I'm so fucking bored with life. I feel guilty for not learning

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I'm so fucking bored with life. I feel guilty for not learning tonnes of stuff in my free time and not trying to make money and not reading lots of boring books. If I'm not doing everything everyday for 16 hours a day then I feel guilty. Procrastinating life by wasting it on the internet minimises my guilt. It's crazy logic but it is what I do.

I do so little at my job and stay there for so few hours despite my contract saying 9-5, you wouldn't believe me if I gave details. Nonetheless, being an ugly subhuman beta is hard work when you see attractive women everywhere, especially younger Chads and Staceys. I am locked out of society. Society is a scam that wants to use me up and throw me away. The workplace for normies is a place where they go to socialise with their clones and be judged by their clones.

I have an everythingstential crisis. I wish I had the autism that let me work on one thing for 10 hours.

Background:
>aged 26
>no friends or social life since 18
>no female attention ever
>went through university with zero social experiences
>became the loner nobody talks to within two days of my current job
>never been to pub, club, or party
>missed out on all the 16 - 22 formative social experiences that people look back on fondly (teen crushes, school prom, school dances, university fresher's week, any sort of relationships at all)
>know that women all have 5000 tinder matches and think the average male is ugly; seeing attractive women everywhere is demoralising
>feel completely bitter and detached from others due to being an ugly subhuman; lifting weights did nothing