CNN falls to 13th in cable ratings

>>132742072
CNN: Cannibalism sends stock tumbling

Atlanta, GA. The cable news giant (CNNX) kept scoring on the way
to the anticipated merger
with Time-Warner,
a 90 Billion dollar deal. Now a grotesque turn of events is eating the momentum and
is shocking
stockholders as well as the general public: literal cannibalism.
Three executives, among them Shlomo Shekelgold, Senior Director of Strategic
Marketing, are currently under arrest. Harry Lincoln Smith, a spokesperson of
Atlanta communal police, answered in the affirmative when asked about consumption
of human flesh at CNN. For further inquiries, reporters have been put off until
the press conference on the matter on Friday.

Israel Goldshekel, the new spokesperson of CNN, denied all charges and called
the arrests a "witchhunt", "anti-semitism" and "shoa all over again".
According to Mr Goldshekel, CNN
plans to keep mum about the affair in order to not disturb the investigation
and trial. Foreign media, however, most notably Russian Television, are reporting
extensively on the drama.

Human remains, including a multitude of skulls, have been found during a fire
drill on Wednesday, when the janitor had been instructed to simulate an escape
through "the dungeon", as an unidentified female assistant has called it,
what caused her arrest. Pictures of limbs and
bones of victims, some of them clearly from young children, were being circulated
on social media before the FBI retracted most of the material. The FBI is
investigating the offenders.

Authorities are currently examining confiscated computers from CNN offices
and servers. The police has not disclosed the next date for a press conference.
CNN will release a statement and hold a press conference on Friday.

The social media hashtag #cannibalnewsnetwork has been trending on top
of twitter until this morning, when authorities intercepted the topic in
order to honor the sacrifice of the victims.

CNN (CNNX) stock was down US$ 16, more than 30%.

>>132742072
Official Discord for discussion: yqa5wdf

>>132745838

>getting on discord to larp taking down a news corporation.

Jesus Christ what a sad life you must lead.

>>132742072
get in here
>>132746365
>>132746365
>>132746365

Yay pretend is fun!!!!!