Well shit
>>
Rolled 1, 64 = 65 (2d100)
>>1052458
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1052480
I want my jersey back!
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)
>>1052480
ask your ex why she is going out with an elf
smack the table too with both hands
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1052480
Fuck this shit, quit your job and go get drunk
>>
>>1052485
"Well MAYBE because he actually cares about me and doesn't go HURR DURR ELVES AND HUMANS SUCK HURR DURR LOVE LOVE ORC-CHAN DA BES HURR every 5 minutes!"
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1052499
YOU TAKE THAT BACK
LOVE LOVE ORC-CHAN IS CUTE
FLIP THE TABLE NOW
YOUR WAIFU IS BEING INSULTED
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1052499
walk away and say 3D was never for me anyway
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1052499
Huur duur is I love you in orc
you know if you were in touch with your orc heritage
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1052499
TEAR OF ELF DUDE'S SHIRT JUST TO SHOW ELF'S TATOO OF LOVE LOVE ELF-KUN
HE IS A FAGGOT IN DISGUISE
>>
>>1052513
"Woah hey why do you wanna tear of my shirt for, that's pretty gay, bro"
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1052527
because you are hiding something!
My orc senses never lie
ROLL THE DICE!
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1052527
I thought a majority of elves were gay you closeminded shitstain
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1052527
FLIP THE TABLE
>>
>>1052533
*rimshot*
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1052543
AND WHAT DOES IT LAND ON?
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1052543
Dice god, give us your judgemnt, on scale of saint 1d100 and elf's rolled 1d6 - how big that of a faggot is that elf
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1052543
snake eye!
I knew you were lying.
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1052543
3 or less I win 4 or more u win fair trade
>>
>>1052554
Hurtful
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1052564
FLIP THE TABLE
>>
>>1052567
Nyeeh
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1052582
NOW SMASH THE ELF'S FACE THROUGH THE TABLE WITH A PUNCH
AN ORC PUNCH THAT IS
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1052582
now catch it roll over it and grab your crotch
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1052582
flip it back, you don't want to get fired cause of pity jelaousy
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)
>>1052604
Do a pelvic thrust and dance
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1052604
indoor bouncer looks at your disapprovingly
>>
>>1052607
"Let's get outta here"
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)
>>1052641
then plot happens
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)
>>1052641
well shit
let's hope the manager doesn't yell at us
>>
>>1052652
Meanwhile, the manager looks at the security footage diapprovingly
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)
>>1052662
but is there an even greater evil watching our main character?
>>
>>1052669
MEANWHILE, AN EVEN GREATER EVIL WATCHES YOU FROM OUTSIDE
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1052682
they look like the same guy
is our manager the big bad?
go to his office
>>
>>1052682
and an even greater greater evil watches.
>>
>>1052697
AN EVEN GREATER GREATER EVIL WATCHES THE PROCEEDINGS FROM HIS LAPTOP
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1052715
Go see your manager
>>
>>1052715
get a call on cell some one kidnapped our daughter!
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1052724
>>
>>1052721
"Yes? Mister ..."
[Insert your name here]
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1052731
Wan
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1052731
Orc-san
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1052731
Wan-junior-junior
>>
>>1052735
"...Orc-san. I've seen the trouble you've caused for our patrons. And that was...unacceptable"
AND NOW, WHAT IS YOUR MANAGER? Roll 2d5 to find out
1 - Elf
2 - Goblin
3 - Dragon
4 - Orc
5 - Human
>>
Rolled 4, 5 = 9 (2d5)
>>1052758
he's a gobbo
>>
Rolled 69 (1d100)
>>1052758
blame elves
>>
Rolled 3, 1 = 4 (2d5)
>>1052758
>>
>>1052764
It's the king isn't it
>>
>>1052764
"Don't make me deduct your pay, Orc-san"
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1052783
apologize for our actions
we gotta pay the bills
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)
>>1052783
sorry sir, it's just this new tokyo Los Angeles setting, I'm just not used to it yet
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1052783
Pull off his mask
>>
>>1052789
"Then see to it that you do. Or you'll be moved down to janitor duty. Again. Now go back outside and do your job"
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1052808
Go back outside and do your job, switch shifts with that other Orc bouncer.
>>
>>1052808
Yes sir, was there any thing else sir?
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1052808
Mutter faggot under your breath while walking back
>>
>>1052815
You can hear a faint "Douche" whispered from the office
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1052826
Get back to work
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1052839
Suplex self and do a backflip at the same time
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)
>>1052839
More plot happens
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1052839
plot happens
>>
>>1052848
"EY! ASSHOLE!"
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1052850
WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT?
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1052850
throw can back
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1052850
Tell barb you're sorry
>>
>>1052853
"I DID, BITCH! THINK YOU CAN FUCK WITH THE BARBS?! IMMA CURBSTOMP YOUR GREEN SKINNED BITCHFACE!"
"YEAH! GET HIM BRO!"
Oh hey, that punk you shoved in the trash can brought backup
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)
>>1052874
time to show some orc-fu
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)
>>1052874
BARBS AIN'T SHIT
get the bouncer from inside to help out
>>
>>1052877
Battle stance n shit
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1052890
ONE INCH PUNCH!
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1052890
fuck him up
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1052890
Tell him Barb-chan is best girl in an attempt to calm him down
>>
>>1052897
"Well of course, that's a given"
"Yeah, good to see a green skin with some sense for once"
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1052909
Now kick him in the dong
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1052909
Bond over waifus
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)
>>1052909
That's it! Ding 'im in 'is dang dong!
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1052914
Attempting to kick him in the dong.
Roll 2d100
You get a +10 surprise bonus
He gets a +20 "protecting his bro" bonus
>>
Rolled 94, 71 = 165 (2d100)
>>1052939
>>
Rolled 15, 70 = 85 (2d100)
>>1052939
BARB-CHAN A SHIIIIIIIIIT
>>
Rolled 65, 52 = 117 (2d100)
>>1052939
Isnt it orc punch?
>>
>>1052948
Orc Punch requires you to yell out ORC PUNCH and pretends to punch first. This is just a normal dong kick
>>
>>1052945
"Ah, that's a cheap shot"
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1052963
USE YOUR OTHER FOOT
>>
>>1052963
THIS IS A CHEAP SHOT
use the other foot
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1052963
punch him
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)
>>1052966
Roll 2d100
You get a +5 lesser surprise bonus
He gets a +20 "protecting his bro" bonus
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1052977
Donk his Dinkelberg!
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1052977
Well fuck
>>
Rolled 27, 59 = 86 (2d100)
>>1052977
stop taking all the good rolls op
>>
Rolled 53, 25 = 78 (2d100)
>>1052984
er whoops forgot that it's 2d100, disregard the failed dink donk dash
>>
>>1052989
Ooh, he counters with his other knee
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1053002
counter counter with suplex
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1053002
GET MAD
NOT ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING YOUR ASS KICKED
BUT BECAUSE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND IS GOING OUT WITH AN ELF
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)
>>1053002
Use Elf as makeshift weaponry
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)
>>1053005
Roll 2d100
He gets a +20 "protecting his bro" bonus
>>
Rolled 23, 80 = 103 (2d100)
>>1053021
Wan wan
>>
Rolled 27, 75 = 102 (2d100)
>>1053021
WE GOTTA DO BETTER
>>
>>1053025
Too bad
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)
>>1053033
orc berserk him
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1053040
now suplex a train on him
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)
>>1053040
BREAK FREE OF THE HOLD AND GET AN AURA TOO TO SHOW HOW BADASS YOU ARE
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)
>>1053040
GET HUNGRY
>>
>>1053044
"Oooh, little green skin's showing off"
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1053047
NOW, ORC PUNCH!
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1053047
yeah orc punch
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)
>>1053048
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 83, 48 = 131 (2d100)
>>1053054
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN PUNCH
>>
Rolled 59, 87 = 146 (2d100)
>>1053054
>>
Rolled 20, 75 = 95 (2d100)
>>1053054
WAAN WAAN
>>
>>1053055
Ebin Battle
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)
>>1053062
BEAT UP HIS BRO TOO
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1053062
use this guy as a club and beat his bro with his own bro...BRO!
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1053062
Make sure he learned his lesson: don't stand up for douchey underlings
>>
>>1053065
"He...m-may...be...a douchey...underling.....But...HE'S MY DOUCHEY UNDERLING!"
Now it's his turn to tap into the rage
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)
>>1053069
quick, grab said douchey underling as human shield (and toss him madward)
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1053069
toss him in the dumpster
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1053072
Roll 2d100 to grab the other barb
>>
Rolled 46, 77 = 123 (2d100)
>>1053074
ORC GRAPPLE!
>>
>>1053075
"Wha-?!EY! LET GO! YOU HOMO!"
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)
>>1053081
now lift him and THROW him at the other BARB
>>
Rolled 44, 94 = 138 (2d100)
>>1053074
>>
>>1053083
Ker-plonk
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1053094
NOW LUNGE AT HIM WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED!
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)
>>1053095
Roll 2d100
He gets a +30 rage bonus
>>
Rolled 77, 58 = 135 (2d100)
>>1053099
fuck op we can't beat that
>>
Rolled 12, 10 = 22 (2d100)
>>1053099
nigga, we ain't winning that but I'm hoping for a Nat 100
>>
>>1053099
we get a rage bonus?
>>
>>1053103
I know, hoho
>>1053106
Yes, and it has already been subtracted from his current bonus.
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1053107
call back up, we got a drugged up barb out here
>>
>>1053109
"What? What's going on?!"
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)
>>1053115
HELP US OUT BRO
GET THE BARTENDER TOO
ORC PRIDE WORLD WIDE
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1053115
help us out senpai
>>
>>1053117
"OH SO THIS IS HOW IT'S GONNA BE HUH? FUCKING GREENSKINS! COME ON YOU FAGGOTS! I'LL FUCK YOU UP!"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1053123
USE YOUR SUPERIOR NUMBERS
HE AIN'T SHIT
HE'S A DUMBASS BARBARIAN
TRIPLEEEEEEEEE ORC PUNCH!
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1053123
Initiate JET STREAM ATTACK
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1053126
Roll 4d100
He gets a +30 rage bonus
You get a +10
Having 3 people, the best number from the 3 numbers after the first roll will be used for the result
>>
Rolled 5, 31, 9, 80 = 125 (4d100)
>>1053135
Jet Stream Attack - also known as the one whichnever works
Bring it on, Dice god.
>>
Rolled 78, 45, 13, 56 = 192 (4d100)
>>1053135
FUCKING BARBARIANS
GET OUT REEEEEEEEEE
>>
Rolled 87, 3, 64, 78 = 232 (4d100)
>>1053135
>>
>>1053148
"FUCK" yelled the barb as he is tackled by a train of orc meat
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1053152
choo choo, motherfucker
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1053152
BEAT HIM UP
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)
>>1053152
break his legs
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1053157
Roll 4d100
He gets a +30 rage bonus
>>
Rolled 36, 9, 97, 31 = 173 (4d100)
>>1053162
HE AIN'T SHIT
ATATATATATATATATATA
>>
File: IMG_20161105_115139.jpg (12KB, 300x300px) Image search:
[Google]
12KB, 300x300px
Rolled 75, 85, 31, 6 = 197 (4d100)
>tfw NaP created the 1st ever Team Skull
>>1053162
All Orcs punch his dick
>>
Rolled 47, 67, 15, 1 = 130 (4d100)
>>1053162
>>
Rolled 21, 22, 65, 9 = 117 (4d100)
>>1053162
Bartender, I believe in you
>>
>>1053162
so to beat this barb, we have to at least roll over a 100 once? or do we at least accumulate so damage?
>>
>>1053166
>tfw NaP created the 1st ever Team Skull
pardon?
>>1053170
I forgot to paste the
"You get a +10
Having 3 people, the best number from the 3 numbers after the first roll will be used for the result"
Same rules apply
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)
>>1053173
Whine about barbs being overpowered
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1053173
Orc Voltron!
form arm and legs
I'll form ... the head
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1053173
Stand up and stare into his eyes
Feel the clash of mannly spirts colliding and sending message "get out of my bar"
"Leave my bro alone"
Feel a new found respect for the barb bro
>>
I can't believe I'm just in time for a NaP thread.
>>
>>1053178
Well no actually
You are several days late
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)
>>1053181
Unleash your Stand!
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)
>>1053181
WE ROLL AS ONE NOW
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1053181
SPIN ATTACK!
>>
>>1053184
"Wait, doesn't that mean we lose our triple roll advantage?"
Roll 2d100
He gets a +30 rage bonus
You get a +10
>>
Rolled 83, 70 = 153 (2d100)
>>1053188
Doesn't matter, TRIPLE ORC FIST!
>>
Rolled 68, 55 = 123 (2d100)
>>1053188
WE'RE BETTER THAN HIM
>>
Rolled 11, 38 = 49 (2d100)
>>1053188
>>
Rolled 78, 96 = 174 (2d100)
>>1053188
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1053188
Whoops forgot my roll
>>
>>1053173
>fell asleep
Pokemon Sun and Moon. The villains were incompetant white thugs wearing skull hats
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1053194
call the Barbarians a derogatory term
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1053194
do the DANCE
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1053194
Oh shit
We finished our work day
Go out side and have a smoke, your ex got you into to them
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1053194
Okay, split up now
>>
>>1053195
their symbol was sick tho
>>
>>1053200
"Split up?! How can you say that?! We've been together so long, through thick and thin! How can we split up just like that!"
"Stop messing around"
"lmao"
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1053205
We get more dice rolls if we split up
it's a game mechanic
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1053205
The barbs come back with a four person combination
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)
>>1053205
Orc friendship wtf
stronger than any barbarian
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1053205
form blazing sword then
>>
>>1053208
"OH YEAH?! BEHOLD! BARB-TRON!"
My god
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1053212
ORC PUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)
>>1053212
>two piece gattai Barbtron
Outtaded piece of shit, did you watch your shitty Barren Barran again?
>>
>>1053218
nothing competes with Orcenn Orgaan. AMR?!
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1053221
>Orcenn Organn
that's not even real show, watch orG orG orG
>>
>>1053218
"Lmao, orcs think they know shit. Barren Barran is clearly superior to the shitshow that is Orcenn Orcann."
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)
>>1053224
Now you've done it
Special move:
ORCAAN HURRICANE
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1053224
the gobbo mech show is pretty good though
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1053224
RAGE REEEEEEEE MODE
TIME FOR GIGA DRILLARU
>>
>>1053223
it's so real!
OOrko is mahogany waifu!
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)
>>1053231
>watching cheap ripoff with waifus instead of Brave of Orcs series and other hotblooded shows
>>
>>1053232
how dare you Sir!
I have you know Orcenn Orcann brought back the style of Gettorc Rorcbo to a new generation! Go back to your Sailor Orc.
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)
>>1053238
now extend 4 fists and make Kaminorc Proud!
ROW ROW FIGHT THAT BARBA!
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1053238
USE THE MOMENTUM TO CREATE A DRILL!
>>
>>1053239
of course you would it just lacked one thing... A Standing ovation!
>>
>>1053243
...a standing wut?
>>
Rolled 510 (1d1000)
>>1053241
Roll 2d1000
You both get a +1000 WEEABOO NERDSSSS bonus
>>
>>1053246
my apologies, orcs are very bad spelliers
>>
Rolled 535, 530 = 1065 (2d1000)
>>1053248
WEEB OUT
BELIEVE IN OUR WAIFUS
BELIEVE IN SPIRAL POWER!
>>
Rolled 40, 375 = 415 (2d1000)
>>1053248
my love my anger and all ofor my drill!
>>
Rolled 334, 226 = 560 (2d1000)
>>1053248
I mean it's not like we fighting here will have any job future anyway, may go full weeb on barbs
>>
>>1053251
All 5 men were later arrested for noise complaints
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1053262
well shit
that's the end of being an orc bouncer
>>
>>1053262
Oh shit
Our boss may fire us
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)
>>1053265
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1053262
at least we took care of the problem
>>
>>1053263
NOt really, since somebody bailed you out the next day. But who could it be?!
Roll 2d5 to find out
1 - Your boss, who's using your pay this month to do it
2 - Some shady guy who wants to hire you as his bouncer instead
3 - Your orc brother
4 - Your goblin brotha from anotha motha
5 - Your human room mate
>>
Rolled 5, 5 = 10 (2d5)
>>1053271
oh shit, those all sounds like good choices
>>
Rolled 2, 1 = 3 (2d5)
>>1053271
>>
>>1053272
Ah yes, your good ol' room mate. Whom you suspect might be an ex-barb member
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)
>>1053279
nah, he's a cool dude
what's our roommate's name?
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1053279
good old what's his name...
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)
>>1053279
High five his ass
Then rant to blow off steam when you are in whatever form of transportation is in-style
>>
>>1053280
Insert name here
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)
>>1053283
'Mark'
LOCK IN
>>
>>1053284
Ah yes, good ol' Mark.
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1053290
what a dick, anyways let's go home
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)
>>1053290
let's stop at a strip club
>>
>>1053291
AND NOW, AWKWARD RIDE HOME
"So...what happened?"
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)
>>1053296
tell him everything that happened except the weeb part at the end, cause that's pretty embarrassing
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)
>>1053296
Usual stuff, Barbs at it again. meddling with my peaceful job as soon I got raise
>>
>>1053299
"Oh, so you got bothered by the Barbs gang again huh? And also you found out your ex is now with an elf?"
>>
>>1053306
she a bitch any way!
let's go to a titty bar!
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1053306
I'm gonna get my ex back, we'll find that Elf and beat his ass
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)
>>1053306
what's wrong with barbs anyway, can't they be.. normal? Like you?
>>
>>1053310
"So you want to go...spank him? "
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)
>>1053314
no homo
>>
>>1053314
You know what i mean bro
Us orca are so under-represented in this urban society even if we make up the vast majority of citizens
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1053318
>>
>>1053318
*orcs
>>
>>1053319
"First you want to spank some elf dude ass and now you wanna go look at birds? Is there something wrong bro? Something you wanna tell me? C'mon, this is a safe place, you can tell me."
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1053327
ok first off Orcas are whales
seconded, I either need to beat the shit out of an elf or go to a titty bar.
You decide mark!
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)
>>1053327
damn it, stop taking things so literally
we want to beat him up because he's been hitting on my ex
that's our quest
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1053327
My grandfather was murdered three months ago
>>
>>1053329
"Hitting on her?! Oh no! Then this elf is a domestic abuser! Quick! Call the police"
Mark pls, you always do this
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)
>>1053334
Let's just go look at naked ladies and drink beer Mark.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)
>>1053334
well now op has gone insane with mark. Better choose a different path guys.
Go to the gym
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1053334
Shut the fuck up Mark or I'll swear to god I'll fucking bury you five feet under
>>
>>1053337
"Five feet under? Why do you want people to step on me? Hah"
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)
>>1053344
oh look we are home
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)
>>1053344
Aren't you supposed to be driving?
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1053344
Kersmash
Into a stray dragon
>>
>>1053348
Moral of the story is: keep your eyes on the road, kids.
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1053353
oh well
go home anyway
dragons aren't important in this story
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)
>>1053353
Back to prison for wreckless driving. Bail out your roomie
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1053353
Get out of the car and give the dragon mouth to mouth CPR
>>
>>1053355
"No, wait. The police haven't made it here yet....So...They won't arrest me if there's no crime. And if there's no body....there's no crime..."
"I...am...still...a-live you...know" whimpered the dragon
"....that can be fixed"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1053359
BEAT THAT DRAGON UP WITH MARK
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)
>>1053359
Lets try the new dieties out. Who gains favor here?
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)
>>1053359
Use orcish healing saliva on the dragon, then knock him out to make him forget this ever happened
>>
>>1053363
"WAIT WAIT NO, I'M TOTALLY OKAY NOW, STOOOOOOPPPP"
"yeah okay, I was jsut messing with you with the homo thing. But now I'm not so sure" said Mark
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)
>>1053365
you are hero now!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1053365
K. Sorry. Can we go home?
>>
>>1053365
If this world brands two manly men exchanging body fluids as gay I won't live in it
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)
>>1053369
rolling
>>
>>1053367
[dragon yelling]
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)
>>1053373
You're welcome Mr. Dragon
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)
>>1053373
sir! sir! sir!
I'm a licensed bouncer
SIR SIR!
THIS WILL ALL BE OVER SOON
>>
>>1053376
"Just uh....close your eyes or look at the ceiling or something. It'll be over soon"
[continues to scream in dragonish]
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1053383
good thing I had milk today
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)
>>1053383
Just leave this dragon on the street, he's suffered enough
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)
>>1053383
What's your roommates waifu?
>>
>>1053385
"Welp, at least he's too traumatised to do anything now. Hopefully that also caused some terrible memories that he'll try his best to repress and not tell anybody"
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)
>>1053403
ok to the strip club!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1053403
Let's hit the gym Mark, you're not looking buff enough
>>
>>1053403
That was a tiny ass dragon
>>
>>1053405
"You know, I just thought of something. Since you're a bounce, if we get barred from entering the strip club by another bouncer, wouldn't it be funny? at least to me anyway. Speaking of being a bouncer, when's your next shift?"
>>
>>1053414
2 minutes, some one will cover me
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)
>>1053414
Whenever, I'm self employed
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1053414
Show the vehicle. , plz
"Tomorrow. Making overtime since those Barb assholes showed up
>>
>>1053416
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE BAR
"Soooo....you sure this is gonna work?"
"Yeah totally, it's the best plan ever, trust me."
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)
>>1053421
Mean while at the strip club!
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)
>>1053421
A man of jewish descent demands entry to the bar.
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1053421
ALRIGHT, LET'S FIND THAT ELF BASTARD
he's probably at the ex-girlfriend's house
>>
>>1053425
"so, how does stalking your ex and beating up her new boyfriend help?"
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)
>>1053430
I dunno. How is your car fixed. Just cuz, right? Let's do it.
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)
>>1053430
Mark you're not a disgusting elf lover are you?
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)
>>1053430
no the strip club that is where the elf is at
>>
>>1053433
"Nah, I'm all for beating up elves but do we have to do it at your ex's place? Seems kinda rude."
>>
>>1053440
you forgot something
>>
>>1053440
Captcha ate my image
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>1053442
you are right, let's do it at the strip club like I said, but this other voice won't shut the fuck up about my ex
SHE'S A WHORE MOVE ON OTHER VOICE
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)
>>1053440
My ex is a whiny bitch and fuckin deserves it, beating up that little faggot will teach her not to look for better men and get over me
>>
>>1053444
hey, it's a plot point
once we beat up the elf, we'll win the GF back, maybe
if not for showing that punk up
>>
>>1053447
so is going to the strip club and getting a new girlfriend to show off to our ex.
>>
>>1053444
Mark quietly contemplates about why do you have multiple voices in your head.
>>
Rolled 95 (1d100)
>>1053453
Ask Mark to negotiate with the Barbs for peace since he was a barb
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1053453
Hey Mark it's me, the other voice in your head....
crash the car... it will be amazing
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)
>>1053453
TO THE STRIP CLUB, MARK
>>
>>1053457
Go to my ex's house and beat up that elf
>>
>>1053455
"What? Me? A barb? Pffthhaha, nice joke. Oho, haha, hehe, that's rich. No way man, aha, I aint no barb....who told you that?"
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)
>>1053467
frank did, he shoots franks
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)
>>1053467
I saw you playing Barb-chan's new game
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)
>>1053467
We had a hunch, it's good to know that you aren't actually a barb, Mark.
>>
>>1053475
"Oh, pffft, that. I play all the -chan games, man. I played Love-Love-Orc-Chan Hypermax Deluxe Mania V3 Super Climax Edition too, does that mean I'm an Orc? C'mooonn"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)
>>1053482
See if saying Barb-chan is worst girl triggers him
>>
>>1053484
"Well I wouldn't put her THAT low"
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)
>>1053489
Tell me what a vagina looks like if you arnt a barb
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)
>>1053489
You know there's no secrets between us mane. If you were a barb just say it
>>
>>1053490
"It looks like ur mum"
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)
>>1053506
aha!
>>
>>1053510
"And like your mom, it looks pretty weird and disgusting up close but I'd still stick my dick in it"
>>
>>1053513
aha again! my mom is a mushroom!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)
>>1053513
I'm telling your mum you're being mean to me
>>
>>1053519
"Well maybe next time don't accuse people randomly"
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)
>>1053524
oh hey the strip club what's it called again?
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)
>>1053524
I wasn't accusing you Mark, just wanted to know if we could take advantage of your shady past
>>
>>1053526
"None of your fucking business"
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)
>>1053532
let's go inside shall we?
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)
>>1053532
Time for work
>>
>>1053535
"yeah sure, Wait, what about the bouncer?"
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)
>>1053543
I know him from bouncer school, plus he's also a cardboard cut out, tip of the class.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)
>>1053543
That's my cousin. He's cool.
>>
>>1053547
"This manlet's your cousin?"
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)
>>1053551
I got a big family
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)
>>1053551
That "manlet" is the answer to our problem
>>
>>1053551
that manlet is a rocker
>>
>>1053554
"That includes tiny bald goblins?"
"Sir, I will have to ask you to leave if you continue to bother me"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)
>>1053568
Goblins are cool. They're green like orcs!
>>
>>1053568
Hey what's happening cusion
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1053568
Sorry, man. Want me to get you some Mc Draggos for lunch?
You say to Gobbro
>>
>>1053573
"Yeah that'd be-"
"Poke"
"...nice"
>>
>>1053575
Mark poked so hard the pic disappeared
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)
>>1053577
Let's go Mark. You dont want Zippo to get mad. His gimmick is a flamethrower.
Get your cuz some food.
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)
>>1053577
Jab Mark in the balls.
"Not cool, man."
>>
>>1053578
"Alright, sure"
And so Mark drove you off to find some food for your cousin.
Aaaand I think it's time to end it here. Thread's pretty slow now anyway. Til next time and all that jazz.
Updates: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
>>1053586
ty op thanks for the bread
>>
Man I love reading this quest. Thank for running it man.
>>
>>1053764
kool
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)
>>1053586
ask Mark when the next thread will be
>>
This quest is the fucking best
Thread posts: 590
Thread images: 134
Thread images: 134