Best of Cruzposts

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I love tedposting

>>128176070
No.

>>128176070
It's Oscar not Omega.

Bump, I don't have any saved but these were great, especially the redemption arc

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>>128176546
>amazonigates
I can't find my sides

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>>128177408
I really need to organize my folders, I know I have a lot of El Rato, but I would have to search for it.

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>>128176070

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Yo yo yo hol up I found one

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>>128178911
kys

how was this meme born

>>128176070
Cruz is a leaf

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>>128176070
Dumping time. I'll have to see if I still have the pastas to go with them

>>128179033
Lighten up nigger

>>128179157
By the grace of God

>>128179424
STill the best one 10/10

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The original

>Did you think I'd forgotten, Dahnald? For a thousand years I have waited, watched in dejection as you made your pitiful country great again. I hope you enjoyed yourself. I really do. Because in the time that you were president, I have amassed a great and terrible army of of skeleton delegates - skelegates, if you will, Donald. Without you around to ward off the forces of Chaos, I can finally escape from my prison. You just made your first mistake, Donald. Now I can return to that fateful night in 2016 and claim what is rightfully mine! Together with my army of skelegates, I will finally have the majority I need to become the Republican nominee, and fight a principled conservative campaign for President. Nothing will stand in our way. Goodbye, Donald. Your New York ways will taint the Party no longer. This is the priesthood rising! With my new powers, I will plunge this country into TEN THOUSAND YEARS of darkness, and the delegates...they will be at my side every step of the way. Thank you, Donald.

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>>128179424
>>128179647
Still dumping; ip changed

>You wanna know how I got these delegates? My opponent was...a liberal...and a bully. And one debate, he goes off crazier than usual. I call him out to defend myself...and Dahnald doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit. So, the audience watching, he calls me "Lyin' Ted"...and laughing while he does it.
And he turns to the audience and says "am I right or what folks?"

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>>128179894
>Dahnald, it's you... This? It's just a scra-*COUGH COUGH*... a scratch...
I'm finished, Dahnald.... Her New York values were too much.. she blew through me like Monica Lewinsky blew through her husband...
Don't worry about me, Dahnald. You have to go. She might be strong, she might have Los Angeles and NYC, she may have the executive branch behind her, but you've got something she'll never have.... *COUGH*
You got a spirit like an unbreakable wall! I know, *COUGH*, I know you can take PA and NV, I just know it.
Go, Dahnald! Go! Forget about me! I'm heading up to have a bowl of guac, with Marco and Ben...
Dahnald... Take my endorsement... Just remember...
>...You're a #CruzMissile now.
--See you, Canadian cowboy

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>>128180126
>As Donald Trump walked out on stage and was greeted with a thunderous applause from the american people, Ted Cruz watched silently, just out of view.
He sighed, and let the wisp of a smile play across his face for just a moment. His bitter enemy, who had beaten him so thouroughly, who he had joined in desperation to face a much greater foe, who he had come to respect, and who he had used his final technique to assist in his darkest hour, was triumphant.
>"I may have been the True Constitutional Conservative, but Dahnald, you were the better man."
He reached into his pocket, and took out a small bauble.
His last delagate.
The one thing tying him to this world, and it was fading fast. The Amish-no-Kageyoshi had taken too much from him.
He felt oddly at peace, none of it mattered anymore. He had lived to see his goals realized, and would soon leave the world a better place.
"Adios, Dahnald, we'll share a bowl of guac again someday."
>He turned, and slowly walked away.
The sound of footsteps soon faded from the stage, a tinkling as the last delagate bounced a few times on the wooden floor, and then silence

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>>128180471
Too lazy to greentext properly, and on mobile, sry

>"Come, Dahnald. Friend or traitor, come. Come and look upon the GOP, and true conservatism. And bring the delegates... I have need of them."
"Come to the debate hall. I wait for you there, where we last met, countless ages ago."
"Come to me, through caucuses and generals. I welcome you."
"Welcome, Dahnald. Together we shall speak for the Law and the Land, and shall drive the mongrel dogs of the Clinton Campaign from Washington."
"Is this how you honor the Republican Party, and the candidate unmourned? Come to me openly, and not by Twitter."
"Delegoth Ur welcomes you, Drumpf, my old friend. To this place where legislation is made."
"What a fool you are. I'm a true conservative. How can you kill a true conservative? What a grand and intoxicating innocence. How could you be so naive? There is no escape. No amoral lies or New York values can work in this place. Come. Lay down your delegates. It is not too late for my mercy."

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>>128180893

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>>128181055
>This is it, Dahnald.
I have searched several months in pursuit of true conservatism. Journeying to the icy plains of Antarctica, the searing deserts of the Sahara, the unforgiving battlefields of Afghanistan, and the damp quagmires of the Amazon, I got closer and closer to my goal.
And all the clues point here, Dahnald. Off the pristine coasts of the Canary Islands, I am going to obtain the fabled Atlantigates.
This will be the most difficult foray of my quest yet, Dahnald. I don't expect the sunken skelegates that guard the inundated hallways of the forbidden city to give me an easy time. This is why I have enlisted 12 of the nation's best and brightest Navy Seals to accompany me on my journey, all who have been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Qaeda with over 300 confirmed kills.
We'll get the job done, Dahnald, and I will return with the secrets of true conservatism to spread across the dimensions.
But for now, Dahnald, it's my turn to jump. I'll let you know what I find.
GERONIMOOOOO

>>128179647
Literally nothing tops this.

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>>128176070

>Omega

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>>128181262
Last one with pasta, have a few standalones

>DAHNALD. DD-D....ZZZT...DAHNA...LD! I'VE REDIRECTED THE POLLING SATELLITES, AFTER FIGHTING OFF THE UNCONSTITUTIONBOTS WITH THE HELP OF MY GALACTIGATES... THE REST IS UP TO YO-U--U...U....*Feed Lost*

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>>128181487

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>>128181651

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>>128179424
Another version I think

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>>128179223
Found the brainless leaf hater

>>128180893
LMFAO

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>>128176070
>pic semi-related

>>128180893
By nerevar, that was good sera

The ending of the words is ALMSIVI

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Ravioli, ravioli, give me the delegates-oli

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>>128177684
>made jeb look like turtle
>your delegates still exceded mine

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>>128182029

>>128176546
>wishing to part me of my souligate
Gets me every fucking time

>>128176746
he posted it wrong so he wouldn't get van'd

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>>128180893
>Delegoth Ur

>>128191662
>>128191987
SAMEFAG

Hi, Ted Cruz here. Well, this is my campaign speech. It all has to come to this. Today is the Day of Ratribution, the day in which I will have my revenge against the American people. Against all of you.
For the last 6 months of my life, ever since I insulted everyone in New York, I have been forced to endure an existence of humiliation, rejection, and bound delegates, all because voters have never been attracted to me. I'm 45 years old and I'm still a senator. I've never even held a convention. I've been running for president for a year and a half - more than that, actually - yet I'm still a senator. The RNC is a time when everyone experiences those things, such as pandering, and country music, and....and delegates. While all these weeks I've had to rot in irrelevance.
It's not fair. You voters have never been attracted to me. I don't know why you voters aren't attracted to me, but I will punish you all for it. It's an injustice, a crime, because I don't know what you don't see in me. I'm the perfect candidate, and yet you throw yourselves at these obnoxious New York liberals, instead of me, the True Conservative.
I will punish all of you for it. On the Day of Ratribution I'm going to enter the hall of the Republican National Convention, and I will slaughter every Clinton-backed, Trump-supporting fake conservative I see inside there. All those delegates I've desired so much, they would have all rejected me and looked down upon me as an inferior candidate if I ever made an advance towards them...while they throw themselves at these progressive demagogues. I'll take great pleasure in slaughtering all of you.
You will finally see that I am in truth the superior one. The true grassroots conservative. Yes. After I've annihilated every single delegate in the convention, I will take to the streets of Cleveland and slay every single person I see there.
You denied me the nomination, so I will deny you the presidency. The priesthood is rising, Donald.

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im usually ted cruz on steam. of course its ruined by reddit fags only knowing the zodiac killer reference

Does anyone have
>And the delegates? You can keep them. Never could get the damn things to work for me anyway, heh.

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>>128182664
>cant decide between rand paulburger or jeb! burger
>mfw cruz burger

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>>128192771

>>128176070
No.

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>>128193032

>>128177684

Someone else did this speech slightly differently and posted it to YouTube... And it's one of the best things on the entire site. I start working out any time I hear it.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WoL-2aFCnSM

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>>128192586
>reading it with a Japanese accent in the head
> 10000. kek
>suddenly realize it's racist for doing that!

libtard's worst nightmare

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>>128176070

>>128176070
Who's got the booger clip?!

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What's with this pose anyway?

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>>128176070