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Programmers, why haven't you taken tha cyanide pill?

This is a red board which means that it's strictly for adults (Not Safe For Work content only). If you see any illegal content, please report it.

Thread replies: 324
Thread images: 61

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For one, programming is an incredibly degrading job that offers 0 job security and is the vocation most plagued by ageism by a far margin. You are not respected at any normal company. Every day, some Alpha who probably does nothing at his job except get his secretary to suck his dick in his corner office cucks you into doing random bitch work, and then yells at you when it's not done by the deadline despite it being impossible to complete the work requested. Not only that, the code rarely works, your co-workers are Indians brought in by Tata Consultancy who will replace you for half the salary and you have to train them to get your $500 severence, and the work never, ever ends. You pollute your body with the caffeinenated jew, deprive it of sleep, and let it rot while you sit the majority of the day, neglecting any healthy exercise, social interaction or life goal attainment.

It's like a postal worker, but coupled with feelings of loneliness, helplessness and total hopelessness. Programmers are too depressed to go postal, a sad state of affairs. After dentists, programmers have the highest rates of mental disorders, especially depression and suicide.

It gets worse. Women, when they hear you are a programmer, instantly reject you. It is far better to tell a woman you are on welfare than to out yourself as a computer programmer. It's highly embarrassing for a woman to associate with a programmer, as everyone knows they are the grown up version of the hopeless virgin in high school. One who never really grew up and became normal and fit into society, but rather found an environment where he could escape the reality of his situation and be invisible, able to hide the toxic shame and utter humiliation that is the programmer.

Programming's father, Alan Turing, killed himself with cyanide because he was a programmer. Programmers, why haven't you taken the cyanide pill and quit programming and turned to a respectable and productive profession to better society?
>>
>what is a brogrammer?
>>
>>127397581
Computer Engineer here. Anybody who goes into CS instead of CE should off themselves...
>>
>>127397581
What's wrong leaf, your gf cucked you with some programmer making $150000/year?
>>
BI engineer here.

OP doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about
>>
>>127397581
This is the EXACT copypasta of a month old post.

The (((guy))) is probably cucked that he became a omega after some prog took his wife
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>>127397581
>>127397995
>>127398219
>>127398749
>>127399091
>>127399557
>>
>>127397581
Did your woman ride an Indian cock again leaf?
>>
>>127397581
>quit programming
I've made about $7.5 million USD from my Android app in the last 6 years.

I quit programming this year, because I retired at age 38.

You're a fucking moron.
>>
>>127399653
I write SQL dumbass.

I know you're trolling and probably desperate to change the topic from the fact that AN INSANE DONALD TRUMP SUPPORTER EXECUTED TWO PASSENGERS ON PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IN PORTLAND OREGON or the fact that JARED KUSHNER ASKED FOR DIRECT WHITE HOUSE ACCESS TO THE KREMLIN but if you're gonna troll at least don't troll with this anti technology nonsense on a fucking tech driven message board.

Faggot
>>
If you are a developer in the private sector you are fucked. What they can't outsource to India they have imported Indians to do. You "might" be able to find a job as a government contractor if they require citizenship, cuts down the Indians by half, but still about 1/3 are
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>>127400095
>LARP: the post.
>>
>>127400095
what kind of app?
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>>127400129
>Risperidone: the cure.
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>>127400573
>>
>>127398219
Difference?
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>>127401050
>right click
>inspect element
>change balance to seem higher
i do that all the time
>>
>>127400631
I made one of the first cross-platform MMOs for Android and iOS. It's basically a piece of shit but generated a lot of money.
>>
>>127397581
>programmer
>posts picture of man in datacenter
real network engineer here, no one but power, network and systems are allowed in that room.
Programmers are not any of those.
>>
>>127401050
Leafs BTFO
>>
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>>127401050
>CSS element editor: the demonstration.
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>>127397581
Computer Engineer here, programming is indeed a grueling, boring, mind-numbing task. It drains the life out of you and only a few people are talented enough to innovate through it and still actually have fun while at it, these people are usually high-functioning assburgers.
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CS or CE?
I'm going into college soon, HELP
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>>127402078
physics and math or just physics
>>
>>127402340
kys retard
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>>127402057
http://gawker.com/5885196/the-tech-industrys-asperger-problem-affliction-or-insult

>Somewhere north of 15,000 American children are conservatively believed to be afflicted with Asperger Syndrome, a disorder characterized by obsessive and rigid behavior, poor communication skills, clumsiness, and a lack of empathy and reciprocity. Cases of Asperger's and a related disorder, autism, exploded in Silicon Valley over the past 20 years, according to state-funded outreach workers — an assertion that will come as no shock to users familiar with pedantic, apathetic, tight-lipped and self-serving tech companies.

programmers == mentally ill
>>
>>127402078
CE, do not throw your fucking life away.
>>
>>127402390
oh my
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>>127402623
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>>127402585
What do you mean? I'm interested
I heard the work/life balance is fucking good
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>>127397581
You have a point
>>
>>127402078

CS is all programming, while CpE you'll have to do a lot of electrical stuff too. I'm an EE/CpE double major, might as well do CS if you just want to code.
>>
>>127399653
> HTML
> programming

Just kys. You obviously have no clue what programmers do.
>>
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>>127402796
I KNOW
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>>127402788
>>127402078

If you mean CE as in civil engineering, idk shit about that.
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>>127402788
If you manage to land a job in academia then it gets comfy, but as a programmer you'll slave away for years unless you're some kind of talented super-genius.
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>>127402691
>>
>cs or ce?
>not self taught
pretty pleeb in here.
>>
>>127402837
In CS I heard you only have to put in 30 hours a week at work so long as you grind it for those 6 hours a day. And you get hired quite fast outta college as well, how's the job market for CE?
>>127402957
Computer Engineer
>>127403038
I'm not a steve wozniak and i dont wanna be one. I wanna get payed well, and have a great work/life balance. Seems like CS can offer me that
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>>127397581
>it's true
>it's all true
>i just never wanted to admit it until this thread
>>
>>127401627
Technical director at my company started as a coder and still spends half his time coding. Not only could he enter that room at will, he can fire anyone who works in there. Nobody gives a shit about slot jockeys, your job is just to support us while we do the real work
>>
>>127403248
>I'm not a steve wozniak and i dont wanna be one. I wanna get payed well, and have a great work/life balance. Seems like CS can offer me that
Yeah, it can. I know some CS guys that have comfy lives thanks to their jobs, they all love programming. If you like programming then CS is probably the area for you.
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>>127402942
how do i beep boop this to you
image=0
posters opinion=1
beep boop boop beep?
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>>127401050
>supposedly makes all of this money
>still posting on 4chan and having to prove to anonymalouse that he's a superbigguy and show off his autism bucks
There
The proof

It's right there
OP is correct
>>
>>127397581
Yeah your bullshit story doesn't interest me at all, but I'm very intrigued why dentists would be most plagued by mental disorders
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>>127403537
Problem is, I've never coded.Doing some shit on here
>https://www.codecademy.com/learn/all
Coming to terms with the reality pill is discouraging but as my dad said, all work is shit you might as well get payed well and work under 40 hours if you can too
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>>127398219
Whats the difference?
>>127400095
Im on route to doing the same.
>>127400317
Not likely. 3rd world devs only ask for 5% the pay for a reason. Their code is dirt.
>>127402078
Only do software development if you like it. Or else your life will be hell.


Software company owner here. Gonna release a game in about 4 months or so. Its gonna be big.
Ask me questions you plebs, I will give str8 honest informed answers.
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>>127403548
Audibly kek'ed

You must have been an excellent bully in high school, I can just tell. True craftsmanship
>>
>>127403038
This really got hammered home for me yesterday. Listening to an old developer in his 60s in the office beside mine get scolded by his 30 something Chad boss. Unless you are genius level, that will be us in 30 years, awful
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>>12739758one
WOW ITS THIS PASTA AGAIN
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>>127403723
>doesn't interest me at all
>I'm very intrigued
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>>127403723
Looking at teeth all day while people glarg at your questions will drive anyone crazy
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>>127403723
Probably from staring at those sarlac-like mouths full of cavities, canker sores, pus and generally swamp-ass breath.
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>>127403723
Every dentist wanted to be a real doctor and lives with that shame.
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>>127397581
>Be Programmer
>Explicitly want a 40 hour only jobweek because I want to live my fucking life
>Boss compares all programmers under him to this one faggot who fucking lives there and just dose coding day in and day out for near 16 hours a day
>"Why Don't you be like Faggot over there?"
>mfw I realize I can't compete against the likes of him
>mfw I realize that 95% of programmers out there can't compete against the like of this fucking machine that turns junk food into code

I want to go back and change my degree.
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>>127403928
The rest of your story is just boring pasta. Tell me why dentists are plagued by mental disorders
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>>127397581

I haven't because it pays me $120,000 a year and I drive a LX350. Usually vacation on my 4 weeks of PTO overseas and can buy anything I want.

I also roll into work at 11AM and am out by 6PM.

so yeah, the money is why. What else is the purpose of a fucking job anyway?
>>
>>127403764
Maybe you'll eventually find out that you got the talents for it. Some of my friends from college had no notion of programming whatsoever before enrolling, many of them went on to become successful coders.
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>>127404134
Everyone hates you
Everyone is terrified of you

among other things
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>>127403248
.net developer here. Some weeks I work 60 hours, some weeks I work 10 and browse pol all day. This job is totally results driven, so you get a lot of freedom. I work from home whenever, come and go at will. But a result driven job means the stress can be unbelievable, and the occasional all nighter. I'm fatter, balder, and closer to heart attack because of this job.
>>
>>127404441
Hm that might actually be a point
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>>127404127
Can't you program a robot that programs for you or something lol
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>>127401101
CS = high-level (math) theory
CE = low-level application
>>
This is bait is see this copypasta every couple days. Coding is sweet EE here
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>>127404604
IDE's (essentially programming interfaces) automate a lot of coding nowadays, and there's plenty of reused code in essentially any software. In the future all coding will be done by robots, all we'll do is code the software for these robots.
>>
>>127404127
At least it is possible for anyone to work long hours. I have a couple actual genius on my project so I'm always the dumbest person at every meeting
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>>127403808
How many hours do your people work?
I like programming because you're working towards a project
>>127404477
fuck man, why work from work? It doesn't light a fire under your ass to do shit
>>
>>127403808
is Lynda a good website to learn how to code/program? what language should I start in?
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>>127404791
Hmmm, I guess things are done differently around here in HUEzil. Here in my country CE's math theory is as deep as the one given to Civil Engineers and Electronic Engineers.
>>
My life was exactly like Office Space when I worked as a Java codemonkey after Uni

Left that life to become an inventory clerk in the Military and haven't looked back since
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>>127404997
C++, C#, Ruby, Java. These are highly used still, even Java though everyone makes fun of it. Before getting started, read up on Programming Logic. It'll help you a ton.
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>>127404997
Assembly
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>>127404127
What would you do instead?

I'm a year and a half into a compsci degree, and I'm getting nervous.

Is an IT degree worth it instead?
>>
>>127404951
I got a nice office. Plus i was looking for a job for so long and getting rejected so many times that actually being able to go to an office each day now is like a reward
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>>127405365
kek he gonna go mad
>>
You must have had a pretty good job experience to feel that way op. Too bad i'm making 6 figures doing it.
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>>127405399
If you concentrate on something like machine learning you should be alright.
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>>127404997
Just learn JavaScript man. Companies love to hire based on trendy bullshit like angular, react, knockout. Knowing JavaScript well, whatever flash in the pan buzzword js framework companies are clamouring for, you'll be prepared
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>>127405789
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Just applied to a bunch of apprentice jobs which I'll be rejected for because I don't have 5 years experience

Should I just give up and get a CS degree, I've been falling for the trades meme for the past 2 years and it's getting me nowhere
>>
>>127397581

>What women think about programmers

A growing number of women believe computer programmers are sexy. You may think I'm just saying that because I'm a programmer but keep reading, I have some even less convincing arguments. Some women say they've married a computer programmer and couldn't be happier.
Why is this? Computer programmers spend most of their time with their computers. They may be nice guys but most are not exactly Kevin Costner look alikes.

Okay, computer programmers are employed and educated and can be polite and honest as well. And they stay home. These are good traits, but they don't exactly explain programmers' incredible sex appeal. (And that appostrophe on "programmers'" is correct!)

>So what's the attraction?

Obviously, if you're a woman and you're trying to decide which evolutionary track you want your offspring to take, you don't want to put them on the luge ride to the dung-flinging Olympics. You want a real man. You want a knowledgeable computer programmer with evolution potential.

Plus, with the ozone layer evaporating, it's a good strategy to mate with somebody who has an indoor hobby. Outdoorsy men are applying suntan lotion with SPF 10,000 and yet by the age of 30 they still look like dried chili peppers in pants. Compare that with the healthy glow of a man who spends 12 hours a day in front of a video screen.

It's also well established that computer programmers are better lovers. I know because I heard an actual anecdote from someone who knew a woman who married a computer programmer and they reportedly had sex many times.

>If you still doubt the sexiness of male PC users, consider their hair. They tend to have either: (1) male pattern baldness -- a sign of elevated testosterone -- or (2) unkempt jungle hair -- the kind you see only on people who just finished a frenzied bout of lovemaking. If this were a trial I think we could reach a verdict on the strong circumstantial evidence alone.
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>>127404951
I only have one employee atm. He gets $55/hour and his work is very flexible. He took off 2 weeks this month, no problem. Then wants to work 70 hours in one week, no problem either. Works from home too. He is a very good coder, so it makes it easy for me to be an easy going boss.

I work more or less none stop these days, all other hours are sleeping, eating, minor outings, being in a daze. I will be slowing down for this summer though. Need a vacation after 2.5 years of str8 work.

>>127404997
Not familiar with Lynda.
If you are serious about coding you need to do the following:
- make it your life aspiration until you are in the biz (srs - there is a lot of competition for good work/positions from neckbeards who have spent 50% of their lives coding)
- learn the fundamentals of good coding while learning to code. Start coding (Java or C# would be my recommendation) and pick up some recommended books on code concepts (object-oriented programming, databases, networking, code-cleanliness).
- at this point you need to decide if this the right fit, do you enjoy coding?
- if so, research whats hot and in demand in the market and focus on doing projects that can showcase your niche skills
- if you have a good portfolio of work, companies will hire you

OR

- go to UNI
>>
>>127406327
Are there any unpaid internships at your uni? Take those jobs, you can quote on them for experience afterwards.
>>
>>127406434
CS or CE?
The CS program here takes less time and less math and science. I'm scared of not getting a job, but i also don't want to sit in front of a computer all day
>>
>>127406327
>I've been falling for the trades meme for the past 2 years and it's getting me nowhere

Every time you're about to fall for a new meme you have to understand that trades, along with any other field of employment are shilled by people who have found success in them. Just because trades suit them, doesn't mean they'll suit you. Find something you more or less enjoy doing and that suits your personality and make a career of it.
>>
>>127406651
>do CE
>sit in front of a computer all day or meetings with pajeet

>do CS
>sit in front of computer all day or meetings with pajeet

You just can't win bro
>>
>>127406327
Trades might be good, all I know is I'm already making more than my electrician father. Maybe cuz he's a drunk, or aybe cuz the trades we're just a meme like you say
>>
>>127397581
Because I'm not a leaf, I'm self-employed and I call the shots. There's more people with stupid ideas than there are good programmers. The average self-proclaimed "programmer" is someone who can edit an HTML document. There's a very high demand for actual programmers. If you're an actual programmer and have the confidence, you're retarded if you go through a middle-man and let them treat you like shit.
>>
>>127406754
>Find something you more or less enjoy doing and that suits your personality and make a career of it

That's what I'm doing right now, spent 4 years after highschool working trying to find a career I would enjoy, found something suitable and went to trade school for it, enjoyed the work and education I was doing then I graduate and can't find shit

What a massive waste of time it's all been
>>
>>127406800
The work blackpill is soul crushing at this point man... It's making a hole in my brain. All Engineers work like obsessed maniacs so I don't wanna do that, i just want decent pay, rewarding job and a family.
>>
Why does this weird thread keep getting posted? It's like those "I'm getting sleepy time for bed" posts.

I have a BS in Computer Science. I was a programmer for years, now I'm a system analyst/manager with 10 employees reporting to me. I work exclusively from home and I make $100,000/yr. And the industry is still desperately short of programmers. A career in programming is guaranteed employment for life, making more money than your friends. And you can work in any large or mid sized city, anywhere in the world.

Take student loans, lie cheat steal, whatever you have to do and get yourself into programming if you have any brains at all. And believe me you don't have to be MIT material. And also don't get the 4 year degree unless you are super smart and can work at some premier company. I could have had the exact same career with a 2 year degree. No employer has EVER asked me about my degree, only my experience.
>>
>>127407044
>i just want decent pay, rewarding job and a family.
I think these days are over, man. We'll slave away at our desks to barely make a meager hunger-salary and then we'll die.
>>
>>127407044
Browse monster and look for the programming jobs. Programmers are desperately needed.

Get student loans. They will loan you enough for the school, the books, and your HOUSING! That's how I did it. Dead broke and I got my BS in computer science. I paid those loans back over years but now I'm set for life.
>>
>>127407285
It's so sad man, just goes to show that looking after the individual doesn't always mean fulfillment. People are happier when the community is happy, and no i don't advocate for communism.
>>127407268
Should I sludge through programming to get a raise or some merit to move out of there?
>>
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>>127407268
t. yawned
>>
>>127407268
It's is not gauranteed employment. Technology changes at breakneck speed, so every three years you are having to learn a totally new job basically. If you aren't willing to perpetually be struggling to keep up, you'll get left behind immediately and have no job
>>
>>127407624
I'm not just talking out my ass...

I'm in my 40s. I graduated from high school, moved out, had zero help from my parents. I worked at Arbys, took out those massive student loans and made it happen.
>>
>>127405365
Not completely false.

Everyone who does programming should be able to do at least a little bit of Assembly. You should know what the compiler is doing with your code all the way down. If you understood even a little bit of it you would know why some decisions are better than others.
>>
>>127407624
Yeah man I know it sets you up for life or whatever but the work seems physically and mentally degrading. You're just sitting there... But if you don't get on the boat of Technology you're pretty much fucked
>>
>>127407716
Jesus Christ dude, you're talking to a man in his mid 40s. If you are willing to travel you can get $65/hr for contracting jobs and it is not rocket science. You wouldn't believe some of the idiots I work with.
>>
>>127407268
Enrolled in 2 year diploma for computer programming this fall.

Thanks for this encouragement. I hope you're not trolling me.
>>
>>127397581
Not this motherfucking thread again.
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>>127407923
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>>127406434
Im this poster.

>>127406651
CS or CE as in Computer Science vs Computer Engineering?
Could'nt say as I don't know how they differ.
It comes down to what best equips you for coding work. Ask more coders what they think, do some research
>>
>>127407792
Degrading? You want to be a pirate sweetheart? An astronaut? You just sound like a lazy fuck to me.
>>
>>127407906
thank god!!!

NO I am not trolling. You will be set for life. Don't fuck around, make sure you get good grades. Learn linux, java, spend some free time learning different things and it will pay off.
>>
>>127408017
Can you give me a detailed description about what CS and Computer Engineers do for work?>>127408032
Kill yourself. I do wanna work fucknose, if not i'd just leech like any other nigger. But fuck degrading yourself for some shekels.
>>
>>127406968
I make good money but I'm seriously tired of being a full time employee, There's so much retardation and autism at work that I don't the energy to do anything after work besides browse this damn site.

I've got one or two ideas for apps but I have no idea if they'll pan out. I should at least go into contracting, cut out the workplace politics, just go in, get my shit done, get paid and move on to the next gig.
>>
>>127407906
Get linux.
Install postgresql.
Play with the database, get familiar with SQL.
Learn linux administration.
all of these things will pay off.
>>
>>127408356
yes

contracting cuts out all the BS. no more "yea team" meetings and "how not to offend minorities" training.
>>
>>127408356
Oh I forgot to add, I've been at this company a year and I was the last white person they hired, it's been all Pajeets since then
>>
>>127407903
Aspies tend to consider anyone not them an idiot. If he's a regular person, he's gonna have a bad time when his boss tells him to become an expert in angular2 over the weekend
>>
I swallowed the programming meme and taught myself python in 3 months, build a bunch of shit in pygame, write scrapers to get data and plot trends with matplotlib, start playing with tensorflow.

Anyway, I applied for a few entry level jobs, didn't even get a response, I was willing to work for $10 an hour if it meant I could learn more on the job.

I guess I could learn django but not seeing the point as its hard to get an entry level job unless you're Indian so they can abuse the fuck out of you.

My new goal is to become a PT abs target fat women in their 30s and 40s and fuck them while their cuck programmer husbands are at work
>>
>>127408575
No way.

I wrote a compiler in assembler in 1988 as part of my studies. What a waste of time.

In the real world I don't use any math. I wrote reports, SQL, modified an order entry system in a simple language. You just have to be organized. In my 20+ years of programming and system analyst work I've never had to strain my brain.
>>
>>127407903
I don't understand. Contracting and traveling? Can't you just code from wherever?
>>
>>127408752
You can't get that entry level job unless you're in university. You can get hired for an entry job while you're in university and they will NOT care if you never finish that degree. Then you are in.
>>
>>127408922
Remember you're not just coding out in the ether, you are working for an employer. You will work where the employer tells you to work. You will have to move where you can get the entry level job. You will not be able to work from home in an entry level position.
>>
>>127408922
Here's a real life example.

I lived in the midwest and landed a contracting job in Florida through monster. Every Sunday night I flew to Florida, worked at that location to modify their system in North Carolina, reported to a manager in North Carolina, and then Friday night fly back to the midwest.

I could have did all the work from home. It was absolutely bat-shit crazy to have me fly to florida to work on their North Carolina system. I didn't even speak to anyone in their Florida office. But that's what idiot managers make you do.
>>
>>127409055
I misunderstood the 'willing to travel' part. I thought more business trip, where I now believe you are saying willing to move for the job. Is this correct?
>>
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>>127408752
>>
>>127408786
Good for you, im honestly happy for you. what you are capable of has no relevance to him though. You bragging is just going to set him up for agony when he's staring at a phone book sized web services manual and his phone ringing off the hook from a pm asking if he's memorized it all yet
>>
>>127409364
Got it. Thanks
>>
>>127408953
I'm too old for university and I'm not doing a 3-4 year degree and getting into debt for what I can teach myself with a book for $30.

White guys need a degree and to be above average because they need them to carry the load of all the shit tier pajeets
>>
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None of you can code. Want proof? Implement Fizzbuzz.

>Print X sequential integers
>If a number is divisible by 3, print "fizz".
>If a number is divisible by 5, print "buzz".
>If it's divisible by both 3 and 5, print "fizzbuzz".

98% of people can't code this. You can use any programming language.
>>
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Have any of you roasted OPs computer yet? Don't feel bad, he's practically begging you to do it. I know it can be done, my brother is a heavy white hat, and has told me all about just how vulnerable this site is.

Keep me posted please.
>>
>>127397581
The problem isn't programming the problem is you. You're a spineless beta who can't get a girl, can't stand up for yourself and picked a shitty company to work for.
>>
>>127409874


str = ""
if X % 3 { str + "fizz" }
if X % 5 {str + "buzz")
print(str)
>>
>>127409428
Yes. You are rarely required to make business trips as a programmer. Exceptions in my career have been when our companies plants in different states were all moving to the same system. I had to go to each location for 2 weeks over the course of a few years. 2 weeks per site, only one trip per year.
>>
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>>127410152
>>
>>127401230
If true congrats
>>
>>127409478
Good point. Don't go into web. I was never on the web team. The web guys get all of the glory and all of the stress.

I was strictly order entry, shipping, reports, etc.
>>
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>>127409882
>OP isn't a tinfoil-hat wearing paranoid schizophrenic ex-DARPA/CIA PhD computer forensic expert who wears 8 black hats on top of his tinfoil hat while shitposting behind 6 gorillion proxies from a nuclear bunker in Antarctica
>>
>>127410613
what team is best?
>>
>>127410152
>forgetting the conditional and (&&) symbol in order to print "fizzbuzz" for %3 an %5
>>
>>127410769

These. SQL, pick,pack,ship programming. SAP if you can get it, but this is not usually entry level.

http://job-openings.monster.com/monster/7fe970a4-71f4-4396-bb46-b59fb2412431?mescoid=1500142001001&jobPosition=2

http://jobview.monster.com/sql-developer-job-fort-lauderdale-fl-us-184500870.aspx?mescoid=1500142001001&jobPosition=3

http://jobview.monster.com/lead-analyst-sales-distribution-sap-sd-le-implementation-job-deerfield-il-us-184478598.aspx?mescoid=1300087001001&jobPosition=3
>>
>>127410835

your an idiot. it does print fizzbuzz i just did it in a "clever" way (+ appends strings in many languages). i did make a mistake by not including ! in the ifs tho, but everyone gets that
>>
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>>127410835
Shh, wanna see some other cucklutions

There's like 40 autists trying to code this right now and they have no idea how
>>
>>127410946
You're a cool guy
>>
>>127397581

Reminder that network administrators are the chads of the IT industry
>>
In 20 years I have never touched a web system. For me this is as hard as it ever was:

manager: omg we need to know how many xparts we shipped for ycustomer in january or we won't be able to close the books for month end!

me:
select order_no, ship_date
from database
where cust = ycustomer
and ship_date between '01/01/2016' and '01/31/2016'

manager: thank god! you da man!

Seriously. I mean really seriously. And with this bullshit, I am set for life.
>>
shit dude, i kinda do programming and think it's kindof fun. i make about 230k in SF dollars and am in the 40's. maybe you should give up java and go with python.
>>
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>>127410984
>First condition: Print X integers
>prints no integers
are you this fucking stupid?
>>
>>127411221

you had to be the only computer guy in the company though for manager to be amazed about that. Maybe thats whats best for the ego, make sure you work with non computer people.
>>
IT, you'll frequently be the only non-indian in the meeting.

Trades, you'll frequently be the only non-latino on the site.

In both cases they will all despise you.

Are there any jobs where you wont have to be constantly reminded whites lost WW2?
>>
>>127411445

just add a while(1) then , geez
>>
>>127397581
Kill yourself, OP

sage
>>
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>>127411581
>First condition: Print X integers
>prints no integers
>>
>>127411508
You don't get it. The manager has no idea about programming. I work for a mid cap, multi-billion per quarter international company. There are 1,000 IT employees. The manager has no idea what is hard in IT and what isn't.
>>
>>127410993
I can write fizzbuZ in mindfuck you stupid nigger

....Just give me a sec
>>
>>127411445

X = 0
while(1):
{
str = ""
if x % 3 { str + "fizz" }
if x % 5 {str + "buzz")
print(x + str)
}
>>
>>127404791
Don't you mean
CS = low-level (math) theory
CE = high-level application

Are you a FAKE?
>>
>>127411202
this, its pretty fucking hard, but running a network makes me feel like a god
>>
>>127411789

lol
also edit print(x++ + str)
god i hate leafs
>>
>>127397581
I-I programme, as a hobby

That's right, I come home from a 50 hr week to program...
>>
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>>127411789
>Wew lad: the post.
>>
>>127411508
It's amazing how many people in tech companies have absolutely no clue about databases or ANYTHING that happens below the web layer. The programmers included.
>>
>>127411986
Literally 98% of people don't know how to code fizzbuzz. Even people with fucking CS degrees.
>>
>>127404997
Honestly, python, then move on to c++ or java, or javascript if you want to do Web dev
>>
>>127411884
Same here. Tried to do some razzle dazzle to help with pizzagate and seth rich research.

webpage=http://abc.go.com/local-stations
if [ -z "$webpage" ]; then
echo "USAGE: $0 <webpage> goes to standard out"
exit
fi

wget -qO- -U firefox --referer='http://css-tricks.com/forums/topic/font-face-in-base64-is-cross-browser-compatible/' "$webpage" | sed 's/"/^M/g' | sed 's/(/^M/g' | sed 's/)/^M/g' | grep -i www>output2.txt
>>
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>>127397581

>Doing a CS and Psychology double major
>Read about terrifying applications of this degree daily, such as FB's large scale emotional contagion within social networks or psychometric ad targeting research
>Want to unleash extremely large scale psychology experiments onto unknowing subjects even more

help me lel
>>
>>127412108
What's for pizzagate/seth rich

I'm writing an app for éire/pol/
>>
>>127412217
Now that is truly beautiful. Keep up the good work anon
>>
>>127411755

Maybe it was long time ago? like at the start of digitizing companies with databases and such. Also still you got tasks by a non programmer. where i worked i got tasks by a more a experienced programmer. that was true hell
>>
>>127409874
too bored to make it better


function OPISAFAG(X)

if X>0
if rem(X,3)==0 && rem(X,5)==0
sprintf("fizzbuzz")
elseif rem(X,3)==0
sprintf("fizz")
elseif rem(X,3)==0
sprintf("buzz")
else
sprintf(X)
end

OPISAFAG(X-1)
end

end
>>
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>>127411789
>protip: there's only one output per iteration (#, fizz, buzz, fizzbuzz)
>>
>>127411755
Doesn't that cut both ways? "Hey, I heard on the radio documentDB is DA BEST!! Convert our tsql database to docdb by Friday or I'm replacing you with this Indian who said he could do it by last Thursday"
>>
>>127408752
Yeah, you sound more productive than any of the Indian "senior software engineers" I work with who all make 100K.

Honestly if you have a knack for sales, which you must if you're considering PT, I would just go that route. Build up a solid reputation and customer list and the sky's the limit.
>>
>>127400095
Octopus?
>>
>>127412298

somehow I don't think that was the right answer haha

In any case, the awful thing is that computerized everything is sort of the future and based on the people I've met so far in the industry idk if this was the right path.
>>
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>>127412347
>elseif rem(X,3)==0
>sprintf("fizz")
>elseif rem(X,3)==0
>sprintf("buzz")
>>
>>127397581
Turing was prosecuted in 1952 for homosexual acts, when by the Labouchere Amendment, "gross indecency" was still criminal in the UK. He accepted chemical castration treatment, with DES, as an alternative to prison. Turing died in 1954, 16 days before his 42nd birthday, from cyanide poisoning. An inquest determined his death as suicide, but it has been noted that the known evidence is also consistent with accidental poisoning.[11]
>>
>>127412354

you never specified that. you need to pay more if you want that update
>>
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>>127412347
Your solution also is not sequential (you're doing it backwards recursively).
>>
>>127410993
is the fizzbuzz meme really a thing though?

I feel like it's actual trolling, I cannot honestly believe people are struggling with this. Or that companies even use this as an interview question.

SOMEONE GIVE ME A QUICK RUNDOWN
>>
>>127412307
Right, and you're a web programmer.

I am order entry and shipping. The manager in my story is a sales manager. What do we do in order entry and shipping? SQL. Nothing hard, ever.

Web, networking, database administration, these are the hard jobs. Pick, pack, ship. That's where people with medium intelligence can make a good career. Bonus if you have a good personality, the sales managers will love you.

Why are you trying to argue with me? Jesus fuck, do you think I'm trolling? You need screenshots from my work laptop?
>>
>>127409874
Pseudo code

If (fizzbuzz%3 ==0 && fizzbuzz%5==0) { print X }
Else if divisible by 3, print X
Else divisible by 5, print X
>>
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>>127412648


yes, but it was not stated it must be increasing
>was too sleepy to remember if fizz was for 5 or 3 so
>>
>>127412307
I want to hear more. Could you give some examples of how it was hell?
>>
>>127412422
Where do you get this crap? We converted our California plant from a legacy system to SAP and it took 5 years. Your scenario is like MSM trying to scare people about Trump. I started programming in 1997. Your scenario is ridiculous.
>>
>>127397581
So, what you are saying is... that goyim shouldn't learn computer programming, huh?
>>
>tfw CS degree
>tfw lazy retard who didn't learn anything
>tfw no job lined up

is there any hope for me? How do I make sure I don't end up killing myself in 6 years?
>>
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>>127412217
what thats a thing? im doing cs and i love psychology. so what jobs can you get with this ? what are you aiming for?
>>
>>127412687

im not arguing , im also not a webprogrammer. i just want to figure out where to work next.
>>
>>127405789
> if you know javascript you know Angular
Wew lad
>>
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>>127412679
Yes. I have friends who are senior in Silicon Valley and when they're interviewing sub-par candidates not from top schools they'll just use fizzbuzz so they get the interview over ASAP because literally 98% of people can't get this right.

For the top schools they usually ask something more challenging but not ridiculous, usually in steps. ie calculate the runtime of merge sort and prove it, then they'll ask them to code a recursive merge sort, then they'll ask for an iterative implementation of merge sort, balancing a search tree, etc.
>>
>>127412422
Here's how it works in reality.

The database will not be changed until it is almost sunsetted. When the database company sends the letter that they will stop support the database at some point in the future, a project is created to change to a new database. A project manager is assigned. Tasks are assigned. We have meetings. Its 90% bullshit and 10% actual work.
>>
>>127412307
Nah, American companies are pretty dumb, I could easily believe that story happened last year.
I'm sure there are plenty of smart people in that company that could have solved the problem, but if they're not his direct subordinates the manager will never ever ask them for help
>>
>>127413091
use MongoDb you dumb cucks
>>
>>127404951
>I like programming because you're working towards a project
Nice to hear that. Most of the projects I worked on remained on a fucking shelf for months; I didn't get to see most of them in action.
>>
>>127412780

like a guy that has been programming some system every day for 10 years and knows all the database structure of the company will be a wizard compared to you. I couldn't even understand what he said when he tried to explain tasks that had to be done. also its bad for ego when you are the worst programmer in the team. which you are if you are new and they are 10 years in. Much better if you have people around you that dont know whats going on but pays you.
>>
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>>127412706
>what is a loop: the question.
>>
>>127397581

But I have been exposed to cyanide.

It's why I don't eat almonds anymore.

It ruins them for you forever.
>>
>>127397581
Worst part is you are right.
I cannot work for 3 years now suffering severe depression when I was betrayed by co workers.

Good part is, I make more money from social security and private insurance than I could get as a programmer.
>>
>>127413196

i want to see your fizzbuzz now, in one line
>>
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>>127412778
recursion is so much prettier than this


function OPISAFAG(X)

for k=1:X

if rem(k,3)==0 && rem(k,5)==0
sprintf("fizzbuzz")
elseif rem(k,3)==0
sprintf("fizz")
elseif rem(k,5)==0
sprintf("buzz")
else
sprintf(k)
end
end

end
>>
>>127400095
>it a hot dog.
>and a.. not hot dog.
>>
>>127412870
From my job, that's an actual ticket I received, migrate ten years of legacy relational sql data into a new azure hosted docdb
>>
>>127397581
op is just trying to get whites out of the programming business so his dumb (((african american))) ass can land a decent job. Don't listen, if you can code do it.
>>
>>127413082
you mean the runtime complexity? And by prove it, do I have to reread that chapter of CLRS? Or can I just point at the code and say, "look. It's totally this time complexity"
>>
>>127413082
nice,

any tips to get a high paying silicon valley job?
>>
>>127413195
Ahh ok, I definitely know that feeling.
>>
>>127408356
Contracting is a million times better. You can work in your underwear at home and not having to deal with people.
>>
>>127413381
Why 10 year old data? SOX doesn't even require financial data for a publicly traded company stored more than 7 years. I believe you but I think you were exaggerating the timeline.
>>
>>127404997
If you want a solid foundation in programming and how a computer is really utilizing that code, C++. Difficult to master but highly rewarding. Plus if you master C++, learning any language after than becomes easy.
>>
>>127413291
System.out.println(IntStream.range(1, X).mapToObj(
x => x + " " + (x % 3 == 0 ? "fizz" : "") + (x % 5 = 0 ? "buzz" : "").collect(Collectors.Joining('\n')));
>>
>>127413647
How do you find contracts?
>>
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>>127397581
>Not only that, the code rarely works
My code always works, everything is tested, estimates are always pessimistic i control my CI and DevOps, and we deliver exactly what we say we're going to deliver every sprint. If a business douche or managerette wants you to do something wrong, tell them no. A doctor wouldn't perform surgery incorrectly due to social pressure. Take charge faggot
>>
>>127413747
Agreed. And it runs at light speed compared to java, etc.
>>
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>>127397581
>Programming's father, Alan Turing, killed himself with cyanide because he was a programmer.
>killed himself with cyanide because he was a programmer.
>because he was a programmer.
Enjoy your (you), you earned it
>>
>>127413710

When I worked for medicaid it was like that (migrating data 10+ years old)
>>
>>127413196
I've drank 3/4 bottle of whiskey, I ain't writing a while loop
>>
>>127404134
Unironically because (((dentists))) are heavily Jewish.
>>
>>127413506
google how to code, put your projects on github, profit
>>
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>>127413291
include "stdio.h"; void main() { int n=100; for (int x=1;x<=n;x++) { if (x%15==0) { printf("fizzbuzz\n") else if (x%3==0) { printf("fizz\n"); } else if (x%5==0) { printf("buzz"); } else { printf("%i\n", x} } }
>>
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>>127409874
> Blocks your path
c#

static void Main(string[] args)
{
// test case
int[] numbers = new int[]{
0,
-1,
1,
2,
204,
29123,
15,
25,
300,
30,
12,
35,
111,
233,
123,
34423,
12332,
50000,
30000000,
12343,
12355,
122,
12354334,
123423,
5430,
3343
};

fizzbuzz(numbers.Length - 1, numbers);
}
//This can be neater but this is a first pass
static int fizzbuzz(int i, int[] values)
{
if (i < 0)
return 0;

bool trigger = false;

if (values[i] == 0)
{

} else if ((values[i] % 3) == 0)
{
Console.Write("fizz");
trigger = true;
}

if ((values[i] % 5) == 0)
{
Console.Write("buzz");
trigger = true;
}


if (trigger)
{
Console.WriteLine();
}

return fizzbuzz(i - 1, values);
}

I did not do any error checking here. This can be easily adjusted to accommodate a random sequence up to intmax in this case.
>>
>>127407268
The same guy posts this thread all the time but /pol/ never falls for it, just goes right into talking about how programming is a great career
>>
>>127406327
The trades meme was to get people to willingly forego university, so there would be more resources left for their peers who weren't dumb enough to fall for that meme. Next time someone tries to encourage to go into trades, ask yourself: would they want their daughter fucking a tradesman?
>>
>>127413747
This. Mainly focused on C++ whilst learning code. Not using it in my career (it favors C#) but besides some syntax I didn't have to learn anything new.
>>
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>>127412648

kek, referenced myself in the other comment

Matlab's mex routines also allow for easy matlab to c++/java migration

public class OPISAFAG{
public static void main(String[] args) {
for(int k = 1; k <= 100; k++) {
if (((k % 5) == 0) && ((k % 7) == 0)) System.out.print("fizzbuzz");
else if ((k % 5) == 0
{System.out.print("fizz");}
else if ((k % 7) == 0)
{System.out.print("buzz");}
else
{System.out.print(k);}
}//if
}//main
}
gay static method, c++ fags fire away
>>
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>>127414131
>include "stdio.h"; void main() { int n=100; for (int x=1;x<=n;x++) { if (x%15==0) { printf("fizzbuzz\n"); } else if (x%3==0) { printf("fizz\n"); } else if (x%5==0) { printf("buzz\n"); } else { printf("%i\n", x); } } }
>>
>>127408337
>But fuck degrading yourself for some shekels
t. fucking retarded millenial
>>
>>127414131

>wont compile
>x%15
> just tries pressed everything into one line (one line means it has to be short as well, its not one line here)

1/10

at least you tried
>>
>>127413710
It's the federal government, they wanted all their data in docdb because their cio heard it was cool at a technology seminar
>>
>>127414182

>c#

moneysoft get out
reeeeeeeee


>>127414131

...really now?
>>
>>127407906
Do you think a degree is necessary? I've been learning on my own for awhile, right now I'm using Python, am looking into learning Linux, and I'm starting to study algorithms and computer architecture. Just not sure if school would help the process or if I can do it on my own
>>
>>127413828

neato
>>
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>>127414296
t. 5 = 7

also
>((k % 5) == 0) && ((k % 7) == 0)
>(k%35==0)
>>
>>127414511
3 and 5 are prime. If an integer divides two prime numebrs, it divides their product.
>>
Fuck meant >>127414613
For >>127408254
>>
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>>127413828
Delet
>>
>>127411854
I've seen better bait
>>
>>127414736

yea but its bloated to write it out. you never need to check for both. its one of the "clever tricks" to make is shorter. there are examples in this thread that does this (including mine)
>>
>>127414844
What does he mean by this?
>>
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>C based languages
>>
>>127415022
>>C based languages

Yeah, everyone knows that fortran and cobol are where it's at.
>>
>>127397581
>ageism
Stopped reading right there.
>>
>>127414296
Why do you have a print out for "fizzbuzz" instead of removing the if else and just using if statements?
>>
>>127414888
That is considered bad coding practice according to my boss. He doesn't even allow short circuits. He is into comment free coding, so no tricks or shortcuts, to maximize readability when other developers have to deceifer your code later. Thoughts?
>>
>>127415138

My mother was so anti-programming oriented when she heard I wanted to become a programmer that she made me read whole intro to cobol.

Apparently she ripped her eyes out back in 80s when she studied COBOL.
>>
>>127409874
https://github.com/EnterpriseQualityCoding/FizzBuzzEnterpriseEdition
>>
>>127415138
Cobol probably is, never changes, no Indians or new grads to compete with, financial industry so your pay is huge
>>
>>127415207
Kill your boss.
>>
>>127415207

agree with you boss on that in most cases. but fizzlebuzz is a game about creative and "funny" solutions.
>>
>>127415181

lazy code, it's sunday here
>>
>>127404099
kill yourself.
>>
>>127415022

>t. (x)f notation fag
>>
>>127413828
Correction

System.out.println(IntStream.range(1, X).mapToObj(x -> x + " " + (x % 3 == 0 ? "fizz" : "") + (x % 5 == 0 ? "buzz" : "")).collect(Collectors.joining("\n")));

this works.
>>
>>127415398
Ahh, well done either way
>>
>>127414841
Problem?
>>
this man is an intellectual powerhouse.
>>
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>>127413828
Java niggers

>>127413469
Yeah, just the Big O runtime. If you're interviewing for SV it's expected you know advanced algorithms (P/NP, approximation algorithms, monte carlo), so if you have problems with Big O that's a big red flag. You don't have to prove it formally, just as the interviewer sees you know wtf you're doing.

>>127413506
Go to a top school (Stanford, Harvard, MIT, Waterloo, etc). Otherwise have some insane thing you coded related to high-level CS (machine learning, computer vision, AI, etc) and send in the code.

>>127414888
Nice trips. (x%15==0) == (x%3==0) && (x%5==0)

>>127415181
because you'd be evaluating redundant cases; output is unique (#, fizzbuzz, fizz, buzz). You'd be hitting multiple cases at once
>>
if single then endme
>>
>>127412347
>f rem(X,3)==0 && rem(X,5)==0
>sprintf("fizzbuzz")
>elseif

lol fuck java ugly as shit
>>
>>127415207
I guess you could write some really undecipherable code with short-circuiting, but I don't see the problem if it actually makes sense. I just use && and || by default, because I've never needed to actually short-circuit.
>>
>>127397581
Why is a codemonkey in a datacentre?
>>
>>127415687
> (x%15==0) == (x%3==0) && (x%5==0)

look at this
>>127415589
see how he does not use 15 or && at all. you dont need to , if you are clever
>>
>talks about programming
>posts picture of systems analyst
>>
>>127415687
I don't even like Java, but I'm way more familiar with Java Streams than LINQ or whatever meme language you Candians are using lately.

As for your second reply, I really need to hit the algorithms books again. I don't remember a thing about any of those. I always assumed DP and graphs were enough to get by. Do places like Google, Facebook, etc., really ask about approximation algorithms and P/NP stuff?

I mean, I can look at a hard problem and think "yo that's NP don't bother thinking too hard", but I couldn't prove anything about it.

Am I doomed? What should I do to get a sexy Zuck job instead of being doomed to Cubicle web development at a non-tech company?
>>
>>127412217
Double in CS / Marketing here - not quite social experiments - but all the ad targeting algorithms, target audiences, remarking, data collecting and correlation

>that one time you wrote ray-bans on facebook messenger, and now your newsfeed is flooded with ray-ban ads
hi!
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>>
>>127416217
thanks I guess...
>>
>>127412217
get a job for the NSA. Why do you think they're collecting all that data? It's not for fighting turr-rism, it's because you can do cool things with a lot of data.

Or at least, if I were a government, that's why I'd have an NSA.
>>
>>127412347
>>127410993
>>127410835
alright hold the fuck up I'm a beginner but can you all using or advocating for all these extra conditionals explain to me why pic related isn't the desirable solution?
>>
>>127416523
and actually while I'm here why doesn't Python let me x++ that doesn't seem very elegant.
>>
>>127415978
the solution is incorrect.

>>127416115
Ughm, yes. You wouldn't have a chance in hell if you don't have a solid grasp on P/NP. Coding is a very small part of the job. Most of the work is understanding a problem, coming up with a solution and modelling it accordingly, then the coding comes last. Most problems are NP/NP-hard/NP-complete and you have to come up with P approximation algorithms to solve the problem. In addition you're working in a massively distributed, real-time environment. Algorithms are mainly based on mathematical ability, hence why interviews typically gauge your thinking process/IQ. Coding is important but they really care most about your intelligence. Someone with a high IQ that has a quantitative background can learn any language/grammar in a few days
>>
>>127416687
because it's not Pythonic :^)

python is a meme language, and expects you to handle loops in the form

for i in range(1, 100):
>>
>>127397581
You are wrong. Alan Turing killed himself because he was going through treatment for homosexuality.
>>
>>127409874
Assume x is an array of sequential integers
for(y=0;y<x.length;y++) {
System.out.print(x[y]);
if (y%3 == 0)
System.out.print("fizz");
if(y%5 == 0)
System.out.print("buzz");
}
>>
>>127416714
well shit.

Time to hit the books! Any advice for getting to the level of the brainiacs you work with? I'm definitely smart enough, but I don't think I'd quite know where to start, other than going through CLRS again.
>>
>>127416714

its correct , but you are too dumb to understand it lol
>>
>>127416758
>I tried "for (x in 100)" and gave up when it didn't work
Pajeet will feast on my job but thanks for the reply
>>
>>127416804
Whoops, forgot the x[y] in the if's now I look foolish.
>>
>>127417016
well yeah, in Python, you want to do iteration like
>for {varirable} in {collection}

and range(1,100) is a function that returns a list containing the integers from 1 to 100.
>>
>>127417176

lol why do you use a list , why not just use y the list is redundant
>>
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>>127416523
>ONE
>OUTPUT
>PER
>ITERATION

You are not to append fizz/buzz/fizzbuzz to the numbers. You're supposed to output either a number, fizz, buzz or fizzbuzz.

>>127416788
Yes, he was a degenerate faggot. But he was also depressed, a primary influence being programming. I studied under a Professor who was actually a codebreaker at Bletchely alongside Turing; he actually cracked Hitler's personal cipher topkek. Turing was a cuck.

>>127416804
>ONE
>GOD
>DAMN
>FUCKING
>OUTPUT
>PER
>ITERATION

>>127416875
Go to bed drunk Sven, it's what, almost 8AM there?

>protip
Another thing about Fizzbuzz is generally the instructions are given as I have. Most people will output a number plus fizz/buzz/fizzbuzz (#1 mistake). Anyone who has coded before will naturally ask whether the output is to be singular or appended to the numbers.
>>
>>127416714
>>127416872
what I really mean by this is, I don't understand the significance of you saying
>In addition, you're working in a massively distributed, real-time environment

what does this mean in terms of what I would need to know, and how should I get to a level of competence these top companies would be satisfied with?
>>
>>127417436
the first instruction you gave was "Print X sequential numbers"

You're saying I should've first asked you if you really wanted me to do that, or if it was all just a meme? I could understand that kind of thing in an interview, but you're in the wrong here.
>>
>>127417436
The implementation never asked to put out only one per iteration but that can be fixed easily with if else statements if that's what is needed.
>>
>>127417436
>You are not to append fizz/buzz/fizzbuzz to the numbers. You're supposed to output either a number, fizz, buzz or fizzbuzz.

Now hold on, your prompt was:

>Print X sequential integers
>If a number is divisible by 3, print "fizz".
>If a number is divisible by 5, print "buzz".
>If it's divisible by both 3 and 5, print "fizzbuzz".

Now where here does it imply not to follow the first step if the others are true? You're talking to programmers dude.
>>
>>127397581
>be CS grad
>get paid 32k salary programming in first job
>wtf
>work long hours, no time off, shit benefits
>get no respect in workplace, no recognition
>work 2 years
>fired for asking a coworker to disc golf on lunch break at the park on the other side of the street
>unemployed for 9 months
>kill me
>>
Pasta
>>
>>127417436

we already saw your fizzbuzz , it sucked
>>
>>127402078
don't go to college
>>
>>127402078
CS
CE is cool if you want to make machines for us programming gods to use and harness their full power using a solid understanding of linguistic and mathematic logic
>>
>>127417934
I'm pretty sure he was just trying to pasta us and it worked. But it was a shitty pasta.
>>
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>>127402548

> Asperger is a gift not a disease
>>
>>127402837
Depends on the school too. Some CS programs have a little CE thrown in. Usually they are the schools that put CS in the engineering dep't instead of science.
>>
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>>127417486
You're working with hundreds of thousands of servers and petabytes of data. Go to a reputable CS school if you really want to get into the field. If you already have a degree get into a Masters CS degree at one of the top CS schools and work alongside a top CS researcher and learn all this shit inside out

Google receives 3 million resumes and hires only 7,000 a year, a 99.8% rejection rate for example. If you don't have a top school on there, an inside referral or something ridiculous in terms of a side project you have no chance.

I also say work with a top CS prof at a top CS school (Stanford, MIT, Harvard, Waterloo, etc) because a lot of these profs contract for SV companies and if they think you're good they'll vouch for you and you'll get multiple interviews.

Here's the prime SV recruiting page for jobs in SV: Hacker News: Who's Hiring? Month/Year
>https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=14238005
>>
>>127415455
Hahaha, my dad is a dentist.
>>
>>127418152

his solution had extra line for if 3 && 5, . then people in this tread mange to do it without and now he tries to twist the assignment so that he is right. its sad
>>
>>127418201
well shit. I'd say there's no chance in hell I'd be able to go to a top CS school with a 3.3 GPA and no research. I bet I could get a good GRE score if I studied.

Am I doomed? Keep in mind I'm literally a genius. I just don't apply myself.
>>
>>127418284
That's only wasted memory in my opinion
>>
>>127397581
I am a programming student, but I was mentally ill before picking that.
>>
>>127412679
If you think that's bad..
http://www.thousandtyone.com/blog/EasierThanFizzBuzzWhyCantProgrammersPrint100To1.aspx
>>
>>127418362
Programming heightens my mental disorders, but it is worth it when I get something working.
>>
>>127418308
top CS grad school I mean.

I'm graduating in december with a CS degree from a meme school, and I'm starting to dread the fact that I keep wasting my life with mediocrity. Is there any hope for me?
>>
Would you look at that, I found the actual fizzbuzz problem.
Write a program that prints the numbers from 1 to 100. But for multiples of three print "Fizz" instead of the number and for the multiples of five print "Buzz". For numbers which are multiples of both three and five print "FizzBuzz".
>>
OP is either cucked in the head or chose the wrong profession.

Programming is like sex.

When you do it right, you have an orgasm. Every time you run the working program. Seriously.

When you fuck it up, it's like having a bitch for a girlfriend who can never make you come.

You either get better at it or you go sell used cars or pick up a broom.

Turing killed himself because he finally came to the manipulative conclusion that, no matter how smart he thought he was, he was never going to be able to pass on his so-called superior programming genetics simply because he was a faggot.

Don't tell bitches you're a programmer. Tell them you're a systems engineer. They won't know what that means but they do know engineers make more money than janitors. If you're worth a shit enough to make some decent jingle, they'll suck your balls dry every night.

If you need some exercise, walk or ride a bicycle to work.

Programming also helps you in life. If you're able to break a big-picture problem down into the smallest managable pieces, you can do just about anything.

If the OP's code rarely works, OP should do themselves a favor and pick up a broom, sweep the floor and empty some garbage cans. There is no shame in janitorial services but be sure to lower your girlfriend bar down to data-entry clerk or crack-whore.

If you decide to sell used cars instead, you might be able to raise that girlfriend bar to waitress at least until the bottom falls out of the used car market.

As for the Indian problem, if you get replaced with some piece of shit who knows nothing about programming, put your dog-eared and coffee-stained copy of K&R C on your desk, tell the fucking raja-spot to read the fucking book and walk the fuck out.

Your pride is worth far more than any severance package, unless it's in the 6-digit range.

Grow some balls, you cucked OP, or kill yourself. Either way is win/win for us all.
>>
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>>127417689
You are absolutely expected to ask questions. The more the better. Fizzbuzz is worded like that on purpose, it's to assess your attention to detail.

>>127417838
If I'm interviewing for a coding job, and you don't clarify that by asking me a simple question, that shows me you don't pay attention.

>>127417934
Think about the problem logically. The problem is meant to test you. What is it testing? If it was literally appending fizz to a number, how is that challenging? Any quantitative individual should be able to identify this potential logical problem, especially if you are a programmer whose job it is to be logical. Do you just blindly follow unclear instructions and end up inserting some random bug into a huge code base that ends up fucking blowing up an airplane? Or do you ask for as much clarification as possible to minimize any risk of errors?

t. fizzbuzz is not a basic programming test but one of attention to detail
>>
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4MB, 337x263px
>>127397581
>tfw 9inch dick and make 300K starting as a nurse practitioner
>tfw cucking doctors out of their jobs
feels good man
>>
>>127398219
Do you think making a faster processor or memory chip competes with understanding fast problem solving algorithms and getting closer to a theory of everything on human and general cognition? Computer Science was started by Babbage and Boole long before an evil racist Shockley invented the transistor. Androids and intelligent machines existed as a concept all the way back to Da Vinci's time. Engineers are to Computer Scientists what telescope designers are to astrophysicists.
>>
>>127409874

> what is divisible by 3?

true story, don't shoot the messenger
>>
>>127418613

what did you specialize in ? , i think if you want to be something special , you gotta specialize, you could do data mining or AI for example. or some advanced hardware. Also know the field so much that you could actually publish research.
>>
Im a Network Engineer...where the fuck do i fall in all of this?
>>
>>127418768
pls respond >>127418613


am I doomed? Is there any hope for me to find success?
>>
Im doing a cyber security degree but im probably gonna add a security studies degree because of the overlap of units and I want a government job
>>
>>127418980
Flame
>>
>>127419270
How do you like your job? I'm torn between programming and that. How far does NET+, SEC+ and CCNA get me?
>>
>>127419323
Go do a masters.

Protip: In Europe you get paid to study. PhDs are 3 years and you get paid. In Switzerland you get paid 55K SFr/year. 2 years of course work (where you can take all the advanced CS courses ie real-time, AI, machine learning, computer vision, etc) plus a thesis / series of papers. North American Undergrad degrees are equivalent to Masters in Europe.
>>
>>127419323

brah, why are you even talking to this leaf. he has proved himself to be an idiot in this thread over and over.
>>
itt: visual basic and c# niggers
>>
>>127400573

Is Protein World girl real?

Why does she like horse cum so much?
>>
>>127419588
but will any masters program accept me?

I have a 3.3 GPA from a meme school and no research. Would a high GRE score save me or am I hopeless?

>>127419618
because I'm depressed and need validation.
>>
>>127419678
I use C++, Java, and have even programmed Assembler though I don't see the point anymore since engineers have done such a good job optimizing my tools. I know some others but Java and C++ are the most useful.
>>
>>127419541
Honestly get a degree then a master's degree. Military experience did it for me. Its not too bad but I work for banks so everything is relatively okay...ish...not really but its nice.
>>
>>127408337
Like I said, I'm not familiar with the differences between CS and CE. I just know them both as computer/software development.

Engineers generally have a feeling of superiority about them, and they can do amazing work.
Problem is, 100 talented engineers can build a device such as a mobile phone.
Doing this, they create jobs for millions of software devs.
Thus devs will always be in higher demand than engineers.
Until a fundamental shift in production occurs that is.


Learn how to build useful software systems.
Thats the basic premise of any advice I can give.
Do some research, find out what is in demand now adays.

Having solid math + physics skills is only a plus.
It will allow you to get ahead of the causal html/fluff coders that are so common now.
>>
>>127420079
GI bill only takes me as far a Bachelors. My certs are expired now, because tecom doesn't renew if you don't reup. Which do you think I'll get more bang for my buck with a 4 year degree CS or IT?

Also my clearance is expired too.
>>
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>>127419790
What school are you graduating from? What tech companies recruit from your program? As for grad school, if a potential supervisor wants you, you'll get in. Also depends on their funding. Again in Europe it's relatively straight forward as the state pays. So it's all about finding a supervisor who you can impress. If you're a lazy genius as you say, just apply yourself a bit; I'm sure you'll figure it out.

As for the GRE, it might help. If you can get a 99th percentile that would stand out, would make up for your GPA. 3.3 from a no-name is not stand-out. Keep in mind Waterloo for example, has a 60% major requirement for Honours (2.4 GPA) and nobody in SV gives a shit because Waterloo is known for giving out shit marks. Bill Gates for fucks sake has personally visited Waterloo, Ontario (buttfuck nowhere farm town) twice in person to try to recruit Waterloo CS grads to Seattle. Former Waterloo Prof Don Cheriton, an alcoholic wife beater, was one of Sergei or Larry's PhD supervisors; he invested in Google and is now a billionaire. Out of 800 that start, only 250 graduate, and only ~1/20 applicants get in. MIT on the other hand doesn't even give out grades, just Pass/Fail.
>>
>>127420561
a meme school. Almost no tech companies recruit here. And I would have no idea how to impress a potential supervisor.

I also don't know what your second paragraph should mean to me.
>>
>>127419790
High GRE trumps GPA.
>>
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>>127420883
Get into a top school. Write your GRE (make sure you get a 99th percentile), become transgender/transracial (black), publish a paper on your own, network with profs, etc and do a Masters at a top school and work your ass off. Not much else I can tell you.
>>
>>127421602
so I'm doomed? Would it be worth it to do a masters at a mid-tier school?
>>
>>127421602
Does the degree from a top school like Waterloo require putting in more effort compared to a degree from meh school like let's say York?
>>
>>127421719
A great GRE can get you into any school.
>>
>>127421989
I don't believe this.
Thread posts: 324
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