/PIRATE/ GENERAL: FUCK LANLUBBERS EDITION

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Avast, ye swabs!

This here be Pirate Captain John an' I abhor each an' ever' last one o' ye. All o' ye be harpoon targetable, scurvy addled, feeble-minded, gout ridden, nay-life land lubbers who spend ever' second o' the'r tide spyin' at lily livered, imitation wenches' arse engravings. Ye be everythin' wretched in th' world. Honestly, havin' any o' ye looted any spoils? I say, guessin' it might be merry, makin' jest o' swabbies on accoun' o' bein' marooned an' all, but ye all take t' a whole new sea level. This be worse than plunderin' yer own mudder.

Don't hornswaggle me. Jus' hit me wi' yer finest powder. I be pretty much tha spittin' image o' Jolly Roger, himself. I be captain o' my own swashbucklin' crew, an' I be th' fearsomest scourge ever to set sail o' th' seven seas. What activities do ye entertain, other than batten'n yer own hatches down an' shiverin' yer own timbers t' scantly clad paintin's o' land lubbin' oriental wenches? I also loot hidden treasures, an' be havin' a bangin' hot lass (She jus' blew me down; booty was SO fortunate). Ye all be scallywags o' the lowest rank not ev'n fit fer sailing a life raft who ortin' ta jus' keelhaul yourselves. Thank ye fer tha parley.

Parchment Related: `Tis me an' me floggin' wench

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>>130257223
Wha' th' farrg did ye jus' farrgin' say about me, ye wee cur? I'll 'ave ye know I graduated top o' me crew in th' Navy Seals, 'n I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, 'n I 'ave o'er 300 confirmed scuttles. I be trained in gorilla warfare 'n I'm th' top sniper in th' entire US armed forces. Ye be naught t' me but jus' another target. I shall wipe ye th' farrg out wit' precision th' likes o' which has ne'er been seen afore on this Earth, mark me farrgin' words. Ye reckon ye can get away wit' sayin' that shit t' me o'er th' Internet? Reckon again, fucker. As we speak I be contactin' me secret network o' spies across th' USA 'n yer IP be bein' traced right now so ye better prepare fer th' storm, maggot. Th' storm that wipes out th' pathetic wee thin' ye call yer life. Yeâre farrgin' dead, sprog. I can be anywhere, anytime, 'n I can scuttle ye in o'er seven hundred ways, 'n that's jus' wit' me bare hands. Nah only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I 'ave access t' th' entire arsenal o' th' United States Marine Corps 'n I shall use it t' its full extent t' wipe yer miserable arse off th' face o' th' continent, ye wee shit. If only ye could 'ave known wha' unholy retribution yer wee âcleverâ comment was about t' brin' down upon ye, maybe ye would 'ave held yer farrgin' tongue. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, 'n now ye're payin' th' price, ye goddamn idiot. I shall shit fury all o'er ye 'n ye will drown in it. Ye're farrgin' dead, kiddo.

>>130257795
What in the name o' Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat ever to sail the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on cargo vessels, and repelled over 300 invaders. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol out o' all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' loot. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. Ye think ye can hide behind your newfangled contraption? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, scurvy knave. The type o' monsoon that'll wipe ye clear off the four corners o' the map. You're sharkbait, bucko. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire swashbucklin' fleet at me beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer limey arse clean off the edge o' the world, ye bilge suckin' dog. If only ye had the foresight to see what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed that remark. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, ye brazen buffoon. I'll shit fury all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it after walkin' the plank! Dead men tell no tales.

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Raise the black flag lads!
Itt share ye Arab tales, I'll begin.
> be docked at Port whilst 'avin me ship de-barnacled
> me crew an I browse ye olde market whilst the negros work me ship
> see Arab man board horse drawn carriage
> carriage sets off bound for ye market, something fishy about this scoundrel
> carriage makes a sharp starboard turn and bombards through crowds
> Carriage comes to a halt after ramming the cabbage stall
> notinmyport.scroll
> draw me cutlass and take charges at the brown scallywag
> '' HALT! ''
> two port guards bellow whilst blocking me charge
> '' Thou shall not attack the man of Islam, unless thou are racist? ''
> bymybeard.map
> long story be told
> that be the last time I take port in Sweden

You guys made my day, thank you.

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>>130258167
Now that's wha' I call a fine tale, lad. I give it nine silver doubloons out o' ten.
>>130258511
That's 'cause we pirates are th' true master shitposters o' th' board. Nah even Austrailia can touch th' creative genius latent in every unique 'n original post.

me booty be burning!

YARRRRGGGGG!

>>130258167
Hahahhaahha