How do I become Jewish?

You? Never. Marry a jewish woman and you children will be jews. But you, never

>>131265347
Step #1: Chop off foreskin with a sharp object

>>131265473
I'm sure there's a process to convert someone who wasn't born a jew

goys can never fully become jewish becuse they have no soul
im not joking, its what most rabbays say
the goy have spirt but not a soul

>>131265473
Nonsense famalam

>>131265347
The process depends on which branch of Judaism you are interested in - and also on the Synagogue itself.

File: feels-bad-man_fb_1432205.jpg (19KB, 300x300px) Image search: [Google]

19KB, 300x300px

>>131268835
i-is it true shlomo?

>>131268835
Hey Ultraorthodox Anon how are you doing today and what are you doing on this part of the internet?

it is not just ortodox who belive this
it is part of the kabala and jewish mysticism

>>131269294
>it is not just ortodox who belive this

Just about any liberal Synagogue will allow converts. Fair share of Conservatives will too.

The process itself takes years and lots of patience which most people aren't up for, but it definitely is possible.

File: image.jpg (152KB, 900x600px) Image search: [Google]

152KB, 900x600px

Post jewesses

>>131265347
Send £10,000 to my cousin in law, Ben Goldberg and he'll sort you out

>>131269294
Isn't it about time to drop the whole "God's chosen people' thing? Judging by your history it's become abundantly clear that there's no god watching over you.

>>131269864
They are chosen though. They are a warning to all other people.

>>131269465
the type of convetion i know is not just long it is abusive, i know some people who got really fucked up by this process

Anyone can convert.
But the more religiious sects have a longer process to go through.

you cannot join them
you will always be a goy

>>131265347
Is the end of your dick snipped off? If not, just do that and you're 90 percent Jewish now.

>>131265347
You deserve to be spat on

>>131265347
Before you do check out the cute Jewish girl's mother. They age quickly and the results are not that positive.

>>131268835
yep, completely true.

>>131265347
Yeah. Just walk in and say you're interested in learning more about Judaism, with the potential to become Jewish.

They'll try to discourage you. Keep at it.

>>131268835
What about Gays then.

I bet they have souls; I've seen them dance.

>>131265864
It's not just the faith. It's the ethnicity. Jew is a race, and I doubt you're it

>>131268835
Literally this, only ones to become a member of the tribe are non-Jewish women who convert and marry a proper Jew.

>>131270841
Or OP could just marry a secular Jew and by definition his kids would be Jews. He wouldn't have to circumcise or learn about ancient Jew babble

>>131265347
Why don't you kys kike?

>>131265347
You get like me.

>>131268835
Huh, I thought that people who believe this nonsense thought that converts gain that special Jew soul upon conversion or that they had it all along and were destined to convert or something like that.

File: 6ee5f45c65cee9bc725fb1961e69cc952177161d.jpg (221KB, 850x636px) Image search: [Google]

221KB, 850x636px

>>131265347
Just cut your balls off and start sucking nigger dicks. You'll fit right in.

>>131270807
jews are not a race its a lie
it have a very diverse origin
but it is a close inbred comunnty

>>131269465
Klaus, a literal JEW is telling you how it works and you are all
>nuh ah, it's like this.
Face it, you can only be a jew if your mother is a jew. Otherwise you are just a flunky goy.

>>131271777
I've seen some German kikes on pol before.

File: 2ec.png (572KB, 600x580px) Image search: [Google]

572KB, 600x580px

>>131271267
>inbred
oh boy

File: wink.png (210KB, 287x304px) Image search: [Google]

210KB, 287x304px

>>131271973

>>131271118
can you keep the soul if you unconvert ?
do you get the same one if you reconvert of you get a new one ?

>>131265347
Just start larping as a Jew. That's what I did. After a while, you'll be 100% Jew. Performing tricks will become second nature. Your sense of smell increases as your nose grows, thus making food taste better. I'm almost a Rabbi now. Ama.

>>131272203
good question
>>131271118
does brother nathaniel have a soul?

>>131272283
ye he's a jew IIRC

>>131272203
it work both way
jew can never fully unconvert
he still have the same soul no matter what

>>131272689
so you could be considered fully aryan in nazi germany (if you only had 1/8 or 1/16 jew blood IIRC) and still be fully jewish (completely jewish matrilinear line) ?
i wonder how many jew SS officers were there .

>How do I become Jewish?

Worship Satan.

File: 1890530_694735060645513_8908722321676556319_o.jpg (59KB, 1080x720px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 1080x720px

but whyyyyy???!!!

alot of jewish culture is based on self improvment and eugenics ,we tried to make the ultimate pesron
little did we know we just invented Tay Sachs

File: sarah-silverman-jews-jesus.jpg (31KB, 850x400px) Image search: [Google]

31KB, 850x400px

>>131274092

You did make the ultimate person, Jesus Christ.
But then you killed Him and then you became the enemies of mankind.

People don't think it's possible to convert to Judaism because it's almost fucking impossible to do so. It takes a couple years of study before they even do the conversion itself, unless we're talking about a conversion outside of Orthodox Judaism, but only an Orthodox conversion is recognized as legitimate to gain citizenship into Israel. Rabbi's are supposed to initially turn you away as well, since only the truly perseverent are to be considered for the process.

It isn't like converting to Protestant Christianity where you're all set if you believe Jesus died for your sins; conversion (outside of marriage related reasons) is extremely rare because the only people doing that are the ones that have come to the conclusion, however they did, that it's their fucking destiny and life affirming for them to follow that particular religion and are willing to intensely study holy texts under a Rabbi for years, learn all the traditions, go through the rituals, be willing to change your food diet and go kosher, push themselves to study the Hebrew language and finally they will partake in a Mikveh bath and formally become Jewish. It's so rare that some Jewish people believe that particular person's soul found it's way back to the tribe and was a reincarnated Jewish soul.

If you're mom is Jewish then you don't have to do jack shit.

You could be an atheist and think Judaism is bullshit and even CONVERT TO ANOTHER RELIGION, but they would just think you were "being a bad Jew", but Jewish regardless.

THAT'S why no one converts, you either don't know what you're asking for, or your starting a path that's going to be painstaking to go through.

>>131271267
Maybe second and third definitions, but original REAL jews of the first definition are a race. Those of second and third are just goy

>>131276676

What about Ethiopian Jews? Are they considered Jews in Orthodox Judaism?

>>131276676
correct

learn about judaism even practice it if you want, dont convert, its an unnecessary abussive and painful procsess

>>131273058
You can't be Aryan if you have jewish blood.

>>131265347

Judaism is the only ideology that doesn't seek converts. Factually they make it very difficult to convert. I don't know how you're going to convert to a "race" though...

>>131277971
Zoroastrians also don't allow/seek converts.

My ancestors were Russian/Polish, there has to be a Jewish mother somewhere in there right?

File: 1480633184353.png (41KB, 250x250px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 250x250px

Good luck OP, and welcome to the real /pol/ master race!

File: hot jewish chick.jpg (69KB, 720x480px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 720x480px

>>131265347

By becoming pic related.