The Call of the Grave

>>139314615
Lucky you. I was the opposite, my teens and early life was filled with self destruction with a little bit of self loathing. Go play with fire and come back to reality. Hopefully you won't get too burnt in the process.

You just need a break, there are too many people who depend on you with too little being given back in return. You want to leave those responsibilities, but you don't actually and can handle them, so instead you fantasise about death.

That or you feel completed, like the feeling when you finish a long RPG game, now that you have everything, the wife and the kids, what else is there? This one is trickier and can't be solved by taking a holiday, you'll need to start a new hobby or search for some meaning.

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>>139315052

>there are too many people who depend on you with too little being given back in return

I think this is a large part of it. I'm one of those people who everyone around me needs, but I don't need anything. I was raised to take care of myself and never burden those around me. It appears most people do not receive the same upbringing.

When I'm home, I'm constantly needed. At work, the same (I run a department for a fairly large company). I miss the days when I was on my own and could do what I wanted when I wanted it.

A vacation by myself sounds really appealing.

>>139315553
A vacation is a simpler option, but if it doesn't work you're probably having an existential crisis which is much trickier to deal with. You'll need to recreate meaning in your life, which can be a challenge.