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>Be American
>Be fat
>Take 10 waddles down the road
>Get shot up by Tyrone
>He takes your wallet
>Roll to the hospital using your own grease to more or less glide there
>Have to pay 120k because Trump care best care
>Motorized wheelchair home (Another $2k)
>Watch news on how current generation of peaceful protestors and college students have another "Peaceful" protest about education, and basic economics.
>Take a swig of your "Heavy Cream Wet Dream™" transfat drink
>Feel your heart stop beating because it's covered in fat
>Cry a single cholesterol tear as you whisper
"God Bless America"
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good bants but who wrote this?
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>>1540799
me a while ago
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>>1540798
Haha americans are obese, have a gun crime related problems which is further exacerbated by their prohibitively expensive health care services hahah I literally have not seen this being lampooned even once on the internet I'm literally DYING FROM LAUGHTER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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>>1540801
I'm very proud of you. You should come visit US, we have opportunities for Great people like you *slips business card*
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>floor motorized cart throttle
>steal donut from passing police patrol
>get tased
>heart starts beating again as you're arrested
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I wish I could engage in these wonderful banters but as an American I don't know anything about any other countries
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Hands down my favorite country is Hawaii bros
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>>1540798
Quality post.
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>Be American
>change into driving shoes
>pull pick-up truck out of cardboard garage
>put on shopping shoes
>drive to store
>put on wine selecting sandals
>select wine
>pick up package of solo cups
>don't look quite 47.5 years old
>show ID
>cashier puts on his questioning shoes
>questions you about your weight
>ID says you weigh 320 lbs
>you clearly only weigh 300 lbs
>tell him you were wearing your heavy weight shoes during ID
>naturally
>go home to cardboard suburbia
>put on drinking wine from plastic cup on a Friday after 5:00pm in the Autumn season boots
>as you take a sip, door is kicked in
>NSA homeland security surveillance recieved an anonymous tip
>you bought blue cups instead of red
>NSA Special Agent Jamal Gonzales puts on shooting shoes
>get shot
>no time to change into dying shoes
Thread posts: 29
Thread images: 23
Thread images: 23