/cpd/ - CHICAGO PD SCANNER THREAD

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Did you hear those desperate calls for help a few minutes ago? Been waiting for this thread to be baked!

>>129397035
>conservative vice lords
>gangster disciples
>ambrose
These gang names are fucking amazing.

panic alarm
> meow

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Robert reporting early. Keys checked

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bump

> she's wearing a blue sun dress trying to bust through car windows with a bat
> she

What time does the shift change happen?

>>129402074
is she a blonde because i'd like to watch if so

>>129402137
10 PM Chicongo time

>Pulled a man from the water
>Do not know if the man is alive

>>129397035

Afternoon., Roberts

>naked male white under the underpass

Check dem keys

Evening Roberts. What is the happenings with Male Black this fine evening?

>40 y/o male down not moving at Payless

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thump

Good evening Roberts! Hopefully Adam has had a productive sat.

GOOOOOOD MORNING

>almost 90 degrees in Chiraq right now

Press F to pay respects to the shitty of Chicago

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>shots fired. Someone calling for help

Evenin', Roberts! Has Male Black started his shenanigans yet? Or has he never really stopped?

>>129405424
The coonery never stops.
>passenger waving a gun

Any of you guys watch Live PD?

>>129404764
F

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I haven't. I've heard it is pretty good though.
>silver Audi with spics smoking marijuana

Good evening roberts. Everyone check their keys? Anything going on yet?

>>129405796
Love that show, got hip to it a few months ago. Coon jumping through a windows at a motel while handcuffed was the first episode I watched

>Man Black touching people

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>>129405796

Male white here, going into cook county later tonight, wish me luck.

>he has a hammer

>waaaah parenting is too hard
>poh-lice please come take my son away

holy fuck stop wasting Adam's time

>black male wants to shoot up train

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Sassy-chan is working tonight!

Male Black has a gun and wants to shoot everybody. Business as usual.

>6 shots fired
AH AH AH

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>>129408738
Not even shift change and things are heating up

what is the 10-1 again?

>Beating a 1 year old child

Wew lad.

>>129405796
Watching livePD, listening to sassy dispatch and this thread with the waifu and a beverage. No better way to be entertained with the fall of western civilization.

>>129409330
vehicle crash

>>129408738

Female just confirmed shot.

>>129409649
Thanks mate; could not find it on the listing

>>129409759
confirmed shot in leg
first bingo of the night!

omg cranky is working tonight too?! gonna be a great night lads

>>129409837
10-1 is officer needs assistance. There was also someone shot
>female shot in the leg

thread is kinda dead senpai... :(

>hit in the head by a male on a dirtbike

>female hispanic causing a disturbance in the lobby

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wahoo.......warm weather weekend evening.
Prime Niggering hours approaching

>Group of people in the street listening to music

>found two big black bags and a blob of something in the garbage can
>the stench is unbearable

Not saying it's a dismembered body, but it's a dismembered body.

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>>129411492
>Which 1 of these hoes in the lobby wanna slob me?

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>possible body found in dumpster

>>129411689
Best assumption ever!

>>129411586
oh my god its so god dam bad these dam baboons really have nothing else to do other than smoke and get into fights

>attacked by male black and male hispanic on minibikes

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DIS GON GIT GUD

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Evenin' roberts. looking forward to some unwinding around the embers of a city.

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>>129411772

BOI YOU HIT A WOMAN U GOIN TO JAIL NOW

It's a full moon, lads. What kind of coonery are we looking at?

>>129412116
baboons doing hit and runs and wife beatings

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Evening, Roberts. Been waiting all day for RRH.

>>129412310
So have I. It's only 10PM here. Is it worth jumping in yet?

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>>129412116
>full moon
>over 85 degrees
>some fuckstick got shot a couple days ago and the media gave a damn
>1st of the month gibs are gone, making do with "homemade" drugs

We might get fucking cannibalism.

>>129412393
Just tuned in but seems like Male Black is already keeping Robert busy.

>>129412438
Still won't compare to the murderfest that the 4th of July will be, but in terms of general niggardly behavior, it should be quite a show.

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Detective Cole Phelps, badge 1247 is on it

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>>129412760
Meanwhile, get your memorial 4th cards now folks!

Also
>hit and run
>no injuries
>no callback
I'm sure they're gonna jump on that.

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First time here.
I need a quick rundown on this species of thread.

>>129397035
Bahahaha this thread is awesome

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Went to Chicago this week for job interview, and now inclined to accept the offer.
Am I doing it wrong, Robert?

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ooooh....FULLMOON

>seriously is it a full moon tonight?

>Is it a Full Moon tonight

Good luck Roberts

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>>129413065
We listen to Chicago burn. The Count counts the shells. People make flashwave. Someone keeps tracks of every ass shot. We hear the calls to prayer of the liberal, progressive dream. We wonder how exactly you get a four year old drunk enough to fight a cop.

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Evening, Roberts. My short term stock has damn near tripled, fucked a qt3.14 in the parking lot of a bar last night, have tonight off, let's see if the good luck keeps on rolling tonight.

>>129413065
Follow along with the dispatch calls as Robert tries to quell the mayhem in Chicago. Robert's most common foe is Male Black but there are other villains. Generally, these threads are super comfy and friendly. Welcome aboard.

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>>129413065
>Listen to CPD radio
>talk about things of note on CPD radio
Also
>count

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Chicago needs a fucking truck full of good old boys rolling about and blasting "bad moon rising" through downtown tonight.

>>129413354
It's a full moon and over 90 degrees. Already found a decomp body in a dumpster.

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> Full Moon
> 80 degrees
> Weekend night

and NO CRABBY!!?!!
we're doomed

Caller's garage was on fire earlier

>needs to file a report about his garage that was on fire earlier

Dispatch gave that Robert a laundry list of crap to respond to.

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I hope you're all nice and comfy, Roberts. Things will start ampin up soon I think

Blackout!

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Chi-time

>>129413065
The Lads and Lasses listen to the chaos of Chicago as it happens. Weekend nights are prime time. Stay a while, get /comfy/ with your favorite drink, listen and join in the running commentary.

>>129413552
Always a good start. Not to mention street lights out, always a fun time.

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>>129413556

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>full street blackout
>no streetlights at all
>robert sounds like he's less then thirty seconds away from a music sting in a horror movie

People arn't even gonna die out there, just fucking vanish...

>>129413552
You forgot the part where the body was in multiple bags

>>129413065
Well step one is to get comfy.
Step two is to listen to the police scanner.
Step three is to laugh at the chimps

>unclothed riders

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>illegal gambling call in the backlog
>with bodies, battery, fire, and kidnapping

Rattle them bones sambo, rattle them bones.

>snickering roberts
>"unclothes riders..."

>>129413678
cigars, beer, balcony, and a warm summer evening

yeah I'm /comfy/

>unclothed riders
Damn, I forgot the World Naked Bike Ride was tonight. This'll be interesting.

>unclothed riders
hmm, what sort of debauchry is this?

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>>129413939

>caller has a knife

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Evening, Roberts.

Go home,Adam. These are Robert hours.

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>>129413065
Best break down I have:

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>homeless male
>cart in middle of street
>has knife

>"how dare they..."

>Gunpoint robbery

>goddamn morse code

Fucking christ, it's not even midnight...

>>129414389
It's going to be a good night

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How many get added this weekend?

>intoxicated husband threatening to jump in front of a train

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>>129414490
not enough

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>robert responds to block party
>was supposed to end hours ago
>finally calls in
>sounds like calling from the shores of hell

>random hit and run, maybe
>both dispatch and robert getting snappy
>"somebody ran somebody over, or something, it's on canal!"

>Male blacks physically fighting
>as opposed to more traditional psychic combat

>Streetlights still out in shitass street, avoiding it like the plague

>mental disturbance on the train tracks

Day at the goddamn races...

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Wonderful chaos!

>>129414848

Excellent summary
don't forget potential dismembered body in 2 black trash bags

>Goooood morning, Robert. Got fireworks for ya.

>>129397035
NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER FRIED CHICKEN NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER WATERMELON NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER CIGARETTES NIGGER NIGGER NIGGER WHITE WOMEN

Can't wait til I get home. Pulling a few Guinness from the fridge, maybe order a pizza, then I'm getting /comfy/.

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>multiple male black
>open liquor bottles
>hanging outside woman's house
>harassing her kids

I am so fucking glad i grew up in the middle of fucking nowhere, and had traditional parents. I couldn't fucking imagine.

>>129397035
http://heyjackass.com

Illustrating Shitcago values complete with a shot in the ass meter.

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>>129415022
That's just the rundown for the last 5-10 minutes.

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street lights out.... no hope.. its painted black

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>body removal

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>>129415138
I'm so offended, robert!

>>129415294
It is going to be a very comfy night

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>news on the dead streetlights
>lights still out
>it's not a power outage

THERE BE POWERFUL COONERY AT WORK TONIGHT ROBERTS!

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>>129415465

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goddamn, Carl Johnson

24 people fighting under a bridge?

>24 People fighting under bridge

Did she just say 24 people fighting?

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>Battery in progress
>24 people fighting
>under a bridge
>may or may not be different then the OTHER bridge fight currently being investigated

The sewer nigs are back, and they are culling their ranks in preparation.

>bald spic fled on foot

>>129415712
Last saturday Robert responded to a 500 "person" call

Second time I'm coming here, can someone give me a quick rundown on Robert

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>>129415822

>>129415911
>post ending in 911

what was meant by this

>>129415684
>>129415711
What do you think, roberts? Do those chimps think that everyone thinks they're tough, or do they realize everyone just thinks they are chimping-out pavement apes? Sorry i worded that kinda awkwardly...

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>male black urinating in the parking lot

>>129413939
step four is to pray trump sends the feds on these baboons

Evening roberts, have I missed much?

>>129415911
Male Black's worst nightmare

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>>129415822
Just when you think you've heard it all, Robert... Male black really doesn't disappoint, eh?

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>male black urinating in parking lot

>"I don't see the street you told me..."

>"Good Morning!"
>Elderly male black drinking and trespassing, cussing people out, won't leave

>mother being threatened by caller's brother, nothing further

>Streetlights are still randomly fucked for unknown reasons

>Someone keeps calling, for some reason, anonymous
>robert being dispatched to swat someone

It's not even late, gents.

>male black with dreads and a gun
what are the odds

>caller was asked to leave the church

>>129416281
hes also a scholar with alot of friends :^)

>>129416281
You mean it wasn't a white, blonde haired christian? What a shocker!

>auto accident
>suspect now has gun
>dreads red hoodie

>>129416105
Evening, Robert. Possible body parts in a dumpster, handful of mentals, 24 Male Black brawl and some pissing on walls.

CHECK YOUR DAMN KEYS, ROBERT!

>>129416414
>24 Male Black brawl
hype for a new mixtape dropping?

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CHECK YO GOTTAMN KEYS

>>129416524
What do you think goes through their heads during a chimp out? Do they think it's badass?

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>negress kicked out from church
>needs escort to get her shit back

>manhole cover shifted
>caller wants police to investigate
>THEY ARE COMING BACK

>being a uber driver in chicago is a living hell

>weird, random signal noises on all channels, once sounded like morse code

>not many shots, but lots of guns flashed

>panic alarm at spic house

>hit and run
>victim pulled a gun
>chicongo baby

>kicked out of ribfest

It's gonna be a fucking wildfire when the bars close down for the night.

>>129416158
Nope. As far as villainous scum goes, you really can't top Male Black.

>the naked bike rider is southbound on odgen

>naked bike rider

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Would listening to this feed for 2 hours on a weekend evening redpill anyone to be racist?

>>129416619
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zhgwy9y5ttA

Pretty much this

>>129416619
I'm sure they do. It sounds like such an exhausting life having to play the tough guy and fight everyone over everything.

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>naked bike rider

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Crabby would sort this Open Key bullshit right quick

Shaniqua is fucking around

>>129416803
>they're like this due to systematic racism
something like this would be a standard liberal response

Watch those keys

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Whoa what those keys roberto lmao!

>>129416524
Hilarious joke! Wow! :)
You can listen to the mixtape tomorrow xD Take a break laddie, get some rest.

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>>129416803
Some people, yes, but not everyone. A week or two though? hell yes. It's the beating pulse of the city, no way to spin or tilt it. Black folks fuck shit up. How or why doesn't matter, they do, and it's fucking hard to deny listening to this.

would you roberts CHECK YA GOTDAMN KEYS!

fuckin robert

What does that outer perimeter mean?

Mexican motherfucker

>>129416805
hahaha kek'd

FIVE MINUTES
>FIVE MINUTES
FIVE MINUTES
>FIVE MINUTES

holy shit that's a dank key beat being dropped

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someone is having sex on the shift and triggering keys

KEYS ROBERT KEYS HOLY SHIT

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>CPD has outer perimeter closure in effect
What in the goddamn...

>>129416908
I think she's probably taking the old man out for a drink somewhere.

>that fucking downbeat of a open key
What in the fucking hell robert, goddamn...

>Robert beat boxing during downtime

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Check your damn keys, Adam.

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Officer Tyrone freaking out

Has anyone heard Robert die on the scanner? :( I'm sure it has happened :(

>>129417174
Dunno but sounded like something needed to be contained. Is Male Black attempting to escape Chiraq?

that was musical as fuck

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>>129417482
3-4 wks ago there was the 2 cops that got shot with an ensuing manhunt.
much entertainment had

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>>129417483
Don't even joke about that, man! Could you imagine if they started branching out, and bringing Chicago to your hometown?

>machine gun
wew

>tail end of a naked bike ride

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RRH in 3 minutes

REAL ROBERT HOURS
E
A
L

R
O
B
E
R
T

H
O
U
R
S

>>129417483
someone needs to send that to John Carpenter

>shots being fired
>sounds like a machine gun

>Machine gun

Sounded like the mixtape the bridge crew dropped earlier.

>>129417578
Damn I can't believe i missed that!

"sounded like a machine gun so caution"

No big deal

>jesus christ!

REAL ROBERT HOURS

ALL ROBERTS CHECK IN

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>>129417628
It is a war zone after all

>>129417689
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr_VbIg5LrU

Never forget

>>129417772
ROBERT Reporting in!

>male black with an ak47?

>walking around with an AK47

>male black
>dreads
>ak-47

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Open carry with an AK

ak47

>AK 47
Holy holy holy

>>129397035
>black male with dreads walking around with an ak47

be careful Robert

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>shots fired
>"sounds like those machine guns again"
Sweet fuck...

>domestic
>Intoxicated mother refuses to re-enter the house

>that one dispatch who sounds like she's about to faint every call

>"Someone get us a cage car"

>need multiple cages
>sounds like the shores of hell
>again

>Male black
>Dreads
>Carrying a AK-47
>walked to security booth
>unable to contact caller
press F

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>>129417802
never

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>Male Black walking around with an ak-47. Right on cue.

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Hope all the new Roberts are comfy, it's been an exciting night so far

So the AK 47 was reported by dispatch RIGHT when RRH started... It's clockwork, Roberts!

>>129397035
SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN

>>129397035
Ive been in Chicago for 24hr now and will be here for 2 months ama

SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN!!

>>129417942
I hope Robert got that nigger in the end

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>>129418072
this isn't leddit, fuckface. No one gives a fuck about your AMA
unless you're not NW of Cicero, it doesn't matter

ooooo that voice tho

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Anyone with stylish art skills, could you make a cool /CPD/ aesthetic work of art out of this?

Im new, used to do this by myself to kill boredom, had no idea there were other freaks like me

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>>129418150
They got the driver. Never heard if they got the shooter.

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>In Chicago for the weekend because I have to be
>Decide to go to goodwill because I've got nothing better to do
>Fatass black cashier at register
>she slowly, SLOWLY checks the printed price on these 20 year old books
>"yeah ok, so these are $4.00 each because on the back they use to go for $30 each in the 90s, instead of the $2.00 er advertised
>"Fine whatever, just ring it up"
>Ok that's 12% tax on top of that
>ok....
>Also another $0.40 per bag because we have a bag tax in Chicago
>6 people in line behind me because she has to do all this manually
>Pushes rewards program on me, but can't explain how it works
>Mexican children literally screaming in the background as this is going on

I've been here for like an hour & I already hate the place. How do people live here?

>>129418270
Im staying near Cicero actually. My host family said it was okay but there's motels nearby so it has prostitutes

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>>129418072
This is a /comfy/ thread so maybe you won't get trolled too hard here but...

>>129418317
Welcome Robert!

>>129397035
>5 male black teens

NOT SURPRISED

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>>129418317
Welcome to the party Robert

>>129418509
>>129418442
Thanks for the kindness

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>>129418412
>How do people live here?
>People

>male white
nice to see some representation

Car vs bike

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>throwing trash at people

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>hispanic throwing trash at people

>>129418572
Hey Paco, what'ya think of all the Chicanos in the US?
Do real Mexicans despise them? Like them? Not care?

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>>129418648
>Garbage attacks with same, film at ten

that one dispatcher sounds mmmmmmm sexy

>>129406228
Honestly they should throw that one back there are bigger fish.

new to /cpd/. Who is "Robert" and what is this meme?

This is pretty sad to be honest.

>>129418856
Lurk moar, fagonzola

>>129418856
Robert is the hero that Chiraq needs, but doesn't deserve.

>>129418856
see
>>129414332

cool sound effect

>>129418856
HE'S THE HERO CHIRAQ NEEDS BUT DOESN'T DESERVE

Lmao the aliens are taking over

>male white
>drunk
>big guy

>that keystep

check your fuckin keys robert

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Office Shockwave checking his keys

>>129418856
>BUT WHO THE FUCK IS ROBERT???
ROBERT is the hero Chiraq needs but doesn't deserve; His nemesis is MALE BLACK, a notorious thief, murderer, and general rapscallion. By night they battle for the fate of the city.

>>129418981
That's a lot of alcohol for a white male.

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>>129417942
The long night that was May 2nd 2017.

Robert's Theme Song in his race to save Chiraq.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaY1ihyBtbA

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What's with niggers and being shirtless in public?

>>129418972
>>129419046
Preach

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>>129418966
>>129418967
>>129418972
>>129419046

kek. Fuck that is hilarious. Cheers anons. I'll be listening.

>>129419163

Heart of Madness fits better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrE6kZp9OeQ

>>129419238
80 plus degrees

Also nigs never invented shirts so it is very unnatural for them

SHOOTOUT!!!!

>>129419307
/cpd/ has the best memes

fireworks? I think Robert doesn't want to check it out.

>>129419163
If we're doing this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV_3Dpw-BRY

Meanwhile
>silent black male
>screaming black female

>multiple shots fired
>or fireworks
>who fucking cares

>10-42 fireworks, disregard shots fired
Holy fuck burgers are retarded

>>129419330
Lmao, they did not invent anything.

>>129419307
Welcome, we do this nightly. Make sure to tune into the 4th of July shit show

>>129413253
Chicago is big depends where.

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>>129419239
Damn didn't mean to give myself a (You)... And now I'm doing it a second time...

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>>129419163
Omae wa mou shindeiru

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>bout to be a shootout.

>>129418641
That reminds me of a game w used to play in PE class when I was in elementary school.
It was called, "Throw your trash on your neighbor's lawn"

>>129419307
This may contradict what we just said but we call each other "Robert" here, not anon

>>129419437
Is it really bad then?

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I forgot to fill this end, do fireworks count as 'something explodes'?

>>129419562

Planet of the Apes

>>129419062
As happy as I am my pic was used for that, still a depressing night.

25 ROBERTS
>25 ROBERTS
25 ROBERTS
>25 ROBERTS
25 ROBERTS
>25 ROBERTS

>>129419439
Even in the expensive rich part of Chicago you still see the special people walking around sagging their pants and cursing. >>129419608

>>129419562
If it's like last year, then yeah... it will be happening.

60 shot

>http://archive.is/OeGme

>>129419608
Asian suspect must be hard to fill.

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>>129419380
Truth. This thread hasn't been purged of humor like other parts of our board....

>>129419738
Holy shit, really? god damn cant wait

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>>129419738
jesus fucking christ

>>129419380

2nd best

/sg/ takes the cake

bURGLARY WOOO

>>129419900
"Breaking Into the Basement" sounds like a euphemism for anal desu

>argument with mother and needs an officer
>10/4

kek

LMAo. what did they say about "his mother"?

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comfyyyyyy *wheres my grape dank?

>>129419847
t./sg/

>>129420027
Lmao

>>129419989
Kek

>>129420027
That means like over right?

What time is it in Chiraq? Also, when is crime the worst?

two entering the rear, but no one can be seen. Ghost fucker?

New bread baking - standby

>>129420128
It's 10:30PM there. Real robert hours have commenced.

>>129420128

Crime is worst right after the bars close.

>>129420125
yea

>>129420128
currently about 10:30p, crime is worst during the summer/hot spells and overnight on the weekends

Big guy white male again.

>>129420128
Real ROBERT Hours and REAL ROBERT HOURS

>>129420203
Wish robert the best

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any time at night... weekends worst... holidays they burn the city