/jg/ - Jokes General

I don't know OP, what's the difference between a strawberry and a door?

Ones a jam in a jar, the others ajar or a jam!

>>1508735
I don't get it, when is a door a jam?

>>1508727
Plenty of things. A door is a manmade object while a strawberry is a fruit. Strawberries are mostly red while doors come in plenty of colors. Strawberries are fit for human compsuntion while eating a door will probably kill you. Finally doors are much bigger than strawberries in general

>>1508735
Huh?

>>1508742
I forgot to mention it in the joke but the door was red and made by natural processes, its also made out of strawberries and is strawberry sized. I can see how that would confuse you though.

Can we get another joke please?

>>1508753
Uhh... I'll try to think of one.

A priest, a rabbi and a minster walk into a bar.
The bartender says "is this some kind of joke"?

>>1508767
I don't know anon, is this some kind of joke?

A man walks into a bar. He trips over it.

>>1509392
LOL

>>1508727

>>1508739
When it isn't ajar

>>1510618
Shut up retard
My joke is your sad fucking life, thats the joke, retard

bump for funny jokes when i awake tommorow...

I've got a practical joke: nobody post any jokes until after >>1511802 wakes up!

>>1511809
that would be mean...

>>1508739
>>1508746
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamb

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean???

I wouldn't pay two hundred dollars for a garbanzo bean in my mouth!

A Buddhist walks into a carnivore pizza joint
Waiter: Are you ready to order?
Buddhist: Do you have anything vegetarian?
Waiter: No sorry . . .
Buddhist: Ah screw that, could you make me one with everything?

*knock* *knock*

>>1512865
who dis

/qa/

>>1512523
"For a" should be "to have a" for the joke to work.

>>1513503
/qa/ who?

die retard

suck my cock dudette

>>1513513
>>1513527
these aren't very good jokes, this is a good joke:
A man walks into a bar, ouch!

What do you call an upset German?
Sauerkraut

>>1508727
>>1511814
What an esoteric joke...

>>1513537
haha good one anon

So there's this guy in this bar and he's been drinking all day and night until finally he throws up on himself. He starts crying to the bartender "what am I gonna do? I can't go home like this. This is the third night in a row. My wife's gonna kill me." So the bartender says "Tell you what you should do. Do you have a twenty dollar bill? Good. Go home to your wife and explain that you stopped by a friend's house and that he's been going through a rough patch. No work, girlfriend left, dog died, whatever, and he's been drinking all day and he threw up on you and gave you that twenty for dry cleaning."

The guy says it's genius and goes home to his wife and explains the vomit and the money. After he's done explaining everything, the wife says sure but you have forty dollars, not twenty. And so the guy says: because he also took a shit in my pants.


>>1513511
Shiiiiiiit

>>1513605
why does him having forty dollars exclude his friend giving him twenty?

>>1513896
The man explains the story with twenty dollars when he really has forty in his pocket.

Moe: [To Larry] And speaking of money how about the 20 bucks you owe me?
Larry: Oh yeah, well I only got 10 so here's 10 and I owe you 10.
Moe: Thanks.
Curly: Hey Moe! You owe me 20.
Moe: Well here's 10 and I'll owe you 10.
Larry: [To Curly] Ahah, you owe me 20.
Curly: Here's 10 and I'll owe you 10.
Larry: [To Moe] Here's the 10 I owe you.
Moe: [To Larry] Here's the 10 I owe you.
Curly: [To Larry] Here's the 10 I owe you.
Larry: Good, now we're all even.

>>1515071
I don't know anon, whats Good, now we're all even.?

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

What does an anon say to the other?
>haha i hate myself

What does an idiot say?

What do Japanese tailors do?

- desu

They're more 4chan than 4chan will ever be. I miss the old, fun, shitposting 4chan.

>>1517187
change it to lawyers

>>1517274
I made the original joke with lawyers in mind but I thought tailors would suit it better and appeal to a larger audience

suggestion noted

>>1517394
>suit
good one!

>>1517187
>>1517274
>>1517394
I don't get it.

>>1517396
desu -> they sew (or they sue in a lawyer version)

>>1517602
But that's not how you pronounce it...

>>1517611
You have to take some artistic license to make some jokes fit, anon. Thats how puns work!

>>1512823
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c

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>>1517611
Yes it is.

>>1517660
i dont get it

this bump is a joke if you look at it the right way

Because last time they had a fat man 80,000 people died.

>>1520500
but sumo wrestling...

>>1521209
it was a joke

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A bicycle can't stand on itself because it's two tired

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ya can tune a piano buT YOU CAN TUNA FISH !!!

>>1521761
Fuck you my bike has four tires so its four tired bitch

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>>1521773

test

>>1521778
-icles

Statistically, 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

>>1522346
I see you too.

Man, I'm getting a lot of points.

>>1521989
I don't think anyone enjoys being gang raped...

>>1522367
maybe if you collect enough you can redeem them for a personality

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https://www facebook com/uniladmag/videos/2895455487144158/
These are fun!