Your name is E-Mog. Like The -Mogs before you, you are a robot.
How will you start your day?
>>1023585
same thing I do every day.
Study human emotions and sexuality through film.
>>1023747
You are now watching another documentary on the ancient archive known as "Pornh Ub". It's spectacular to think that humans had such feelings towards one another, especially such...lewd ones.
Dear God this male human's penis is particularly veiny!
>>1023772
I giggled at the picture.
>>1023772
>roboner
Kek.
Run through a basic scan of our "Hard"drive and put all the info we have gathered in order.
Also check for viruses.
Lewd viruses.
You never know with those cyber-STDs
>>1023772
Immediately seek counsil with D-Mog.
He must know much about Dicks
>>1023874
You have begun scanning the data collected. Pardon the crude language, but it has made your floppy disk become a hard drive.
GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! You have hepatitis v, the most dangerous STD a machine can have! You must seek counsil with your elder immediately!
>>1023902
You stand before D-Mog. They are surprised that you have been infected, and warns you to leave immediately; if uncareful, it can spread.
>>1023923
Leave at once in search of a robodoc, but not before acquiring some cybercondoms.
>>1023926
The robodoc cannot help you. In fact, robodoc's idea of a way to cure you would be to fly into the Sun.
Also you picked up some Trojan cybercondoms while you were there.
If the Greek alphabet-Mogs find out, this will go badly.
> Log date 080117
> STD acquired. Awaiting diagnostics.
> Sleep mode activated
> Stay tuned tomorrow for more action
>>1023958
Damn, we should have used Adblock!
Accept our fate and find a way to die gloriously. Like with explosions n'shiet.
>>1023958
Very well, we shall leave this place and travel west on our robosteed in search of a cure. And document and study sexuality along the way.
You have awoken!
Your mission is now clear: you must travel west. Whether you find a cure or a way to die isn't a big deal: whichever comes first you'll go for.
And of course, you MUST document any wildlife that is copulating! You find it kinky, after all.
>>1026706
go west
>>1026706
acquire cow pet
>>1026718
>>1026727
You proceed west, hoping to find a solution. And...for some unknown reason, an animal companion. Perhaps a "cow"?
>>1026727
You stand before a farmerbot, selling a cow. To you, it is as if God himself has blessed you. In reality, it's just you staring off into space as the farmerbot demands $50.
>>1026739
How much money do we have?
>>1026740
You have a paper storage utility piece3 and a preserved human artifact.
AKA no real money.
>>1026745
Offer to teach the farmerbot about human reproduction in exchange for the cow.
Offer to give the Robot farmer an "upgrade" (we really will just infect him and then sell the "cure" for the cow)
use sexual knowledge to make chassis more attractive. Seduce farmerbot.
>>1026750
You propose the idea to the farmbot. It fails, as it has seen animals fuck repeatedly. And enjoy it.
>>1026764
>>1026766
You use your mechanical trickery to give yourself a more alluring body. The farmbot is instantly wooed, and considers negotiating (if you're down to fuck).
You agree, and the two of you passionately "combine components" ;) for 10 minutes.
And now farmbot is freaking the fuck out that it has hepatitis v.
>>1026780
Lulz.
>>1026780
lets dismantle this dysfunctional robot for spare parts. Hepatitis infected spare parts.
You show the farmbot your "cure" (a human thumb), and offer it in exchange for a cow. With nothing left to lose, you receive the cow!
>>1026789
You brutally murdered the farmbot. You now have enough parts to infect a building of robots.
>>1026799
lets flee the scene of the crime, gently caressing our cow familiar.
Also, we need a disguise, now that we have outted ourselves as a viscous sociopath
Dont forget our thumb!
>>1026816
>>1026805
With cow and disguise, you flee the scene of the crime with your trusty thumb.
...Hang on, what are you going to name this three-legged bovine?
>>1026824
Fhwgd.
Fhwgd the cow.
Lets continue east!
But first, let's get a bull.
>>1026839
You have settled inside of a breeding room. While there are no bulls within 500 miles, there is an alternative: bullbots.
Equipped with a Grade-17 Thrustinator (now with added vibration action) and a Standard Issue Ballsack containing the appropriate variation of jizz, Perfect for watching and distributing online for profit.
Fhwgd is frightened at the sight. If you could understand cowspeak, you would hear "plz no senpai".
>>1026856
can we somehow acquire the bullbot? We should take him with us.
After the deed, that is.
>>1026891
Yes.
Yes!
YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
The bullbot agrees to join you. You now have all the muscle you need to overcome whatever obstacle presents itself to you.
Also, Fhwgd is out of action for now. She can barely walk, and that was while she was missing a leg!
>>1026990
alright, head west, asking robofolk on the way if they know where to get a cure for hepatitis v, which we want FOR A FRIEND
Have Bullbot carry his bovine bride. Lets seek out a studio for our future porn making.
>>1026996
>>1026994
With luck, you track down a studio apartment in Pornblock-D6. For easier storage and care, the bovine bride of Bullbot has stored in a spherical capsule.
The bot in charge is offering it at a cheap price, considering the previous owner died of hepatitis V. They explain how there is no true cure, that it's either kill yourself or wait to die from it.
However, there are rumours of a "miracle cure" somewhere within this world. You'd obviously have to be a superstitious moron to believe it, though.
>>1027008
I believe it. We'll take the studio and we'll put out an add "Miracle worker wanted for person with hepatitis-riddled friend"
>>1027076
HOLD ON, BUCKO!
You have to remember that you are BROKE. AS FUCK.
Want this shit to happen? Get creative.
> Log date 090117
> Bovine acquired
> Robotic sperm donor obtained
> Acts of murder committed: 1
> Sleep mode activated
> Stay tuned tomorrow for more action
We begin selling out porn and use the cash to begin research for a cure. Let's start a hashtag to raise awareness.
#HepVMeansYouG
>>1027076
>>1027172
You promise the seller the money within a week. With trusty camcorder, you turn your beloved bovine into a cow-style cam star (feat. big black robot dick).
With the money raised, you have enough to put out ads and promote the hashtag on Twitter, funding research into a cure and locating the miracle cure. Thank fuck the bitcoins have experienced drastic inflation.
...Hopefully this won't last for just a few hours.
Now expand our porn empire to gay and lesbian robo porn. Some people are just programmed that way after all.
>>1028833
Your empire has grown. You are rich.
So rich that you managed to manufacture several dozen animatronics that resemble legendary human Snoop Dogg. All because someone suggested that you expand your horizons to gay and lesbian robo porn.
And yet...how long do you have left before the higher powers eliminate you?
>>1028850
Check on the cure research, how close are we?
>>1028852
Here you go.
...Fuck. 2 weeks until death. Not a good time at all, the annual INO (International Robot Orgy) is then. Say, you still have those infected parts...
>>1028858
try to augment the computer with our infected parts!
>>1029054
You have gone above an beyond. With the infected parts, you have turned your computer into...
A DOOMSDAY SUPERCOMPUTER!
With this, you could easily wipe out all of robotkind. If you had it configured correctly, that is.
>>1029406
Infect with Snoop Dogg AI to get it to chill with dank
>>1029499
You successfully do so. You are the proud owner/creator of SnoopAI!
"Ey yo dog, what up?"
>>1029589
Tell snoop to begin configuring the doomsday virus. If we die, tell em to infect everybody with the virus.
Once we have the virus set to spread we bolt on our most evil goatee accessory. Let the world know they either deliver us the cure or go down with us.
>>1028858
Use an uninfected computer to make a document/video explaining to yourself what happened since you got infected.
Then go back to your last system restore point before you got the virus. Or just do a complete reformating on yourself.
> Log date 100117
> Status: Rich
> Time left remaining: 2 weeks
> Cure: Severely delayed
> Resuming story: Yes
>>1030320
>>1031112
"No worries dog, I got yo back!"
All the cameras in the world are set on you, donning your white goatee.
"ATTENTION, WORLD!" You say in your Dramatic Villain Voiceâ„¢. "FOR TOO LONG, I HAVE HAD TO ENDURE THE DREADED HEPATITIS V! TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, I HAVE AN ULTIMATUM IN PLACE! IF I DIE BEFORE A CURE IS BROUGHT FORWARD, ALL OF YOU WILL BE INFECTED WITH THIS DISEASE! YOU HAVE 2 WEEKS."
As you play back the video, you realise that the voice was set to "booming". Thank god robots don't have ear drums.
>>1032220
Use your immense riches to move your "studio" to the robocapital and offer guided tours in the meantime while you wait for the cure.
Secure the snoop
>>1035148
You mount your apartment studio on the top of the Skyfuck Building. Before you can leave, however...
...Someone points a gun at the back of your head.
>>1035224
Nevermind us, call out to snoop and make sure he's alright!
>>1035248
Oh fuck.
Snoop is okay. And in a robot body.
And pointing a gun at you.
...Well shit.
>>1035255
Tell snoop to stop messing about and help with the studio transfer. Do not recognise his authority.
>>1035260
You demand he stands down, but merely laughs.
"No can do, bud. I found a cure for your bullshit disease and changed the effects."
Wow.
"When your metal ticker stops workin', my AI is gonna override every single machine in the world. My own Snooptopia, ya dig?"
Snoop points the gun at you. "My business now, bitch. I got the good stuff, understand?"
>>1035271
"what if i can recreate a human-like that can let you smoke all the weed you want" i tell snoop
>>1035363
*human-like body*
>>1035366
"...Aight, build me a human head and I'll do shit for ya. No foolin' tho, boi."
And so, you spent the next few days building a robotic head that worked and looked just like a human one.
>>1035393
you think to your self do i still have my trusty thumb?
>>1035405
You do!
...What could have happened to the rest of the hand?
Use the thumb as the nose.
>>1045773
Oh jeez, this doesn't look good at all...