Programmers, why haven't you taken tha cyanide pill?

MS in CS from Stanford here. Love this copy pasta. OP is totally correct.

Everyone in CS at Stanford immediately goes and gets non technical positions at tech companies. You definitely don't want to get stuck being a programmer

>>128018653
>be programmer
>work 4h a day max
>get good pay

?

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>tfw Comp Sci major at Uni with top 5 program in the nation
>tfw also in upper tier frat
>tfw girls love finding out that I'm Comp Sci because they don't expect it
Speak for yourself, cuck. I will be enjoying my cushy tech start up job in California soon.

This thread every fucking day
>>be "programmer"
>>make programn in Ti-84
>>get hired as an IT guy for a real estate company
>>90k salary while I go to school for computer enginiggering for more programn

neck yourself OP

>>128019059
You're not a programmer. Write a regular expression that detects palindromes. I'll wait

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>>128018653
This copy pasta again q.q

>>128019272
I went to uiuc too, before Stanford. Get out and into a non technical position before you're 30. You don't want to compete with 20 year olds the rest of your life

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>>128019280
None of you white bois kang code this.

None.

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>>128018653
section .text
global _runnin
_runnin:
mov ecx, 1

tha_game_plan:
push ecx

xor dx, dx
mov ax, cx
mov bx, 15
div bx
cmp dx, 0
jz kfc_fried_chicken

xor dx, dx
mov ax, cx
mov bx, 3
div bx
cmp dx, 0
jz mcdonalds_fried_chicken

xor dx, dx
mov ax, cx
mov bx, 5
div bx
cmp dx, 0
jz popeyes_chicken

mov eax, ecx
call matematics_n_sheet
jmp bangin

kfc_fried_chicken:
mov eax, 4
mov ebx, 1
mov ecx, fizzbuzz
mov edx, 11
int 0x80
jmp bangin

mcdonalds_fried_chicken:
mov eax, 4
mov ebx, 1
mov ecx, fizz
mov edx, 6
int 0x80
jmp bangin

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>>128018653
popeyes_chicken:
mov eax, 4
mov ebx, 1
mov ecx, buzz
mov edx, 6
int 0x80
jmp bangin

bangin:
pop ecx
cmp ecx, 100
jz white_cracka_cops
inc ecx
jmp tha_game_plan

white_cracka_cops:
mov eax, 1
mov ebx, 0
int 0x80

matematics_n_sheet:
push esi
mov esi, 0

pythagorean_remainder_sheet:
mov edx, 0
mov ebx, 10
div ebx
add edx, 48
push edx
inc esi
cmp eax, 0
je benjamin_stack_frontage
jmp pythagorean_remainder_sheet

benjamin_stack_frontage:
cmp esi, 0
je whack
dec esi
mov eax, 4
mov ebx, 1
mov edx, 1
mov ecx, esp
int 0x80
add esp, 4
jmp benjamin_stack_frontage

whack:
mov eax, 4
mov ebx, 1
mov ecx, nl
mov edx, 1
int 0x80
pop esi
ret

section .data
fizz dw „Fizz", 0Ah, 0Dh
buzz dw „Buzz", 0Ah, 0Dh
fizzbuzz dw „Fizz Buzz", 0Ah, 0Dh
nl dw 0Ah, 0Dh
section .bss

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>>128019280
>>128019464
White bois have a whack ass grip on tha theory of kang computation. These white ass crackas be tryin to do their perljizzle and pythonnnn whack ass graming to try to implement yo straight up question.

What dese whack ass crackas fail to undastand and why des white crackas ain't no grammers is that accordin to da theory of computing a regular xpression gotta be writable as what dose white geeks call a finite state atomic machine shit.

The thang is dat atomic machine shit is FINITE as in not universal or foreva. You kangt have inifinite stacks up in that bitch. So fo a lil palindome like "wewuzuwew" u make da machine like

aight -> w -> e -> w -> u -> z -> u -> w -> e -> w -> BANGING

than u gotz to add

aight -> w -> e -> w -> u -> z -> u -> w -> e -> (entire alphabet witout dat w) -> SHEEET

If yo build dis finite atom and boot up dis bitch and plug in "wewuzuwew" you get "BANGING" and yo ass just KNOW yo got a palindome

But if you get SHEEET, you played yoself boi

Noaw we got probs if we try to build dis bitch for ALL palindomes.

Ain't possible homeboi.

So yo white ass crackas, pay mo attention in yo Theory of Kangputation and stay da fuck outta the KANG profession.

>>128019280
>regex
>programming

nigga what?

>>128018653
What...? Mate, sound like you're in the wrooong profession and it's making you miserable as fuck. Look, I'm currently fucking a programer - he's awesome, funny, charming, smart, makes decent money, great in bed, has a fucking six pack...

I'm sorry to say but it's not the profession ... it's you. Go back to school or whatever, just do something that you actually at least somewhat enjoy.

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I'll just leave this here

>>128019280
>regex
>detects palindromes

Can't be done

>>128025687
Must be great being a girl, you get praise for doing literally ANYTHING

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>>128019464
>uiuc
>Implying

>>128018653
Because I like it.

>>128025687
>left, single programmer
>right, comments for department
When I write code (who the fuck calls it programming anymore?) for myself I do not comment shit, unless excluding sections or setting aside an alternate process while I debug.
When I work as part of a group, or have to be able to pass on my work to my backup or QA team, I comment so they know what is going on.
I work 5-12hrs a day depending on what is happening. I can work graveyard shift to get things done, I make my own schedule and am able to do gigs if I need a little extra on the side.
Programming is taking a computer and making it do work, and turning that work into money.

>>128018653
>Programming's father, Alan Turing, 404'd himself with cyanide because he was a programmer.

Yeah, I don't think "being a programmer" was his problem.

>>128021094
fuck yo assembly biatch!

>>128021094
I can't compete with the big black code. Pls program my wife.

>itt butthurt comp sci nerds with zero social skills

Being a software engineer is easy as hell if you actually have a brain and a personality. Hell, I've only been working in the field for four years and I'm already a senior developer with 4 developers working underneath me

nice pasta. hopefully it'll demotivate poos and leafs and women from getting into programming.

>>128021094
So marketable, fuck me

>>128027479
t. pajeet

>>128018653
>it's an NSA shill wants everyone to be computer illiterate episode

>>128018653
It varies a lot, from industry to industry and country to country and even compant to company.

Your text describes working for big companies pretty much spot on but small - medium companies are usually comfy as long as it's not "family run" or some other bullshit.

Devs don't help themselves either. The geek culture is toxic and encourages man-children, obsessed with ninjas, gizmos and playing with the tech toys. I am always very critical of candidates that are like this when I interview them.

You are totally right about women over a certain age. Girls don't care though, at least here because apps are "cool".

>>128025687
Fuck this twat.
Literally none of her fans understand what is happening in either scenario, and if the fast inverse square root was documented in full detail, they still wouldn't understand it, and wouldn't accept that it was used on purpose for its performance.

>>128018653

Am an entry level programmer and this is pretty spot on. Shit sucks, but I'm too retarded for any other profession

Fuck it maybe I'll take up HVAC or welding or whatever

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>>128027291
Listen White boi. I only enrich weak white boi codebases in Canada thx to ma homeboi Trudope. Yo wife code base will be enriched wit big black code in no time wit dem niggaz 'rivin in Ostria thousands by tha day. Soon thar will be such a hi concentratson of diverse niggaz up dere she just gotta bend her phat booty ova and a nigga will inject his big black python code direct into yo hoe ass wifes kernel fo free.

Ya feel me?

>>128019280

>regex
>palindromes

How come Americans are so stupid?

I'm a computer engineering undergrad and I despise 99% of the people that go to classes with me.
A bunch of shallow shy manchildren that can't stop talking about videogames or le epic science dude and which deepest form of discussion is which linux text editor is the best, for god's sake is a fucking text editor not a religion.
I may be butthurth because I'm a sorta brainlet that can't get to understand complex analysis, but that doesn't change the fact that if I ever get to own an startup with my daddy's money I'll definitely hire these fucking idiots just so I can treat them as inhumane as posible without being sued for huma right's violations.

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>>128025687
What the fuck is this? Why does the right side have more comments and little "XD" bullshit than it has actual code? This legitimately pisses me off. Why doesn't she just go back to the fucking kitchen?

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>>128032416
They won't sue you, they are cucks. Programming is the only skilled profession that doesn't have any professional organization or union.

Programmers exist solely to use them from 20-25 at 100 hours/week because they have no lives and you can pay very little because they are cucks and need no money like normal people for life events (marriage, children, etc).

Then once they start to bitch or demand more money you simply fire them and hire the new programmers and use them all over.

Effectively, in most countries programmers make on average the minimum wage per hour since they code 16 hours a day for fear of losing their job, especially if they're older.

EA did this for years. They would force coders to work 100+ hour weeks, no overtime, and threaten to replace them with the hundreds of thousands of unemployed coders in Canada. They made record profits off these cucks

>>128026720
Mate I'm a dev manager myself. It's not about the comments - left code is an inv sqrt root function. Right just checks for the larger int, and has if (a > b) && (b < a) ffs...

>>128018653
>programmer
>married
>5 kids
>wife homeschools
>self sustainable
>can detach and work on my own, from home

>>128025687
the more i look at the right side of the code the more confusing it gets

software engineer(aka programmer) here

been doing this for 3 years(2 were during college). The last year or so I've been a project manager. Getting a new job sometime soon, then vaulting myself into management.

if i did this for 5 more years i'd be pissed at myself for being a failure

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>>128035040
>children are half-black

>>128018653
>>128035040
I have to say, though, most software devs are progressive parasites with either a purely nihilistic or hedonistic worldview.

>>128035711
I'm a southern white, you projecting parasite. My children are blonde haired, blue and green eyed.
They aren't growing up as degenerate protestants or neocatholics, either

>>128035711
Show us where the nasty developer touched you, leaf

>>128034681
hopefully I'll never have to live from that, parents forced me to get a degree before taking off their business, since I'm an electronic/programmer hobbist I asked myself why not study my favorite hobby?
I never thought I'd seen just as much shit pilled up as the the moment i first walked on my first class.

>>128018653
You keep making this retarded thread and keep ignoring good advice.
Fuck off leaf. Kill yourself if you're too retarded to be self-employed.

>>128022808
Thank you for this I kek'd.

>>128019059
this
>work from home
>$130k/yr salary
>life is baller
i have a security clearance so can't be replaced by pajeet and also don't code in subhuman java language

>>128018653
This is only in companies where the core of the business is not technology, and programmers are the cost center, like HR or janitors.
In bona fide technology companies programmers have prestige and good pay.

>>128034691
You missed the part where she didn't account for a == b ... apparently, max(1700, 1700) returns 5.

If you look at the repositories under Karlie's github account, take a look at the commit history. Really, do it.

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>>128018653
>It's like a postal worker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft1PKrhhQPo

Nope. Postal workers make bank, have a union, 401K, and layoff protections. They can also "transfer" jobs, which means they can move to any state/city they want and they'll have a job lined up for them when they get off the plane.

Also, the machines are automated and do most of the work.

>>128018653
>Programming's father, Alan Turing, 404'd himself with cyanide because he was a programmer.
WRONG. He was a mathematician and killed himself because of his mental illness.
Programmers are like brick layers, they do a simple, repetitive job. The mathematican is like the architect or structural engineer, the people who understand the whole structure, for them bricklaying is a trivial task not worthy of attention.

Insulting Turing is really wrong to denounce Turing like that he did a lot of good for the world and doesn't deserve to be labeled as something so low as a programmer.

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>>128038181
The Wakefield massacre occurred on Tuesday, December 26, 2000, at Edgewater Technology in Wakefield, Massachusetts, where Michael "AotC" McDermott, an application support employee, shot and killed seven co-workers.

The weapons he used were an AK-47 variant, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a .32 caliber pistol. He fired off a total of 37 rounds, shooting his victims in the back of the head repeatedly. Police later found a .460-calibre Weatherby Mark V rifle at the defendant's work station.

>He was found by police sitting calmly and stated that he did not speak German.

>At trial, he stated that he was born without a soul and that God had allowed him to earn a soul by traveling back in time to kill Nazis.

>McDermott claimed he had "traveled back in time and killed Hitler and the last 6 Nazis." However, the prosecution asserted that the killings were motivated by his employer's garnishment of his wages for the IRS, to pay child support taxes that he owed.[citation needed]

McDermott was found guilty of seven counts of first degree murder. He was sentenced to seven consecutive life sentences without the possibility of parole.

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>>128038181
>doesn't deserve to be labeled as something so low as a programmer.

wew lad: the post

>>128038439
I wish that he went back in time and killed this """"""""""""liberated mathematician"""""""""""".

>>128038956
>wew lad: the post
A great mathematican should not be compared to a regular office worker.
There are millions of programmers living right now but probably less the 10 people who contributed to science as much as Turing did.

Are you next telling me calling Gauß just a regular accountant is justified?

>>128025687
>else if(a > b && b < a)
>return a;

rustled

>tfw you realise that talking to a computer (code) is nothing like talking to people through a computer

computer's are awful

I don't know how people subject themselves to learning the minutiae of different programming languages, etc., knowing that it will be obsolete in a few years

>>128018653
You don't want to work for a company, I agree, but you can make low six figures in yoropoor monies or in petrodollars easy mode.

You'd be damn fool to not dip your toe into that pond.

>>128031445
>Americans
>stupid
Says the Mexican :-D

>>128040471
it's obvious you don't understand programming
the algos, underlying concepts and design patterns don't change
the syntax is simple window dressing

it's like saying that there's no point in being an accountant since the tax code changes every year

>>128032416
asshole

>>128032416
dont exploit people

>>128025687
What the fuck