Conspiracies and worldviews thread

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LEVEL 0: Retarded
-Flat Earth
-Young Earth creationism
-Cigarettes are good for you
-Get more gibs by bringing in more people to vote for them
-We're all the same
-Zootopia is a documentary
-Christians are violent control freaks but Muslims aren't
-Jesus was just a Jew trying to cuck the Goyim
-Everything is Whitey's fault
-Minorities will treat us well when we are a minority
-Homeopathy, crystals, aromatherapy, etc.
-Humans are from Mars
-Nukes don't exist
-Holographic Planes theory of 9/11
-Arabs with Box Cutters theory of 9/11
-Stalin was a good boy. He dindu nuffin
-North Korea is Best Korea

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LEVEL 1: Elements of truth, but major premise is wrong
-Hollow Earth
-Weed is good for you
-Civic Nationalism
-Moon hoax
-Atlas Shrugged is a documentary
-The Queen is a blood-drinking alien lizard
-Sacred geometry
-Bigfoot is everywhere
-John Titor
-HAARP
-Atlantis was a lost continent with super-advanced tech
-Hitler was a good boy. He dindu nuffin
-Islam, Atheism, Judaism, Kekism, Prosperity Gospel megachurches

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LEVEL 2: Well, duh
-1984 is a documentary
-The NWO is real
-THEY are poisoning you for money (Monsanto, chemtrails, fracking, corn syrup, pharma, fluoride, etc.)
-Republicans and Democrats are the same party- the NWO Party
-Mainstream Media is fake news
-Most "justice" systems exist to protect the biggest crimminals
-Money doesn't buy happiness, and most of it will be stolen from you one way or another, so don't feed the parasites. In this fucked up world, laziness is a decent strategy. Don't seek riches. Seek family, friends, practical skills, survival mentality, and higher purpose.
-All men are NOT created equal
-You can't have a high-functioning civilization unless most of the power is in the hands of white or Japanese men.
-Facebook is how the CIA gets people to write their own dossiers for future deportation to FEMA camps
-The CIA is the world's largest drug cartel
-ISIS are their pet terrorists, just like Al Qaeda before them.
-JFK killed by CIA, Mafia, GHW Bush, LBJ
-RFK killed by mind controlled patsy
-WTC was controlled demolition, Pentagon was hit by a missile, it was all orchestrated by the MIC + Bushes + Mossad + CIA for the purpose of covering up trillions of dollars of fraud, starting wars for Israel, and tightening the police state at home.

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LEVEL 3: You are on the path to enlightenment, but use discernment
-Shrooms are good for you
-Lord of the Rings is a documentary. One pedo ring to rule them all.
-Brave New World is a documentary
-Underground bases
-Aliens are real and the government doesn't want us to know they pimped us out to them
-Aliens spooked us off the Moon
-Ancient Aliens
-Greys trying to use hive minded hybrids to take over Earth
-Stargate SG-1 is a documentary
-Buddhism, Gnosticism, Hinduism, Shamanism
-Yogi superpowers
-The evil footsteps of Aleister Crowley
-Eve cucked Adam with satan's spawn, and polluted our entire bloodline
-CIA mind control acid, psychotronics, psychic spies, etc.
-JFK had an acid trip in which he opened his third eye and saw everything as it really was. THEY couldn't control him after that.
-Laurel Canyon psyops
-The Clintons and Bushes are crime families with triple digit body counts (not including wars or 9/11)
-Karl Jung, Joseph Campbell, David Wilcock, and Graham Hancock have discovered a hidden level of reality.
-Synchronicities and archetypes are connections within a higher-order mind that most people are not aware of.
-Meme Magic is real

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LEVEL INFINITY: Will HILLARY self-INCRIMINATE in book "WHAT HAPPENED?" https://youtu.be/CHjpmxxyow4

Will HILLARY self-INCRIMINATE in book "WHAT HAPPENED?" https://youtu.be/CHjpmxxyow4

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LEVEL 4: Redpill Suppositories and the Dark Night of the Soul
-The Illuminati are real. They think Lucifer is the good guy.
-Eyes Wide Shut is a documentary and THEY killed Kubrick and stole the cut scenes
-The Protocols of the Elders of Zion
-The Synagogue of Satan rules the world
-THEY are trying to destroy the family and the nation-state and they use women to do it
-r/K selection theory and the evolutionary psychology of politics. Basically women, liberals and their 3rd world pets are all maggots consuming the civilizational fat built up by decent men.
-The Muslims are right about women
-Estrogen mimics turn us all into women to some extent
-The Rothschilds like to finance both sides of wars, and they also like to control opposing ideologies, to create a Hegelian dialectic. Their many counterintuitive minions include Karl Marx, Adolf Hitler, Pope Pius XII, and Ayn Rand.
-The world would still be much better if the Nazis had won
-Masonic numerology everywhere
-The Twin Towers were nuked
-The Pope is a satanist and this calls for a good old-fashioned smiting
-If the Amish were heavily armed, they would have the perfect religious/social/economic system for the forseeable future.
-The Jews are using reverse eugenics via the dole and the Coudenhove-Kalergi plan (rapefugees)
-THEY figure that people will be more likely to vote for a worldwide satanic dictatorship if they are dumb, greedy, callous, violent, short-sighted and non-Christian.
-The last 100 years have been an organized culling of the best white+Asian males.
-We must destroy Western civilization in order to save it.
-The Unabomber was involved in a CIA mind control experiment in which they gave him 10 hits of acid and berated him for his worldview. He was intelligent enough to remain perfectly sane, although he did develop a burning desire to prove himself right.

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LEVEL 5: Philip K. Dick Reality Shifters
-Ayahuasca is good for you.
-The UFO community is covering up the fact that the Greys will drop a Christian like a hot potato
-The Matrix is a documentary
-The Law of One telepathic contact is real
-World War I never ended/Albert Pike
-Pizzagate is just the tip of the iceberg
-The shadow government only trusts proven psychopaths
-The Illuminati are vampires, both literally and spiritually
-Moloch is real and his cult never died. They are more powerful than ever.
-THEY are trying to start WWIII as a giant human sacrifice, and to cover up the fact that the entire financial system is a giant Ponzi, and as a way to get rid of white Christians, because they are the most likely to resist the satanic NWO.
-ALL the money is counterfeited by Jews. We also do real work to pay them interest on their counterfeit money.
-All bubbles and crashes are triggered by Jews manipulating the money supply. Insiders profit greatly on the way up and the way down. Little people get screwed, but Jews get bailed out, then they buy up all the real stuff with their counterfeit money, and they use their friends in education and the media to help us forget that this harvest has happened many times before.
-All secret societies, globalist institutions, major cults, and destructive social movements are connected at the top of the pyramid.
-9/11 was a human sacrifice planned decades in advance

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LEVEL 6: That which is seen cannot be unseen
-Trauma-based mind control, Project Monarch, underground breeding programs
-Adrenochrome cannibal rituals
-They Live is a documentary
-The Archons have been running our civilization as a loosh farm
-Jesus is the only viable solution to this huge, worldwide problem
-He's not a pussy either. He will purge the degenerates and establish a thousand-year Reich. It won't be on Earth.
-Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and Jewish End Times theologies all pretty much line up with each other and with current events... IF you assume that elite Jews are working towards a satanic/transhumanist NWO and Muslims are their dumb puppets who don't realize they are working for satan. God's justice will be to remove the small portion of healthy tissue and allow the rampant cancer to consume itself. Most people will get exactly what they want, which in the end, is exactly what they deserve. Hell on Earth. This satisfies the Prime Directive of collective consent. The Jews will manufacture collective consent by deception and feeding the cancer, and the Muslims will conquer on behalf of the crypto-Jews, but their "victory" will turn to ashes in their mouth because parasites cannot live without a host.
-The following things do not exist: Time, space, matter, death, separateness
-The multiverse is a self replicating organism more vast than anyone has imagined, it has a consciouness (God) which pervades everything, and God knows everything and can change probabilities when it suits Him, so the Illuminati are pretty much fucked. They can try to micromanage everything, but God will always have the Butterfly Effect. They think they are masters of Order out of Chaos, but they are not. God is. And right now, God is getting pissed off but He will let them overplay their hand.

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BONUS LEVEL: Unsolved Mysteries
-Ancient megalithic architecture and evidence of a mother civilization
-Pumapunku
-Radioactive skeletons of Mohenda Daro
-Mothman
-is VALIS real?
-The Philadelphia Experiment was real, but WTF actually happened?
-What really happened at Roswell?
-Project Montauk
-Denver Airport
-WTF is going on in Antarctica?
-Morgellons disease- alien parasites?
-Red Rain of Kerala
-Severed feet washing up
-Giant blobs of flesh washing up
-Foo Fighters
-Out of body experiences
-Sandy Hook NOT a hoax? Maybe it was a sacrifice?
-Bermuda Triangle
-Skinwalker Ranch
-NASAcam UFOs
-Secret space program
-Nazi UFOs
-National Park disappearances
-WTF happened to AA77 and MH370? Taken to military base and everyone murdered?

>>136382218
>Zyzz assasinated by ladyboys
Kek
Zyzz always hated himself for being a men, that's why he escaped into masculinity cult, but nothing could stop his inner call.
He moved to Thailand for one and simple reason:to become a ladyboy himself. See he always wanted to be a woman, and he tried to counter this by becoming a male sex god. But he failed.
His death was faked,he underwent hormone therapy and is now a post-op in Pattaya.

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Here's my interpretation of /pol/'s Nostradamus:

>It will happen when the weather cools.
>That's when they'll make their move.
>The plans laid long before the founding of America, and older still, will come to fruition.
>They're trying to force God's hand.
>Watch for these signs:

>Three branches will become one
President Trump, Republican Congress and conservative Supreme Court

>An island will drift away.
Brexit

>A killing bolt will shine in the night but not kill.
Staged terror attack or assassination attempt? Syrian airport bombing? Probably hasn't happened yet because Brexit hasn't happened.

>The star will gorge itself on clay.
The Yinon Plan for Greater Israel. Also means more rapefugees.

>Idols will speak and move about.
Some Hollyweird onstage occult ritual? Or maybe it refers to the image of the Beast of Revelation 13, i.e. the Beast that was not killed by the killing bolt. I think we're not far enough along the timeline for that, though.

>The black flag will fly above the dome.
Israel will bite off more than it can chew. They will also lose control of their big dumb golem, and by extension, lose control of ISIS. ISIS will turn on Israel, and sack Jerusalem... (continued)

>The belly of the dragon will drip water.
China will use a lot water, causing problems for its southern neighbors.

>Two voices will call out in a silence that all will hear.
The Two Witnesses of Revelation 11 (Elijah, and maybe Enoch?) Expect a lot of Happenings after this.

>A rock will stand on seven hills.
Rome is widely known as the city of seven hills. Peter is the Rock. According to the prophecy of St. Malachy, the last Pope before Judgement Day will be Peter the Roman. Pope Francis isn't really Pope (Ann Barnhardt has a lot to say about this). Peter the Roman will be elected at the first conclave which follows the death of Ratzinger. The prophecy also states that Rome will be destroyed on Peter's watch.

>The ravens will starve.
A legend about the ravens of the Tower of London. Probably the gibs will run out, London's Orcish hordes will chimp out, and Britain's government will fall.

>The bear will leave its cave forever.
The West will be a collapsed shithole ravaged by race war, so they will not be able to contain Russia anymore.

>The rod and the ring will strike.
I think this one is deceptive. Given the themes of the rest of this stuff, it looks like it might mean that Jesus will smash the NWO. But without context, I would say that the puppetmasters intend to summon Marduk. Marduk is a war god who is analagous to Baal, Moloch, or satan. He is represented as a serpent or dragon. So maybe they will put up the antichrist, who will pretend to be Christ, and will wage war.

http://www.sacred-texts.com/ane/enuma.htm
http://www.ldolphin.org/Nimrod.html

They bestowed upon him the scepter, and the throne, and the ring,
They give him an invincible weapony which overwhelmeth the foe.
Go, and cut off the life of Tiamat,
And let the wind carry her blood into secret places.

Tiamat is the goddess of the sea, primordial creation, and chaos, among other things.

>>136383508
Ring could be EU flag, rod could be iranian flag. WWIII and whatnot

Red pill me on the golf rumors